DAY 19 Sober: A Drunken Encounter

Hello friend’s day 19 sober. My body is feeling good and I woke up with a clear mind.  I need to start going to bed early or switch my schedule, last night I fell asleep at 1am and woke up a bit after 4am only a few hours asleep is not going to work. I love being up at all times but need to sleep.  

 

So yesterday I was working on Sober is The New Black at a cafe that I absolute love, the vibe and energy is perfect. The cafe is located in between my two old bars that I would frequent on a daily basis. I usually sit inside but yesterday I decided to move outdoors. It was a beautiful day in LA. So as I am writing this car pulls up in front of the shop, A man gets off the car and I recognize him from the bar, I can tell he was already intoxicated and when he exit the car he started to take a few hits from a pipe (weed). He notices me and I said “hello”. He asked me why he hasn’t seen me at the bar. With out hesitation I told him I had quit and I am now sober. He had a puzzled look on his face. 

 

A little bit of a back-story; he is also a fellow writer and an English teacher. The first time we met we talked for hours. He gave me a notebook with a bunch of his writings and told me to take it home and read it. He also wanted me to write something down on a napkin so he can read something I wrote. I was drunk at the time but I did. I believe he wanted to see how good I was; At the time I was in a place of not wanting to share my writings. I don’t remember what he said about my writings, I am sure it was not good; After all he is an English teacher and is going for his masters! 

 

So back to yesterday, after I told him I was sober and he gave me puzzled look. I told him I started a blog and then he told me to read it for him, already I felt my body tense and knew he was ready to be an asshole again so I told him he would like to read it I can give him a link to my website. I was also in the middle of my online AA.  He drunkenly persisted and I know how drunks are because I was one so I invited him to the table. He started to read an older post out loud and the booze smell just filled my space. When he was finish he looked at me and said I just got my masters in two years. I congratulate him, which is pretty awesome. He then said my grammar is atrocious, my writing lack originality, and its pretty bland. He ask me if he can write a post for me so he can spicy things up. I told him no the blog is my personal journey and its really not about being perfect or right but being honest and truthful. He drunkenly kept on. He then clicked on my other web browser, which opened my AA video, he then said “isn’t AA suppose to be Anonymous it defeats the purpose”. At that I point I felt my blood start to boil but I explain to him everybody joinery is different and I am ok speaking about it.

He eventually walked off to my old bar. Writing for me is very personal and so is this blog and being sober. I should have not let him in my space but lesson learn and the wheels keep turning. After he left those anger feelings left quickly. I realized that I was once that way to a lot of people maybe not in the same context but those feelings I had inside me I probably caused in others. He was just some stranger, the majority of the pain I caused were to love ones that probably hurt even more. I am so grateful that I am in a joyful place because that encounter would have stayed with me for a longtime if I was in my old mindset but in my new mindset no one has the power to take away my joy. I also wish him the best and hope he finds peace, also I hope he is successful in his writing career. So happy to have 19 days sober and counting!

Stay connect with love, Adolfo

DAY 2 Sober : Alcoholism

Today has been a good day ! Feeling really positive with knowing I am an addict. I am sitting in cafe in Koreatown out of the norm for me. It Used to be a few local dive bars writing away. I don’t mind the Atmoshpere,  playing some Bruno mars in the background and a Chai tea. Koreatown has some pretty awesome cafes. I kinda wanted to get more in depth on how being an addict Affects my mind. I believe Alcoholism starts once you stop drinking. I am no longer feeding my disorder so that is when this disorder really starts affecting a persons mind, that is when the ISM comes out in my life in Anxiety, Lying, Depression, loneliness, hurtful thoughts. It appears in a conniving and manipulative voice that sounds just like me and knows me really well and because it does it knows what to say to me to get me to drink.  There have been times where I would go to a movie and instead of heading to Regal near me, I would always choose the Grove.  There is little bar I could never pass up in the farmers market at the grove.  I always end up Subconsciously near a bar or liquor store, shopping next to a Bar… Cvs was my Liquor store.

Once you have a substance abuse disorder every drug will eventually become a disorder. I started with weed ( everybody laughs at me when i call it weed), than cocaine for about 2years, than the booze.  The booze did not get heavy until i quite cocaine, I almost OD a few times and have 3 major neglected hospital bills because of it.. so after my third hospital visit I quit drugs. My drinking became heavy.. I remember the exact moment my mind shifted. I use to always hit up a popular gay bar in Palm springs; my home town. I needed the cocaine to have a good time but was so scared.  The club was so boring.  So I Decided to pounded a few  Jack Daniels and that numb feeling came over me! yes! Its legal! The rest was history. The mistakes were endless. A Public intoxication arrest, totaled cars, Friendships and Relationships crumbling, Very bad nights, to alot of horrible flings, Restrainer orders, verbal attacks, passing out and waking up in weird places, endless amounts of vomit that painted cars, walls, and streets. 

  Alcohol is everywhere you go and legal! Every restaurant, Down Every Aisles, at Birthday parties, Even Chuck e cheese (first job BTW). I feel fine today but i know in time this infected mind will come back with a vengeance, it always finds a way. Substance abuse was a symptom of something very dark that lives inside my mind and heart….I have to rip it out but the only way to find it is staying Sober! Once i find it then i can grief  to heal….  I do know i have been an addict since i was a child. I had all the tendencies and qualifications. Today i am grateful for this blog, you peeps out there who take the time to read this and for 2 days sober. I cant wait to become the amazing Adolfo that has always been inside me waiting to come out.

Stay connected with love,  Adolfo