Hello Friends, today is day 61 sober. I had a Great 3 hour nap. Sleep is such a powerful gift I can give my mind and body. My body knows when its sleepy, so if even if its kind of late I give that to my body because It knows when it needs rest. I need to have a clear mind and body at all times and if I am not well rested than the body and mind cant be fully aware. I have the next two days off. Just a work meeting but my goal is to finish the Long read of my childhood. It’s been hard and taking quite a bit tears and time but it’s almost done. I also want to start a Series of Poems. So coffee will be my best friend the next two days.
I use my days off to recharge my soul; like cleansing from the chaos of the past days and one of the tools I use is spiritual teachers, one being Eckhart Tolle. He helps me clear my mind so I can go deep and work the steps. I’ve been reading Eckhart Tolle for years and I do believe I have always been somewhat of a self-aware person but I didn’t know how to follow through with it and did not want to stop drinking. Now that I am sober I find myself connecting with his words a lot deeper and understanding it a lot clearer. This video helps me clear my mind and brings me to my inner divine. Hope this helps others. Sober is the New Black
Hello friends today is 61 days sober and I woke up feeling refresh. I changed my work schedule so I am no longer working the 5am shift, which means I get more sleep so my mind is well rested. No more weekends off which is ok, I will start having Thursdays and Fridays off. Life has been amazing, last night I stayed up writing and watching film, two of my passions. I will be working 7 days a week coming up soon, so I am trying to stay in the moment and enjoy my days off. My goals for the next two days is to write, write, and write. I want to start a series of poems, I know its A lot on my plate with Sober is the New Black, the shorts and my Fiction but I have this passion that comes at night for words, usually happens when I am in my bed, listing to sappy music Reflecting on my day. I feel like I am trying to find my writing niche and see what flows and what doesn’t.
My Alcoholism is a daily disorder I have to be aware of; booze was my coping tool that blinded my eyes from the reality of life. My mind made everybody the enemy; in the midst of my addiction I felt everyone I loved was going to hurt me in the end. Trusting others was very overwhelming and hard to do but that was ingrain in me at an early age. All throughout my childhood and teen years I was hurt by people I loved so that mind stayed with me into my adulthood, I still thought I was in that war zone, in survivor mode. Everything comes back to me and so when I reflect back I can see that the lack of trust was really a lack of trust with myself. I did not trust myself in being able to protect myself. I was never thought how. I didn’t know how to make clear boundaries so know one can hurt me. I did not know how to create a trusting relationship. So I trusted know one. Seeing my mother struggle with relationships mix with her lack of unhealthy advice created this kid that had a screwed up vision of what trust is. So the fear of trust in return caused, uneasy feelings, anxiety. I was unable to build relationships with people, friends and loves. I am now learning how to build a foundation of trust. I need to learn how to be trusted. I have always been a pretty honest person but once my addiction become that tsunami, my dishonestly came out. So now that I am no longer using I need to work on being honest at all times with others, what I say needs to be met with the action. I need to know that I can trust others and make clear boundaries so I wont be hurt and even if I do get hurt it doesn’t mean everybody will hurt me. I am grateful for the love I feel for myself and for Sober is the New Black
Stay Connect with love, Adolfo.
Sara Bareilles brave is my theme song for Sober is the New Black, enjoy…
Hello Friends, In the past 2 months, 60 days, 1440 hrs, 86400 mins, 1584000 seconds I have learned so much about myself and life. Not everyday is Blissful but I choose the amount of suffering I want to endure. Tears are necessary for healing. I need to watch my thoughts carefully. I need to surround myself with positive things and people. My mental and body disorder called Alcoholism is not a choice but me picking up a drink is. Spiritual practices including the steps are the key to my success. Surrendering to a higher power that I understand it to be is such a relief and it’s more of a feeling that can’t be written down. I am finding myself more and more everyday something’s are not pretty and some are a bit dark that needs to be healed but the awareness of them only comes when I am sober and seeking. I want to inspire and be inspired everyday by others, There is always someone with one less day than me that I can help, even if its just listening and showing compassion. I am a lot stronger than I give myself credit for. Being sober has thought me how to create from within; love, joy, compassion, understanding, empathy, and gratefulness and with those you can create healthy long term loving relationship. With 60 days sober comes creativity and passion that’s met with action not just thoughts. My old drunken words were false and met with only letdowns.
Today at 2 months sober, I struggle with the pain my addiction has caused others and the wave of pain that hit like a tsunami killing, destroying everything breathing, living and pure in my life. Even devastating tsunami waters receded and flowers and trees will blossom again. I am rebuilding my life one brick at a time, with a strong foundation, away from that ocean of addiction that creates a tsunami of pain. Rebuilding my life will take a lot of effort, tears and work. I will create a peaceful garden so I can meet with my higher power on a daily basis. I will build a home and plant nutrition trees that will feed my mind with positive thoughts, positive actions, and healthy hobbies. I will build a library were I can store all my spiritual books and lessons I have learn. I will build my home big so I can fill it with the love of my life and maybe create little blessing that have small fingers and toes I can kiss, Far away and up high from that ocean of addiction. I will also build a movie theater were I can play my movies I create for free. I will build a small little shop on the corner where I can sell my writings. I will dance every night with my love and kids under the stars. That’s my dream, my goal, and my creation. Sober is the new black. I am grateful for everybody that is checking in on Sober is the New Black and for everybody support. Ingrid Michaelson far away is a perfect song for today.
Hello friends, today is day 59 sober, Lately I have had some people not really understand this blog which is ok, I can’t expect everyone to like or understand Sober is the New Black. Everybody is entitled to there opinion, its a beautiful thing. There is a difference between healthy opinion and just cruel. My emotions did get the best of me a few weeks ago but only lasted a few moments and a few tears shed. They are usually from people in recovery. Someone who regularly reads this blog brought me this amazing piece of paper with a speech from Theodore Roosevelt called The Man in The Arena. I have it on my wall so I can remind myself that there is a bigger picture here that people might not see or i might might not even see it but are eyes are not made to see everything the universe creates. My writings are being guided by my higher power and I wont stop and Will not focus on people who are committed to not understanding me, It energy taken away from the people who do.. so here is this Inspirational speech, hope it might help others
The Man in the Arena
It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.
Hello Friends, Today is day 59 sober, a day away from two months. I am on my lunch break. Its beautiful day, the sun is shining and it’s a warm day. Got back to LA late last night, I was visiting my hometown Palm Springs. I had such an amazing time sober, I got to see A lot of my family, ate some great food and had a great time connecting with everyone sober. It gets hard being away from loved ones. I know once gray hair starts to grow, I will move near my family or get a second home if I were to be that lucky. Life is very short. I didn’t blog as much over the weekend because I wanted to be with the family at every moment of the day. I arrived Friday spent sometime time shopping with the family than headed to the club at night to dance away. Red bull, water, and a couple of cigs were on the menu for my night out. I did not have any cravings at all.
My grandma Mary had a 60-surprise bday; it was amazing seeing her expression when she walked through the door. Now that I am sober I can appreciate the moments more and also live in the moments. It was a party for 80 so it was a bit stressful. I did not help out as much as the others, I was to busy messing around with the kids. The food was perfection. On Sunday I slept most of the day, there is nothing more comforting than sleeping in your mothers bed, in a dark room, really cold. Most of Sunday was sleeping than we baked banana bread. The drive back as well as the drive to was filled with great conversation with my aunt.
All in all it was the best trip so far. I can’t wait to visit again. Going back home is great, Being home also brought me a bit of sadness seeing someone very close suffering with addiction, I sometimes question how to help that person. I had to learn on my own but I also had tough love. Seeing that person talk and walk reminds me so much of myself. The constant sorrys that never end. I know that person wants to stop but not knowing how too. I am so early in my recovery, so I feel like my advice can be unworthy for this person. Since this person is such a big part of my heart I only want the best advice for him. I do try and talk to him but it doesn’t connect and he is always trying to prove me wrong. It’s a very touchy subject with my immediate family so I don’t want to push any buttons. I don’t even think that person even reads my blog. I worry quite a bit because I know what the 2 outcomes are if he doesn’t quit. Ill just pray away. I was the split image of him. I know with every cell in my body I will never drink, for me and for the others who are suffering in my family. I have to be strong and show them that it can be something treat able and for my dog Maggie who passed away in the midst of my Addiction. Sober is the new black.
Hello friends its day 58 sober, I just walked in and its 1151 pm. I had an amazing weekend. Tomorrow I’ll be posting my weekend photo album and more of my experience. The hardest part of the trip was saying goodbye to my love ones. Its very late but i wanted to end with
Today is day 57 sober and its a beautiful hot day in Palm springs, I am surrounded by love and family. Its a perfect day. My Aunts and stepmother are in the kitchen cooking away, laughing, crying and telling stories. I am teary eyed with gratefulness enjoying every moment of this. My mind is clear enough to be in this moment in pure joy. I feel this feeling inside me, bliss. Today is my Grandmas 60th surprise BDAY party. There will be around 80 people here and it booze free, which is amazing. I love the desert smell, my warm skin caressed by the sun rays, the sound of family laughter, the essence of home cook meals, the hugs, My brothers voices, the family pets are just some of the things I miss when I am back in LA. The more I am sober the more I am appreciating those wonderful blessings. Life for me is so much better clean and sober. I have to say my family is pretty awesome. I did find myself wishing I had a love to share this moment with me, seeing him in the kitchen building a bond with my family. My stepmother and aunts are very open and love to joke. I know one day ill have that.
Last night some child hood friends and I went to a couple of gay clubs, the first was a club called toucans it was ok, music was not my taste and I wanted to dance so we left. We ended up at hunters and that satisfied my dancing need. No cravings at all, both of my friends were drinking one was over drinking and I found myself seeing my old ways in her. The more I am around people who drink the more it makes me not want to ever. Not that I am judging but I will never want to feel so detached from reality and my soul. I’ve been in a bit of a dry spell when it comes to one aspect of my life, and I am a guy, so I was hoping in finding a make out body. Not really sex or a relationship, just someone to talk to and connect, dance, make out, hold hands; very light stuff. Someone to appreciate and be appreciated but what I realized is everybody was drunk or buzz and was looking for sex. The booze is out of my life and sex wont happen until I find someone who wants to be exclusive my body is such a beautiful gift for my partner to have, I cant give it away to some cheap motel drunk, that I don’t really know with that said I wouldn’t mind making out with one. I am 28 and need to work on myself a bit more before I can try and build a healthy relationship. No one newly sober should add more to their plate and make an open space for hurt when healing. I still wonder if I will end up with someone sober or who drinks. I know I don’t want my issues to become theirs and I cant help who I fall for. I also don’t want a drunk. I used to be one I know how diffcult I used to be. I am open for love; I can’t turn away a good guy. I am attracted to men now in a different way, kindness for me is the biggest turn on, a smile, a person who looks me in the eye, who is an open book, some one who has passion, loves conversation, loves to learn and grow, loves to eat and watch film, who is confident, someone who enjoys a great cry, someone self aware, all those things are sexy.
So I thought I would not have any contact with my birth parents while I am out here but it turns out my father will be arriving shortly to BBQ the food, he still has a relationship with my younger brothers and is friends with my stepmother. I have issues I am currently dealing with but I can push that aside for my grandmas BDAY. From what I hear he is in a better place, so I am proud of him. I talk to my birth mom and she is trying also to be better. She is currently homeless bouncing around from roof to roof. I love her very much and even though she done some really bad stuff to me, I have a deep love for her. I used to send her money and help her as much as I could but I had to stop. I don’t think she is using but who knows. I do weep for her at times, I just wish she would she her greatness, she does have a wonderful soul. I wish she can just get it together, for her but also for my selfish reason, I would love to get to know her. When I was going through my break up with Vince I would call her and she would just talk about herself and never asked me how I was, or after court, she even cussed me out when I decided to start this blog. I needed her when I was a kid and she wasn’t there, I needed her at the worst time of my adult life and she wasn’t there. I learn that I can’t look to her for something she never gave me and probably never will but the want is still strong. I would like that best friend bond but she live in denial and won’t admitted the role she played in my childhood, maybe it’s to painful or maybe she doesn’t know how. I don’t want her to admitted or accept it for me but for her so she can grow. My love for my mom and father will never go away. The difference between my mom and dad is my mom try’s to have a relationship and my father doesn’t. Not sure why they are that way they are, or if they also have parent issues that they never healed. I wish I had the power to glue their broken pieces but all I can do is glue mine.
Someone mention that I should attend an AA meeting, so I might but no triggers and no cravings, also there is a lot of love in these walls who have had addiction that are sober and not dry. Most of my family is in recovery; it’s like an AA convention when the family gets together. That fact that I was in the old gay club with no cravings and dealing with my birth parents with no cravings shows me that I am growing and evolving. I cant go back once I have had a shift in consciousness and I cant become unaware once I am aware, I cant unlearn 1+1=2 now it come down to choice. Sober is the New Black.
I am grateful for everybody who followed me back home, going to head back to the party.
Hellofriends Today is day 56 sober, I woke up feeling really blessed. Today I travel back home to palm springs for the weekend. I always enjoy heading back, seeing family, seeing great friends, and of course eating all the yummy food I miss. Going back Sober means a lot to me, in the past when I went home my mindset wasn’t clear, I had angry built up for my birth parents, I was drunk most of the time, I did not enjoy the moments. I probably wont see my birth parents but I do love them and wish them well. This trip will be filled with lots of love, food, laughter, tons of relatives, and a trip to a local Gay club. I love to dance and I need to start doing more stuff I love to do and less stuff I don’t like doing, life is to short. Maybe I can find a make out buddy but I won’t be holding my breath.
My old night life in palm springs was always chaos before I would head out I knew that something would happen that will either lead to a drunken argument, fight, losing my ride home, arrest, getting kicked out of the club or bar, tying to score, tons of vomit and some crazy fling that was pretty horrible, I really had no respect for my body at all. I started going to a popular club around 15 yrs. old since then I’ve been kicked out tons of time. I still can’t believe I made it out of Palm Springs alive and that I am in the space that I am in right now. Dancing is fun but I also want to sit a coffee shop and write, when I lived in the desert my mindset was in a different place so to do what I love back home would be a nice change. I never would write back home, I know my creative inspiration would blossom.
I enjoy somewhat of a routine in my life and when I don’t have it I get a bit sad, I feel like it stems from having such an unstable childhood and no really security, I so need that now but I need to change that it’s not healthy I am no longer in that environment. I need to focus on the moments and say my grateful prayer each morning. It’s usually in the shower, cleanse from the day before. A refreshing new start. I give up every negative thought that bother me the day before, I ask my high power turn me upside down shake out all the negative thoughts, anger, hurt, pain, past, ego, fear, people criticism and put in happy thoughts, courage, compassion, love, joy, laughter, accepting of others,creativity, awareness and stillness. I used to look outward for those things but those are all created from within, I am the co-creator with the ultimate creator. Sober is the New Black
I am grateful for life, being sober, for family and for my aunt Angie for picking me up!
The killers are one of my favorite band of all time. The killers carry me home is the perfect road trip
Hello friends today is day 55 sober, 5 more days away from 2 months. I am so grateful Ive made it this far. There are some key differences this time around getting sober. When I stop drinking in the past I wanted to just stop drinking that’s it, I believe I had the power to live the same life, hangout out in the same places, just stop the drinking not work on the cause. I Did not fully accept I was an addict. I thought I could eventuallyportion control my booze. I did not understand that everything negative in my life was caused by my drinking. I was Ashamed and Embarrassed to speak up about my Addiction and wanted know one to know. I did not understand That Alcohol-ISM (Inside Self & Mind) is a disorder that acts out when you are not treating it with Alcohol. The disorder will convince you to lie, cheat, steal to get booze. I was unaware that the voice in my head wasn’t me it was the ISM. It sounded like me, knew what story to tell me to get me to a bar. I also didn’t know how to surrender to my Higher Power, as I understood it to be. I did not realize that the my addiction stems from my childhood, booze helped me cope with life. I was an addict before i took my first drink.
I am so grateful my eyes are clear and Not only do I understand those things mention, I truly feel it in my bones and every cell of my body. Now the smell and sight of Alcohol makes me nauseous. Gives me a bitter taste of vomit and there is know longer an emotional attachment. I know ill never drink or crave booze but since I am not treating the ISM disorder(Inside self & Mind) it can resurface in my life in other ways, so I have to watch my mind, my feelings, and my thoughts. Everything about my life has to change, if I used to walk on the right side of the street I now walk on the left side.
This weekend I’ll be heading back home to Palm Springs, CA. I am very excited to see my family and friends. It feels good going back to my roots sober and clear minded. Other healing trip for me! I love walking down the same streets in a new character, A new me, A better me. A stronger me.
I am grateful for life, for my clear mind, my family, and for Sober is the New Black
Good morning friends, today is day 54 sober! It’s almost two months and I am so proud of myself for getting this far. The journey has been very clean, no cravings. I’ve been going deep trying to find issues that I have from childhood and connect the dots when it comes to my adult thinking. I’ve also been praying and surrendering, which has been amazing. When I surrender, even when it’s a non-Alcohol issue, the universe seems to work everything out. For example I recently moved into a new apartment and before the move I was a bit worried about taking on all the responsibility that comes with having your own place. I have never lived on my own and one of the worrisome was financial Responsibility, can I do it. So I prayed and surrender it to my higher power, as I understand it to be. A few hours later I called the rental office to see how much my move in cost will be and they informed me that my rent is half off for a year due to a maintenance issue. My eyes are not meant to see the universe path, just to believe and surrender, Let the universe play its role. Like Oprah says I can dream this big of a dream but the universe can dream, dreams bigger than you can imagine. Surrender, gratitude, and doing the right thing are the kind of space I always want to live in.
Doing the right thing isn’t always easy when you are caught up in your day or ego or issues, its that moment when you see a lost person asking for direction and you have a smart phone you can easily put in the address and direct them. The moment you realize their struggle the inner voice tells me maybe I should help her, that’s the inner divine speaking to me, the inner spirit, that has always been inside. Than my ego says nope I wont because I will miss stop or I am on Facebook. The “I” is the ego. Always thinking about it self and never grateful. Doing the right thing, not for profit or for ego will be so fulfilling within. Matching my words with my actions are really soul rewarding. I used to stay up watching YouTube videos seeing people give homeless people money. It felt good, it gave me tears of Joy and I heard my inner self say I would love to do that, Than the ego says “I” am not rich, theirs the “I” again. It’s not really the giving of the money that makes me cry it’s the compassion and empty without judgment that makes me cry. Empathy and compassion is the universal language we all understand and it connects are inner souls. It overlooks race, sex, religion, and politics, what country you are from, beliefs. I am grateful for life, a clear mind, and for Sober is the New Black
I’ve been obsessed with Maya Angelou for a while this video helps me understand what do the Right thing means. Hope you enjoy this video
Sober Is The New Black 