DAY 208 Sober: Sobriety my Foundation

Hello friends, today is day 208 sober. Getting my ducks in a row. Heading back home tomorrow, so excited to see my loved ones and to write in my hometown. My hometown haves tons of memories that made me who I am today. Huge amount of growth since I’ve left palm springs ca. I’ll be back in los Angeles the beginning of next year, my goal is to return with Amends I had made from the ones I’ve hurt and some peace from the ones that hurt me.

 

As the days go on and I am sober my mind is getting quiet and that allows me to find myself. Some stuff is great that I am finding like deep love for myself, very content with my life. I am also finding stuff that needs to be worked on. I’m a very sensitive person and at times I feel life my heart lives on my skin. That’s not a bad thing, I have tons of compassion for others but I do need to work on not letting people opinion on my recovery program effect me. I am sober and not craving but also healing so it’s working. My way might not work for others and my healing shouldn’t prevent someone else from healing him or herself. I am a human and will be hurt, feel pain, be heartbroken, but I am learning how to cope through those things, embracing life at its fullest. Crying is part of healing and also knowing when to surrender the pain to that higher power. Everybody has a different definition of higher power and that’s a beautiful thing.

The reason behind me counting my days is for someone who is day 30 sober or day 68 sober and having a hard time, they can Google their days and my blog will appear. Maybe thy can relate to what I was going through that day and just maybe it could help in some ways. Today I feel so happy being sober; something I never knew was possible. I had to learn that sobriety would not solve all my worries or make my life perfect. Sobriety helps clear my mind so I can work towards a life that will bring peace and happiness. Sobriety is my foundation in life, I have to build the rest but I can’t build a healthy life without my sobriety foundation. Sober is the new black

 

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Amanda palmer is someone who I love so much; Her song in my mind resonates with me. I am exactly the person I need to be in this moment of being.

 

 

Stay connect with love, Adolfo Vasquez

 

My new glasses

Adolfo Vasquez

Adolfo Vasquez

 

Day 204 Sober: A Child from Addicts

Hello Friends, today is day 204 sober, its been a great day, 5 days away from returning to my hometown palm springs, ca. So excited it’s hard to containing myself. Looking up some great meetings that I can attend. My goal is to go back and make some amends and forgive everybody and anything so I can move forward with no past preventing my healing. Feels great going back with a clear mind and more evolved than I was last trip back home.

 

I will be seeing my parents, I used to think I needed them to tell me sorry but the reality is that their actions were a result of an addict. Now that I am in recovery I understand that wasn’t who they are and their sorry can’t change the past or give me peace. The only thing that can give me peace is letting go and seeing them in the moment of today. Not sure if they are still using or have a program that helps them heal. Hopefully, with a huge from me and letting them know that I don’t have any ill feelings towards them than they can let go of the guilt that might be preventing them from fully healing. I don’t know what happen to my parents, but something did that made them feel that substances were a way to cope.

If they are not open to a hug or having me in their lives then that’s ok because I feel content knowing I did my part. I am still whole with or without my parents. Addiction is a hard thing to overcome, but it is possible no matter how long the substance has been blinding a person. My love for them will never leave nor keep me from seeing them in the light of love. When I was a kid I would defend my parents from the police officers or teachers.  They would pull me into the office because I would have black eyes, knots on my head.  I knew if they found out I would also lose my brother who was around the same age as me. He was the only rock I had in my life at the time. He too suffers from an addiction, but that is his to overcome.

 

I hope I can inspire my family to see possibilities in them, a family of addicts, yes but we are really awesome people too. Some of us in recovery some of us not but one day I dream a dream that we can all be sober, strong, soften, humbled by our egos sitting with only love during the holidays. If not my life is bigger than any circumstances, one day I’ll have a family of my own and start those family traditions I lack growing up.

 

So if there are any kids currently living with parents who are addicts, I know it’s difficult and confusing right now but I promise your life will go on.  Your parent’s addiction doesn’t define your capability in life. Use your parent’s actions as a learning lesson, hold on to those dreams, find an art and create. Don’t give up or think that you any less, you’re a warrior with unimaginable strength. It’s ok to cry and get angry but always know your parents do love you. They are just unwell and keep your head up above what others say about your family. I know you feel like you are just trying survive day to day but once you get older, you can put down those barriers and open up to a life you deserve. You might have to work harder than others, but it will be very rewarding. People love you, I do, I hear you, I care, I validate you and I promise life gets better! Sober is the new black.

 

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Demi Lovato suffered from addiction and this song Skyscraper is about her addiction. It’s a brilliant song for kids whom might be dealing with parents who are addicts, rise up from the circumstance and fight for a life you deserve.

 

 

stay connected with love, Adolfo Vasquez

 

Day 203 Sober: Alone in Recovery

Hello friends, today is 203 days sober, spending the day getting ready for my trip back home. So happy to see the desert stars and smells that desert air. Going back with a clear mind and focusing on healing childhood wounds is necessary for my sobriety. I grew up in a very dark childhood that consisted of all child abuse. Homeless quite a bit, so I know my childhood has everything to do with the way I saw my self-worth and how I saw people and how I reacted to life situations. I still don’t have a clear vision on why I started substance abuse with drugs and booze but in time I feel it will render.

I am feeling very content with being alone, its helps so I can focus on the areas I need the most work on. Being alone and loneliness was hard to separate in recovery because I felt like a part of me was missing but I came to realize that I am not lacking anything everything I need is already in me I just to create inside myself and the universe will bring to life. I am detaching from negative thoughts, opinions, all needs that I think I need. So I can sit still and not be blinded from my Ego. I want my Ego to become small and I need to always be aware so I can connect to others without pushing my old beliefs onto them. In recovery, I sometimes see people being unsupportive in others recovery process or kind of mean to others who are relapsing and I don’t ever want to be a dry drunk. I want to always have compassion for others because I was once them who kept relapsing on the same hand in recovery I never seen so much compassion and reaching out, The first week this blog went live, I was getting some people not so happy about me being vocal about my addiction and recovery process, even from my own family but a sober warrior told me to keep going and let my higher power guided my heart and so without her wisdom I probably would have stop. I don’t ever want to not speak out about my addiction because I want others who might still be using to know just cause you suffer from a mental disorder you are still capable of living out your dreams and living a happy life, you addiction doesn’t define you just like diabetes doesn’t define a diabetic. We just have to learn to separate oneself from the mind voice.

 

I am grateful for life, for my readers, for the love I am creating for myself that helps me love others unconditionally. I am grateful for my recovery that pushes me to becoming a better me. Sober is the new black.

 

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India Arie “video” is such a powerful song, sometimes in life I have to be reminded and be put back on track with loving me whole and if I am feeling a bit blue I play this on repeat until there is no question on how much I love me.

 

 

Stay connect with love, Adolfo Vasquez

200 Days of Sober

Hello Friends, today 200 days sober! I’ve been sick but mustard up some strength to write. This has been the longest I’ve been sober in so long, I relapsed a bunch of times but it’s never too late to start over. So many lessons in my relapses I take with me into this newly sober life. I feel peace that was once unheard of in my sobriety time. The longer that I am sober, my days pass without me even really thinking about being sober. Life seems to be flowing and I am just riding along. In some ways I am finding new parts of me that I never knew existed, life seems very normal. It feels great knowing the new normal eventually turns into a normal. I have been around booze and it doesn’t change the way I feel or makes me question my sober shine.

I’ve notice when meeting people for the first time and they ask me what I do, I don’t mind telling them about my blog or the book that is currently being written. Sobriety works for me and I don’t expect others to fill the same. It seems people are very nice others I can feel a bit of  hesitation. The word addict can scare a person, but it’s understandable, the symptoms of the mental disorder can cause harm to myself and to others if I’m using. Some people are unaware because they don’t know addicts or do know addicts and have been wounded by them and think I choose to be an addict. I used to care what others thought, in the beginning of sobriety I question if I should let a person know about sober is the new black? Or wait until they actually got to know me but the reality is, sobriety is number one the rest follows and I can’t be with someone or have friends that don’t understand that. I need people to see past my disorder and see my heart. A person who is unaware of the mental disorder might also think a person in recovery is not fun to hang out with or is a downer. Just to clarify it is quite the opposite. In my case I am laughing all the time, wanting to dance, a better friend and outgoing, very open to trying new things. When I was using I was secluded, non-social, not wanting to do anything, in dive bars, passing out early and getting drunk early, emotional, angry, would get offend by everybody and everything. I was no fun to be around.

 

Now that I am sober, know one can make me feel any less than what I feel for myself. I am very content with the friends I have in my life at the moment, I am now building on those relationship, instead of looking for validation in others who I just met or lost due to my addiction. Next week I’ll be in Palm Springs CA for a few weeks, so  pools, dancing, and great writing sessions is what’s in store for me. Catching up with my family and loved ones. Going to see my mom and dad for some healing moments. My parents also suffered from addiction and so my childhood wasn’t the best and it molded my mind and eyes and affected the way I saw the world and myself in a negative way. I was an addict before I took my first substance, I had addiction tendencies and very self-abusive. I just need to get better before I head home, this fever and sore throat isn’t fun! I’ve been taking vitamins and getting as much sleep as I can. I have not written a poem in a while but feel content because I need to be 100 percent so I can create poetry.

DAY 91 SOBER POEM

 

Sober is the New Black

 

A lot of Sia music seems to be about addiction not sure if she struggled with it herself, but it helps me in times of need. Burn the pages off Sia new album is such a powerful song and I hope it inspires others to take out all the negative thoughts, feelings and past put them in a book and burn it and rise from the ashes, Rebirth.

Stay connect with love, Adolfo Vasquez

 

DAY 196 Sober: Oprah

Hello Friends, today is day 196 sober. Had a great week did not write as much, but I had to take a little break for a minute, some soul searching and letting go. My last post was from a hurt sober me, today I sit here, not hurt and still sober. It’s a beautiful thing to deal with pain sober I heal faster and stronger and everything is a lot clearer with my best interest. Tonight I will be attending an art show in downtown LA; a friend has some her work on display. Got some new shoes and pants, of course, black. The last few days I’ve been letting go of wanting the outcome with my ex to be different. Did some soul research and came to conclusion my life is Greater than one break up and my life will go on and thrive. I am not lacking without him because I have all in need within myself. He was a lesson I needed to learn so I can become a better me. I feel so much peace, and find myself laughing more, finding peace in staying home. Very grateful my higher power guided me back to a peaceful place with a great lesson learned. Once you let go the universe will render, on that note I will stay single until my year sober. Me time but that doesn’t mean I can’t enjoy others company, meet a cool guy but nothing serious, a movie buddy.

 

Very quite and simple Sunday will consist of me reading all day at my favorite coffee shop and a meeting.

 

Oprah is someone I look to so I can find tools to help me reach my full potential. There are some videos; one is definition of forgiveness that I have to re-watch at time’s and the second is about mistake’s both so powerful, and I hope it helps some out there who might be struggling with mistakes they have made and forgiving oneself. We all have infinite possibility despite are mental disorder addiction; Addicts that are in recovery are the strongest people I’ve ever known. Sober is the New Black

 

 

 

 

 

Stay connect with love, Adolfo Vasquez

 

 

 

 

DAY 191 Sober: Sober Learner

Hello friends, today is day 191 sober,  I had a wonderful 7 days off of work for thanksgiving. I am a bit over six months sober and only have had one craving. Every decision I am making in my life is toward long-term goals and my own doing. I don’t have to wake up the next day with guilt or worrisome of the wrongs I’ve caused. No more lush trends. My body feels great, no more really dry skin and my shape looks a lot better

The beginning of sobriety, detoxing the body happens, but I didn’t know detoxing the mind would also happen. My emotions would always go up and down, sad and happy, joyful and angry. I question everything and everybody. I found out quickly, who were my friends. So it seemed my life was upside down. It seemed like a roller coaster. I knew I wanted change and never wanted to taste another IPA beer, but the addiction came out in full force once I stop giving my addiction what it need, the booze. So I had to reach out and find out how to heal my broken mind. They say you can’t fix a broken mind with a broken mind, that is true 100, but I do believe you can heal a broken mind so you can be aware of the addiction voice. Now that the fog has cleared and I am not using, I am left with issues and root causes. It’s a huge step to be aware of being an addict because you can never become unaware once you are aware. The addiction can try and convince otherwise, but it will get quite and far in between. I just need to do my program and not drink

the beginning of sobriety  I was unaware of all the love in support sobriety brings, from people in recovery. I stumbled upon a website called “match me sober” and it connects people in sobriety, there are so many social media outlets that cater to us.

I call my Teachers, sober warriors who have the answers I need so I can understand the mind of the addiction. I’ve been in and out of AA rooms in California, my first was in my hometown and I did not connect with the speaker because he was talking about all the wrongs he has done. I was 21 never been in prison or did any of the things that he spoke of, so my defected mind, thought, I must not be an addict and left using. It was until years later, I found a place called primetime in Los Angeles heard what I needed, They focus on the mind of the addict and I left knowing I was an addict. I still never been in prison or did those things my Hometown speaker spoke about but I connected with the speaker of primetime, because they focus on the ego, mind and body of the addict and how it affects them in their day to day

 

I do not consider myself a sober warrior yet, there is still a way to go, but I am a sober learner. Love to learn more about addiction and one day able to help others, as of now I am a sponge soaking up all I can so I can be a better me. I need a solid foundation so I can build this house called life. There are other non-addicts that inspire my spiritual growth. My life long goal is to be the best I can be through my actions and thoughts. The universe render endless possibility, it might not always be as I planned, but there are reasons things happen. My little brown eyes are not made to understand at the time, but the lessons will surface I just have to be open enough to see it. Sober is the new black.

 

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This song from Macklemore-Otherside ft fences changed my life. Hope it helps someone who might be struggling

 

Stay connect with love, Adolfo Vasquez