Hello friends, day 89 sober and it been an amazing day. In the past 89 days everything has changed for the better, from my mind, to my body, to my relationships, to passion for writing. I have this deep love for myself that is more of a feeling of peacefulness and Acceptance that I never had before. I don’t feel anger or guilt. I don’t wish stuff would have happen any differently. I have more of an open mind and heart. I’ve learn that the work is becoming not work at all, its more finding me and growing not for perfection but to happy and whole in the moment. I just want to be sober not just from booze, but sober from anger, pain, hurt, past, ego, insecurity. I never had so much joy. Since I’ve gotten sober my emotions have been up and down a bit but that’s normal because I am feeling life the way it’s meant to be felt.
My life is now purpose filled.Alcohol killed everything alive in my life and preserved everything that’s dead. My 90 days is about an hour away and I am spending it with the perfect person, eating Thai food, watching a film, and writing. Day 1 I would not have never thought I would be where I am at this moment. Dreams do come true once you start doing the work or as I like to called find that person that’s inside waiting to be free from that whiskey poison, those wine stains, beer batter past. Sober is the New Black. I am grateful for love, life, people in recovery who are sharing their wisdom, food, peace I feel in my heart, and endless love for myself.
Hello friend’s today is day 46 sober, Last night was a very relaxing day. I did absolutely nothing except ate some pizza and watch film. Today will also be a relaxing day as well. Soon ill be working my freelance job so I need to enjoy this time off. This Freelance job is a seasonal job that will last until the end of the year. This job is a blessing, the pay is amazing but the work matches the job. Last year I was in a bad place at the end of the season. I was a drunk and it was the beginning of the end of my three-year relationship. This season coming up I will be a sober new character and I am so grateful for the opportunity. I will be working 7 days a week but it doesn’t feel like work when you enjoy what you are doing. I just need to make time for AA and Sober is the New black. Without those nothing matters. Last season after work I would stop at the infamous liquor store around the corner fill up my Morning coffee cup. The job was a bit stressful added with my addiction and breakup but working out, eating better, meditation and making me time will help the stress. This job is a blessing so many in so many ways.
Everyday that I am sober my mind gets clear and my body is feeling really good. I am learning how to cope with my feelings. Endure sadness and let it pass. Be grateful for the joy I feel and try in live in it always. Focusing on making new relationships and really try to connect with them on a soul level without ego and judgment. Learning everybody feelings are valid even if the ego disagrees. Not really focusing on people who don’t understand me or Sober is the New Black. When you start listening and focusing on negative things people are saying it starts leaving a space for self doubt and that is not good for an addict. Not everybody going to like what I do, that’s ok. My job isn’t to change their mind or convince them to understand me. I can only focus on the ones that do because I know the universe is guiding me on my new path. I need to focus on my sobriety above all. Self-doubt is a form of fear and insecurity I have always struggle with. It was in still in me at a very young age and it carried into my adult life. I am a Sensitive type of person, I will always be somewhat affected by intense people and circumstances, but I need to establish a Spiritual core that I am working on now, so I wont be thrown off my path by people’s remarks. I am going deep within myself through meditation finding my core and its issues. I have always been somewhat of an introvert person and that helps me in knowing my core is what affects my thoughts and my current circumstance.
I am grateful for my peace of mind, my job, and for people who try to understand others without ego.. this song is such a powerful amazing work of art. Has to be my all time favorite Devendra Banhart freely