DAY 118 Sober: Feeling Blue and “Red Shoes” Poem

Hello Friends today is day 118 sober, I had a wonderful week. I’ve been dog sitting in Venice. It’s been a really great experience; I really do miss my home and my local coffee shops. In this area since we are close to the beach, a lot of places don’t have AC including the coffee shops and writing in a coffee shop without any AC is not the best also space is limited out here so finding a coffee shop with a lot of room is a hard. I don’t have cable in my home because I don’t want to be distract from the TV but staying here really made me want to give in and get cable. I do love TV and film.

 

Work has been busy, trying to find a balance with work and writing but it will take sometime. I have not craved any booze at all; I’ve been around it, seen it but did not want it. My program is working. I Never really thought about my future when I was a drunk just living in short term goals but I know I need to start thinking about the future so I found a Finical advisor to help my invest in my future, its such a great feeling knowing I’m being a responsible adult.

 

The past few days I have felt a bit blue but I know it will pass, there is an event going on that I was supposed to attend but my addiction has cost me this loss, drinking booze equals loss for me. My Addiction has robbed me from a lot of great things. All I can do now is accept the circumstances and not make those mistakes again. Its ok to feel a bit sad because I am human also that person that made those mistakes is not the person I am today and that gives me a peace of mind. I am sometimes, find myself counting all the moments I have loss or opportunity I have screwed up because of my addiction. I know I have to let it go and I am learning how but I will never forget the things my addiction has done and that will help keep me sober. I cannot keep wishing the past could have been any different than it is. With that said, I will weep some healing tears and write my blues away. Sober is the New Black.

 

photo-7

 

DAY 112 Sober: Demi Lovato

Hello friends today is Day 112 sober, I’ve really busy writing lately. Writing takes up most of my days, anywhere from 6hrs and up. I used to spend that much time in a bar but I am no longer in that prison. I found a new love in coffee shop bliss. The surroundings are A lot nicer and it doesn’t smell like drunken vomit. I am inspired by natural light so open space with a lot of green is a perfect place. I know some people could be turn off by me counting days, but the reason for it is so I can look back and see my growth. It’s like an online journal and maybe someone who might be struggling at day36 can Google and maybe my post can show them I am there with them in that moment so they don’t feel alone and also maybe I can remind someone with more days then me what day 78 was like. Also if I need a reminder on how life was in the past I can look back and see my progress. Like I said I can’t waste energy on people who committed to not understanding my sobriety or me. I only hope to only inspire others who might be suffering to find a program that works for them and to heal from within but not just heal but become great in life and live your dreams. When you are healing within it flows into actions and how your treat others without opinions and judgments.

 

I know what works to keep me sober might not work for everyone and that’s ok. Aggressive opinions on how I stay sober can hurt me a bit, I know some are out of concern but its working and I am sober and not craving. My spiritual healing is the core. The steps are the foundation. Yes of course AA helps but what’s more important for me is outside those four walls and the actions I take on my day-to-day basis. I may not always go into detail about what step I am on or commitments or sponsorship. I might in the future but I write in the moment, these post are not written in advance. I don’t even have an idea in my head until my fingers hit the keyboard. Than after the title is made. I write in the moment for the moment.

 

 

I have always been an open book and share every detail of my life. If anyone has any question I am open to them and will always answer the best I can. I am a huge fan of people in recovery speaking up about addiction. People have an idea that just because you are sober you can’t have fun but that’s far from wrong. Artists celebrate recreational drug use in music and TV; I think its wrong and also I think there should be more clear minded alternatives for young people. Being sober is the best thing I have ever put on, its fits like a black dress it works in every aspect of my life. It’s an amazing life and very cool. It’s a great state of mind and there should be more options for people in there 20’s who do not feel pressure to heavily drink and do drugs on a sat night, have a cup of coffee and write, go dancing sober, instead of picking up a drink, pick up a paint brush, create a hobby, create art. Find you. Now that I am leaving my twenties, I realize it was a drunken blur and I just want kids to know there are other options; I could have had 10 books publish already with the amount of money and time spent on partying. I am so grateful for people who speak up about addiction celebs and non. I admire Demi Lovato, she is one of us. She is in recovery and her music is all about empowering others who suffer from addiction to know anything is possible once you seek help and heal and do the work. Sober is the new Black.

 

DEMI LOVATO STORY, SO BRAVE AND INSPIRING.

http://youtu.be/KkpD8H5oLBg

 

 

Stay connect with love, Adolfo Vasquez 

DAY 90 Sober: Vows to Myself

Hello friends today is day 90 sober and it was a perfect day. I am grateful for this clear mind. Every moment today was perfect from the minute I woke up, to this late night writing session in this coffee shop/club. It’s really cool. It’s really dim with a DJ playing Warren G Regulate, only in Los Angeles. I still have a lot of growing to do. I notice recently I’ve been bit impatience at work and that needs to be worked on. I sometimes wonder how much of it is the addiction or can it just be a normal thing. Non-addicts get sad, mad, anger, impatience. I am glad I am aware of my issues and what needs to be work on; I would dislike to live a life thinking I am fine and perfect in a delusion state of mind. I love finding my faults and telling the whole world, it gives me a great opportunity to step up to the plate and figure it out so I can become great.

 

 

I had this idea as I was on my way to this coffee shop. The idea was making vows to myself. Married couples do it all the time but I feel like the most important ones are to ones self. Since I am growing and evolving, I wont be the same person in the future, I might have new issues and inner barriers to overcome so at the point I can renew my vows to myself. So I can one day be in a place I can make vows to someone else. So here is my list of vows to my self

 

1 I promise to stay sober

2 I promise to forgive everything and everybody so I can always live in a happy state

3 I promise to always create love for myself, only from within by positive thoughts and actions, telling myself how amazing I am as much as I can. Letting go of what society says I should be or look.

4 I promise to do what I like and stop doing things I dislike (as long as I stay sober)

5 Create compassion for others, taking my opinion out of it and just listen

6 I promise to stop looking at that damn scale and focus on the scale of my character

7 I promise to do more service, whether it’s making sober fun or helping young kids see the beauty in a sober mind

8 I promise to allow myself to fall down as long as I get up. Not that I want to but if I do I am still alive and I need to be grateful for that

9 Hangout with my inner divine and higher power more often.

10 MEDITATE MORE.

 

 

Sober is the New Black

 

Stay Connect with Love, Adolfo Vasquez

 

India Arie video is the perfect one for this post. My creator made no mistakes in making me from my thighs to my hair. Loving me unconditionally.

DAY 65 Sober: A Coffee Shop Boy

Hello friends, today is day 65 sober, yesterday when I left work I was headed to write but felt sick  and started to get hives. So I decided it was best to head home. I jump in bed at 5pm and woke up today at 11pm, no work. I woke up a few moments in the early am hours to rummage in my fridge for a quick bite, which consisted of peanut butter and pretzels. I feel fine today and the hives are almost gone. Growing up I always got hives and shingles due to stress. I am now at a Boba coffee shop in Koreatown it’s my new favorite spot. It rained a bit today in Los Angeles, which is weird for July. This coffee shop has the best coffee and some great eye candy. This is the second time coming here and I walked in and this boy was standing behind the counter and I was focus on looking for my debit card but when I looked up, I was stunned by his physical appearance, sweat started to pour down my face and I was flush red. He did not have a name tag but I haven’t felt that way in a longtime since Vince, I would always get nervous around him. Even at the end. I will appreciate the physical beauty of a man but will only act when I feel that inner connection that I want. I do wonder what he thought seeing me get all flustered, I know he notice my weirdness, he probably thought man that guy must have workout or man he sweats a lot. Well it was raining so that could have saved me. Ok I need to focus as he’s working right in front of me. I can give you a play by play but this post can’t be all about a beautiful coffee shop guy.

 

On the way to this coffee shop I was sitting on the metro tuning into peoples conversation and what I heard is a lot of dislike about life, which is valid points because I don’t walk their steps but it got me thinking about myself. I need to be a lot more aware of words I put out into the universe. I am not a negative person but I am not perfect and can always be better. At work I tend to speak out about stuff I don’t like, when I do that then I am not living in a state of gratefulness. I should always say what I love about life or always see the sliver lining. Like I can be waiting for the bus, its hot and I am tired, instead of saying it or let my emotions get tied up in the thoughts I can think or say thank you higher power for this sober ride home and thank you for this job that have that I can live comfortably with and still have some leftovers for my fun. As I get to sober and get to know me, I am finding some amazing awesomeness but also I finding cracks that have been harden from long term self abuse and outer abuse that need to be heal and it starts with my thoughts and thinking. I get millions of thoughts a day and that’s ok and some might be negative and that’s ok but they key is not letting the negative thoughts affects my emotions, words and my attitude of the moment. Sober is the New Black. I am grateful for my inner beauty, beauty in life and this beautiful coffee shop boy. Landon Pigg “Falling in love at a coffee shop” is a perfect song for this moment.

Stay connect with love, Adolfo