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June 28, 2015

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400 Days of Sober: I was an Addict before my first drink

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400 Days of Sober

Hello Friends, today is 400 days of sober. I just past 1 year and 1 month sober. This is the longest I’ve been sober since I was 15 years old. This year Ill be 30 so half of my life I’ve been using some sort of drug or alcohol to escape. I was an addict before I took my first sip of booze or snorted my first line of coke. When I was a kid I was always looking for an escape from my dark feelings, fear or life.

Trying to escape from the inside with outside stuff. Escaping with food, getting thin, shopping, sleeping around, cutting myself, validation from others, running 6 miles every day. Those things would bring me a temporary high or numbness, but it was short lived. So the hunger grew, I needed more stuff, I needed to be thinner, and I needed more validation, slept with more men. Turning into substance abuse.

I was consuming, consuming and consuming thinking one day that I would find peace or become whole with having stuff or becoming rich. Just needed that high paying job or those new shoes. Just needed that one guy to sweep me off my feet, or that nice car then ill be happy. What’s interesting is I had all those things, but it was never enough, I never had long-term happiness.

I found peace and serenity not when life was going good but in the chaos of my rock bottom. I realized that happiness, joy, love, forgiveness, surrendering, successes, passion, those things are created only within myself. So I started.

At first my feelings didn’t connect with my thoughts or the words I spoke. I would tell myself, “You are beautiful”. But I didn’t feel beautiful at first but soon after the feelings, thoughts and words synced together.

Life will piece together. I sit here over a year sober with nothing but gratitude for being sober. I still have to create those things within myself because life on life terms. Meaning people will pass or hard times will happen. But I know I can still create peace and serenity because I have faith, I’ve witnessed it work in my life. Sober is the new black.

This blog is about staying sober and what I am learning throughout the days, months, and years. Hoping that these words could connect with someone who might be suffering or questioning staying sober. The meaning behind the name sober is the new black is sober goes great in every aspect of my life. Sober is the best thing I’ve worn.

The reason for me counting days on the blog because if someone who is 26 days sober or day 1 sober, could Google their days and my blog will pop up. Maybe my words can help or they can relate.

This blog is a form of service, I just want to help or in some ways inspire.

Alabama Shakes is one of my favorite bands, here a song that I play on repeat when i am feeling a bit down.

Stay connected with love, Adolfo Vasquez

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June 21, 2015

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Day 393 Sober: Finding Art in Recovery

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Day 393 Sober: Finding Art in Recovery

Hello Friends today Is day 393 sober. This past week has been eventful. I’ve been in the process of getting my first book ready for print. The vision came to me one day, late at night. This will be my first book, in my head I thought it would be easy and in some way effortless since I write everyday and knowing what I want the book to say.

I was wrong, this past week I’ve felt annoyed, tried, confused, terrified, and inspired in the process of writing the book. I had a talk with the Editor and a friend who open me up to a new direction for the book. The new direction felt right in my heart.

In this stressful time I had no negative thoughts or an addiction voice trying to convince me to drink.

I talk about my childhood on this blog. In the book it will be more in depth. So having to go back, remember those times and feelings is hard at times. But the part of the book that affects my feelings the most isn’t the childhood. It’s when I was in my deep state of addiction.

The pain I caused loved ones, shooting daggers in hearts. The lying, The manipulation, The time and friends lost. I know it was the Addiction and not my True Self because in the morning after the drunken stumbles, My heart and soul felt heavy and in pain.

In the process of writing the book I find myself walking away for sometime to cry healing weeps. Or taking hour breaks to decompress.

I know I can’t change those actions but what I can do is stay sober so their pain wont be in vain.

Meditation and sitting with my higher power helps after a writing session. Bringing me back to the present. giving me some clarity

Writing is part of my recovery, taking out all the dark stuff that dwells in me and putting it on paper. like a cleansing of the soul. It also helps me reflect and connect the dots from traumas to how traumas affect me subconsciously in my every day life. For example I grew up really poor, I recently notices that feeling bleeds into how I see the world. I have 69 pairs of shoes and always want to buy food in bulk. I need to see the patterns and see if they are affecting me n a negative way. Or change. Sober is the New Black

I’m wishing all the dads a happy fathers day. Hope you all have a day filled with relaxtion and love.

Here are some poems I created this week.

Me day 392 Sober

Anyone who knows me personally, knows I’ve always been a huge fan of Tina Turner. This song is one my favorite.

Stay Connect with love, Adolfo Vasquez

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June 14, 2015

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DAY 386 Sober: Positive Thoughts

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DAY 386 Sober: Positive Thoughts

Hello Friends today is day 386 sober. This week has been a great week. I still haven’t had any cravings for alcohol. In my days sober, I only craved a beer a few days into my sobriety. I’ve been around it and still no craving. I find myself nausea, turnoff, or disgusted by they sight of alcohol maybe because I know the damage it has caused my life.

This past week all I’ve been doing is writing my book. Six to eight hour writing session. My goal is to have them done by august. So I have a couple months to finish. The book is on my first year sober, more in depth than the blog mixed with my poetry. I have over six hundred poems I had to narrow down to three hundred. That was a bit difficult.

Going back to those memories isn’t as bad as I thought it would be. It’s pretty cool seeing my growth. The only difficulty is telling the story of my dog snuggles who I had to abandoned as a child. Snuggles was my best friend growing up.

This up coming week ill be locked in my apartment witting away. I usually write in cafes but I’m starting to love writing in my home. I will go out into the world for some necessities.

My poetry has slowed down as well because all I energy is put on the book at the moment

I am still being my mind watcher, keeping a close eye on addiction behavior and thoughts. As more days go by the more normal life seems. As if I never had any issues. I know it has to do with healing. What once bothered me no longer does. In the past I would focus so much energy on seeing the world in a negative way. My eyes and mind was condition from a dark past. Now I see the world in love and possibilities. If a negative thought surfaces I change the thought to a positive one and I don’t let the negative thought bleed into my feeling and actions.

I can look back at my past year and honestly say I have no regrets all due to sobriety. Which is crazy coming from a person that had tons of regrets. My thoughts, actions and feelings are all synced together. My positive thought leads to other positive thought like a quilt and once you start it becomes effortless.

I was reading a CNN article that said By changing the way you think, your DNA also changes so you are no longer that old past. It really is a great article. Sober is the New Black.

Here are some poems I’ve paused the book to write, Poems just come to me while in deep thought.

Here are some photos from my past week.

Every Sunday there will a be a new blog post giving Sober is The New Black readers some stability

This video below is from Ingrid Michaelson called Afterlife that I’ve been listening to over and over this past week

Stay Connected with love, Adolfo Vasquez

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June 7, 2015

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Day 379 Sober: June Gloom

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Day 379 Sober: June Gloom

Hello Friends, today is day 379 sober. It seems June always brings a bit of gloom. This past week I felt uninspired and a bit stagnant. Sobriety has made me aware of patterns and routines in my life that I feel I need. When change happens I get uncomfortable. That uncomfortable state shows itself with emotions like annoyance and grouchiness.

I know this issue stems from childhood. Growing up without stability or a solid foundation, I Feel like I need routine and normalcy.

The change that is upon me is work. I work 9 months a year and have 3 months off for writing. I know I’m very blessed to be able to afford three months off of work but with that brings on this uncomfortable state

This week was my first week not working. I’m a night thinker so I stay up all hours of the night. Since I have no schedule. Staying up till 4am and wake up at 1 pm. I did write and worked my program but even with doing so I felt unproductive.

What I need to work on is creating some sort of schedule. I don’t have to work but I should still rise early. Going to treat my writing like a job, writing from 9-5. Even I don’t feel like writing. I just have to show up.

That will give me a routine. Also I need to become comfortable with being uncomfortable. The great thing was I did not crave that old life. I am just grateful that sobriety gives me a clear mind to see my issues and gives me the courage to change. Sober is the New Black

Growing up Disneyland was a far off place I would hardly see. I may have seen it twice in my childhood. Now I’m an annual pass holder. So today Ill be spending the day at Disneyland. I might get the inspiration I need at the happiest place on earth. Its never to late to create that childhood you never had.

Here are some poems I birth this week.

This is my favorite spot in my home. My desk.

Stay connected with love. Adolfo Vasquez

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May 29, 2015

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DAY 370 Sober: Lies Addiction Feeds the Mind

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DAY 370 Sober: Lies Addiction Feeds the Mind

Hello Friends. Today is day 370 sober. I am back in Los Angeles, The past few days have been overwhelming with all the love and support, beyond grateful. Yes I made it to my year mark but I will always be working on myself until I am on my deathbed. I don’t ever want to be un-teachable. I have to always be open to others suggestions and wisdom. I don’t want to be right, just whole and happy. I will stay teachable at 20 years sober. Learning from old timers and newbies.

When I first got sober, my untreated addiction fed my mind lies. First lie was Sober people are boring, coffee drinkers, and chain smokers. Second lie, I will never have fun again. Third Lie, I have the rest of my life to never drink again, that’s so much time to be on punishment. I relapsed a bunch of times because I believed those lies.

After having time sober, another lie would pop up. I’m cured; I can control it now, only one beer. I would control it for a while but 2 weeks later I found my soul lost and in turmoil.

I have to be aware of my mind at all times. So when my past addiction voice resurfaces I can be strong. I can pray, change my thoughts, meditate, write or call a friend. The voices have got quieter and less strong when I am working my shit out.

My eyes are cleared and I see all the love coming from sober people. The men and woman in Sobriety are some of the strongest people I have ever met. Not just overcoming their struggles but wanting to be better humans, helping others. I have more fun now sober because I know myself better. No body hangovers or mind haze. I smile more and laugh more.

If my mind brings up the length of how long I have to stay sober. I now feel a sense of gratitude for having that time to find myself. I also live in the moment but still work towards long-term goals. I just don’t get emotional when the road takes a detour. I just get back on the same road. I still enjoy and learn from the detour. I might stay on the detour for a minute and self reflect, write or plant some roses so the detour can become a great experience. Sober is the New black

I’ve always been so inspired by others who are vocal about sobriety, Celebrities or non-celebrities. Someone might hear something they needed that day so they can continue seeing the beauty in sobriety. Demi Lovato is someone who is vocal about her past addiction and her current sobriety. The video below talk is a recent interview she did about overcoming her struggle. She’s three years sober now, congrats.

http://www.today.com/video/demi-lovato-at-3-years-clean-and-sober-i-feel-amazing-453180995530

This song below is about her addiction.

Here are some of my poems I’ve worked on in the past few days, hope they inspire

This poem is for my great grandmother who showed me love and was a safe haven for my brother and I

Might need a bit of a break from writing. sad face

Stay connected with love, Adolfo Vasquez

. I’ve always been so inspired by others who are vocal about sobriety, Celebrities or non-celebrities. Someone out there might hear something that they needed that day, so they continue seeing the beauty in sobriety.

Demi Lavato is someone who is vocal about here past addiction and her current sobriety.

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April 16, 2015

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Day 1 Sober

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Day 327 Sober: Amy Winehouse

Hello friends, today is day 327 sober. I’ve been under the weather with a cold. While having the cold I got food poisoning. The worst. Today is the first day I have the strength to write. The whole time I was sick I wanted to recover quickly so I can get back to sober is the new black. Writing helps me self reflect. When I’m not writing I feel stagnate, stuck and without a purpose. Just floating through life without really living.

When I was an active addict I was obsessed with Amy Winehouse, her music was so raw and in a way very rebellious. At the time I wasn’t aware I was an addict. I knew I would drink in abundance, was in a dark place. I wasn’t aware that everything that was going wrong in my life was due to substance abuse. The universe kept giving me signs with every car I crashed, with every friend I lost, with every fight that happen. I connected with Amy Winehouse music on so many levels. Now that I’m sober I still love her music but now my perception of her and her music has changed. I see an artist that was suffering, trying to find herself through her music. Lost and a bit disheveled not rebellious. Her behavior, which seemed reckless at times, was just a symptom from the mind and body disease. I feel a bit sad she was never able to overcome her addiction . Her music will live on and her life can be a lesson “addiction doesn’t discriminate; rich, poor, black, white, gay or straight”. If I kept on being an active addict it would have put me six feet under. I am so grateful for the awareness sobriety has brought me. When she past I was in complete shock, that day i felt a bit heavy with sadness. Even after her death i kept on using not seeing Amy tragic end as a lesson or wake up call.

When I was in my early 20’s I would never look towards the future. I was only looking for the next instant gratification which was getting high, buzz, getting off, money, shoes Etc. I didn’t care about the future or long-term goals because I didn’t think I was capable of anything great. My mind would feed me False lies from a dark past. It was so easy using my dark past as an excuse for my behaviors and habits. My infected mind wouldn’t allow me to see possibility, a great future, happiness, love, self worth. It kept feeding, past hurts, childhood stories, false self.

Just because one is sober the mind still can feed those negative stories but once you find a program that works and start healing. Those negative stories become strength. I now can go back, reflect and speak about my past without feeling hurt or anger towards them. It gets easier separating me from the mind and body disease. Catching those negative stories. Shutting it down in seconds. Sober is the New Black.

A new Documentary coming out this summer called Amy is about the rise and fall of Amy Winehouse. Opening our eyes to the real Amy. She was not her addiction. She was something greater.

One of my favorite performances from Amy is so raw you can feel every word in her voice.

https://youtu.be/KI3jwb4JZmY

Here are Some of poems I’ve Recently birth.

Feel free to share my poems, just credit me.

You can find all my poems on my instagram https://instagram.com/soberwriter

No matter how dark the night, or how bad you feel. The sun will rise and a new day will shine.

We are all different and have unique qualities. making us perfect and one of a kind.

When I was a child, I wanted to fly away to a new life far from the one I had. I was lonely, abused, hurt and did not trust anyone. I know there might be other kids running away. When they are stronger and ready to come home. love will embrace them.

I’m very grateful for knowing and feeling true love.

There will be times when life gets hard, people that we love will pass. We cant give up or forget who we are in the chaos of life

There are times when i lay in bed thinking I could have reacted better or done that better but when i lay in bed knowing i was the best me. That’s when i feel most beautiful inside and out.

once you heal and let go. happiness, joy, gratefulness, compassion will grow

I wrote this about my past addiction switching from cocaine to Alcohol

We all have moments of connecting with others. Whether its love or lust, I will not let my mind close me off to love. Or have expectations of love. Just be in the moment and enjoy their company.

In the past i would let my circumstances dictate how i acted and saw the world. My life at the time define every part of me but i realized i am not my circumstances, I will create my life starting with my thoughts. When I change the way I look at things. The things I look at change.

Helping and Inspiring others is the greatest feeling of all

When we break we heal back stronger than before.

Stay connect with love, Adolfo Vasquez

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January 14, 2015

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DAY 236 Sober: Finding the purpose in what seems bad

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DAY 236 Sober: Finding the purpose in what seems bad

Hello friends, today is day 236 sober. It’s been a great day so far. Getting over a cold, one day I am fine and the next I feel sick. I have been thinking a lot about some of the roads I’ve walked and I am starting to believe there is no such thing as bad if you find the purpose in It. I feel the universe knows what I need to evolve into my full potential. I have to go through hard times or what seem bad and stay open to finding the purpose. It creates a wiser, stronger, and better self. So the heartbreaks, people passing, relapses are all great lessons

Staying in the same thought process, Sometimes what I think is good for me might actually turn out to be bad. I feel like I am a filter to what life brings. Filtering out what seems bad and keeping what seems good.

I used this story before but if a mother who was an addict, had two daughters one turn out to be a doctor saving millions of lives and the other daughter becomes an addict and you asked one child why she become a doctor she replies her mother being an addict and you asked the other daughter why she became an addict she replies her mother being an addict. Was that experience of living with a mother who was an addict a bad thing? If it weren’t for that experience her daughter, who was a Doctor would have never saved those lives. I guess its what you make out of every situation and circumstance maybe there is only good and you just have to be open to search for it. Sober is the New Black. I now know with every part of my heart, I would not change the roads I’ve walked because it brought me here today with a great understanding of myself and what I want to do.

I know it’s a bit away, but I am closer to a year sober than ever before. It makes me very proud. Every day sober is a celebration, I make every day count by creating art and trying to help others. I will not let anyone try to convince me otherwise.

Here are some of my latest poems. Some related to this blog post, others about life and love.

I’ve been listening to Bob Marley lately; his words are so poetic and beautiful. Great music in the morning commutes. Keeping me high on that thing called Life.

http://youtu.be/QrY9eHkXTa4

Stay connected with, love Adolfo Vasquez

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July 22, 2014

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DAY 60 Sober: Rebuilding after a Tsunami of Addiction, Sober Hangover

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DAY 60 Sober: Rebuilding after a Tsunami of Addiction

Hello Friends, In the past 2 months, 60 days, 1440 hrs, 86400 mins, 1584000 seconds I have learned so much about myself and life. Not everyday is Blissful but I choose the amount of suffering I want to endure. Tears are necessary for healing. I need to watch my thoughts carefully. I need to surround myself with positive things and people. My mental and body disorder called Alcoholism is not a choice but me picking up a drink is. Spiritual practices including the steps are the key to my success. Surrendering to a higher power that I understand it to be is such a relief and it’s more of a feeling that can’t be written down. I am finding myself more and more everyday something’s are not pretty and some are a bit dark that needs to be healed but the awareness of them only comes when I am sober and seeking. I want to inspire and be inspired everyday by others, There is always someone with one less day than me that I can help, even if its just listening and showing compassion. I am a lot stronger than I give myself credit for. Being sober has thought me how to create from within; love, joy, compassion, understanding, empathy, and gratefulness and with those you can create healthy long term loving relationship. With 60 days sober comes creativity and passion that’s met with action not just thoughts. My old drunken words were false and met with only letdowns.

Today at 2 months sober, I struggle with the pain my addiction has caused others and the wave of pain that hit like a tsunami killing, destroying everything breathing, living and pure in my life. Even devastating tsunami waters receded and flowers and trees will blossom again. I am rebuilding my life one brick at a time, with a strong foundation, away from that ocean of addiction that creates a tsunami of pain. Rebuilding my life will take a lot of effort, tears and work. I will create a peaceful garden so I can meet with my higher power on a daily basis. I will build a home and plant nutrition trees that will feed my mind with positive thoughts, positive actions, and healthy hobbies. I will build a library were I can store all my spiritual books and lessons I have learn. I will build my home big so I can fill it with the love of my life and maybe create little blessing that have small fingers and toes I can kiss, Far away and up high from that ocean of addiction. I will also build a movie theater were I can play my movies I create for free. I will build a small little shop on the corner where I can sell my writings. I will dance every night with my love and kids under the stars. That’s my dream, my goal, and my creation. Sober is the new black. I am grateful for everybody that is checking in on Sober is the New Black and for everybody support. Ingrid Michaelson far away is a perfect song for today.

Stay connect with love, Adolfo

Sober Is The New Black

Tag Archives: stronger

400 Days of Sober

Day 393 Sober: Finding Art in Recovery

DAY 386 Sober: Positive Thoughts

Day 379 Sober: June Gloom

DAY 370 Sober: Lies Addiction Feeds the Mind

Day 327 Sober: Amy Winehouse

DAY 236 Sober: Finding the purpose in what seems bad

DAY 60 Sober: Rebuilding after a Tsunami of Addiction