Hello friends today 249 sober, I’ve been really peaceful and feeling very driven. I found a purpose in sobriety. Finding passion, love, feeling my soul. The mind and body can speak to me intensely, but the soul is so much louder. Listening to my inner light has brought peace to my mind and heart. We are born to find our purpose; there is a reason why we are all born. My job is to now find it. I am 249 days sober and know more the about myself in the past 8 months than in the past 28 years of life
I am open to anything that can help me grow spiritual it helps me stay sober and focus. The substance and I were so bonded; I thought it was helping be free from the pain of my childhood, the reality it was keeping my childhood alive. Making life decisions with a child mind. I also lacked human connection, I never knew how to have a healthy relationship. The only relationship was with the bottle. Trauma After trauma after trauma my mind couldn’t cope and I looked for something to make me feel good, happy, help me wash away fears that were crippling. I am now learning what it means to have a healthy relationship not just with others but also myself. Trusting others and if I get hurt, I am wiser to walk away. Sober is the New Black
This video on Believe is perfection. If my mind is trying to convince me of fear. I watch this over and over. until I believe in me.
I love me some Alabama Shakes, this cover called hold on, its perfection. hope it inspires.
Hello Friends today is 8 months sober, today I feel content with my recovery process. I’m grateful for life, human connection, and for finding myself every day. I’m starting to understand what they mean by its not the destination its all about the journey. I have to embrace every circumstance life brings me with a positive outlook. Rewiring my mind to see the world in a positive way. The way I use to see the world and understand the world was with eyes molded from past pain, childhood traumas, low self-esteem and fear. All those intertwined caused my substance abuse disorder. I did not know how to have a human connection so I bonded with alcohol, now I am learning to see everybody in the light of love and understanding without ego.
Last week I felt empty and couldn’t understand why but a spiritual teacher by the name of Jesse Ann Nichols George spoke some words to me that really help me understand the feeling of emptiness. The feeling of emptiness is a sign of progression. I have emptied myself from the negative and I can fill my life with something new, mindful and purpose filled. Going to start pushing myself to write Short stories, still writing poetry but I need to push myself with my writing. I felt a bit stagnant so grateful for her wisdom.
At 8 months sober, my eyes see my surroundings in a different way, I notice things I have yet seen. Small stuff too big stuff from the crack in the wall in my apartment to the love that surrounds my life. My senses are heightened; I feel life to the extreme. I wake up happy, wanting to find purpose in every day. I finding myself in tears most of my days, happy tears also sometimes sober blues tears. Lately the reason is fear based that I am working on, I know if I just stay sober life will open up but I’m also working towards dreams and I get fearful that I may fail but even those fears won’t stop me from working my butt off. Sober is the New Black.
So if there is anyone early in recovery that might be having a hard time, just remember you are also detoxing the mind and your feelings will be up and down, if you just push on those feelings they will level out and life gets clear. The wanting or cravings might not go away right away, but you become so strong that you can change your thoughts to positive ones. That will help you get through the cravings. Take those painful feelings and create art, make it meaningful. It will bring so much joy and peace. Sober is The new Black
I’ve been working on this short story the past couple days, it’s called A boy and his Bear. Hope you like it.
A boy and his bear
Here is a poem I wrote yesterday, go to Disneyland, camping, eat some smore’s. It’s never too late
childhood
Me at 8 months sober
Adolfo Vasquez
This video is of Ira Glass so inspiring if there is anyone who is an artist struggling must watch
This song from Ellie Goulding your song is for anybody who is struggling with recovery, it’s so wonderful and beautiful that you are alive in this world, believe that and also feel that in your heart. I love you so much.
Hello friends, today is 203 days sober, spending the day getting ready for my trip back home. So happy to see the desert stars and smells that desert air. Going back with a clear mind and focusing on healing childhood wounds is necessary for my sobriety. I grew up in a very dark childhood that consisted of all child abuse. Homeless quite a bit, so I know my childhood has everything to do with the way I saw my self-worth and how I saw people and how I reacted to life situations. I still don’t have a clear vision on why I started substance abuse with drugs and booze but in time I feel it will render.
I am feeling very content with being alone, its helps so I can focus on the areas I need the most work on. Being alone and loneliness was hard to separate in recovery because I felt like a part of me was missing but I came to realize that I am not lacking anything everything I need is already in me I just to create inside myself and the universe will bring to life. I am detaching from negative thoughts, opinions, all needs that I think I need. So I can sit still and not be blinded from my Ego. I want my Ego to become small and I need to always be aware so I can connect to others without pushing my old beliefs onto them. In recovery, I sometimes see people being unsupportive in others recovery process or kind of mean to others who are relapsing and I don’t ever want to be a dry drunk. I want to always have compassion for others because I was once them who kept relapsing on the same hand in recovery I never seen so much compassion and reaching out, The first week this blog went live, I was getting some people not so happy about me being vocal about my addiction and recovery process, even from my own family but a sober warrior told me to keep going and let my higher power guided my heart and so without her wisdom I probably would have stop. I don’t ever want to not speak out about my addiction because I want others who might still be using to know just cause you suffer from a mental disorder you are still capable of living out your dreams and living a happy life, you addiction doesn’t define you just like diabetes doesn’t define a diabetic. We just have to learn to separate oneself from the mind voice.
I am grateful for life, for my readers, for the love I am creating for myself that helps me love others unconditionally. I am grateful for my recovery that pushes me to becoming a better me. Sober is the new black.
India Arie “video” is such a powerful song, sometimes in life I have to be reminded and be put back on track with loving me whole and if I am feeling a bit blue I play this on repeat until there is no question on how much I love me.
Hello friends today is day 28 sober and I am still on a Sober high from last night. Clint Eastwood was a few feet away from me talking about his latest film Jersey Boy. Jersey is the story of Italian singerFrankie Valli life from rags to riches kind of film. It’s a sort of a musical. One of my favorite film was “Bridges Over Madison County” my Stepmother introduce it to me when I was younger. Meryl Streep and Clint Eastwood are perfection. Such a classic, Meryl has an affair with a photographer, I have a thing for photographers. Everybody should watch this film. I wont give anymore away. I have always loved dramas and love stories at a young age. I am hopeless romantic, falling headfirst and taking risk. The Next love I have I defiantly will be using my mind and heart! Clint Eastwood started acting in film in his early 30′ s in the 60s. It’s never to late to follow your dream.
I grew up in a chaotic childhood and film was my outlet, my hour and a half peace from reality. It took me away into a fairytale; it still does till this day. That’s why I prefer to watch film alone with just my mind and heart so I can fully connect and not have any distraction. I try and watch a film a day maybe more. I always force myself to finish even if I am not connecting to it because I know how much work goes into it and I know its someone child and I have yet to create one so I have so much respect, I do however pass out from time to time if it gets a bit boring. Film inspires me in every aspect of my life even when I am not watching it. I carry film with me wherever I go. I do love all kinds of genres but I tend to lean more to dark, heartbreaking, foreign, independent film. The kind of films that is sometime hard to watch, maybe because I can relate to the pain.
Alcoholism took away my passion for film. It went form having a couple glasses of wine and a French film on a daily basis to a half of box a wine with no memory of the film. At a young age I always wanted to be in film into my high school years than life happen, other people doubting my talent, my mind and Addiction. The amazing thing is that passion and dreams never goes away it just gets buried so when you become sober that dream shoots out like a shooting star because it has been buried and deprive for so long. That shooting star can never be buried once it’s out. I feel like my dream for film kept hope going for me when I was younger. So I hope one day my films can give a child hope to continue. My dreams got me through my childhood and I am certain it will keep me on the right path into my new Sobriety. Sober is the New Black
Sidenote: I will be uploading a video I shot of MR Eastwood himself later on
Hello, Today is day 10 sober! So excited to make it to the double digits. June for me is going to be filled with mindfulness, Positive Reinforcement and Positive Actions. I wont allow any June Gloom in my life. Last night was my first night in my new Apartment it was pretty amazing knowing i did it all myself. no help. Yesterday move was a stressful day, but my Alcoholic disorder did not come out and infect my mind with negative thoughts. I did get a bit annoyed but i feel like that’s natural and i did not react in a negative way.
I learn that life is going to get hard at some point and the only thing you can control is your reaction. My Alcoholism is a disorder i have to live with for the rest of my life, it took me a long time to come to terms with that idea. June will be a month of me planting seeds in my soul. The seeds are Long term goals, joy, forgiveness, wellness,peace, truth sobriety, hope but i have to get all the weeds out. The past, Negative thoughts, Loneliness, Jealous, ego, comparison, judgement. I cant just leave the seeds i have to water and feed the seeds with patience, love, positive thoughts, laughter, empathy, self respect, and most important Sobriety.
June will be amazing and filled with purpose. below is a video i made last night before i left my old apartment.. Goodbye may Hello june bloom!
Sober Is The New Black 