1000 Days Sober

Hello Friends,

Today I’m 1000 days sober. I feel nothing but gratitude for the wisdom I’ve gained in my time sober. I know myself more than ever, “who I am” and “who I am not”.  I clearly see my innate gifts and what my issues are.  Since my mind is clear and sober i get to act on my innate gifts while working on my issues. Issues I find deep in my soul. There’s still a lot of learning ahead. Some lessons will be through pain and some will be easy. I just have to accept whatever the universe gives me. Know there is a reason why things happen. I might not be able to see the lesson right away so I just have to accept what is. The lesson might arrive later once the pain subsides. I can’t always know why everything happens, i just have to accept that it does. I can’t run or hide or bury what is, i have to fully embrace it and make the necessary changes. The universe is very powerful and has magic  my human eyes can’t always see. I just have to stay open for the lesson.

I’ve been working on my first novel that has turned into a three book series. I use to think it had to be done right away or within a years but I can’t rush this process, I just have to let it come alive. All three books are basically done and the editors are ready but I am still making some small adjustments. There’s only been one person to read through all three books. This person is an avid reader, who usually finishes two books in one week. They loved the series so that was huge relief and a boost in my confidence. Right now I am in a stage called “The Middle” that’s in between the realization of the goal or dream and the achievement. I am finding “The Middle” to be the most important part because it defines the destination. The middle has also been the most fun because it’s where I am most creative. The middle might is where i spend most of my time, so I have to enjoy it. I have to allow space, failures, growth and change to happen. The middle part is where I see what needs to be change, what work needs to be done, and it allows me to put in a plan of action. In this stage I have to be kind to myself and enjoy the ride, dream big, and put in the work. I’ve been writing six hours a day for the past two years. The middle part has taken time but it’s necessary. My persistence overpowers my failures. Failures are necessary and rejection is inevitable, but it’s not the end destination.

 

I don’t have all the answers on how to stay sober or be successful in life, all I can do is work towards my goals and dreams. All I can do is live one day at a time and try to be present in each day. I know that my ego is the creator of all misery. If I’m upset or angry somewhere in that pain is ego. I know I will always have Alcoholism, Alcohol-Inside Self and Mind. I know my disease centers in my mind that creates the body craving. That’s why I have to always be aware of the mind voice, but it has gotten very quite since I’ve been sober. As of now, my true self seems to be stronger than my disease but I know it wont always be this way. There will be extreme pain ahead, people will die in my life but my recovery program is my safety net. My second year sober has been pretty effortless but there have been some life challenges. I now face life challenges head on and embrace those uncomfortable feelings instead reaching for a drink. Feeling life is very important in recovery, feeling everything and not burying it. So I cry when I need to or laugh when I want to. My feelings now live on my skin and not underneath whiskey poison. Burying my feelings will create an infection that creates holes in my soul. When holes in the soul are created we try to fill them with outside false happiness like shopping or food or sex but the goal is the not let the holes get there in the first place. So I can’t bury my feelings I have to embrace my feelings. The more challenges I face in life, the more wisdom and strength I will gain. If life becomes too hard, drinking is off the table, I can write or do something that can calm my soul. I’ve only had one craving for that whiskey poison and that was in my first months sober, cravings have seemed to vanish. I make sure to stay grateful for my sobriety, if i wasn’t sober than i would have nothing. My home, my partner, my family or friends. Human connection is the most important thing in my life.

The longer I am sober, the more I forget that I was once an addict. Since being sober I have created so many amazing memories, it seems like the new great memories are erasing the old past pain. The past is the past, it’s not my current moment. I can’t use my infected past guide my day or I can’t react to the present with the past. Now that I am sober, I have a clear slate to create anything I want.  The past doesn’t play over and over in my head, I no longer feel that deep shame of my past addiction. We are not our addiction symptoms, not the past pain, the shame or guilt of hurting loved ones. We are the courage and strength it took to change, that’s our True self.  There has been a lot of happy memories made in my 1000 days sober and I focus on those. I no longer wake up to blackout crimes or wake up with hangovers, now I wake up to goals and dreams. I’ve been working on achieve those. If we can overcome addiction, just imagine what else we can accomplish. If we took that hard work  and dedication we put into our recovery program and apply that into a relationship or career we would see success in those areas.  Meeting small goals in life will build confidence and small goals lead to big goals or life changing goals. Small goals are very important and should be celebrated, like making a month sober, how incredible is that. The courage it took just to get sober for a month, go for another month. Months add up and eventually you will be a year sober, and years add up too.

The people I lost due to my addiction are back in my life, but my relationships are better than before. I feel a deep connection to the people in my life, it’s as if my compassion and empathy for other humans have grown. I love bigger and unconditional but not just other i have deep love for myself. I feel like i am own greatest fan and best friend. I treat my body, mind and soul with deep respect. Our body is the only real home we have. I now understand what it means to be good to other humans and  enjoy human connection more than ever. Every single day I try to be as present as my mind allows. I trust others but more importantly I trust myself in taking charge of my life and making decisions.

Healing is not about becoming happier, or feeling bliss all the time. Healing is more of letting go of everything that isn’t my true self. Letting go of child abuse, letting go of my traumas, letting go of the addiction, letting go everything that is preventing my full potential and only than am I healing, and left with my true self.

Below is some New Poetry  since my last blog post.

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Stay Connected with love, Adolfo Vasquez

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Day 270 Sober: My Breakthrough

Hello Friends today is day 270 sober. Today has been a great day so far. Had a toothache last night into the morning light but feeling a lot better. Right now I am sitting in a café in Korea town enjoy a great read when a thought came into my head, I asked myself a question with a clear mind. Why did I start drinking? Within a sec of asking me that question the answer surfaced, that inner light that dwells in me must have known I was ready.

 

At a very young age, my reality was dark and fear-based.  I would pretend to live in a fantasy most of my childhood, playing pretend. That was acceptable because I was a kid. As I got older in the middle schools and high school playing pretend turned into daydreaming a life than the one I was currently living. High school and middle school was even darker than my childhood. As I got into my early 20’s I couldn’t hide from my reality and found a different escape, which was in the form of substance.

Substance made me happy, free and felt a bond I never felt before. After that “high” or “drinking” I would be thrown back into my unhappy reality so of course I would count the hours till 5pm or the next high to escape.

I was never taught how to create a happy life, no tools, no knowledge, and no foundation. I was going through life embracing experiences one bad after another without listening to the universe that I was on the wrong path. I guess my ears were still clogged from all the past pain. I thought life was just surviving bad experiences, but those bad experiences were just there so I can listen, learn and change.

Since I wasn’t aware or listening.  I repeated making choices that made my reality unhappy thus causing me to use thus creating my life a vicious cycle until my late 20s.

So how do I create a happy reality? The first thing is to always be clear minded so I can never touch another substance that would alter me. With a clear mind, I can create joy feelings with positive thoughts. See life like a blank canvas. Creating the life that I want without the past blinding. Always speak my inner truth and believe that every experience that happens in my life is the universe speaking to me, others call it god.  I feel god is in everything and speaks to me, in experiences, thoughts and feelings. Creating love within myself  for me without others opinions or thoughts. unlearn everything I was thought in my youth so I can learn with a smarter, loving, open, understanding mind and heart.

I am so grateful that at 270 days sober I know why I started using and know that every choice, thought, feeling I make has a direct effect on my future.

 

It seemed throughout my life I’ve learned so many lessons from others pain and for that I am profoundly sorry but also grateful that I am here today “In this moment a better me because of it”. Everyone is a teacher and some will go and some will stay and just because they go doesn’t mean it was an unsuccessful relationship it just means Its time for me to learn a new lesson, feel new things and maybe that teacher needs to teach someone else. With lesson’s I’ve gain from teachers I am able to see life in a different way. A smarter way, Sober is the New Black.

 

joy

 

peace

 

i follow

 

Christina Perri song I Believe is such a powerful and inspiring song. I hope it helps others who might be struggling with believing in their possibility.

 

 

Stay connect with love, Adolfo Vasquez

DAY 60 Sober: Rebuilding after a Tsunami of Addiction

 

Hello Friends, In the past 2 months, 60 days, 1440 hrs, 86400 mins, 1584000 seconds I have learned so much about myself and life. Not everyday is Blissful but I choose the amount of suffering I want to endure. Tears are necessary for healing.  I need to watch my thoughts carefully. I need to surround myself with positive things and people. My mental and body disorder called Alcoholism is not a choice but me picking up a drink is. Spiritual practices including the steps are the key to my success. Surrendering to a higher power that I understand it to be is such a relief and it’s more of a feeling that can’t be written down. I am finding myself more and more everyday something’s are not pretty and some are a bit dark that needs to be healed but the awareness of them only comes when I am sober and seeking. I want to inspire and be inspired everyday by others, There is always someone with one less day than me that I can help, even if its just listening and showing compassion. I am a lot stronger than I give myself credit for. Being sober has thought me how to create from within; love, joy, compassion, understanding, empathy, and gratefulness and with those you can create healthy long term loving relationship. With 60 days sober comes creativity and passion that’s met with action not just thoughts. My old drunken words were false and met with only letdowns.

Today at 2 months sober, I struggle with the pain my addiction has caused others and the wave of pain that hit like a tsunami killing, destroying everything breathing, living and pure in my life. Even devastating tsunami waters receded and flowers and trees will blossom again. I am rebuilding my life one brick at a time, with a strong foundation, away from that ocean of addiction that creates a tsunami of pain. Rebuilding my life will take a lot of effort, tears and work. I will create a peaceful garden so I can meet with my higher power on a daily basis. I will build a home and plant nutrition trees that will feed my mind with positive thoughts, positive actions, and healthy hobbies. I will build a library were I can store all my spiritual books and lessons I have learn. I will build my home big so I can fill it with the love of my life and maybe create little blessing that have small fingers and toes I can kiss, Far away and up high from that ocean of addiction. I will also build a movie theater were I can play my movies I create for free. I will build a small little shop on the corner where I can sell my writings. I will dance every night with my love and kids under the stars. That’s my dream, my goal, and my creation. Sober is the new black. I am grateful for everybody that is checking in on Sober is the New Black and for everybody support. Ingrid Michaelson far away is a perfect song for today.

 

Stay connect with love, Adolfophoto

 

 

DAY 20 Sober: Back to my Roots!

HelloFriends in a few hours ill be headed back home! I can’t wait to see my family. It feels good to know I have a clear mind, which makes me open to reconnect, and I can also appreciate the time I spend with loved ones. I know that it’s important to create boundaries with people in your life especially if you feel like they can be harmful to your sobriety. It’s important for me to be selfish in this area of my life. My sobriety has to come before anything else. 

There are some local spots I am excited for like the Ace hotel, burger box, el Gallito, San Miguel, any pool really. I am kind of in the mood to go dancing. Its been a awhile since I got on the dance floor sober so that sounds fun but overall I am excited to see all the faces of my loved ones. I have still have a lot of healing to do with a lot of my past and parents. I know that will happen in time but going through my own addiction has brought me some understanding for my parents. I want to see them with an open heart and mind. Without the stain eyes I’ve seen them in the past. My eyes were stain with resentment, angry, and hurt. I want to embrace my parents with understanding, empathy, without judgment and ego, and love. I don’t know my parents story. So I have to go in without any judgment or ego. 

I want people to forgive me and hopefully give me tolerance, I have to do the same and if my parents are not open to it, then that’s ok. I will be fine. Life will go on and my sobriety will stay.  I used to only see what I did not have, so it blinded me from seeing all the love around me. Yes I had a profoundly misfortunate childhood but as a child I had a lot of great things in my life that I did not see at the time. I have four amazing brothers, a wonderful stepmother who was always there to help guide me in the right direction. Who loves me without any judgment and all of my loving crazy aunts. So that’s what ill be focusing on and maybe hit up some new spots. I have never just sat at a coffee shop and wrote. Maybe Ill starts new nonfiction there!

 

Thank you all again! Hope you join me on my trip back home! 20 days sober and so grateful!

 

Stay connect with love, Adolfo