Hello friends today is day 37 sober and it has been an incredible weekend. My best friend, stepmother has left back home it was nice talking to her and spending a couple days laughing, eating and talking. My bother nick also came down he just graduated high school and is on his way to finding himself, he is very old fashion and has a great heart. They both have been very supportive in me getting sober. I have four other brothers 3 out of 5 brothers struggle with substance abuse I am one of them. So today as I was in the shower I was thinking about how prevalent addiction is in my family. Grandfather (addict) father (addict) myself and two brothers (addicts). That’s just part of the family tree. It’s something I have to keep in mind this family pattern/addiction needs to end with me so my kids and their kids wont have this horrible mental disorder in their life. I need to evolve, create a new life, and start new traditions so they wont suffer like I did. Change not just for me but also for the future Vasquez boys.
This is the first time I am all alone living life. I’ve always lived with family or a boyfriend. Its freeing and also its giving me the necessary time to find myself… Everyday I am sober things are becoming clearer especially my 3 year relationship. Nothing Vince did really bother me his Grouchiness, the way he liked things to be; he liked things to be setup his way. He never really wanted to do stuff I enjoyed doing like bowl, concerts, goodwill etc. He wasn’t open to letting the Relationship flow. He also never wanted to join me back home in Palm Springs. He did not want to meet any of my friends or meet any of my new family members. At times he was closed off, pushed me away, cold, not interested. In the beginning of the relationship he would always tell me he was unsure if we should be together (There’s a point to all this, not trying to bash Vince at all) He would also ignore me a few days each month and Then after the 3 days he would say sorry but it would happen again a month later, He would tell me it was an issue within himself which is fair we all have issues. I would call it his monthly period. With all that I did not care. I focus on the amazing stuff. When you are in relationship you have to let the other person evolve and change into the person they will become and let them learn from Lessons of life on their own (I HATE THE WORD MISTAKES BECAUSE THERE IS NO SUCH THING). My love was pure and strong because I saw past that dislikes and saw the likes. I saw his heart, his smile, loved his laugh.
It’s clear to me now that he would have left me sober or drunk. He just was not happy with are relationship. Maybe he was also unhappy with himself. His idea of what he wanted in a partner wasn’t me. We both wanted different things and enjoyed different things in life. My Addiction just made it easier so we can part. No one else lived in the apartment expect Vince and I. The main difference is I would have met him halfway but he wasn’t ever willing to but that’s ok or maybe he did with certain things this is just me writing how I feel at the moment. I hope he finds a better fit and I hope I find a better fit. We are only on earth for a short period of time. No matter what, Vince has been a huge part of my life and he might not be in my life physically but he will always be in my heart like an imprint and the lessons he thought me will guided me into a new sober life. Sober is the New Black. True love will find us in the End we just have to be open to it and not let the past confuse us! Leaving you guys with a song that was playing in the Koreatown coffee shop. Its kind of perfect for this post! Beck true love will find you in the end
Stay connect with love, Adolfo