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June 21, 2015

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Day 393 Sober: Finding Art in Recovery

Hello Friends today Is day 393 sober. This past week has been eventful. I’ve been in the process of getting my first book ready for print. The vision came to me one day, late at night. This will be my first book, in my head I thought it would be easy and in some way effortless since I write everyday and knowing what I want the book to say.

I was wrong, this past week I’ve felt annoyed, tried, confused, terrified, and inspired in the process of writing the book. I had a talk with the Editor and a friend who open me up to a new direction for the book. The new direction felt right in my heart.

In this stressful time I had no negative thoughts or an addiction voice trying to convince me to drink.

I talk about my childhood on this blog. In the book it will be more in depth. So having to go back, remember those times and feelings is hard at times. But the part of the book that affects my feelings the most isn’t the childhood. It’s when I was in my deep state of addiction.

The pain I caused loved ones, shooting daggers in hearts. The lying, The manipulation, The time and friends lost. I know it was the Addiction and not my True Self because in the morning after the drunken stumbles, My heart and soul felt heavy and in pain.

In the process of writing the book I find myself walking away for sometime to cry healing weeps. Or taking hour breaks to decompress.

I know I can’t change those actions but what I can do is stay sober so their pain wont be in vain.

Meditation and sitting with my higher power helps after a writing session. Bringing me back to the present. giving me some clarity

Writing is part of my recovery, taking out all the dark stuff that dwells in me and putting it on paper. like a cleansing of the soul. It also helps me reflect and connect the dots from traumas to how traumas affect me subconsciously in my every day life. For example I grew up really poor, I recently notices that feeling bleeds into how I see the world. I have 69 pairs of shoes and always want to buy food in bulk. I need to see the patterns and see if they are affecting me n a negative way. Or change. Sober is the New Black

I’m wishing all the dads a happy fathers day. Hope you all have a day filled with relaxtion and love.

Here are some poems I created this week.

Me day 392 Sober

Anyone who knows me personally, knows I’ve always been a huge fan of Tina Turner. This song is one my favorite.

Stay Connect with love, Adolfo Vasquez

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June 14, 2015

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DAY 386 Sober: Positive Thoughts

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DAY 386 Sober: Positive Thoughts

Hello Friends today is day 386 sober. This week has been a great week. I still haven’t had any cravings for alcohol. In my days sober, I only craved a beer a few days into my sobriety. I’ve been around it and still no craving. I find myself nausea, turnoff, or disgusted by they sight of alcohol maybe because I know the damage it has caused my life.

This past week all I’ve been doing is writing my book. Six to eight hour writing session. My goal is to have them done by august. So I have a couple months to finish. The book is on my first year sober, more in depth than the blog mixed with my poetry. I have over six hundred poems I had to narrow down to three hundred. That was a bit difficult.

Going back to those memories isn’t as bad as I thought it would be. It’s pretty cool seeing my growth. The only difficulty is telling the story of my dog snuggles who I had to abandoned as a child. Snuggles was my best friend growing up.

This up coming week ill be locked in my apartment witting away. I usually write in cafes but I’m starting to love writing in my home. I will go out into the world for some necessities.

My poetry has slowed down as well because all I energy is put on the book at the moment

I am still being my mind watcher, keeping a close eye on addiction behavior and thoughts. As more days go by the more normal life seems. As if I never had any issues. I know it has to do with healing. What once bothered me no longer does. In the past I would focus so much energy on seeing the world in a negative way. My eyes and mind was condition from a dark past. Now I see the world in love and possibilities. If a negative thought surfaces I change the thought to a positive one and I don’t let the negative thought bleed into my feeling and actions.

I can look back at my past year and honestly say I have no regrets all due to sobriety. Which is crazy coming from a person that had tons of regrets. My thoughts, actions and feelings are all synced together. My positive thought leads to other positive thought like a quilt and once you start it becomes effortless.

I was reading a CNN article that said By changing the way you think, your DNA also changes so you are no longer that old past. It really is a great article. Sober is the New Black.

Here are some poems I’ve paused the book to write, Poems just come to me while in deep thought.

Here are some photos from my past week.

Every Sunday there will a be a new blog post giving Sober is The New Black readers some stability

This video below is from Ingrid Michaelson called Afterlife that I’ve been listening to over and over this past week

Stay Connected with love, Adolfo Vasquez

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June 7, 2015

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Day 379 Sober: June Gloom

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Day 379 Sober: June Gloom

Hello Friends, today is day 379 sober. It seems June always brings a bit of gloom. This past week I felt uninspired and a bit stagnant. Sobriety has made me aware of patterns and routines in my life that I feel I need. When change happens I get uncomfortable. That uncomfortable state shows itself with emotions like annoyance and grouchiness.

I know this issue stems from childhood. Growing up without stability or a solid foundation, I Feel like I need routine and normalcy.

The change that is upon me is work. I work 9 months a year and have 3 months off for writing. I know I’m very blessed to be able to afford three months off of work but with that brings on this uncomfortable state

This week was my first week not working. I’m a night thinker so I stay up all hours of the night. Since I have no schedule. Staying up till 4am and wake up at 1 pm. I did write and worked my program but even with doing so I felt unproductive.

What I need to work on is creating some sort of schedule. I don’t have to work but I should still rise early. Going to treat my writing like a job, writing from 9-5. Even I don’t feel like writing. I just have to show up.

That will give me a routine. Also I need to become comfortable with being uncomfortable. The great thing was I did not crave that old life. I am just grateful that sobriety gives me a clear mind to see my issues and gives me the courage to change. Sober is the New Black

Growing up Disneyland was a far off place I would hardly see. I may have seen it twice in my childhood. Now I’m an annual pass holder. So today Ill be spending the day at Disneyland. I might get the inspiration I need at the happiest place on earth. Its never to late to create that childhood you never had.

Here are some poems I birth this week.

This is my favorite spot in my home. My desk.

Stay connected with love. Adolfo Vasquez

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May 29, 2015

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DAY 370 Sober: Lies Addiction Feeds the Mind

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DAY 370 Sober: Lies Addiction Feeds the Mind

Hello Friends. Today is day 370 sober. I am back in Los Angeles, The past few days have been overwhelming with all the love and support, beyond grateful. Yes I made it to my year mark but I will always be working on myself until I am on my deathbed. I don’t ever want to be un-teachable. I have to always be open to others suggestions and wisdom. I don’t want to be right, just whole and happy. I will stay teachable at 20 years sober. Learning from old timers and newbies.

When I first got sober, my untreated addiction fed my mind lies. First lie was Sober people are boring, coffee drinkers, and chain smokers. Second lie, I will never have fun again. Third Lie, I have the rest of my life to never drink again, that’s so much time to be on punishment. I relapsed a bunch of times because I believed those lies.

After having time sober, another lie would pop up. I’m cured; I can control it now, only one beer. I would control it for a while but 2 weeks later I found my soul lost and in turmoil.

I have to be aware of my mind at all times. So when my past addiction voice resurfaces I can be strong. I can pray, change my thoughts, meditate, write or call a friend. The voices have got quieter and less strong when I am working my shit out.

My eyes are cleared and I see all the love coming from sober people. The men and woman in Sobriety are some of the strongest people I have ever met. Not just overcoming their struggles but wanting to be better humans, helping others. I have more fun now sober because I know myself better. No body hangovers or mind haze. I smile more and laugh more.

If my mind brings up the length of how long I have to stay sober. I now feel a sense of gratitude for having that time to find myself. I also live in the moment but still work towards long-term goals. I just don’t get emotional when the road takes a detour. I just get back on the same road. I still enjoy and learn from the detour. I might stay on the detour for a minute and self reflect, write or plant some roses so the detour can become a great experience. Sober is the New black

I’ve always been so inspired by others who are vocal about sobriety, Celebrities or non-celebrities. Someone might hear something they needed that day so they can continue seeing the beauty in sobriety. Demi Lovato is someone who is vocal about her past addiction and her current sobriety. The video below talk is a recent interview she did about overcoming her struggle. She’s three years sober now, congrats.

http://www.today.com/video/demi-lovato-at-3-years-clean-and-sober-i-feel-amazing-453180995530

This song below is about her addiction.

Here are some of my poems I’ve worked on in the past few days, hope they inspire

This poem is for my great grandmother who showed me love and was a safe haven for my brother and I

Might need a bit of a break from writing. sad face

Stay connected with love, Adolfo Vasquez

. I’ve always been so inspired by others who are vocal about sobriety, Celebrities or non-celebrities. Someone out there might hear something that they needed that day, so they continue seeing the beauty in sobriety.

Demi Lavato is someone who is vocal about here past addiction and her current sobriety.

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May 12, 2015

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Day 353 Sober: Building myself

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Day 353 Sober: Building myself

Hello Friends today is day 353 sober. Just got back to LA from an amazing trip back home in Palm Springs. I spent mother’s day with both mothers, grateful for the sober mind that allowed me to enjoy each moment. My year sober is in a couple weeks. It’s kind of surreal to have made it this far without cravings. It went by quickly. This journey has been so rewarding in every aspect of my life, Mind, body and soul. The ones I lost because of past addiction are coming back around.

Day 1 sober I was sitting on a mattress in an empty room. I was empty and broken inside. No purpose, no clear path, not writing. I felt defeated but I knew the reason for all the turmoil was due to alcohol. Fast forward to today, actually living a life that I am proud of. Feeling weightless of the past. Seeing people with love instead of ego. I will always be working but today I’m enjoying 353 days of sober.

I stumbled upon an amazing app called Sober Grid that connects me with other sober people in my local area. It’s available for all smart phones. It really cool, like a community sharing their day, posting inspiration on the news feed, and they even have a burning desire if someone needs to talk at anytime of the day. It’s hard sometimes to meet other sober people who can relate and understand. In the past I’ve meet some cool people who find out I’m sober, they tend to get scared off like I’m contagious.

I am aware that being sober carry’s a stigma that we are boring. Others might not want to invite me because they want to have a drink without feeling guilty or worry. I’m at a point in my recovery were I can be around alcohol and not crave it. My life is to amazing to ever want my lips to touch another bottle.

When I was an active addict I was not fun, maybe in the beginning but once I blackout I would make drunk scenes. Get emotional and act out in ways that were not my true self. I would wake up the next day and have a feeling of deep shame. Now when I go out, I’m in control of every situation and outcome. I’m now Laughing, dancing, being myself, a wiser and more positive person. I’ve notice the universe is bringing more like minded people in my life and taking away all the negative thinking people.

When I was using, I would always build myself in bars. By stretching the truth, lying, or hiding my past. I did that because I was empty inside. I knew up to that point I had amounted to nothing. Hearing others succeeding in life made me feel low. When I look back on my tall stories, I can’t help laugh at how delusional I was.

So I now I build myself up in healthy and mindful ways. Asking myself what needs to be worked on. Whether it’s work on my health or old wounds. Being aware of my emotions for example if I’m hurting or feel jealous I will ask myself “why I’m I feeling that way”? Than follow that string of pain to the source. Once I find the source than I could heal by letting go and forgiving. I also build my self up in other ways like Creating love for every part of my body and if I’m not happy with my waist than making healthy choices in my eating habits. Believing that I am worthy of self-respect. Working on long-term gratification instead of living for instant gratifications. Writing poetry. Sober is the New Black

Here are some poems and two short stories.

I wrote this awhile back but yet to share it. At 11:52am an incident happen that took my breath away. this was the moment.

I’ll do whatever it takes to evolve from old ways

We all have disagreements with friends and family but now i value the saving the relationship than being right or wrong

I was always searching for outside things because I felt empty inside. nothing I found would be lasting, creating a greater need for more things. Making it a vicious cycle of need.

whatever happens in life, whether good or bad. don’t break from your truth

On day one sober, I was still bruised from my life crashing down but i found the beauty in the fall. so I just hold on for another day.

Feeling life always to the extreme.

I want to learn something new everyday

Love is one of my favorite feeling for myself and for others

About that one love

I love always love big, i don’t know how to love small

Adapting to change easy is a great quality to master

Wrote this awhile ago, for that one boy

Sober is the New Black

This video from London Grammar is Amazing. Love this song Strong

Stay connect with love, Adolfo Vasquez

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January 24, 2015

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8 Months Sober

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8 Months Sober

Hello Friends today is 8 months sober, today I feel content with my recovery process. I’m grateful for life, human connection, and for finding myself every day. I’m starting to understand what they mean by its not the destination its all about the journey. I have to embrace every circumstance life brings me with a positive outlook. Rewiring my mind to see the world in a positive way. The way I use to see the world and understand the world was with eyes molded from past pain, childhood traumas, low self-esteem and fear. All those intertwined caused my substance abuse disorder. I did not know how to have a human connection so I bonded with alcohol, now I am learning to see everybody in the light of love and understanding without ego.

Last week I felt empty and couldn’t understand why but a spiritual teacher by the name of Jesse Ann Nichols George spoke some words to me that really help me understand the feeling of emptiness. The feeling of emptiness is a sign of progression. I have emptied myself from the negative and I can fill my life with something new, mindful and purpose filled. Going to start pushing myself to write Short stories, still writing poetry but I need to push myself with my writing. I felt a bit stagnant so grateful for her wisdom.

At 8 months sober, my eyes see my surroundings in a different way, I notice things I have yet seen. Small stuff too big stuff from the crack in the wall in my apartment to the love that surrounds my life. My senses are heightened; I feel life to the extreme. I wake up happy, wanting to find purpose in every day. I finding myself in tears most of my days, happy tears also sometimes sober blues tears. Lately the reason is fear based that I am working on, I know if I just stay sober life will open up but I’m also working towards dreams and I get fearful that I may fail but even those fears won’t stop me from working my butt off. Sober is the New Black.

So if there is anyone early in recovery that might be having a hard time, just remember you are also detoxing the mind and your feelings will be up and down, if you just push on those feelings they will level out and life gets clear. The wanting or cravings might not go away right away, but you become so strong that you can change your thoughts to positive ones. That will help you get through the cravings. Take those painful feelings and create art, make it meaningful. It will bring so much joy and peace. Sober is The new Black

I’ve been working on this short story the past couple days, it’s called A boy and his Bear. Hope you like it.

A boy and his bear

Here is a poem I wrote yesterday, go to Disneyland, camping, eat some smore’s. It’s never too late

childhood

Me at 8 months sober

Adolfo Vasquez

This video is of Ira Glass so inspiring if there is anyone who is an artist struggling must watch

This song from Ellie Goulding your song is for anybody who is struggling with recovery, it’s so wonderful and beautiful that you are alive in this world, believe that and also feel that in your heart. I love you so much.

Stay connect with love, Adolfo Vasquez

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June 2, 2014

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Planting Soul Seeds, Sober Hangover

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DAY 10 Sober: June Bloom, Planting Soul Seeds

Hello, Today is day 10 sober! So excited to make it to the double digits. June for me is going to be filled with mindfulness, Positive Reinforcement and Positive Actions. I wont allow any June Gloom in my life. Last night was my first night in my new Apartment it was pretty amazing knowing i did it all myself. no help. Yesterday move was a stressful day, but my Alcoholic disorder did not come out and infect my mind with negative thoughts. I did get a bit annoyed but i feel like that’s natural and i did not react in a negative way.

I learn that life is going to get hard at some point and the only thing you can control is your reaction. My Alcoholism is a disorder i have to live with for the rest of my life, it took me a long time to come to terms with that idea. June will be a month of me planting seeds in my soul. The seeds are Long term goals, joy, forgiveness, wellness,peace, truth sobriety, hope but i have to get all the weeds out. The past, Negative thoughts, Loneliness, Jealous, ego, comparison, judgement. I cant just leave the seeds i have to water and feed the seeds with patience, love, positive thoughts, laughter, empathy, self respect, and most important Sobriety.

June will be amazing and filled with purpose. below is a video i made last night before i left my old apartment.. Goodbye may Hello june bloom!

Thank you for all the support!

Stay connect with love, Adolfo

Sober Is The New Black

Tag Archives: mindfulness

Day 393 Sober: Finding Art in Recovery

DAY 386 Sober: Positive Thoughts

Day 379 Sober: June Gloom

DAY 370 Sober: Lies Addiction Feeds the Mind

Day 353 Sober: Building myself

8 Months Sober

DAY 10 Sober: June Bloom, Planting Soul Seeds