DAY 89 Sober: The Perfect Night

Hello friends, day 89 sober and it been an amazing day. In the past 89 days everything has changed for the better, from my mind, to my body, to my relationships, to passion for writing. I have this deep love for myself that is more of a feeling of peacefulness and Acceptance that I never had before. I don’t feel anger or guilt. I don’t wish stuff would have happen any differently. I have more of an open mind and heart. I’ve learn that the work is becoming not work at all, its more finding me and growing not for perfection but to happy and whole in the moment. I just want to be sober not just from booze, but sober from anger, pain, hurt, past, ego, insecurity. I never had so much joy. Since I’ve gotten sober my emotions have been up and down a bit but that’s normal because I am feeling life the way it’s meant to be felt.

 

My life is now purpose filled.Alcohol killed everything alive in my life and preserved everything that’s dead. My 90 days is about an hour away and I am spending it with the perfect person, eating Thai food, watching a film, and writing. Day 1 I would not have never thought I would be where I am at this moment. Dreams do come true once you start doing the work or as I like to called find that person that’s inside waiting to be free from that whiskey poison, those wine stains, beer batter past. Sober is the New Black. I am grateful for love, life, people in recovery who are sharing their wisdom, food, peace I feel in my heart, and endless love for myself.

 

Stay connect with love, Adolfo Vasquez

DAY 56 Sober: Homeward bound

Hello friends Today is day 56 sober, I woke up feeling really blessed. Today I travel back home to palm springs for the weekend. I always enjoy heading back, seeing family, seeing great friends, and of course eating all the yummy food I miss.  Going back Sober means a lot to me, in the past when I went home my mindset wasn’t clear, I had angry built up for my birth parents, I was drunk most of the time, I did not enjoy the moments. I probably wont see my birth parents but I do love them and wish them well. This trip will be filled with lots of love, food, laughter, tons of relatives, and a trip to a local Gay club. I love to dance and I need to start doing more stuff I love to do and less stuff I don’t like doing, life is to short. Maybe I can find a make out buddy but I won’t be holding my breath. 

My old night life in palm springs was always chaos before I would head out I knew that something would happen that will either lead to a drunken argument, fight, losing my ride home, arrest, getting kicked out of the club or bar, tying to score, tons of vomit and some crazy fling that was pretty horrible, I really had no respect for my body at all. I started going to a popular club around 15 yrs. old since then I’ve been kicked out tons of time.  I still can’t believe I made it out of Palm Springs alive and that I am in the space that I am in right now. Dancing is fun but I also want to sit a coffee shop and write, when I lived in the desert my mindset was in a different place so to do what I love back home would be a nice change. I never would write back home, I know my creative inspiration would blossom.

I enjoy somewhat of a routine in my life and when I don’t have it I get a bit sad, I feel like it stems from having such an unstable childhood and no really security, I so need that now but I need to change that it’s not healthy I am no longer in that environment.  I need to focus on the moments and say my grateful prayer each morning. It’s usually in the shower, cleanse from the day before. A refreshing new start. I give up every negative thought that bother me the day before, I ask my high power turn me upside down shake out all the negative thoughts, anger, hurt, pain, past, ego, fear, people criticism and put in happy thoughts, courage, compassion, love, joy, laughter, accepting of others, creativity, awareness and stillness. I used to look outward for those things but those are all created from within, I am the co-creator with the ultimate creator. Sober is the New Black

I am grateful for life, being sober, for family and for my aunt Angie for picking me up!

The killers are one of my favorite band of all time. The killers carry me home is the perfect road trip

Stay connect with love, Adolfo

DAY 52 Sober: A Child Thief

Hello friends, today is Day 52 sober. I am back to the grind of the week. This week I need to focus on staying positive at work and getting enough sleep. Having to be up at 330am is hard even for a morning person but I have to man up and be a responsible adult. I have always been a hard worker. I started working at very young age, My first job was in middle school around 11years old, I would help set up tents at a local market on the weekends for like 20 bucks a day. The man I helped sold glasses. I also helped him sell. After that ended I became a paper boy outside grocery stores selling papers, that did not last long I was only making a few buck a day.  I kind of had to work if I wanted to eat, I knew at a very young age anything I ever needed or wanted I had to get on my own.

 

Sometimes illegally, I remember being really hungry and walking into groceries store in middle school and grabbing a lunch able, cheese string and a Reese than heading to the restroom were I would sit in the stall and eat because I knew I would go to bed hungry and there was plenty of times i did go to bed hungry. When i was younger In elementary school I remember my Mom and her boyfriend putting me in people doggy doors because i was tiny and steal food from their kitchen also they would make me and my brothers walk in Walmart change my old shoes and walk out with new ones. My mothers boyfriend sam would beat me and yell at me if i did not steal from stores, it was stuff we needed.  Its funny because I still have guilt for stealing at such a young age, as crazy as is it sounds. Middle school for me was the worst of my childhood because that’s when I realize I had to balance a crazy home life with middle school. There is this one incident that still brings tears to my eyes, I remember walking in my Apartment complex parking lot and seeing a car window rolled down and a purse sitting in the passenger seat. I grab it and ran inside a storage area that held the apartment dumpster. I took all the cash and threw the purse in the trash. When I open up the wallet I seen it had a food stamp card that people used to cash their checks. I was terrified but knew that money would help when I look back I knew that I stole from a poor person who had kids and need that money. When I went back home I gave it my mother her face showed relief and joy, I told her I found it. Later that day the lady son was walking around and asked me if I seen any guy walking around with a purse. I said know. I know at that age I had to survive and had to do stuff I am not proud of but I need to forgive my childhood self.  

 

I would love to find that family and pay them back one day. I am still writing my childhood down on paper, its difficult but I am pushing trough. My childhood Is very layered, complex and profoundly misfortunate. It did teach my how to be a survivor and how endure life and pain. As I got older I used booze to help me drown my past so I wouldn’t have to deal but the past will always learn how to swim and float back up to the surface… I love Frida Kahlo and she once said “ I drank to drown my sorrows, but the damned things learned how to swim”  I am grateful for the past lessons,  for writing and for my survivor skills that helping me survivor this mental and body disorder that is called Alcoholism. I will rise and nothing going to stop me now. Sober is the New Black..I recently heard this song by B.O.B-John Doe feat JoJo. I am coming home to myself.

 

 

 

Stay connect with love, Adolfo

 

DAY 48 SOBER: Amanda Palmer “In My Mind”

Hello friends, todays Day 48 sober and I am feeling Alive. I’ve only been up a few hours but I feel like today is going to be a great day. I was supposed to start my workout routine yesterday but of course my eyes got sleepy and needed to get home. Today I am sure my eyes will get sleepy again. It will happen in time. Soon I will break that mental blockage and start working out. I really have no excuse except being tired, which is caused by me. I did start working on my childhood mini bio, it’s a hard write and it will be a hard read. I find myself having mini crying session when I am writing which is a very therapeutic. I am grieving for that 3-year-old boy. 

My job is on the same street as my ex and so yesterday after work I was walking and seen him pull out, and my whole body went numb and I felt the air left my lungs, I did not have any sadness more of a shock. It makes me feel good knowing my feelings are fading. It did get my mind going a bit, on how people can be so close, best friends like than one minute walk by each other like are connection never existed, its like animal instinct, survivor mode. Granted he was in the car and I was walking but even if he’d be walking, I am unsure how it would have played out. He probably did not even see me. Need to pick a new street to walk down. It doesn’t really bother me walking down my old street; its funny because my old  neighbor still thinks I live their, she is an interesting character to say the least. She has a white poodle like dog that is so cute.  She always asks me to let me ex know if he can photograph her dog. 

Today I will be having dinner with a friend and writing before hand! This month will be a packed month! This coming weekend I will be spending it with a great friend I have not seen in awhile, slumber party, great talks, and food! The weekend after, ill be heading back home to Palm Springs for a birthday party! The weekend after, some friends invited me on their annual camping trip to Kern River near Lake Isabella in Bakersfield, CA. I need to figure out my Wi-Fi because Sober is the New Black is my baby and the weekend after ill be heading back to Palm springs for my niece birthday!  So excited to be sober and clear mind so I experience all those sober!

I am grateful for my awesome friends, Love and my job! Amanda palmer is such an amazing Artist. singer, performer, human! Her video “In my Mind” is brilliant. Hope you enjoy!

 

Stay connect with love, Adolfo 

DAY 19 Sober: Healing trip back home

Hello friends, Today is day 19 sober and it has been an amazing day. I’ve been working on Nonfiction for the past two years now; today I plug in my work external hard drive to my Mac. I had a folder with the same name on my desktop and the hard drive. One had work stuff the second had my nonfiction. Well I accidently replace my work folder with my personal and my nonfiction was gone. I have a rough draft somewhere but in that moment at almost died but right away I surrendered it to the universe. There was nothing I can do; I can only choose how to react to the situation. I feel like everything happens for a reason so maybe that nonfiction needs to be rewritten with a sober mind! So far my mind has been filled with ideas. So I accept it and learn a valuable lesson.  I need to have a few back ups! I am grateful I still have my rough draft! 

 

Ill be heading back home tomorrow, I am so excited to see everybody. I have not been home since Christmas and New years and during that time I was wasted for 3 weeks straight. So it’s nice to go back with a clear mind and an open heart. I am not worried at all about drinking or getting cravings. I have tons of memories that consist of drugs, booze, and horrible nights but when I go back I am going to be focusing on making healthy memories. Excited to be at a pool and to hit up some local thrift stores that are may favorite, also eat some yummy food.

So I know ill be fine on the not drinking part, the only thing that’s on my mind is seeing my father since the holidays. It did not go so well he got in my face he was a mess. I need to remind myself that there is a bigger picture here and maybe I can use this trip as a healing trip to tie up all the loose ends and to finally leave it all behind me! Thank you again for taking time out to check out Sober is the Black.

Stay connect with love, Adolfo