DAY 129 Sober: Letting go of a dream

Hello Friends today is day 129 sober, Yesterday was a hard day for me but I did not crave booze but I did want to stop writing and felt bitter, sad, angry and wanted to stop everything in the works. Right now, I rather be laying in bed under the covers shutting out the world so I can scream and weep but I know I need to write because this blogs is showing the ups and down of sobriety and this is a down moment. This moment isn’t really an addiction moment it’s a human moment.

 

 Life will not always go according to my plan because the universe has its plan. I just have to keep staying sober and feel this pain in my heart until it heals. Its hard separating the stuff I’ve done from the person I am today because I lost a lot of trust in people. I am not my wrongs and I have to accept that I did lose stuff because of my addiction. I have to remember what Addiction has done to keep me working my program. I have always been a survivor since birth. I was born premature and got pneumonia a week into my life. I will still stand tall but still weep my healing tears. It’s necessary.

 

I just fought really hard for someone who I knew in my heart was the one, even hearts can be wrong sometime. I would have moved mountains, done everything and anything to have him next to me at age of 80, ill be writing with my coffee maybe he’ll be sipping a glass of wine. It might sound a bit crazy, but he knew, he was that last thing I wanted to see before I left out of this world, his face brought me peace and that would have helped me Exit but that wont be. I have to let go of that dream I held on for the past four years. Time to dream a new dream. We did not have alot in common when it came to what we enjoyed doing on are down time but I was open to trying morning hikes etc. The only thing I couldn’t do with him is drink but I can dance, or eat happy hour foods. Not sure if me not enjoying a drink with him was part of it and if it was than maybe I’ve been a fool in love this whole time.

 

I know it came down to me being a dishonest person the last year of the relationship. Maybe he wants someone less fucked up as me, someone without a disorder and that’s fine. We have one life. What I know now that I have a sober clear mind is. I will never give up on love and I will not end up like my mom, going crazy for men, chasing them down and not living her dream and using substance to cope with the pain. Yes my heart is in deep pain and right now I am in tears but I will stay sober, put on my big boy pants and heal this pain so I can live a fulfilling life, rewrite my dreams and life and Yes every time my phone beeps I look down hoping this is a dream but I know its not.

 I am glad it was his choice because I know in my heart I tried and so I have no what if’s

My life will go on and I will shine beyond the dope past. I will build a house somewhere on mountains and live a sober life. Working my program. Sober is the New Black. Grateful for the strength to push through this write.

 

Stay Connect with love, Adolfo Vasquez 

 

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Day 126 Sober: “Clean” poem

Hello Friends today is day 126 sober, I am excited for the weekend! I’ve been working and writing. This weekend my goal is to get out from behind my mac and see with these sober eyes. Feeling so grateful for life and for this sober mind that has given me so much life and potential. This poem below explains how i feel inside at the moment. everything in life inspires my writings, to addiction, to sex, love, heartbreaks, even men. Sober is the New Black.

 

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Sober is the New Black

Stay Connect with love. Adolfo Vasquez 

DAY 124 Sober: The One For me

Hello friends today are day 124 sober. I am in a Korea-town, LA. My favorite place to write. It’s has some amazing café’s and it feels like home. Yesterday was four months sober and I did not realize it until it was already late into the night. Days fly by and I am very grateful.

 

I started this blog with the intent to write my feelings on a day-to-day basis so I can see my growth in sobriety and not really having a vision on where it was going, it grew into poems and a book. Sober for me is the only way I can create love and art. I know with every cell in my body I will never drink again. I also want people to know you can be a recovery addict and still have a great life without that coping poison. Not only a great life but also dreams are so real and a sober mind will get you to there. I also think in society there is a stigma that people think because you are sober you can’t have fun or be around others who drink and for me that’s not the case. also i want kids to know you don’t have to get wasted on the weekends, go create art.  I Want people to see me as a person first, a human that was sick but now in recovery remission. Those people who are suffering are not bad people they are amazing souls that have dreams but are sick. No person decides to become an addict or as a child saying that’s what they want to be when they grow up. I am so grateful that I found me and found my inner divine. Life is to short and amazing to not heal myself. I know great things are on the horizon. My road before recovery was hard but I made it and I am not dead. Like any normal human we all have hard days and that’s ok we are allowed to but with a strong awareness we can get through anything in life.

 

My name Adolfo and I have a disease that is in remission but if you see past that. I am also a writer, a food lover, I love film, tattoos, music, I love bowling and tennis. I want to be the best person everyday. My laugh is a bit dorky, I am clueless about most stuff, I never had a s’more until recently, I have amazing aunts, brothers and stepmother. I am Mexican and German and I don’t speak either. I hate morning hikes but will do it and complain most of the time but be happy at the end. I want to love and be in love, I have dreams of silver screens. There is this whole other side that is worth knowing. If you like to. An addict is not the disease, just like someone isn’t his or her diabetes. The symptoms of the disease are different but its still a disease. Some people have hard days with diabetes but overcome it.

 

I know I have hurt friends, family and ex but I cannot change those things. I can only help heal their hearts the best I can. They have been there when I had fallen; the least I can do is help in anyway to help heal them. With some old friends I just need a chance, just once chance to show them how amazing this new me is. I can help them through those uneasy feelings by showing them with my actions but I need a chance to and if not, that’s ok. Nothing can take away my sobriety.

 

 

No matter where life takes me, there is someone who will always have a corner of my heart. Sober is the New Black.

 

 

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Sober is the New Black

Stay connect with love. Adolfo Vasquez 

 

Wild Child “Pillow talk”  Enuff said. 

DAY 122 Sober: Impossible is Nothing

Hello Friends, today is day 122 sober. This past week has been really busy. I finish my book!!! Going to take a moment and really understand what that means. Yesterday I was in tears most of the day. It is now in editing stages and hopefully out in print at the end of the year. This is a direct result of me being sober. I don’t have sobriety without my higher power and I don’t have my higher power with my sobriety.

 

 I’ve always had a passion for writing and under all the substances I was numbing myself with, it was a dream that was an impossible dream in my mind. What I have learn is impossible is nothing! When you are sober. I don’t have a title yet; I do have one that’s in mind but its still uncertain. It’s a book of sober poems. Some are inspirational and some are a bit dark but it is coming from a real place and I hope it can inspire millions to write and create, I believe everyone has some artistic bone in them. My writings gave me a purpose in my life and I am so grateful. I already have a vision for the next book. I will start it next week,  Most of my life, I’ve been an addict and deprived myself from dreams.  I am now going full force in healing and writing.

 

Last night I was laying in bed, watching a late night film and I’ve not had a craving in over 121 days of sobriety but I had my first craving yesterday. A guy in the film was drinking a beer and my mind said “I want a beer” and it shocked me, to the point of being a bit scared. I know I wont drink ever but the fact that the disease came out and made me feel like I needed a beer made me question my program a bit. I know cravings are a natural occurrence in recovering  addicts, so I let it pass and it did. It passed with in minutes. I just had to remind myself what booze has done in my life. In the past when I would get sober and having a craving, I would tear up but this time I didn’t, I handled it with courage and I was aware that it was the disease and not I; in fact it was the enemy. Its ok to have cravings it will pass. I heard this from a friend in recovery and he said “an alcoholic craving alcohol is not a surprising thing so don’t let it scare you.”  Its funny because I’ve been around booze since I got sober, smelled it etc. but a film did it. No cravings today and very aware of my mind.

 

With that said if there is anyone who is struggling with addiction and is using, I want you to know unimaginable dreams will happen and life will open up doors that will take you into a world of endless possibility. I wrote a book in 121 days of being sober, and you can too! Love you all so very much, this blog and my readers bring me so much joy in my heart and there are not enough words or poems that can express the feeling I have for you guys and girls. Sober is the new black.

 

SOBER is simply the best, TINA TUNRER STYLE. One, of my favorite songs of all time. When I was young I would dance in my undies to all her music. Still kind of do.