DAY 188 Sober: Holidays Sober

Hello, Friends, Today is 188 days sober, hope you all had a great Thanksgiving. I spent the holiday at my aunts in Bakersfield CA. I had so much fun spending time with my loved ones. Thanksgiving use to be filled with bottles of endless wine, whiskey, and beer. I had no cravings, just for the prime rib. I was in the moments. I did miss la a bit and my writing routine but very grateful for the time i spent with my loved ones. Me not drinking did not enter my mind one bit. Sobriety feels freeing, not shackled with all the mind noise, caging me from a good time. If I ever do feel uncomfortable it is important that I surround myself with people who love me so I can excuse myself and I know they would understand. My Sobriety above everything else because without sober I don’t have anything including my family. I would loose all trust I worked so hard to gain.  I live in a state of gratefulness for people letting me back in.

I am now back in LA for two weeks than heading back home to Palm Springs CA for 2-3weeks. Last year around this time I went back home for two weeks and spent a thousand bucks on booze. This time I will be more productive on my long-term goals; I will get a huge chunk of my book finish. Sitting in coffee shops writing also thrift shopping and visiting family. I love to dance, so a nightclub with some amazing friends will be in the works. I am starting to feel peace with being single and learned so much from my past relationship, excited to see what is next. I cannot focus on a relationship at the moment. What is keeping me sober without the mind noise for the holiday is staying in the moments, meeting with my higher power in the morning and my program. Surrounding myself with love and knowing I am an addict and finding peace with that.

Having an addiction to Alcohol is different than any other substance because it is legal; it’s at every dinner table, on signs and billboards. For example, I am a recovering heroin addict and eating dinner with my mom and she orders some heroin and shoots up in front of me. That could be hard for someone in the early weeks of sobriety. The first weeks I was not ready to be around it and I needed to learn to be ok with it in my face, I can’t hide from booze I need to see through the booze. I had to make a new normal that is now the normal.  Sober is the New Black

 

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This song from The killers Be still, helped me through difficult moments and if there is anyone out there, who might be suffering or having a hard time in sobriety. Hope it helps

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DAY 144 Sober: Alive and Feeling Life

Hello Friends. Today is day 144 sober. Lately I’ve been learning how to accept  life’s decisions. Everything happens for a reason and I have to accept the universe plans even if it hurts. Yes pain is part of life and so is heart breaks, I just have to stay focus on my healing. In the past when life wasn’t going as plan I would give up and give in to coping substances but now I am allowing myself to endure pain and learn how to work through it with a clean mind and body. I don’t want an ounce of that liquid poison. I crave other things like healing, writing and finding a purposeful day. Yes my heart might be broken but it’s a sober heart and it’s grieving in a healthy way without booze. Whether its happiness or sadness, it’s great to know I am capable of feeling life without booze.

 

 

I’ve been working like crazy and have stop my daily posts on Sober is the New Black. I will get back to my daily entries once this work season is over. I also have some projects in the works but I had to pause them for the moment. My goal is to take off 3 months of work at the end of this year so I can finish my book I’ve been creating. I am adding another element to it and I am very excited. It needs to be perfect and I need to take my time so it can be right. I am aware of how blessed I am to be able to take 3 months off of work and I don’t want to take it for granted. In the past I would spend my time off wasting tons of money on hotels, booze and partying after the work season. This time I want to invest my time and money on my long-term goals and dreams. Sober is the New Black. I am grateful for life, family, friends, for my strength to endure life’s blues and for my sobriety that keeps me alive.

 

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DAY 38 Sober: My American Dream

Hello friends, today is day 38 sober. I took a 3hr Mid-day nap and it felt so good! A well-rested and Sober mind is a great foundation for a writing session, also some tunes. I am sitting in a coffee shop in Downtown LA its such a beautiful city.  A Million dreams come true here also there is a lot of pain in this city. I feel everybody moves to LA because they want something better for their life.  People that I have met out here are all passionate and chasing the American Dream whatever that means to them. In Los Angeles there can be so much distraction that can hinder your talent and can blind you from that long-term goal. I need to focus, focus on my American Dream. My American Dream is very simple, A comfortable living, staying Sober, writing novels and creating film. Spending most of my time with my kids and partner. That’s what I strive for! Now that my long-term goal is set up I need to create short-term goals that can help me reach my long-term goal. Of course sobriety is number one. Second write, write, write, write, and write. Writing is muscle I have to workout on a daily basis so it can become strong.  I can’t really afford to skip a day. I skipped so much already. I can’t let the fat build up around my muscle fat being hardships, fear, other opinions, and my own insecurity, My Alcohol-ISM. I want 99.9% of writing muscle and .01% of that other crap! I love writing dark family complex stories. It comes naturally. I am obsessed with foreign and independent film, it’s a vice I will never give up. 

 

The lover and children would be a direct result from my positive thinking and creating. I can’t go looking for love I just have to be able to be open and see it when the universe brings it into existence. Even though I just out of a 3 year, I am a huge fan of love and such a hopeless romantic (as I sit in PJS in downtown LA) that’s ok I want someone to love me in PJS! I have always been a huge fan of French Cinema and that’s how I can explain the kind of love I love! You should check out French cinema it will blow your mind. My partner does not have to be French I enjoy all kinds of men. The connection is what I am attractive too, a great smile, a great laugh, who is a fan of art, and who is smart. I love learning and being taught also I would love someone who is evolving and growing also someone who has a bit of a past, gives them character! That’s how I feel at the moment; tomorrow I might want the complete opposite! And that’s ok. I am Hispanic so family really important. I do not need to reproduce my DNA; I am ok with loving a loveless child. I am not opposed to having my own. I would love a few kids. Give them a great childhood so I can destroy the family pattern and create a new way of thinking and traditions. I Never grew up with any traditions. The holidays would be amazing.

 

So that’s my American Dream. What’s so amazing is that its possible, does not matter where you are at today! Or the roads you have walked. Set up some short-term goals to get you there and work on them; do not let anything distract you including that voice that’s in your head! Not only knowing that but also understanding how that voice plays a current role in your life today once you do that then self-awareness begins than connecting that to your heart creates Freedom! And with freedom comes great possibility!  Sober is the New Black!  

Side note: I am so in love with California Dreamin by the Mamas & The Papas! I will be playing this record with my kids as we dance around the kitchen with are rose-colored glasses! 

 

Stay connect with love, Adolfo