DAY 317 Sober: Holes in ones soul

Hello friends, today is day 317 sober. In 10 months sobriety I have felt more inspired in my life than I have ever been. Even more inspired than when I first get sober. I realize my disorder centers in my mind that leads into the body. The roots are in mind and body in the form of thoughts, Emotions, the way I see the world. Once the roots are pulled out than I am left with holes in my mind and soul. I have to now create positive thoughts and feelings towards myself. When I first got sober and pulled those roots out the body cravings left right away. Cravings will come but less and less. They will not be stronger than my truth.

 

I also believe every time someone goes through some traumatic experience it creates holes in their soul, if it doesn’t heal than those holes stay. In the past I would fill those holes up with booze, clothes, substance, sex, anything to make me feel whole and happy. Those things of instant-gratifications, those fillers don’t last long they are a false happy. At the time they made me feel happy, whole and warm but soon faded still leaving the holes so the appetites grow. The Holes are not supposed to be filled only healed. I had to stop filling those wholes up with outside stuff and start to heal inside. I do believe people become whole in points of their lives but someone will pass close or a traumatic experience will happen again creating holes but this time I can heal properly with letting go, my higher power, learning from the lesson and acceptance.

Some traumas I experience might take longer to heal and some might even take years with waterfalls of tears but I have to grieve not numb. Understand and live in the bigger picture of life and not stay in small circumstances that happen in ones life. Sober is the New Black

The past few days I’ve been in a writing mood, staying up into the early mornings of the day. Here are some of my poems that I hope inspire others

 

 

The first poem is when I am having what seems like a bad day, its my job to find the good.

each day

 

 

Changes always start with thoughts. Changing the way I think to positive ones makes it easier to overcome everything

change

We all have thoughts in the mind that is not who we are. They are from past traumas that feed use lies preventing us from reaching our full potential. EGO

ego

 

We all have been to places, not so great places. Places we want to never go again. These are some of i speak of

i know places

Feeling sad can be used as fuel for change turning it into a blessing. Its a great opportunity

disguise

 

Sometimes I have remind myself that I am not living in yesterdays mistakes or tomorrows worries, bringing back to now in peace

now

 

Whenever you are feeling a bit down, the only thing that can help is going inside finding that higher power that’s in us all.

natural high

 

I always write with emotions and my truth. I had a not so great childhood like millions of others. This one was a bit hard to write but necessary to get out what i needed at the time. I had all forms of child abuse and it’s about healing old wounds that become holes becoming whole. connecting dots from childhood too addiction. I am not my past, I am who I choose today.

holes in soul

 

 

Sia is one of my favorite artist. She suffered from addiction in the past and her last album 1000 forms of fear is so inspiring. The is her latest music video featuring another amazing artist in name Maddie Ziegler. Hope you enjoy big girls cry

 

 

Stay connected with love, Adolfo Vasquez

Day 12 Sober: Sia Chandelier

Hello.. Today is day 12 sober. Almost two weeks sober and i am still going! I brought maggie home and found the perfect spot for her. My new apartment is looking and feeling more like home everyday. My mind has been really great and i’ve been able to shut down the Alcoholism thoughts. My disorder has know power over my awareness!!!!! and i am so grateful for that.  I just have to remind myself that Alcoholism is a living breathing ISM ( Inside Self & Mind) that centers in my brain not it the Alcohol, It also lives in my body making me crave the booze. The body ISM is easy to brush off times but The ISM in your mind is sneaky and will find it way to surface with Negative thoughts. When you are not treating your Alcoholism with its MEDS Alcohol, you still have the disorder but it now becomes untreated Alcoholism and thats when the real work starts.  When i started this blog i did not expected all the love and support from people. I am so grateful. 

Ive been watching and listening to Sia New Music video, I might be wrong but i feel like its about Alcoholism and the little girl in the video ( Maddie Ziegler) is a young Sia growing up in a bad childhood eventually turning to booze to help her with her past.  This video mirrors my life so much.  Young Sia (Maddie Ziegler) Despite her surroundings still fights and shines her talent and beauty. Sia has always been an inspiration with her one of a kind voice and her amazing lyrics. The first time I seen her live was at Coachella fest in 2007, she blew my mind and like always made me cry. Sia has been with me through the ups and downs of my past. Sia Chandelier lyrics resonate with my soul

 

Party girls don’t get hurt
Can’t feel anything, when will I Learn
I push it down, push it down1, 2, 3 1, 2, 3 drink
1, 2, 3 1, 2, 3 drink
1, 2, 3 1, 2, 3 drink

Throw ’em back, till I lose count

I’m gonna swing from the chandelier, from the chandelier
I’m gonna live like tomorrow doesn’t exist
Like it doesn’t exist
I’m gonna fly like a bird through the night, feel my tears as they dry
I’m gonna swing from the chandelier, from the chandelier

And I’m holding on for dear life, won’t look down won’t open my eyes
Keep my glass full until morning light, ’cause I’m just holding on for tonight
Help me, I’m holding on for dear life, won’t look down won’t open my eyes
Keep my glass full until morning light, ’cause I’m just holding on for tonight
On for tonight

Sun is up, I’m a mess
Gotta get out now, gotta run from this
Here comes the shame, here comes the shame

This Song came out around the same time I Decided  to get sober, I feel like Sia always knows what i am going through at the time. Heres the video enjoy.

Stay connect with love, Adolfo