Category Archives: Sober Hangover

Writings from the night before

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August 16, 2014

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Day 85 Sober: To loved ones I hurt, Sober Hangover

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Day 85 Sober: To loved ones I hurt

Day 85 sober, Hello friends today is such a wonderful day. I’ve been writing away. Just took a break. So I can post this. Life will happen and sometimes I might disagree or not understand it but it’s not my job to understand everything at the time it happens. I just have to surrender them to my higher power. Some lessons are so quite and so transparent the human eyes and ears can’t detect it. Life will hurt but I love myself and I am alive. I sometimes wish with all my might, I can take back the things I’ve done, sometimes i feel like those are still here to haunt me.

 I need to stay focus. I will never drink I know that but I might still weep from those things I’ve done. It’s getting easier but hearing the trauma I caused my loved ones, I can’t help but feel a bit blue. I am no longer those things, I am someone new, with a new mind. I have to let people heal on their terms because their feelings are valid. I can’t make someone heal. I just want people to know me now, the real me. The one who always wants to laugh, dance, sing karaoke, have game nights, value connection, and wants to love. I am no longer that emotional mess that is self absorb with drunken blackout.

 I wish I can wipe away my loved ones worries with a snap but I cant. I just have to show them the change me, let them get to know the new me. What I am realizing is recovery isn’t just for the addict it might be for the whole family. With that said if there is anyone out there who is reading this that I hurt in anyway due to my old drunken ways, I am tremendously sorry, there are not enough words nor poems I can write to take away that memory or pain your heart felt. I am no longer that abused child who was beaten black and blue that was scared of  life, that molested little 3 year old who drank because he suffered; I am a courage’s soul who stands tall,  deeply in love with himself, who wants to be the best he can with every moment of life. Who wants to spend the time building healthy relationships. I now live in place of  understanding and gratitude. I now use my past for  fuel instead of the excuse. I hope one day we can make a million great memories for each bad one.

Sober is the New Black. I am grateful I am feeling life even if it hurts a bit, I am grateful for love, for second chances even if doesn’t work out, for dreams that keep me focus, and for sobriety

 

In Jason Mraz words I wont give up, even if it doesn’t work out 

 

 

 

Stay connect with love, Adolfo

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August 15, 2014

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DAY 84 Sober: Endless Possibility, Sober Hangover

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DAY 84 Sober: Endless Possibility

Hello Friends, its end of day 84 sober. Had such a wonderful night, still blushing. Life has been such a wonderful gift to myself once I got sober. Life has open up in ways I never knew possible and with that I have Endless gratitude. I now know what joy means and feels like. Day 84 sober and in total bliss, very possible no matter how low of bottom you are currently in. Sobriety is freedom, freedom to be you. That person that’s always been deep inside waiting to break free, that inner divine thats going shine out from darkness into a world of endless possibility.  I am who I always wanted to be, I was blinded with pain, past, guilt and booze but I surrender all that to my higher power that I understand it to be. Ask it to guide my feet so I can become the real me. I am not my past nor the things I’ve done, I am who I choose to be in this moment right now here, I will quilt this moments together that will eventually become the future. All of this takes work but shortly after doing the work its no longer work it’s more of wanting to finding me, more like evolving, growth.

 

Today I spent the day writing some poems, talk to the publisher and it’s grind time, I need to create some more poems. Also in vision how I want the book to look, Day one I would have never thought I would be this close to publishing a book, its kind of surreal but staying humble and grateful. It just shows the power of sobriety, everything is coming together like a dream. I also spent my afternoon and evening with my friend Lenny. We laugh the whole time like a bunch of kids, baked a cake, and watch a bunch of nonsense TV. I will be up late writing and drinking coffee. Tomorrow I work so I might be a bit tired but I feel inspire at the moment and I don’t want to put this fire out. Sobriety for me is freedom, and with freedom I am now able to be me. Sober is the New Black. I am grateful for life. For Discipline, for friends, for cakes, and for you.

 

Ellie Goulding Cover of your song is so perfect for tonight.

 

 

Stay connect with love, Adolfo

 

 

 

 

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August 14, 2014

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DAY 83 Sober: New friends and Old friends, Poems, Writes, Quotes, Sober Hangover

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DAY 83 Sober: New friends and Old friends

Hello friends, today is day 83 sober. It’s been a great day, I have my only day off tomorrow, so I need to try and cram everything in. Today I’ll be writing away but first dinner with a friend. Burgers in Larchmont it is, I love Larchmont its like a hidden gem. I haven’t seen this person in awhile so I am excited to catch up. Next week I start my seasonal job, so I am excited to be making some serious money again. A lot of free time will be gone because I’ll continue to work at the nonprofit. Two jobs will be temporary. When I look back on my old spending habits, most of my savings went to booze. My bills were always paid over booze but whatever was left over was spent on partying. I once took a trip to Palm Springs and spent around one thousand dollars on a week long party, I was wasted the whole time. My account now days look a lot nicer. I am learning how to save.

 

 Yesterday at work, I notice a lady who was a bit sad. She is a regular I talk to, time to time. I am very sensitive and notices people energy right away. I now live In a state of wanting to listen and help so I went over and asked if she was ok, she just utter a few words, she said a “man Is breaking my heart.” I too recently went through a break up and saw here pain so it hit me and I started to cry with her. I didn’t expect that. I gave her a huge and told her to get up. I told her she is amazing, it will pass and to never close the heart because if you do that other person wins. I went home and couldn’t sop thinking of her, so I wrote her two poems. I gave them to her today, she was so grateful and we hugged again, we are going to get coffee soon. It does not take a lot out of me to listen and try to understand someone who might live differently than me but we all can relate to hurt. I hope I can help others. That’s my mission is to inspire others that might not be inspired.

 

In the middle of the night I get some amazing ideas for poems so now I sleep next to a note pad and pen so I can write them down, I am afraid ill lose them in my sleep. My goal is to write at least one poem a day, anywhere from love to addiction. I need to collect the ones I have already written down and get them printed, so I can show the publisher. I have poems written everywhere from napkins to scraps of paper, IPhone and my work computer. I am in a constant state of inspiration. The two poems below I created today, one is about not got giving up and one is very short but it’s about doing what is necessary to heal. Sober is the new black. I am grateful for work, love, and new friends, old friends and for my passion for sobriety .

 

Stay connect with love,  Adolfo

 

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August 13, 2014

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DAY 82 Sober: In love with Me, Poems, Writes, Quotes, Sober Hangover

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DAY 82 Sober: In love with Me

Hello Friends today is day 82 sober, I had such a wonderful productive day. My next day off is this Friday, no plans really except going to a publishing office. Life is pretty amazing. I’ve been working on creating love with in myself for me. In the beginning it was a bit difficult and it took a lot of work. For me it started with watching the way my mind works. My mind would tell me sad, story’s that made me feel bad. For example all I am is an addict, I have nothing, I am fat etc. So I had to change those thoughts to yes I am an addict but I am also other amazing thing, yes I might be chunky but I am still amazing and I can work on that. Than I starting adding positive thoughts telling me how awesome I am. I do it most of the day, usually in the morning or in bed. Then I started noticing my feelings starting to match my thoughts and words. Now when I do it I add the feeling and now it even bleeds into my actions. Not only do I feel deep love inside me for me but also I feel in on my skin like a warm blanket or a nice fire. It protects me from others. I will no longer be that abused child or self-abusive. I won’t walk away; I will stand tall and push my way through. No one has the power to make me feel anything other than what I feel for myself.

 

This can only happen if I keep this sober mind, I found such deep love for myself, greater than any other human. I respect myself so much and since I created it, know one can take it away, yes I get moments of sadness cause by life but the time I suffer is less and its easier to get that smile back.  Now that i found purpose, deep love for myself and is focus. I would love to share this new me and life with someone. I love my little belly that seems to never disappear, I love my curly hair that seems to be out of control at times, I am in love with my laugh, and my gap front teeth. I love every distinct thing that makes me, me. I am so inspired by me I wrote a poem today. Sobriety has brought me a deep love others and me. I love even strangers. Looking in people eyes and listening without my ego, has change the way I connect with others. Listen, understanding and validate that they are heard. At work, when I am talking to people now I get constant handshakes and smiles. Everybody matters because they are born; it’s not an accident why we are here. That sperm hit that egg for a reason, everybody has a purpose, and lets find it. I am starting to find mine. Sober is the New Black. I am grateful for me, sobriety, for a new/old friend that just resurfaces, for my naps and for life.

 

Stay connect with love, Adolfo

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Jessica Andrews Who i am is such a powerful song, Finding who I am everyday

 

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August 12, 2014

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DAY 81 Sober: A Poem a day, Poems, Writes, Quotes, Sober Hangover

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DAY 81 Sober: A Poem a day

Hello friends today is day 81 sober, Today been such an amazing. I’ve been in bed most of the day. I was beyond tired after work. I wrote a few poems today. I am finding a new love that is poetry. It helps me get these feeling out. I was in the middle of my series of poems when I was inspired to start a new series, both will be finish soon. Then off to be Publish, Its crazy to know I am living a dream, a dream not in my head; it’s more of a feeling that I feel come over my skin. It’s hard to explain. Like an out of body experience with heighten senses.

But a dream only made possible from staying sober, man if I knew how it felt I would have done it years ago saved so many heartbreaks. My 90 days are coming up, no plans yet, maybe a steak dinner. People talk about being humble, which I am trying to always be but I want to celebrate every moment that I am sober. I deprive myself for so long from life and I am now in the moment, dancing, laughing, writing, and loving. I feel like my life will be a constant celebration even if my surrounding are not matching, life going to happen whether I like it or not, I just need to be so in love with life the ride will be fun and It will be easier to pass through hard times. I want sobriety over, fun, money, fame, love, over everything. I am learning how to fall in love with the essence of sobriety; it’s been pretty easy. I have not craved a single drop of booze in almost 3 months, which is unheard of with the old Adolfo. I don’t put myself around people, places or things that might trigger that but even if that trigger appears the buzz of this dream is so much greater than that whiskey thief that robs me of everything. Including life. Sober is the New Black. Five things I am grateful for is for love, sobriety, the readers from all over the world, poems, and for people in recovery who are walking beside me, reaching out a hand if ever darkness appears.

 

Stay connect with love, Adolfo

Poem 4

Poem 4

Lykke li Dance, dance, dance is so amazing. Words can never make up for what you do, so now I dance, dance, dance

 

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August 11, 2014

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DAY 80 Sober: RIP Robin Williams, Poems, Writes, Quotes, Sober Hangover

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DAY 80 Sober: RIP Robin Williams

Hello friends today is day 8o sober, its been a productive day. Just woke up from a nap and heard about Robin Williams. I felt a sadness come over me. Not sure yet what happen but I know he struggled with Addiction.  Every time I hear about a person who has been sober for so long, passing away. It reminds me that this disorder never goes away and I need to be focus always and continue to work on myself. Just scary to know I have that in me. Today I feel a bit sad, but focus. I watch his films growing up and loved his laugh. His smile was adorable. This will be a short post, going to make a batch of coffee and continue to write and be inspired with life. Sober is the New Black. I am Grateful for being sober, for Robin Williams films and for life.

 

I wrote a poem today on the bus ride home. Its about my past mistakes and my current state. 

Poem 3

Poem 3

 

 

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August 10, 2014

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DAY 79 Sober: Lesson Learned and Wheels Keep Turning, Sober Hangover

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DAY 79 Sober: Lesson Learned and Wheels Keep Turning

Hello friends, today is day 79 sober. It’s been such wonderful day so far. Last night I was up till four in the morning finishing up my poems. Almost done than they will be off to an editor to look it over, I think they are perfect but its good to get an opinion. I feel like there might be more then twelve but we will see. I spent the day shopping away at a flea market and thrift stores. I love finding eclectic pieces. I found some cool glasses. I going to spend the rest of the day writing the final installment of my mini bio and try to finish up the series I’ve been working on. No cravings at all since, I got sober. I am about to hit 3 months and that’s around the time of my last relapse. I was in a sober living, I started boozing it up there than shortly after checking out.

 

 

My mind was so different back than and my life was chaotic. Getting sober at the time, going through a break up and not having a stable place live. At the time I didn’t realize it was all my doing. I am glad I can go back and reflect on some of the things, so I can do differently. I did at the time get some vital information that planted seeds in my mind. I use to think my Addiction was in the booze so I just stop drinking. I was unaware that Addiction is a disorder that centers in the mind and self. So that was the biggest Aha moment, But at the time I did not want to accept the fact that I wasn’t in control. My relapse hit hard and fast, I am so lucky to be alive. It consisted of court, keying a car and a MRI. Lesson learned and the wheels keep turning. One of the biggest gift I found in sobriety is forgiving others and forgiving myself. It took a lot of work but I can honestly say I sit here with no guilt from those things. It was a beautiful disaster; Because of that bottom I am here not only alive but also living! Living my life to fullest in the moment. I cant wait to see what life has in store for me next, whatever happens I will be grateful, appreciate it, put lots of love into it, have my thoughts, words, and actions match, as I am doing now, Keep evolving and growing, non stop writing, going deep in my self so I can continue to heal and hangout with my inner divine or higher power. I have so many dreams now, love is one but also to be a writer, make a film, act more, become a journalist. Make a home with my love and have some Golden Retrievers. Watch them all play in the front yard while I drink my coffee. I want to write constant love letters to my love. Get married and be inspired everyday from those lovely eyes staring back at me. Hell, maybe ill even write a book all about my love. I get inspired by everything now days, from zombies to shoes. I cant have any of that unless I stay sober. Life is pretty amazing, Sober is the New Black. I am grateful for these awesome glasses in the pic I found, for my readers and I am grateful for everything.

 

Stay connect with love, Adolfo

 

 

Ingrid Michaelson The Way I am is perfection. Hope you like

 

Day 79 sober cool shades

Day 79 sober cool shades

 

 

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August 9, 2014

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DAY 78 Sober: Sobriety is A Flowing River, Sober Hangover

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DAY 78 Sober: Sobriety is A Flowing River

Hello, Friends Today is day 78 Sober. It’s been a great day. Just woke up from a midday nap, going to head to a coffee shop for a late night writing session. My mind is focus and nothing going to stop me from my goal. I have six poems birth and one more is on its way. I purchase a coffee maker and I am not sure if it’s just new or I am a bad coffee maker but it was the worst tasting batch ever. Tomorrow is my day off,  so ill be heading to a local flea market. The flea market is one of my favorite things to do on a Sunday morning I also plan on writing the final installment in my mini bio. That post should be done very soon. Life is flowing and everything seems to be falling into place so perfectly, I am so grateful for my sobriety. Yesterday I spent sometime with an amazing woman and amazing kids. We went shopping at target. From day one she’s been supportive on my way into sobriety. I am grateful for her wisdom, support and non-judgment. At my bottom, she saw in me what I see in myself today.

 

 Sobriety is a flowing  river nurturing surroundings, filled with life, continuing to push through waterfalls and finding its way over barriers. Alcohol is like a pond, Stagnant, lifeless and if you drink its toxic water you become ill, may even die, never flowing or evolving or growing, just staying still. I am the River. In sobriety the growing, the work is the fun part because I am getting to find love for life and myself. I am connecting the dots from childhood to adulthood. I am forgiving, creating love for others and me. I am very passionate for life and creating my own path. It is really awesome getting to know me. I use to live in bars but now I dance to the flow of life. The real Adolfo, I am still the same food loving, clueless at times, funny person just more peaceful, calmer with sense of self and purpose, with out that deep sadness. My face no longer hangs low but fly’s high with life. Greatness is upon me, I feel it inside, nothing and no one can take away the deep love I feel for myself. No circumstance, no hurt, no one. Yeah, life will happen and I will get sad a bit but I choose how long I want to suffer and with the deep love I have for myself it gets easier to get back up and refocus. Sober is the New Black. I am grateful for family, friends and for love.

 

Stay connect with love, Adolfo

 

I rather be working for a paycheck than waiting to win the lottery, Glad I didn’t die before i met you. Bright eyes First day of my life is such a powerful song. love, love.