Tag Archives: Sobriety

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February 13, 2015

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Day 265 Sober: A Sober Valentine

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Day 265 Sober: A Sober Valentine

Today is Day 265 sober; it’s been such a wonderful day. Tomorrow is valentine’s days. Last year I was in a sober facility in the valley trying to stay sober with a broken heart. I was confused, but I knew I wanted to be sober, but I relapsed a short time after because I did not know how to stop and I wasn’t at my bottom. When I look back I feel bad for my old self. I was trying to keep all together, just got out of 3-year relationship, Losing love was more difficult than staying sober. I had really nowhere to go, lost, scared and felt very defeated in life. I disliked myself in every way. Swimming in a river of guilt. Lonely to the extreme.

I now sit here in tears because I’ve come so far in my recovery; life is great in every aspect of my life. My rent is paid for the rest of the year. I am taking 5 months off of work to write, rewrite and live like a traveling nomad. Started investing in mutual funds for the future. Working on my book that will be finish in April 2015 I am still not the person I want to be but I will continue on in sobriety. I want to be more compassionate to others, less attach to material things, let go of needs, pray more, write more, live in the moment more, help others whether in service or poetry, surround myself with only positive and mindful people, take some creative writing class. So those are my short-term goals. I am also very inspired by dark and gritty might be from my past. I love using it in my writings. I do have some dark writings I’ve been working on; I don’t want to alarm people so I might just post them on Instagram and facebook. You can follow me at http://instagram.com/soberwriter

This valentine’s day I’ll be spending it with an incredible man who wants to take me on a date, excited and a bit nervous. Sober is the New Black. I hope you all have a wonderful Valentines day and know the most important love is for oneself.

These are some of the latest poems I cooked up

be

 

Alcohol

 

Died

 

 

Me at day 264 Sober

Adolfo Vasquez

 

 

 

Lykke Li is one incredible artist, writer and performer. Her music inspires me to feel, weep and heal. I hope you love this visually striking video

 

 

 

Stay connect with love, Adolfo Vasquez

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January 10, 2015

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DAY 232 Sober: Macklemore

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DAY 232 Sober: Macklemore

Hello Friends today Is day 232 sober, sitting in a café on a rainy day is perfection. On the patio watching the rain clean the streets from rusty dirt. I am a film buff and I’ve been living in theaters the past two weeks. Just in time for the Golden Globes this Sunday. One of my long-term goals is to one-day work in the film industries. One dream at a time.

 

I admire and love people who are an advocate for sobriety. Ben Haggerty from Macklemore is one of those. His music, lyrics, and vocal-ness about his past addiction, is very inspiring.  Not only can you detach from the substance and find life again but you can also achieve unimaginable dreams that once seemed so foreign while using. He inspires me to keep reaching for my dreams.

 

I’ve relapsed, a bunch of times in the past but my heart always wanted to be free from Alcohol, but I just didn’t know how. Relapses are very common in addiction and the beauty in that are the lesson when you look back. If there is anyone out there that relapse it’s ok there so much strength in starting over, walk down different streets, separate yourself from everything that might trigger you until you are strong enough. I am one drink away from death is what I tell myself and when I need reminding. I am so grateful I have only had one craving in this recovery. An Alcoholic craving a beer happens, and you shouldn’t get scared. Push through with clearing your mind, with prayer, meditation, books, online speakers, or meetings. Whatever works for you, when I was getting sober in the past, I would sit in a parking lot listening to a warrior by the name of Astrid Howe, and hearing her words over and over again until I left the parking lot believing in sobriety. Sober is the New Black.

The link below is an interview Ben Haggerty did with MTV recently. I hope his words resonate with someone it did with me. I am so grateful for sobriety, my readers and for life.

http://www.mtv.com/videos/?id=1721485

 

THESE SONGS BELOW ARE FROM MACKLEMORE, IT’S NEVER TO LATE TO BE THAT PERSON YOU DREAM. Start over.

 

I wrote a few minutes ago and I can’t stop crying. There is some more healing to be done inside my heart when it comes to forgiving the hurt I have caused. Sometimes I feel when people find out I am in recovery all they see, is an addict as opposed to a human healing from a mind disorder. Plenty of doors have closed due to my battle. Lost tons of friends at a time when I needed them the most. It feels great to cry and opening the soul so you can heal. I hope this poem opens up family and friends eyes to understanding what goes on in a loved one who might be suffering.

 

Relapse poem

 

Stay Connected with love, Adolfo Vasquez

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January 8, 2015

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DAY 230 Sober: Pink Cloud

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DAY 230 Sober: Pink Cloud

Hello Friends today is day 230 sober, I’ve been a bit under the weather but feeling a lot better. I am noticing not just my mind changing but also my body. When I was using had really dry skin turning into rashes, Feeling tired, overweight, discoloration  on parts of my skin, some vision issues, acid reflux are just some of the body symptoms from long-term alcohol abuse. The body heals itself when you put the right vitamins in the body.

What’s most rewarding is the mind detoxing and becoming very clear. I can now embrace life, people in recovery talk about a pink cloud phase. So far the pink cloud has last beyond 7 months, maybe because I allowed my pink cloud to expand allowing me to feel human. I don’t miss drinking one bit or my old surroundings. I was beyond stagnant, to the point of death. I had a moment of becoming self-aware, but work took me to this place of peace. It took a bit of time and I still have a ways to go but I know without a doubt life becomes a life once you detach from substance, ego and past.

Feeling anything at all sober is such a beautiful thing. Writing has consumed my life for the past 7 months and I love it. I realized I needed to become friends with a word called “Balance”. Still learning about creating a healthy balance between writing and being out in the world. I am an introvert and it’s not a bad thing. It can hinder my ability to make friends but also gives me time with myself to reflect. Every day, I’m evolving so who I am today will not be the same a year from now. I don’t ever want to stop, expanding my purpose and my mind. Everything looks so bright from the light shining in from a window. To the moon, in the night, inspired by sobriety. Letting my inner light guide my mind and I. Sober is the new Black.

This song From Vance joy is such a lovely song, every word rings true to my heart. Vance joy First time.

These poems below are all from the heart the last couple of days. About love lost and about finding beauty in hard times. I hope they can inspire someone who might be suffering to find the beauty in it.

 

EXPOSEDPOEM GOLDPOEM LOVEPOEM TRUTHPOEMUNSEEN POEM

 

This photo below is me, when I was using and me today day 230 sober.

Day 230sober

 

Sober is the new black

Stay connected with love, Adolfo Vasquez.

 

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December 10, 2014

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200 Days of Sober

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200 Days of Sober

Hello Friends, today 200 days sober! I’ve been sick but mustard up some strength to write. This has been the longest I’ve been sober in so long, I relapsed a bunch of times but it’s never too late to start over. So many lessons in my relapses I take with me into this newly sober life. I feel peace that was once unheard of in my sobriety time. The longer that I am sober, my days pass without me even really thinking about being sober. Life seems to be flowing and I am just riding along. In some ways I am finding new parts of me that I never knew existed, life seems very normal. It feels great knowing the new normal eventually turns into a normal. I have been around booze and it doesn’t change the way I feel or makes me question my sober shine.

I’ve notice when meeting people for the first time and they ask me what I do, I don’t mind telling them about my blog or the book that is currently being written. Sobriety works for me and I don’t expect others to fill the same. It seems people are very nice others I can feel a bit of  hesitation. The word addict can scare a person, but it’s understandable, the symptoms of the mental disorder can cause harm to myself and to others if I’m using. Some people are unaware because they don’t know addicts or do know addicts and have been wounded by them and think I choose to be an addict. I used to care what others thought, in the beginning of sobriety I question if I should let a person know about sober is the new black? Or wait until they actually got to know me but the reality is, sobriety is number one the rest follows and I can’t be with someone or have friends that don’t understand that. I need people to see past my disorder and see my heart. A person who is unaware of the mental disorder might also think a person in recovery is not fun to hang out with or is a downer. Just to clarify it is quite the opposite. In my case I am laughing all the time, wanting to dance, a better friend and outgoing, very open to trying new things. When I was using I was secluded, non-social, not wanting to do anything, in dive bars, passing out early and getting drunk early, emotional, angry, would get offend by everybody and everything. I was no fun to be around.

 

Now that I am sober, know one can make me feel any less than what I feel for myself. I am very content with the friends I have in my life at the moment, I am now building on those relationship, instead of looking for validation in others who I just met or lost due to my addiction. Next week I’ll be in Palm Springs CA for a few weeks, so  pools, dancing, and great writing sessions is what’s in store for me. Catching up with my family and loved ones. Going to see my mom and dad for some healing moments. My parents also suffered from addiction and so my childhood wasn’t the best and it molded my mind and eyes and affected the way I saw the world and myself in a negative way. I was an addict before I took my first substance, I had addiction tendencies and very self-abusive. I just need to get better before I head home, this fever and sore throat isn’t fun! I’ve been taking vitamins and getting as much sleep as I can. I have not written a poem in a while but feel content because I need to be 100 percent so I can create poetry.

DAY 91 SOBER POEM

 

Sober is the New Black

 

A lot of Sia music seems to be about addiction not sure if she struggled with it herself, but it helps me in times of need. Burn the pages off Sia new album is such a powerful song and I hope it inspires others to take out all the negative thoughts, feelings and past put them in a book and burn it and rise from the ashes, Rebirth.

Stay connect with love, Adolfo Vasquez

 

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December 6, 2014

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DAY 196 Sober: Oprah

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DAY 196 Sober: Oprah

Hello Friends, today is day 196 sober. Had a great week did not write as much, but I had to take a little break for a minute, some soul searching and letting go. My last post was from a hurt sober me, today I sit here, not hurt and still sober. It’s a beautiful thing to deal with pain sober I heal faster and stronger and everything is a lot clearer with my best interest. Tonight I will be attending an art show in downtown LA; a friend has some her work on display. Got some new shoes and pants, of course, black. The last few days I’ve been letting go of wanting the outcome with my ex to be different. Did some soul research and came to conclusion my life is Greater than one break up and my life will go on and thrive. I am not lacking without him because I have all in need within myself. He was a lesson I needed to learn so I can become a better me. I feel so much peace, and find myself laughing more, finding peace in staying home. Very grateful my higher power guided me back to a peaceful place with a great lesson learned. Once you let go the universe will render, on that note I will stay single until my year sober. Me time but that doesn’t mean I can’t enjoy others company, meet a cool guy but nothing serious, a movie buddy.

 

Very quite and simple Sunday will consist of me reading all day at my favorite coffee shop and a meeting.

 

Oprah is someone I look to so I can find tools to help me reach my full potential. There are some videos; one is definition of forgiveness that I have to re-watch at time’s and the second is about mistake’s both so powerful, and I hope it helps some out there who might be struggling with mistakes they have made and forgiving oneself. We all have infinite possibility despite are mental disorder addiction; Addicts that are in recovery are the strongest people I’ve ever known. Sober is the New Black

 

 

 

 

 

Stay connect with love, Adolfo Vasquez

 

 

 

 

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November 28, 2014

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DAY 188 Sober: Holidays Sober

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DAY 188 Sober: Holidays Sober

Hello, Friends, Today is 188 days sober, hope you all had a great Thanksgiving. I spent the holiday at my aunts in Bakersfield CA. I had so much fun spending time with my loved ones. Thanksgiving use to be filled with bottles of endless wine, whiskey, and beer. I had no cravings, just for the prime rib. I was in the moments. I did miss la a bit and my writing routine but very grateful for the time i spent with my loved ones. Me not drinking did not enter my mind one bit. Sobriety feels freeing, not shackled with all the mind noise, caging me from a good time. If I ever do feel uncomfortable it is important that I surround myself with people who love me so I can excuse myself and I know they would understand. My Sobriety above everything else because without sober I don’t have anything including my family. I would loose all trust I worked so hard to gain.  I live in a state of gratefulness for people letting me back in.

I am now back in LA for two weeks than heading back home to Palm Springs CA for 2-3weeks. Last year around this time I went back home for two weeks and spent a thousand bucks on booze. This time I will be more productive on my long-term goals; I will get a huge chunk of my book finish. Sitting in coffee shops writing also thrift shopping and visiting family. I love to dance, so a nightclub with some amazing friends will be in the works. I am starting to feel peace with being single and learned so much from my past relationship, excited to see what is next. I cannot focus on a relationship at the moment. What is keeping me sober without the mind noise for the holiday is staying in the moments, meeting with my higher power in the morning and my program. Surrounding myself with love and knowing I am an addict and finding peace with that.

Having an addiction to Alcohol is different than any other substance because it is legal; it’s at every dinner table, on signs and billboards. For example, I am a recovering heroin addict and eating dinner with my mom and she orders some heroin and shoots up in front of me. That could be hard for someone in the early weeks of sobriety. The first weeks I was not ready to be around it and I needed to learn to be ok with it in my face, I can’t hide from booze I need to see through the booze. I had to make a new normal that is now the normal.  Sober is the New Black

 

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This song from The killers Be still, helped me through difficult moments and if there is anyone out there, who might be suffering or having a hard time in sobriety. Hope it helps

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November 1, 2014

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DAY 161 SOBER: Loving me Whole

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DAY 161 SOBER: Loving me Whole

Hello Friends today is day 161 sober, It’s a beautiful day in Los Angeles. I needed some new optical glasses and headed over to little Tokyo, Warby Parker has some amazing glasses. I am now at my Favorite Coffee shop in Korea town. My goal this weekend is to write and spend sometime relaxing with my brother. I’ve been working ton of hours that allows little to no writing time. I am so grateful for the readers of Sober is the new black, This month the blog will be more active with my poetry, writing and starting some new aspects, That currently in the works. My book will be done in May and hopefully to print. Since I have gotten sober, I’ve had one craving about a month ago.

 The mind is so different this time sober because I shut down that craving quickly. It was a huge step in my recovery process in the past, I would dwell and suffer in that craving but I change my thought and reminded myself of step one. It vanished, Cravings are part of the recovery process and I use that experience as a test to see if my program is working. So far my program is working, it helped me get through it and no cravings since.

 

This week I was on instagram and found a photo of a monk and his brother, both so different. I love looking at people from a far or photos and finding a story. When I saw this photo it impacted me tremendously. People could read it as good or bad, I see it more as the monk accepting his brother whole, seeing him only in the light of love and not in his own opinion or ego. I want to start seeing people souls more as opposed to their life scars that lay on their skin. I don’t know their story or why they are the way they are. I am not here to judge but I am here to hold their hand while they weep. I am going to be 29 in a week and I want to start being kinder, letting go of mind funk that makes me feel lesser at times. I need to be kinder to myself.

 

I want people to see past my disorder, my chubby cheeks, the food I eat, past my old ways and see my soul, see the good in me. Yes my disorder hurt a lot of people caused a lot of tears but I am a changed person due to my recovery, Lesson learned and the wheels keep turning. The photo below is of a monk and  his brother, I hope today the readers suffer less and become fearless in the fight of sobriety. Sober is the new black.

 

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Sober is the New Black 

Stay connect with love, Adolfo Vasquez

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October 14, 2014

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DAY 144 Sober: Alive and Feeling Life

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DAY 144 Sober: Alive and Feeling Life

Hello Friends. Today is day 144 sober. Lately I’ve been learning how to accept  life’s decisions. Everything happens for a reason and I have to accept the universe plans even if it hurts. Yes pain is part of life and so is heart breaks, I just have to stay focus on my healing. In the past when life wasn’t going as plan I would give up and give in to coping substances but now I am allowing myself to endure pain and learn how to work through it with a clean mind and body. I don’t want an ounce of that liquid poison. I crave other things like healing, writing and finding a purposeful day. Yes my heart might be broken but it’s a sober heart and it’s grieving in a healthy way without booze. Whether its happiness or sadness, it’s great to know I am capable of feeling life without booze.

 

 

I’ve been working like crazy and have stop my daily posts on Sober is the New Black. I will get back to my daily entries once this work season is over. I also have some projects in the works but I had to pause them for the moment. My goal is to take off 3 months of work at the end of this year so I can finish my book I’ve been creating. I am adding another element to it and I am very excited. It needs to be perfect and I need to take my time so it can be right. I am aware of how blessed I am to be able to take 3 months off of work and I don’t want to take it for granted. In the past I would spend my time off wasting tons of money on hotels, booze and partying after the work season. This time I want to invest my time and money on my long-term goals and dreams. Sober is the New Black. I am grateful for life, family, friends, for my strength to endure life’s blues and for my sobriety that keeps me alive.

 

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