11 Months Sober

Hello friends, today 11 months sober. I’m in my hometown Palm Springs Ca. Surrounded by loved ones. Today I woke up and cried tears of happiness and gratitude. I never thought I would be 11 months sober feeling content and peaceful. Today I will spoil myself a bit. I make every day count but also celebrate every minute that I am sober. For the first time I feel in control of my life, making right moves, creating love, creating happiness, creating positive thoughts, seeing people in the light of love and not in EGO. As I writing this down, tears are covering my keyboard. I be Heading to Las Vegas Nevada in a few hrs. Going to celebrate with family but before I will be spend sometime with my high power. Give thanks for my sobriety.

 

No cravings for that old life just moving forward in this newly found sober life. I’ve been self reflecting a lot more these days, now that Ive healed old wounds. As days go on I find myself feeling very content and happy on were my life is headed. I have to see the positive in each day. I also realized my writings and poetry are something new. When I first started writing the vision in my head did not match the end product. I just wasn’t that great or skilled. In my head I had this vision but when I put pen to paper I found myself lost or dissatisfied. I knew I had a talent in writing. The only way to get better is by volume of work. I do love what I write and some stuff is great and some stuff is not up to par. I just need to keep writing and the gap between my vision and end product will get smaller, eventually syncing and there will be no gap.

 

I sometimes have to remind myself writing should be for me, only write what I know, feel and been through. I cannot write someone else story or  write for others opinion or try to always end on a positive note. Sometimes things happens and the end result doesn’t feel positive at that time. I am sure eventually a lesson will surface but I have to write in the moment.

I can’t be in fear of writing something that isn’t good or fear failure because it will happen. The Fear of Failure can prevent me from achieving dreams and reaching my full potential. When I was an active addict my whole day was fear based. Fear of losing love, fear of trying, fear of dying, fear of my own greatness as a child I was so anxiety ridden. So now I force myself to write everyday. In bed before I sleep. On the morning commute. Lunch breaks. Even quick notes and ideas. I carry my Mac and notebook with me all times. So I can write down ideas before they escape my mind.

 

So what’s my dream?  spend my days writing and helping other see their full potential. Bring awareness to addiction. Making sober cool in our youth. Writing for film or TV. Become a published author. All those dreams will come true, all I got to do is stay SOBER…. Sober is the New Black

 

Here are some poems I’d birth the past couple of weeks.

 

My Ex saw a light in me when i was at my darkest state, He fought so hard for me to see my capability. So happy I see the light now.

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We’ve all been to places that are dark. People might judge from the roads you have walked. Let them go if they are committed to not understanding you

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As a child i felt loneliness to the extreme, daydreaming was my escape.

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One of the greatest lessons sobriety has brought is the lesson below

 

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This one is about …… people coming back into your life once you are in recovery. If you are blessed enough mending those relationship.

 

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Losing love and getting sober is hard. trust me hahahaha

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Surrendering is a beautiful thing

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Stay connect with love, Adolfo Vasquez

 

 

10 months sober

Hello Friends today is 10 months sober. It seems I had to learn most lessons the hard way.  I think the reason is growing up I had no example or foundation. No teacher teaching me love, self worth or encouragement.  When I first learned how to ride a bike I was six. It was a teenager bike with no helmet. My butt couldn’t touch the seat because my feet had to reach the pedals. I kept falling, crashing, cutting up my legs but I was determined so I kept getting back up. Eventually I got the hang of it.

I really wanted to learn how to ride a bike but did not have the proper tools like a bike for my age, helmet, knee pads or parents outside helping me but I knew I wanted to ride. After being bruised, hurt, bleeding. I finally LEARNED how to ride my bike. It took days but I was determined. The reason why this story is so profound is I took this learning into my adult life “Learning the hard way”

I was never taught how to receive or give love , or how to be a great friend.  I was just trying to survive. I wanted to love but my actions never met how I felt. Every person I would meet I thought would eventually hurt me. My parents were suppose to protect me and teach me how to be a man but instead they abused me in more than one way. When I turned 15, I went out on my own  without any tools.

I now have the proper tools so I don’t have to learn the hard way in some aspects of my life. When I was 6, if I had a bike my size,training wheels and parents teaching me.  I would have learned a softer way.

Now In my adult life my training wheels will be hope/faith and my helmet/protection will be the high power that lives in me. What will help me get back up, guiding me will be my sobriety. I might still learn the hard way with some stuff but I am willing to learn and I know my falls won’t be as hard because of my clean and sober mind.

 

Ill be traveling to Seattle in at the end of April, very excited for this trip. One of many in the works. I hope to meet some of my readers of sober are the new black. I’ve had some readers approach me in public, letting me know they are reading, following and that it helps them self reflect. It sometimes hard for me to comprehend that I can help someone in his or her sobriety.It brings me so much joy and tears. so grateful . When I started the blog it was just I documenting my struggles but I realized it turn into something bigger and I am very grateful.

Macklemore is a huge inspiration to millions. Their music touch my heart in so many ways. Today I got an email from Macklemore and his company congratulating me on my 300 days of sober. Right now he is working on his new album. Can’t wait for it to come out. The videos below are some his songs talking about Ben Haggerty addiction and recovery. I love hearing others speak out about their addiction and recovery. Someone will here those words that might save their life.

 

 

 

 

 

Here some of my poems i have written in past couple of days

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Here are some photos from Las Vegas

11083636_817818711619876_4282103624855735810_n Brandon Flowers

 

Stay connect with love Adolfo Vasquez

300 days of Sober

Hello Friends today is day 300 sober. It feels pretty amazing celebrating 300 days of sober in palm springs CA my hometown. Just Arrived at one of my favorite spots called Azul. Heading out to Las Vegas tomorrow.  I feel this new breeze of inspiration. In the beginning of 9 months sober I felt a bit of a haze of sadness. That has passed and feeling inspired again. I guess even people who don’t have an addiction go through periods of their life feeling a bit down. Sobriety forced me to self reflect, go inside myself finding my voice, inner light, find out why I was so self abusive. In doing so I found a love for poetry.

Poetry, poems, and prose are given life after I write them. They live on hopefully connecting with others. I hope they will Transcend from decade to decade. Even after I pass on. 100 years from now someone might read my poems and connect with it. Maybe it will help them, feel and understand what I meant in return keeping my spirit alive. Inspiring them to self reflect and heal encouraging them create art turning pain into inspiration.

When I am writing I feel free. No barricades, no filters, no boundaries. Away from ego and just my truth and feelings. I believe everyone is a writer and his or her life is the greatest story to tell. One can create their story in any art form, like photography, painting, writing, acting, creating clothes etc. Art is liberation. Liberation is where you find true self. That’s a place where I constantly want to live. Sober is the New Black

The past few months, I’ve been having dreams of my EX that would put me in a funk the next morning. The last two dreams was of him and his new boyfriend, in that dream I did not see him. I knew he was around because it was mention by others but I couldn’t find him. I just saw his shadows on the wall. It was like my mind was preparing me for a life without him or forcing me accept with is the truth. My mind did not want to see him yet. I did not wake up in a funk that time but an understanding.

The second dream I did see him face to face but he was unrecognizable, it was like I didn’t know who he was. He had long hair and tattoos. He would never. I feel that dream is telling me who I loved in the past isn’t who is today. I may be reading this dream wrong but Both dreams have been very therapeutic.

Last night I stay up a bit, scrolling trough old Facebook post. I went back to the beginning when Vince and I made it official Oct 29 2010. I wanted to see my old self, seeing old post brought me a sense of missing, not for booze but for his friendship. I also seen missed opportunities on my part that could have strengthened the relationship. I also saw myself as very stagnant no purpose, no fiery passion, and no sense of healing old wounds. That brought me another form of sadness, Vince never had the chance to see me blossom, what he worked so hard to help me with. I had some anger towards him recently but now I have no ill feelings. Sober is the New Black

I used to think Vince saved me but the reality was he taught me how to save myself and for that he will always be close to my heart.

In other news  Sober is the New Black apparel line is coming out in the next few months and my book will be finish in April than off to the editors. Who would have thought that this boy would be close to a year sober, with a book in the works, and an apparel line? Sobriety brings dreams that are so big my mind could not have thought it possible when I was at my rock bottom.  Well Vince always knew that it was possible for me to reach for dreams. Now I do and I will, I can and I did.

 

 

Here are some of the poems I birth this week, some joyful and some dark. All my truth in that moment.

 

I'm Possible

 

Days, weeks, years

 

Wine Stained Chains

 

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This song from Kelly Clarkson is my truth

 

Stay connect with love, Adolfo Vasquez

DAY 295 Sober: Lack of Inspiration

Hello Friends today is day 295 sober. I just got to my favorite café in Korea town, this blog was started in k-town and I am sure one-day end in k-town. I am in my nine months sober and this month has been amazing but also a bit confusing. This month I have felt a lack of inspiration, my work season will be ending soon and I will have a few months of to do whatever I pleased.

Not sure were the lack of inspiration is coming from but it might have to do with me feeling my life isn’t were I thought it would be. Even with the lack of inspiration in my nine months I still did not have a craving for substance. The way I’m programming my mind is to always see the silver lining. 9 months is a huge deal but isn’t that long to have created a whole new life. I’ve been an addict most of my life so I can’t expect 9 months sober to change over 15 years of substance abuse. I just have to stay sober and work my shit out. I don’t want to sound ungrateful for what I have accomplished so far. Last year around this time I was in court due to my mind disorder. So looking back helps me see that every part of my life is going great without booze. Lately some negative thoughts have been creeping up in my mind and not in the form of wanting to use but in the way I see others and myself. I am happy to be aware of it so I can change the tune of that voice. I need to read more and hangout with my in light or others call it GOD. Its ok, to feel not feel ok. I just cant live in it and change whatever it is that’s is making feel not ok.

I’ve been traveling a lot and it’s been amazing. This coming weekend ill be headed out to Nevada. Very excited for that going for a concert. I am planning a month trip somewhere once my work season is complete. The season starts back up in August so ill have around 4 months off to write and work on sober is the new black.

 

I have always been a bit of an introvert and would rather sit and write or watch film than be out socializing. That is something I need to be working on. Lately I’ve been meeting some cool people, new friends and learning how to build healthy relationships. In the past if a friend offended me or did something that didn’t sit well with my ego I would cut them off. I didn’t realize any kind of relationship whether it’s a boyfriend, friend or family takes work to build a strong friendship. Like listening without ego, spending time, showing love in the form of actions not just words, making an effort etc. All relationships go up and down just grateful to have a clean mind to work it out.

I just want to stop losing people I love. I think the more I am sober the less likely people will leave my life and more likely stay. Sober is the new black.

 

 

Here are some poems that I have written the past few days, hope you enjoy some of these raw feelings

would you look at me you all you need is you dream vs grim tale

Completely not me from Jenny Lewis lyrics sing true to my heart. hope you enjoy it as well.

 

DAY 290 Sober: Las Vegas

Hello Friends, today is day 290 sober. I just got back to Palm Springs from Las Vegas, Nevada. The home of sins, neon lights booze and gambling. Traveling is one of the joys of my life, seeing new things with clean eyes. Beyond grateful that I am able to have wonderful opportunities that allow me to travel, Every time I’m in Palm Springs CA its hard to leave and say goodbye to loved ones. I find myself not missing LA, maybe its just me being in the moment and taking in each day as if was my last.

My stepmother/ best friend joined me on this trip. We are both huge “The killers” fans and the lead singer of the band coming out with his second solo album. The show was at a venue called “Bunkhouse”. The first time I seen “The killers” was 10 years ago in Vegas. My stepmother was the age I am now. It feels really amazing to be here in a better state of mind, I did gamble a bit won a hundred bucks. The last time I was in Las Vegas was six years ago. At the time I was still drinking and in a bad place mentally. No purpose and floating through life without really living it. Don’t remember much about that experience but I know it involved me binge drinking. As a child I disliked the atmosphere but as I got older I learned to fall in love with the sin city.

Unfortunately a couple of hours before the venue opened we all got the news Brandon Flowers had to cancel the show due to illness. I traveled a long way with lack of sleep. I was so excited only to not see him. I can’t control life but I can choose to be devastated, hurt and angry or I can see the sliver lining. How blessed I am to be able to afford wonderful trips with my stepmother. Yes I was not able to see Brandon flowers but I was able to create amazing memories see friends back home, eat great food, laughing all the way and a little debauchery in gambling. Sliver linings are beautiful it brings me back to my soul and a place of gratefulness.

I’ll be heading back to Los Angeles in a few hrs. Back to work Tomorrow. Sober is the New Black.

God Poem

 

vegas bus

 

 

wonderful unkowns

 

 

 

 

This video of Brandon Flowers is perfection “only the young”. Hope you enjoy