DAY 188 Sober: Holidays Sober

Hello, Friends, Today is 188 days sober, hope you all had a great Thanksgiving. I spent the holiday at my aunts in Bakersfield CA. I had so much fun spending time with my loved ones. Thanksgiving use to be filled with bottles of endless wine, whiskey, and beer. I had no cravings, just for the prime rib. I was in the moments. I did miss la a bit and my writing routine but very grateful for the time i spent with my loved ones. Me not drinking did not enter my mind one bit. Sobriety feels freeing, not shackled with all the mind noise, caging me from a good time. If I ever do feel uncomfortable it is important that I surround myself with people who love me so I can excuse myself and I know they would understand. My Sobriety above everything else because without sober I don’t have anything including my family. I would loose all trust I worked so hard to gain.  I live in a state of gratefulness for people letting me back in.

I am now back in LA for two weeks than heading back home to Palm Springs CA for 2-3weeks. Last year around this time I went back home for two weeks and spent a thousand bucks on booze. This time I will be more productive on my long-term goals; I will get a huge chunk of my book finish. Sitting in coffee shops writing also thrift shopping and visiting family. I love to dance, so a nightclub with some amazing friends will be in the works. I am starting to feel peace with being single and learned so much from my past relationship, excited to see what is next. I cannot focus on a relationship at the moment. What is keeping me sober without the mind noise for the holiday is staying in the moments, meeting with my higher power in the morning and my program. Surrounding myself with love and knowing I am an addict and finding peace with that.

Having an addiction to Alcohol is different than any other substance because it is legal; it’s at every dinner table, on signs and billboards. For example, I am a recovering heroin addict and eating dinner with my mom and she orders some heroin and shoots up in front of me. That could be hard for someone in the early weeks of sobriety. The first weeks I was not ready to be around it and I needed to learn to be ok with it in my face, I can’t hide from booze I need to see through the booze. I had to make a new normal that is now the normal.  Sober is the New Black

 

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This song from The killers Be still, helped me through difficult moments and if there is anyone out there, who might be suffering or having a hard time in sobriety. Hope it helps

DAY 33 Sober: Lady GaGa “Dope”

Hello friends today is day 33 sober and I am sitting at a cafe near my apartment on a hot day inn LA. I moved from Koreatown to near downtown area. I don’t mind it but do miss all my little spots.  I came across this song last night Lady GaGa “Dope” and it was really good. It reminds me that Alcohol-ISM hurts tons of people involved and I need to stay focus on my long term go and heal. Im about to start the list in a moment. Here are some amazing lyrics and what I think they mean. This song is for everyone Ive hurt because of my Alcohol-ISM disorder! Family, friends,and loved ones

 

“The party’s just begun / I promise this / This drink is my last one / I know that I f–ked up again / Because I lost my only friend.”

Her habits and addictions caused her to lose something more special and more important than dope, like her relationship, friends, or family

 

“My heart would break without you / Might not awake without you / Been hurting low, from living high for so long / I’m sorry, and I love you / Sing with me / ‘Bell Bottom Blue’ / I’ll keep searching for an answer cause I need you more than dope.”

” Bell bottom blue” is an Eric Clapton and Derek and the Dominos reference

“One last puff / And two last regrets / Three spirits  / And 12 lonely steps / Up heaven’s stairway to gold… / Oh, I feel so low from living high.”

indulges one last time in drink and drugs, and hits that path to recovery. She’s already feeling the effects of withdrawal and she’s not stoked about letting go of her dependencies, because they are tough to kick and they do provide a chemical comfort. But sometimes, you just gotta. To us, it sounds like she is facing the prospect of letting go of something powerful — be it dope or love. Perhaps this is her final kiss with her lover.

 


Stay connect with love,  Adolfo

DAY 20 Sober: Back to my Roots!

HelloFriends in a few hours ill be headed back home! I can’t wait to see my family. It feels good to know I have a clear mind, which makes me open to reconnect, and I can also appreciate the time I spend with loved ones. I know that it’s important to create boundaries with people in your life especially if you feel like they can be harmful to your sobriety. It’s important for me to be selfish in this area of my life. My sobriety has to come before anything else. 

There are some local spots I am excited for like the Ace hotel, burger box, el Gallito, San Miguel, any pool really. I am kind of in the mood to go dancing. Its been a awhile since I got on the dance floor sober so that sounds fun but overall I am excited to see all the faces of my loved ones. I have still have a lot of healing to do with a lot of my past and parents. I know that will happen in time but going through my own addiction has brought me some understanding for my parents. I want to see them with an open heart and mind. Without the stain eyes I’ve seen them in the past. My eyes were stain with resentment, angry, and hurt. I want to embrace my parents with understanding, empathy, without judgment and ego, and love. I don’t know my parents story. So I have to go in without any judgment or ego. 

I want people to forgive me and hopefully give me tolerance, I have to do the same and if my parents are not open to it, then that’s ok. I will be fine. Life will go on and my sobriety will stay.  I used to only see what I did not have, so it blinded me from seeing all the love around me. Yes I had a profoundly misfortunate childhood but as a child I had a lot of great things in my life that I did not see at the time. I have four amazing brothers, a wonderful stepmother who was always there to help guide me in the right direction. Who loves me without any judgment and all of my loving crazy aunts. So that’s what ill be focusing on and maybe hit up some new spots. I have never just sat at a coffee shop and wrote. Maybe Ill starts new nonfiction there!

 

Thank you all again! Hope you join me on my trip back home! 20 days sober and so grateful!

 

Stay connect with love, Adolfo