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July 19, 2015

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Day 421 Sober: Creating happiness

Hello friends today is 421 days of sober, this past week I’ve been working hard on my book. It should be finished sometime this week than off to the editors. I’ve been staying focus, working my program, and enjoying time with friends. Having Balance is very important in my sobriety

I once believed the pursuit of happiness meant if I accomplish a goal, or found love. I would find happiness. Now I pursue happiness that already lives within me then I’ll find the happiness I seek. I have everything I need in me. No material thing, or even another person is capable of bringing me something I don’t already have within. I stop looking for material abundance expecting happiness, joy and peace of mind.

When I was an active addict my mind believed in finding someone or getting new shoes or drinking would make me happy but I soon had that empty feeling. The happiness buzz was temporary and left quickly. So I was off seeking a new pair of shoes and my next drink. My ego wanted more; it is determined to always want more. I have the ability to find the peace and joy right now, in this very moment. The world is full of beautiful things. These things in themselves are not bad, but the ideas I placed on them and the attachments I’d have with them caused the problems. I can’t expect the dream job, love from others or a brand new car to fill the emptiness inside me

Happiness cannot be found, it can only be created within us. Instead of chasing happiness in things and achievements, identify what choices make you feel good, and good about yourself. Commit to making those choices regularly.

Being happy doesn’t mean that everything is perfect. It means you’ve decided to look beyond the imperfections.

Whatever my reality is in the moment it’s the reflection of my emotions, thoughts and energy I’m releasing into the universe. If start changing my thoughts to happy ones, than that would bleed into me feeling happy. My world will not change unless I do. If it’s peace I’m looking for, then I must find it within me than I’ll attract experiences that raise’s my sense of peace.

I am a human with a range of emotions. I will lose loved ones from death so of course I will feel pain, hurt and maybe even anger but That’s when I use my tools with in myself to grief, weep healing tears, and having emotional outburst. Going through my addiction I have learned of creating a new normal. So after the pain subsides and emotions level from losing a loved one, I can create happiness again. It’s a conscious decision to live a happy and fulfilling life despite the tragedy. If I believe I would never be happy after loss than it’s likely to come true. If I’d believe in time I could be happy after loss. I am more likely to seek-out joy inside myself and in life.

Thoughts and emotions are choices. So does that mean people choose to be sad? No one chooses to be sad but we act out based on what the ego believes and expects in every situation. My expectation, perception, and reaction, intertwines with every circumstance. Nothing, not a person, or event can take away happiness, joy, or inner peace unless I allow it.

Negative emotions are never True self or conscious wish. It’s the beliefs and expectations of the ego. Waiting for the future to bring peace and happiness like “I’ll be happy when, or I’ll find the peace of mind if”. Will never render because the future is determined by the choices I make in this moment. How can I expect to create something different than what I have now, if I do not change what I do?

There were three major reasons why I never felt happy, first was I was always searching outside myself for happiness, second I could not let go of pain, traumatic experiences, and dark childhood, which lead to my third addiction.

The inability to let go of feelings of pain from the past, or worrying about rejection happening in the future.

Letting go was something that took twenty-eight years for me to learn. I now understand letting go is accepting that the past cannot be any different than it was. Not that it was “Ok” but that it had happen. So what can I learn from it so I could make the next right move. If I needed to cry than I do so. Letting go can also mean doing nothing. Giving space between how I feel in that moment so I could grieve than make my next positive thought and action.

I’m no longer scared of feeling emotions but more importantly being aware of the feeling so I know where it’s coming from so i could heal it. Rather than immediately trying to get rid of the pain I feel by blaming someone else, beating myself up, seeking revenge, or using substance, I have faith that it will go.

I just have to keep maintaining joy and peace with that I will attract more situations alike. If I’d focus on fears, concerns, and worries it will only bring more stuff to worry about. Feeling Worried means I am focusing on the future. Feeling regretful, guilt, or shame means I am focusing on the past. By being fully present in the moment I can find inner peace and happiness.

Choosing to be happy is a decision that can be made at rock bottom regardless on how low the reality is. Those experiences were created by the thoughts and beliefs you had. You are no longer who you were in the past, a month ago, a week ago, an hour ago. You are now, start creating from this point on with thoughts and choices. Change the state of mind, start thinking more positive thoughts. You will feel happy and it will releases energy into the universe. Your reality will shift.

Peace of mind and happiness has been with me this whole time. I’ve just been looking everywhere else in order to fill the addiction void deep within. But now I am found. I now know I can’t find peace, joy, and happiness outside myself, it comes from within. There is no other time than now. The future is a fantasy waiting to be created from the choices you make now. There will only be the present moment.

When letting go of the stress of tomorrows, and the regrets of the past. I can determine what I really feel. Do I have all that I need in this moment? Do I have air, shelter, and water that my body needs? If I’m not happy with what I have in this moment, no amount of money, people, friendships, or material objects will change that or only give temporary happiness. If I create happiness without those than life will shift and the universe bring me more happiness.

Seeking peace, joy and happiness with outside materials or in other people or waiting for the future to bring will always be a few inches out of reach. Like a dog chasing a bone he will never catch. The reason why happiness seems brief is not because of the circumstances that surround us, but because it is something trying to be found rather than created.

Life is like a blank canvas able to create the life that I want without the past blinding me. Always believe that every experience that happens in my life is the universe and god speaking to me. I feel god in everything. God speaks to me with experiences, thoughts and feelings. Sober is the New Black

The lead sing from The killers, Brandon Flowers just released his second solo album The desired effect. I’ve been a huge fan for the past 11 years, seeing them over 50 times. From state to state. I even have a few tattoos of them, so i might be a little biased but his music is electrifying. Here is “I can change”

Stay connected with love, Adolfo Vasquez

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July 12, 2015

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Day 413 Sober: What does Surrender mean?

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Day 413 Sober: What does Surrender mean?

Hello friends today is day 413 sober, this week has been a great week. I’ve been working on my positive thoughts. I’ve been surrounded by family and loved ones. Sobriety has brought me awareness. That I get to live another day to see family and friends that I love, is what I hold nearest to my heart.

Surrendering is one of the biggest gifts sobriety has brought me. The meaning behind surrendering could mean different things depending on a person. When I was using I felt surrendering was giving up. I can either win or lose and losing equaled surrendering. I learned that from the film’s I watched or book’s I read. Seeing a criminal surrender to cops. That is one angle, depending on the person level of awareness.I now see surrendering as something completely opposite

On a spiritual level for me surrendering is letting go and allowing my higher power to take over. That allows me to just be in the moment. Accepting “what is”. Surrendering isn’t giving up but having faith that the universe or higher power will guide my toes without me seeing a clear path.

In the beginning stages of sobriety when I surrendered I would beg, cry, plead, try every which way, until I was black and blue than surrender. That was self-abusive, now I just relax my mind, body and soul. When I’m calm I ask my higher power what’s the next right move. If a clear vision appears than I move in that direction. If not than I let it be, and let the universe work it’s law.

In the past I was consumed with achieving outcomes that I wanted, so I kept fighting without seeing blockades the universe was giving me. I would beat myself up or became bitter towards life and god. When I didn’t get what I wanted. When I was drinking alcohol I was against the flow of life. I felt unsettled, unhappy, and not a peace.

The flow of life takes me deeper and closer to my True self, where anything is possible.

The more I surrender, the closer I get to my true self. The closer I get to my true self the more I let go of ideas, opinions, and ego on how life should be. I become less attached and defined by outside stuff. When that happens “what I think I want” or “need” starts to fade. That doesn’t mean I don’t have goals or dreams but an understanding that I’m the co creator with the ultimate creator.

So when life is flowing and time is ticking. Life isn’t going as plan. In the past I would think I was a failure but the truth is it’s really a lesson that can guide me to a greater purpose or meaning. The ultimate creator has a different plan for me. At the time it might feel scary or painful but in the end good always rises with the higher power guiding you.

My rock bottom was the first time I ever really surrender. I just knew it was time to surrender. There are no words that could justify my awakening. It’s more of a feeling in that moment. That life isn’t going as planned. I kept trying to fix it on my own. I was creating more of a mess with a broken mind and soul. I had to accept I was an addict than let go and let god.

When life feels like its caving in, or you feel extreme stress towards a circumstance. You feel like you’re pushing against the flow of life, and your body is depleted from exhausted inside and outside, you can’t control emotions.

You can sit and see if there is purpose or meaning behind what you fighting for. Do I need to keep on this journey and face these fears? Or do I need to surrender because I am stuck wanting something now. Am I being stubborn. Once I started looking inward for questions the answer appears.

Than I ask myself how bad do I want change; the willingness to change? I wanted sobriety so bad day 1 sober. So bad I would have done anything and everything (and still do)

It ‘s important to see why we do whatever it is that is holding us back. So we don’t keep repeating the patterns or cycles. Having a greater awareness around situations allows me to be more deeply united with divine purpose, a meaningful existence with an impactful life. Sober is the new black.

Stay connect with love, Adolfo Vasquez

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July 5, 2015

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Day 407 Sober: Fearless

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Day 407 Sober: Fearless

Hello Friends today is 407 days sober. I hope you all are enjoying this wonderful fourth of July weekend. I spent the fourth surround by amazing people, laughing, playing games, and eating tons of foods. There was alcohol around and I did not crave at all. Alcohol never entered my mind. I was living in the moment and staying grateful to be clear minded that allowed me to fully take in the love. Having a sober Fourth of July could be hard for others. If it was hard for me, I would have stayed home until I am ready to be around alcohol with only peace and serenity. Sobriety is number one the rest follows.

Part of why I started using was fear. Fear was ingrained in me at early age. I lived in fear my whole life. Being a 3-year-old living in fear of being homeless or being beaten by my parents. I grew a shield to protect myself from bad stuff happening but that grew and grew shielding great things as well. I couldn’t tell the difference between people who will hurt me and people who would benefit me. The fear was so big; I wasn’t living or trusting others. Drinking help deal with fearful thoughts and anxiety. It also help let my shield down for moments.

I always thought no matter how great life was bad was around the corner waiting to take away the good. As a child my fears brought anxiety. I was afraid of the wind, choking, dying, earthquakes, not fitting in, and heights. As I got older some fear stayed and some new ones surfaced.

This year is my year to face fears head on. On Friday I joined friends and went snorkeling. Pushing through my fear of the ocean. At first I sat on the beach-watching friends. I was scared but needed time to pull that courage from within me. I soaked my feet in the water and as each inch of my body got deeper, the more I was shaking from nerves.

When someone is facing his or her fear, at first its normal to feel anxiety. As I got in I started to embrace the moment. Shutting my mind off and focusing on the feeling of the water. Feeling life helps calm me and brings me back to the moment. The sense of touch is a powerful tool. Letting it take me into the ocean. Anxiety left and fun started to appear. I wasn’t a great snorkeler, it was my first time but the whole point was just to get me in the water to overcome the fear. Letting go of fears will make room to live and experience new things in life.

There are more fears on the horizon that I will be facing soon like flying. I know fear is an illusion created by past experiences. Going to keep on until I am fearless. Sober is the New Black

On the way to the beach, This song was on a playlist. Surrounding yourself with love and great music helped me become more fearless.

Stay Connected with love, Adolfo Vasquez.

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June 28, 2015

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400 Days of Sober: I was an Addict before my first drink

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400 Days of Sober

Hello Friends, today is 400 days of sober. I just past 1 year and 1 month sober. This is the longest I’ve been sober since I was 15 years old. This year Ill be 30 so half of my life I’ve been using some sort of drug or alcohol to escape. I was an addict before I took my first sip of booze or snorted my first line of coke. When I was a kid I was always looking for an escape from my dark feelings, fear or life.

Trying to escape from the inside with outside stuff. Escaping with food, getting thin, shopping, sleeping around, cutting myself, validation from others, running 6 miles every day. Those things would bring me a temporary high or numbness, but it was short lived. So the hunger grew, I needed more stuff, I needed to be thinner, and I needed more validation, slept with more men. Turning into substance abuse.

I was consuming, consuming and consuming thinking one day that I would find peace or become whole with having stuff or becoming rich. Just needed that high paying job or those new shoes. Just needed that one guy to sweep me off my feet, or that nice car then ill be happy. What’s interesting is I had all those things, but it was never enough, I never had long-term happiness.

I found peace and serenity not when life was going good but in the chaos of my rock bottom. I realized that happiness, joy, love, forgiveness, surrendering, successes, passion, those things are created only within myself. So I started.

At first my feelings didn’t connect with my thoughts or the words I spoke. I would tell myself, “You are beautiful”. But I didn’t feel beautiful at first but soon after the feelings, thoughts and words synced together.

Life will piece together. I sit here over a year sober with nothing but gratitude for being sober. I still have to create those things within myself because life on life terms. Meaning people will pass or hard times will happen. But I know I can still create peace and serenity because I have faith, I’ve witnessed it work in my life. Sober is the new black.

This blog is about staying sober and what I am learning throughout the days, months, and years. Hoping that these words could connect with someone who might be suffering or questioning staying sober. The meaning behind the name sober is the new black is sober goes great in every aspect of my life. Sober is the best thing I’ve worn.

The reason for me counting days on the blog because if someone who is 26 days sober or day 1 sober, could Google their days and my blog will pop up. Maybe my words can help or they can relate.

This blog is a form of service, I just want to help or in some ways inspire.

Alabama Shakes is one of my favorite bands, here a song that I play on repeat when i am feeling a bit down.

Stay connected with love, Adolfo Vasquez

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June 21, 2015

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Day 393 Sober: Finding Art in Recovery

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Day 393 Sober: Finding Art in Recovery

Hello Friends today Is day 393 sober. This past week has been eventful. I’ve been in the process of getting my first book ready for print. The vision came to me one day, late at night. This will be my first book, in my head I thought it would be easy and in some way effortless since I write everyday and knowing what I want the book to say.

I was wrong, this past week I’ve felt annoyed, tried, confused, terrified, and inspired in the process of writing the book. I had a talk with the Editor and a friend who open me up to a new direction for the book. The new direction felt right in my heart.

In this stressful time I had no negative thoughts or an addiction voice trying to convince me to drink.

I talk about my childhood on this blog. In the book it will be more in depth. So having to go back, remember those times and feelings is hard at times. But the part of the book that affects my feelings the most isn’t the childhood. It’s when I was in my deep state of addiction.

The pain I caused loved ones, shooting daggers in hearts. The lying, The manipulation, The time and friends lost. I know it was the Addiction and not my True Self because in the morning after the drunken stumbles, My heart and soul felt heavy and in pain.

In the process of writing the book I find myself walking away for sometime to cry healing weeps. Or taking hour breaks to decompress.

I know I can’t change those actions but what I can do is stay sober so their pain wont be in vain.

Meditation and sitting with my higher power helps after a writing session. Bringing me back to the present. giving me some clarity

Writing is part of my recovery, taking out all the dark stuff that dwells in me and putting it on paper. like a cleansing of the soul. It also helps me reflect and connect the dots from traumas to how traumas affect me subconsciously in my every day life. For example I grew up really poor, I recently notices that feeling bleeds into how I see the world. I have 69 pairs of shoes and always want to buy food in bulk. I need to see the patterns and see if they are affecting me n a negative way. Or change. Sober is the New Black

I’m wishing all the dads a happy fathers day. Hope you all have a day filled with relaxtion and love.

Here are some poems I created this week.

Me day 392 Sober

Anyone who knows me personally, knows I’ve always been a huge fan of Tina Turner. This song is one my favorite.

Stay Connect with love, Adolfo Vasquez

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June 14, 2015

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DAY 386 Sober: Positive Thoughts

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DAY 386 Sober: Positive Thoughts

Hello Friends today is day 386 sober. This week has been a great week. I still haven’t had any cravings for alcohol. In my days sober, I only craved a beer a few days into my sobriety. I’ve been around it and still no craving. I find myself nausea, turnoff, or disgusted by they sight of alcohol maybe because I know the damage it has caused my life.

This past week all I’ve been doing is writing my book. Six to eight hour writing session. My goal is to have them done by august. So I have a couple months to finish. The book is on my first year sober, more in depth than the blog mixed with my poetry. I have over six hundred poems I had to narrow down to three hundred. That was a bit difficult.

Going back to those memories isn’t as bad as I thought it would be. It’s pretty cool seeing my growth. The only difficulty is telling the story of my dog snuggles who I had to abandoned as a child. Snuggles was my best friend growing up.

This up coming week ill be locked in my apartment witting away. I usually write in cafes but I’m starting to love writing in my home. I will go out into the world for some necessities.

My poetry has slowed down as well because all I energy is put on the book at the moment

I am still being my mind watcher, keeping a close eye on addiction behavior and thoughts. As more days go by the more normal life seems. As if I never had any issues. I know it has to do with healing. What once bothered me no longer does. In the past I would focus so much energy on seeing the world in a negative way. My eyes and mind was condition from a dark past. Now I see the world in love and possibilities. If a negative thought surfaces I change the thought to a positive one and I don’t let the negative thought bleed into my feeling and actions.

I can look back at my past year and honestly say I have no regrets all due to sobriety. Which is crazy coming from a person that had tons of regrets. My thoughts, actions and feelings are all synced together. My positive thought leads to other positive thought like a quilt and once you start it becomes effortless.

I was reading a CNN article that said By changing the way you think, your DNA also changes so you are no longer that old past. It really is a great article. Sober is the New Black.

Here are some poems I’ve paused the book to write, Poems just come to me while in deep thought.

Here are some photos from my past week.

Every Sunday there will a be a new blog post giving Sober is The New Black readers some stability

This video below is from Ingrid Michaelson called Afterlife that I’ve been listening to over and over this past week

Stay Connected with love, Adolfo Vasquez

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June 7, 2015

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Day 379 Sober: June Gloom

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Day 379 Sober: June Gloom

Hello Friends, today is day 379 sober. It seems June always brings a bit of gloom. This past week I felt uninspired and a bit stagnant. Sobriety has made me aware of patterns and routines in my life that I feel I need. When change happens I get uncomfortable. That uncomfortable state shows itself with emotions like annoyance and grouchiness.

I know this issue stems from childhood. Growing up without stability or a solid foundation, I Feel like I need routine and normalcy.

The change that is upon me is work. I work 9 months a year and have 3 months off for writing. I know I’m very blessed to be able to afford three months off of work but with that brings on this uncomfortable state

This week was my first week not working. I’m a night thinker so I stay up all hours of the night. Since I have no schedule. Staying up till 4am and wake up at 1 pm. I did write and worked my program but even with doing so I felt unproductive.

What I need to work on is creating some sort of schedule. I don’t have to work but I should still rise early. Going to treat my writing like a job, writing from 9-5. Even I don’t feel like writing. I just have to show up.

That will give me a routine. Also I need to become comfortable with being uncomfortable. The great thing was I did not crave that old life. I am just grateful that sobriety gives me a clear mind to see my issues and gives me the courage to change. Sober is the New Black

Growing up Disneyland was a far off place I would hardly see. I may have seen it twice in my childhood. Now I’m an annual pass holder. So today Ill be spending the day at Disneyland. I might get the inspiration I need at the happiest place on earth. Its never to late to create that childhood you never had.

Here are some poems I birth this week.

This is my favorite spot in my home. My desk.

Stay connected with love. Adolfo Vasquez

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May 29, 2015

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DAY 370 Sober: Lies Addiction Feeds the Mind

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DAY 370 Sober: Lies Addiction Feeds the Mind

Hello Friends. Today is day 370 sober. I am back in Los Angeles, The past few days have been overwhelming with all the love and support, beyond grateful. Yes I made it to my year mark but I will always be working on myself until I am on my deathbed. I don’t ever want to be un-teachable. I have to always be open to others suggestions and wisdom. I don’t want to be right, just whole and happy. I will stay teachable at 20 years sober. Learning from old timers and newbies.

When I first got sober, my untreated addiction fed my mind lies. First lie was Sober people are boring, coffee drinkers, and chain smokers. Second lie, I will never have fun again. Third Lie, I have the rest of my life to never drink again, that’s so much time to be on punishment. I relapsed a bunch of times because I believed those lies.

After having time sober, another lie would pop up. I’m cured; I can control it now, only one beer. I would control it for a while but 2 weeks later I found my soul lost and in turmoil.

I have to be aware of my mind at all times. So when my past addiction voice resurfaces I can be strong. I can pray, change my thoughts, meditate, write or call a friend. The voices have got quieter and less strong when I am working my shit out.

My eyes are cleared and I see all the love coming from sober people. The men and woman in Sobriety are some of the strongest people I have ever met. Not just overcoming their struggles but wanting to be better humans, helping others. I have more fun now sober because I know myself better. No body hangovers or mind haze. I smile more and laugh more.

If my mind brings up the length of how long I have to stay sober. I now feel a sense of gratitude for having that time to find myself. I also live in the moment but still work towards long-term goals. I just don’t get emotional when the road takes a detour. I just get back on the same road. I still enjoy and learn from the detour. I might stay on the detour for a minute and self reflect, write or plant some roses so the detour can become a great experience. Sober is the New black

I’ve always been so inspired by others who are vocal about sobriety, Celebrities or non-celebrities. Someone might hear something they needed that day so they can continue seeing the beauty in sobriety. Demi Lovato is someone who is vocal about her past addiction and her current sobriety. The video below talk is a recent interview she did about overcoming her struggle. She’s three years sober now, congrats.

http://www.today.com/video/demi-lovato-at-3-years-clean-and-sober-i-feel-amazing-453180995530

This song below is about her addiction.

Here are some of my poems I’ve worked on in the past few days, hope they inspire

This poem is for my great grandmother who showed me love and was a safe haven for my brother and I

Might need a bit of a break from writing. sad face

Stay connected with love, Adolfo Vasquez

. I’ve always been so inspired by others who are vocal about sobriety, Celebrities or non-celebrities. Someone out there might hear something that they needed that day, so they continue seeing the beauty in sobriety.

Demi Lavato is someone who is vocal about here past addiction and her current sobriety.

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May 24, 2015

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1 Year Sober

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1 Year Sober

Today is one year sober; today I feel nothing but gratitude. A sense of self-awareness I have never felt before. In one year I’ve learned more about me than in the 28 years of living. What I’ve learned in one year sober is I am not my past, my mistakes, and my past addiction. I’m whom I choose to be today, in this moment.

A year ago today, I was sitting on a mattress on the floor in a new apartment, I’d lost the love of my life because of my addiction, and I was ashamed and embarrassed. Little hope, lost with no purpose or sense of direction.

Today every aspect of my life is amazing, like I am walking in a dream. I see the world with different eyes. Eyes that is clear and filled with hope and compassion.

Sobriety does not fix everything but it allows me to have a clear mind so I could fix my life. The first few weeks into sobriety my emotions were up and down. Happy, Sad, Hopeful, defeated, angry, confused, blissful, inspired, sobriety allowed me to feel life on life terms.

The list of gifts sobriety has brought into my life are endless. Surrendering everything to the power greater than myself has been beyond rewarding, it taught me a word called forgiveness. Forgiving everything including forgiveness for myself.

Sobriety put purpose in my writing. I heal through my art. Hopefully inspiring others to heal through art. I now see love in all aspects of my life. When I was using I was blind from the love that surrounded me. I was caught in my mind that created false stories that brought me pain so I would use, creating a vicious cycle of using.

Now I see love so big, I feel love so much it’s as if my heart going to explode.

The ISM in Alcoholism is Alcohol-Inside Self & Mind. My disease centered in my mind creating the body craving. I had to become aware of the mind voice. Once I was able separate the voice from my True self. I could stop the voice dead in its tracks. The voice would speak to me like just have one more drink or only wine. The voice would bring up my past; you had such a bad childhood, you should be angry, he’s cheating on you, blah blah on and on. How dare you, you offended me, blah, blah on and on.

The voice sounded like me, it knew what to say to get me to the next drink.

I’m stronger than the voice because I’m aware of my true-self. My true-self is stronger. I can shut it down. if it starts feeding me negative thoughts from my past.

Today I woke up happy, aware, with purpose; fire in my heart to create art, wanting to be a better me. Still working on love for myself and compassion for others. Staying open to learning new things. Sober is the new black.

I want to say thank you to the readers of sober is the new black. That allowed me to share my journey. There are no words that i can write down to show my gratitude. Thank you friends with more days sober who are my teachers and thank you friends with less days sober who my inspiration.

Sober is the New Black will continue on, my book will be out at the end of this year also an apparel line. Sobriety brings dreams that seemed unimaginable. God bless and until next time. Going to turn off my computer for the day and just live!!!!!! Seeing new sights with these clean and sober eyes.

Stay connected with love, Adolfo Vasquez

This video below was one year in the making. Hope it inspires.

Special thanks to Roxy Shih for the video

Vincent Sandoval for Photography

Stay connected with love Adolfo Vasquez

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May 12, 2015

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Day 353 Sober: Building myself

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Day 353 Sober: Building myself

Hello Friends today is day 353 sober. Just got back to LA from an amazing trip back home in Palm Springs. I spent mother’s day with both mothers, grateful for the sober mind that allowed me to enjoy each moment. My year sober is in a couple weeks. It’s kind of surreal to have made it this far without cravings. It went by quickly. This journey has been so rewarding in every aspect of my life, Mind, body and soul. The ones I lost because of past addiction are coming back around.

Day 1 sober I was sitting on a mattress in an empty room. I was empty and broken inside. No purpose, no clear path, not writing. I felt defeated but I knew the reason for all the turmoil was due to alcohol. Fast forward to today, actually living a life that I am proud of. Feeling weightless of the past. Seeing people with love instead of ego. I will always be working but today I’m enjoying 353 days of sober.

I stumbled upon an amazing app called Sober Grid that connects me with other sober people in my local area. It’s available for all smart phones. It really cool, like a community sharing their day, posting inspiration on the news feed, and they even have a burning desire if someone needs to talk at anytime of the day. It’s hard sometimes to meet other sober people who can relate and understand. In the past I’ve meet some cool people who find out I’m sober, they tend to get scared off like I’m contagious.

I am aware that being sober carry’s a stigma that we are boring. Others might not want to invite me because they want to have a drink without feeling guilty or worry. I’m at a point in my recovery were I can be around alcohol and not crave it. My life is to amazing to ever want my lips to touch another bottle.

When I was an active addict I was not fun, maybe in the beginning but once I blackout I would make drunk scenes. Get emotional and act out in ways that were not my true self. I would wake up the next day and have a feeling of deep shame. Now when I go out, I’m in control of every situation and outcome. I’m now Laughing, dancing, being myself, a wiser and more positive person. I’ve notice the universe is bringing more like minded people in my life and taking away all the negative thinking people.

When I was using, I would always build myself in bars. By stretching the truth, lying, or hiding my past. I did that because I was empty inside. I knew up to that point I had amounted to nothing. Hearing others succeeding in life made me feel low. When I look back on my tall stories, I can’t help laugh at how delusional I was.

So I now I build myself up in healthy and mindful ways. Asking myself what needs to be worked on. Whether it’s work on my health or old wounds. Being aware of my emotions for example if I’m hurting or feel jealous I will ask myself “why I’m I feeling that way”? Than follow that string of pain to the source. Once I find the source than I could heal by letting go and forgiving. I also build my self up in other ways like Creating love for every part of my body and if I’m not happy with my waist than making healthy choices in my eating habits. Believing that I am worthy of self-respect. Working on long-term gratification instead of living for instant gratifications. Writing poetry. Sober is the New Black

Here are some poems and two short stories.

I wrote this awhile back but yet to share it. At 11:52am an incident happen that took my breath away. this was the moment.

I’ll do whatever it takes to evolve from old ways

We all have disagreements with friends and family but now i value the saving the relationship than being right or wrong

I was always searching for outside things because I felt empty inside. nothing I found would be lasting, creating a greater need for more things. Making it a vicious cycle of need.