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July 5, 2015

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Day 407 Sober: Fearless

Hello Friends today is 407 days sober. I hope you all are enjoying this wonderful fourth of July weekend. I spent the fourth surround by amazing people, laughing, playing games, and eating tons of foods. There was alcohol around and I did not crave at all. Alcohol never entered my mind. I was living in the moment and staying grateful to be clear minded that allowed me to fully take in the love. Having a sober Fourth of July could be hard for others. If it was hard for me, I would have stayed home until I am ready to be around alcohol with only peace and serenity. Sobriety is number one the rest follows.

Part of why I started using was fear. Fear was ingrained in me at early age. I lived in fear my whole life. Being a 3-year-old living in fear of being homeless or being beaten by my parents. I grew a shield to protect myself from bad stuff happening but that grew and grew shielding great things as well. I couldn’t tell the difference between people who will hurt me and people who would benefit me. The fear was so big; I wasn’t living or trusting others. Drinking help deal with fearful thoughts and anxiety. It also help let my shield down for moments.

I always thought no matter how great life was bad was around the corner waiting to take away the good. As a child my fears brought anxiety. I was afraid of the wind, choking, dying, earthquakes, not fitting in, and heights. As I got older some fear stayed and some new ones surfaced.

This year is my year to face fears head on. On Friday I joined friends and went snorkeling. Pushing through my fear of the ocean. At first I sat on the beach-watching friends. I was scared but needed time to pull that courage from within me. I soaked my feet in the water and as each inch of my body got deeper, the more I was shaking from nerves.

When someone is facing his or her fear, at first its normal to feel anxiety. As I got in I started to embrace the moment. Shutting my mind off and focusing on the feeling of the water. Feeling life helps calm me and brings me back to the moment. The sense of touch is a powerful tool. Letting it take me into the ocean. Anxiety left and fun started to appear. I wasn’t a great snorkeler, it was my first time but the whole point was just to get me in the water to overcome the fear. Letting go of fears will make room to live and experience new things in life.

There are more fears on the horizon that I will be facing soon like flying. I know fear is an illusion created by past experiences. Going to keep on until I am fearless. Sober is the New Black

On the way to the beach, This song was on a playlist. Surrounding yourself with love and great music helped me become more fearless.

Stay Connected with love, Adolfo Vasquez.

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June 28, 2015

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400 Days of Sober: I was an Addict before my first drink

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400 Days of Sober

Hello Friends, today is 400 days of sober. I just past 1 year and 1 month sober. This is the longest I’ve been sober since I was 15 years old. This year Ill be 30 so half of my life I’ve been using some sort of drug or alcohol to escape. I was an addict before I took my first sip of booze or snorted my first line of coke. When I was a kid I was always looking for an escape from my dark feelings, fear or life.

Trying to escape from the inside with outside stuff. Escaping with food, getting thin, shopping, sleeping around, cutting myself, validation from others, running 6 miles every day. Those things would bring me a temporary high or numbness, but it was short lived. So the hunger grew, I needed more stuff, I needed to be thinner, and I needed more validation, slept with more men. Turning into substance abuse.

I was consuming, consuming and consuming thinking one day that I would find peace or become whole with having stuff or becoming rich. Just needed that high paying job or those new shoes. Just needed that one guy to sweep me off my feet, or that nice car then ill be happy. What’s interesting is I had all those things, but it was never enough, I never had long-term happiness.

I found peace and serenity not when life was going good but in the chaos of my rock bottom. I realized that happiness, joy, love, forgiveness, surrendering, successes, passion, those things are created only within myself. So I started.

At first my feelings didn’t connect with my thoughts or the words I spoke. I would tell myself, “You are beautiful”. But I didn’t feel beautiful at first but soon after the feelings, thoughts and words synced together.

Life will piece together. I sit here over a year sober with nothing but gratitude for being sober. I still have to create those things within myself because life on life terms. Meaning people will pass or hard times will happen. But I know I can still create peace and serenity because I have faith, I’ve witnessed it work in my life. Sober is the new black.

This blog is about staying sober and what I am learning throughout the days, months, and years. Hoping that these words could connect with someone who might be suffering or questioning staying sober. The meaning behind the name sober is the new black is sober goes great in every aspect of my life. Sober is the best thing I’ve worn.

The reason for me counting days on the blog because if someone who is 26 days sober or day 1 sober, could Google their days and my blog will pop up. Maybe my words can help or they can relate.

This blog is a form of service, I just want to help or in some ways inspire.

Alabama Shakes is one of my favorite bands, here a song that I play on repeat when i am feeling a bit down.

Stay connected with love, Adolfo Vasquez

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June 21, 2015

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Day 393 Sober: Finding Art in Recovery

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Day 393 Sober: Finding Art in Recovery

Hello Friends today Is day 393 sober. This past week has been eventful. I’ve been in the process of getting my first book ready for print. The vision came to me one day, late at night. This will be my first book, in my head I thought it would be easy and in some way effortless since I write everyday and knowing what I want the book to say.

I was wrong, this past week I’ve felt annoyed, tried, confused, terrified, and inspired in the process of writing the book. I had a talk with the Editor and a friend who open me up to a new direction for the book. The new direction felt right in my heart.

In this stressful time I had no negative thoughts or an addiction voice trying to convince me to drink.

I talk about my childhood on this blog. In the book it will be more in depth. So having to go back, remember those times and feelings is hard at times. But the part of the book that affects my feelings the most isn’t the childhood. It’s when I was in my deep state of addiction.

The pain I caused loved ones, shooting daggers in hearts. The lying, The manipulation, The time and friends lost. I know it was the Addiction and not my True Self because in the morning after the drunken stumbles, My heart and soul felt heavy and in pain.

In the process of writing the book I find myself walking away for sometime to cry healing weeps. Or taking hour breaks to decompress.

I know I can’t change those actions but what I can do is stay sober so their pain wont be in vain.

Meditation and sitting with my higher power helps after a writing session. Bringing me back to the present. giving me some clarity

Writing is part of my recovery, taking out all the dark stuff that dwells in me and putting it on paper. like a cleansing of the soul. It also helps me reflect and connect the dots from traumas to how traumas affect me subconsciously in my every day life. For example I grew up really poor, I recently notices that feeling bleeds into how I see the world. I have 69 pairs of shoes and always want to buy food in bulk. I need to see the patterns and see if they are affecting me n a negative way. Or change. Sober is the New Black

I’m wishing all the dads a happy fathers day. Hope you all have a day filled with relaxtion and love.

Here are some poems I created this week.

Me day 392 Sober

Anyone who knows me personally, knows I’ve always been a huge fan of Tina Turner. This song is one my favorite.

Stay Connect with love, Adolfo Vasquez

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November 14, 2014

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DAY 174 Sober: Reflections

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DAY 174 Sober: Reflections

Hello friends. It’s day 174 sober, Today was the end of my work season that means less work ahead and more writing. Feeling a bit tired, worked 14 hrs. yesterday but feeling positive and a bit sleepy. I’ve been working 60 plus hrs a week so I am in much need of a haircut, shaving, new glasses, gym, rest, Mani and Pedi. All well deserve.

A few days ago a site contacted me wanting me to write articles. I am beyond grateful. Sober life equals unimaginable dreams, so this weekend i’ll be writing my first article. Growing up I never thought I would be a writer. A poor, welfare kid, with addicts as parents, is no longer my story I carry on my back. I used that story to be mediocre and as an excuse for bad behavior. Now I take complete ownership for every part of my life. Being sober has brought a lot of clarity. This past year my life has done a complete 360. I have had some time to reflect on my past relationship this week. I realized just because it didn’t work out doesn’t mean it was not a successful relationship. It was beyond successful. Some of the best moments of my life so far, I laughed and ate nice cheese, meet some cool people and had so much love around but the most important part is I am sober because of it. Those 3 years open me up to real love, I never knew I could love that deep or capable of connecting with someone on that level. I took away so many life-lesson and is blessed and grateful he saw something in me before I saw it in myself. If you see someone struggling, reach out and call them out. I believe there are many soul mates on this life road, he was what I needed at the time so I can grow and evolve. Now that I have evolved the universe will render a new soul mate that will teach me new lessons about myself, I just hope my love taught my ex something too.

I was so empty inside growing up so I was always searching to fill my insides up with instant-gratifications. Booze, sex, money, attention, food, getting skinny. I was searching to make me whole inside with outside stuff. Stuff goes away and never last. I did not realize healing started from within and is work that is constant. Whether an addict or a non-addict we all have healing to do. This upcoming year will be an adventure finding me every day and experience a new sober life. Sober is the new black.

Stay connect with love, Adolfo Vasquez

Eddie Vedder is such an amazing artist and the soundtrack for into the wild which is a brilliant film is perfect.

http://youtu.be/b4K5od-uZEY

Sober Is The New Black

Tag Archives: clarity

Day 407 Sober: Fearless

400 Days of Sober

Day 393 Sober: Finding Art in Recovery

DAY 174 Sober: Reflections