DAY 122 Sober: Impossible is Nothing

Hello Friends, today is day 122 sober. This past week has been really busy. I finish my book!!! Going to take a moment and really understand what that means. Yesterday I was in tears most of the day. It is now in editing stages and hopefully out in print at the end of the year. This is a direct result of me being sober. I don’t have sobriety without my higher power and I don’t have my higher power with my sobriety.

 

 I’ve always had a passion for writing and under all the substances I was numbing myself with, it was a dream that was an impossible dream in my mind. What I have learn is impossible is nothing! When you are sober. I don’t have a title yet; I do have one that’s in mind but its still uncertain. It’s a book of sober poems. Some are inspirational and some are a bit dark but it is coming from a real place and I hope it can inspire millions to write and create, I believe everyone has some artistic bone in them. My writings gave me a purpose in my life and I am so grateful. I already have a vision for the next book. I will start it next week,  Most of my life, I’ve been an addict and deprived myself from dreams.  I am now going full force in healing and writing.

 

Last night I was laying in bed, watching a late night film and I’ve not had a craving in over 121 days of sobriety but I had my first craving yesterday. A guy in the film was drinking a beer and my mind said “I want a beer” and it shocked me, to the point of being a bit scared. I know I wont drink ever but the fact that the disease came out and made me feel like I needed a beer made me question my program a bit. I know cravings are a natural occurrence in recovering  addicts, so I let it pass and it did. It passed with in minutes. I just had to remind myself what booze has done in my life. In the past when I would get sober and having a craving, I would tear up but this time I didn’t, I handled it with courage and I was aware that it was the disease and not I; in fact it was the enemy. Its ok to have cravings it will pass. I heard this from a friend in recovery and he said “an alcoholic craving alcohol is not a surprising thing so don’t let it scare you.”  Its funny because I’ve been around booze since I got sober, smelled it etc. but a film did it. No cravings today and very aware of my mind.

 

With that said if there is anyone who is struggling with addiction and is using, I want you to know unimaginable dreams will happen and life will open up doors that will take you into a world of endless possibility. I wrote a book in 121 days of being sober, and you can too! Love you all so very much, this blog and my readers bring me so much joy in my heart and there are not enough words or poems that can express the feeling I have for you guys and girls. Sober is the new black.

 

SOBER is simply the best, TINA TUNRER STYLE. One, of my favorite songs of all time. When I was young I would dance in my undies to all her music. Still kind of do.

 

DAY 118 Sober: Feeling Blue and “Red Shoes” Poem

Hello Friends today is day 118 sober, I had a wonderful week. I’ve been dog sitting in Venice. It’s been a really great experience; I really do miss my home and my local coffee shops. In this area since we are close to the beach, a lot of places don’t have AC including the coffee shops and writing in a coffee shop without any AC is not the best also space is limited out here so finding a coffee shop with a lot of room is a hard. I don’t have cable in my home because I don’t want to be distract from the TV but staying here really made me want to give in and get cable. I do love TV and film.

 

Work has been busy, trying to find a balance with work and writing but it will take sometime. I have not craved any booze at all; I’ve been around it, seen it but did not want it. My program is working. I Never really thought about my future when I was a drunk just living in short term goals but I know I need to start thinking about the future so I found a Finical advisor to help my invest in my future, its such a great feeling knowing I’m being a responsible adult.

 

The past few days I have felt a bit blue but I know it will pass, there is an event going on that I was supposed to attend but my addiction has cost me this loss, drinking booze equals loss for me. My Addiction has robbed me from a lot of great things. All I can do now is accept the circumstances and not make those mistakes again. Its ok to feel a bit sad because I am human also that person that made those mistakes is not the person I am today and that gives me a peace of mind. I am sometimes, find myself counting all the moments I have loss or opportunity I have screwed up because of my addiction. I know I have to let it go and I am learning how but I will never forget the things my addiction has done and that will help keep me sober. I cannot keep wishing the past could have been any different than it is. With that said, I will weep some healing tears and write my blues away. Sober is the New Black.

 

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