DAY 260 Sober: Living For Love

Hello Friends, today is day 260 sober. Every time I hear about substance abuse taking away someone life, famous or not famous, I feel a wave of sadness flow upon my skin. I just hope if there is anyone still using, find strength and reach out to someone who could help. I also hope families who have lost loved ones to addiction find some peace in knowing Nobody is born wanting to become an addict. It’s a mixture of circumstances that create the addicts mind and the circumstances vary in each addict. I feel very grateful for that moment of clarity on May 24 2014.

 

The longer I am sober the more I’m finding me, finding the great stuff, but also the stuff that needs to be worked on personally and professionally. The past few days I’ve been waking up in a grouchy mood but I am sober and that’s in itself a blessing. Today I feel great. The beginning of sobriety, I was a bit confused by the saying “ one day at a time”. I can’t just live one day at a time, I need to work towards my future and towards my healing but now I get it. All I can do is be present “in the moment” as I work towards the future and when Life doesn’t go as plan all I can do is accept it and figure out what is the next right move towards my future.

 

I don’t know what my future holds for me, but I know I can be the co-creator with the ultimate creator. Being sober is really new for me. I’m less than a year sober, but I am already in visioning a marriage, kids, and a home maybe not in la maybe somewhere green with a forest in the back yard. I want to connect with someone on a spiritual level, who accepts me whole, with flaws. Who allows me to make mistakes in order to learn I don’t want to become one with someone but be two separate beings that face the world together, not letting the outside influence how we feel about each other.  I crave human connection on a deeper level.

Dealing with life sober can be scary, confusing at times, sad, overwhelming but that’s when choices come into play, I can be the solution to the issue or I can make it into a bigger problem. Continuing making the right moves down the path called life. Sober is the New Black.

Love Softly

 

Madonna Living for love is what I’m doing “In this moment” working towards love.

 

Stay connected with love, Adolfo Vasquez

8 Months Sober

Hello Friends today is 8 months sober, today I feel content with my recovery process. I’m grateful for life, human connection, and for finding myself every day. I’m starting to understand what they mean by its not the destination its all about the journey. I have to embrace every circumstance life brings me with a positive outlook. Rewiring my mind to see the world in a positive way. The way I use to see the world and understand the world was with eyes molded from past pain, childhood traumas, low self-esteem and fear. All those intertwined caused my substance abuse disorder. I did not know how to have a human connection so I bonded with alcohol, now I am learning to see everybody in the light of love and understanding without ego.

Last week I felt empty and couldn’t understand why but a spiritual teacher by the name of Jesse Ann Nichols George spoke some words to me that really help me understand the feeling of emptiness. The feeling of emptiness is a sign of progression. I have emptied myself from the negative and I can fill my life with something new, mindful and purpose filled. Going to start pushing myself to write Short stories, still writing poetry but I need to push myself with my writing. I felt a bit stagnant so grateful for her wisdom.

At 8 months sober, my eyes see my surroundings in a different way, I notice things I have yet seen. Small stuff too big stuff from the crack in the wall in my apartment to the love that surrounds my life. My senses are heightened; I feel life to the extreme. I wake up happy, wanting to find purpose in every day. I finding myself in tears most of my days, happy tears also sometimes sober blues tears. Lately the reason is fear based that I am working on, I know if I just stay sober life will open up but I’m also working towards dreams and I get fearful that I may fail but even those fears won’t stop me from working my butt off. Sober is the New Black.

So if there is anyone early in recovery that might be having a hard time, just remember you are also detoxing the mind and your feelings will be up and down, if you just push on those feelings they will level out and life gets clear. The wanting or cravings might not go away right away, but you become so strong that you can change your thoughts to positive ones. That will help you get through the cravings. Take those painful feelings and create art, make it meaningful. It will bring so much joy and peace. Sober is The new Black

 

I’ve been working on this short story the past couple days, it’s called A boy and his Bear. Hope you like it.

A boy and his bear

A boy and his bear

Here is a poem I wrote yesterday, go to Disneyland, camping, eat some smore’s. It’s never too late

childhood

childhood

Me at 8 months sober

Adolfo Vasquez

Adolfo Vasquez

This video is of Ira Glass so inspiring if there is anyone who is an artist struggling must watch

 

This song from Ellie Goulding your song is for anybody who is struggling with recovery, it’s so wonderful and beautiful that you are alive in this world, believe that and also feel that in your heart. I love you so much.

 

Stay connect with love, Adolfo Vasquez

DAY 236 Sober: Finding the purpose in what seems bad

Hello friends, today is day 236 sober. It’s been a great day so far. Getting over a cold, one day I am fine and the next I feel sick.  I have been thinking a lot about some of the roads I’ve walked and I am starting to believe there is no such thing as bad if you find the purpose in It. I feel the universe knows what I need to evolve into my full potential. I have to go through hard times or what seem bad and stay open to finding the purpose. It creates a wiser, stronger, and better self. So the heartbreaks, people passing, relapses are all great lessons

Staying in the same thought process, Sometimes what I think is good for me might actually turn out to be bad. I feel like I am a filter to what life brings. Filtering out what seems bad and keeping what seems good.

I used this story before but if a mother who was an addict, had two daughters one turn out to be a doctor saving millions of lives and the other daughter becomes an addict and you asked one child why she become a doctor she replies her mother being an addict and you asked the other daughter why she became an addict she replies her mother being an addict. Was that experience of living with a mother who was an addict a bad thing? If it weren’t for that experience her daughter, who was a Doctor would have never saved those lives. I guess its what you make out of every situation and circumstance maybe there is only good and you just have to be open to search for it. Sober is the New Black. I now know with every part of my heart, I would not change the roads I’ve walked because it brought me here today with a great understanding of myself and what I want to do.

 

I know it’s a bit away, but I am closer to a year sober than ever before. It makes me very proud. Every day sober is a celebration, I make every day count by creating art and trying to help others. I will not let anyone try to convince me otherwise.

Here are some of my latest poems. Some related to this blog post, others about life and love.

the mad i dream high the good in life bad is good

 

 

 

I’ve been listening to Bob Marley lately; his words are so poetic and beautiful. Great music in the morning commutes. Keeping me high on that thing called Life.

http://youtu.be/QrY9eHkXTa4

 

Stay connected with, love Adolfo Vasquez

DAY 226 Sober: Addiction was my Blessing

Hello Friends, Today is day 226 sober. I got back home last night. Had a wonderful two weeks in Palm Springs Ca. Met some new friends, dance the nights away with old friends. Spent every moment in a state of gratefulness. Very blessed to have two weeks off.  Enjoyed every moment of seeing my Family.

I saw both my parents and felt nothing but love. I knew I had to leave my past in the past and only see them in the light of love. Only with a clean and sober mind I was able to realize my parents issues are their own. It has nothing to do with my space that I create. I realize it comes down to choices, I can choose to not have them in my life but that would be based on a past I am no longer part of. Or I can have them in my life and see them as who they are today. Understanding and compassion is the state of mind I want to be in at all time. Talking to my parents brought me a new understanding on why my childhood was so dark. I can’t change it nor change my parents, I have to accept them whole and move forward. I choose to have them in my life with boundaries, I have to put myself first and my recovery. Why not have them in my life? They both love me and deal with addiction as I do. When my parents are about to cross over to their new beginning I want to know I did all I could in our relationship.  I wanted my parents to let go of the guilt they buried, I am ok and they should be as well. Tied up loose ends and letting go of all the mind haze was what I needed for the New Year. I now sit in Los Angeles feeling peace and a lighter. When I was using it was very convent to use that childhood story for people to understand and feel sorry for me. Time to create a new story, one filled with strength, inspiration, hope, and the power to overcome anything and everything.

 

Before I left my hometown I made sure that 3-year-old boy that was dwelling in me feeding me the stories of my past stayed behind. He is no longer dictating my life or how I see others. I can reflect back to understand what I need work on and inspire, but I will not connect my emotions to it. I had lots of love around me growing up but was blinded by my parents abuse to see it. Everything happens for a reason and I wouldn’t change one moment of my childhood or drunken stumbles, the reason being all those things got me here today with a wiser mind, a compassion heart, Clean and strong, In the state of gratefulness and seeing and feeling beauty in everything. My addiction put in me in recovery where I learned how to forgive the past but also myself and to heal. Without addiction, I don’t know if I would have been able to forgive my past or it might have taken a lot longer. So addiction was my blessing. Sober is the new black.

 

Here are some of my latest peoms.

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Devendra Banhart is perfection. one of my favorite artist. This song called freely has carried me out of hardships in my life. Hope you enjoy it.

 

Stay Connected with love,  Adolfo Vasquez

DAY 221 Sober: Life Changing year in Review

Hello Friends, Today is day 221 sober. Hope you all are having a wonderful new years eve. The last day of 2014, No cravings for that old and wasted nightlife. This past year has been a life-changing year. The year started out in a very dark place, losing love and friends, in and out of sober facility’s, courts rooms, body feeling long-term abuse of alcoholism, no purpose or direction. To now sitting in a café, writing sober with a book in the works. Sober is the New Black started out as me documenting my day-to-day struggles, I would have never thought it would evolve to being seen in over 88 countries. Beyond grateful for all the readers that have inspired my heart. I feel so much love it’s indescribable.  Now all I want to do is help others who may be struggling or know someone who is struggling.  I found a new love for poetry. I’m able to reflect back on my growth.

As I write, I am in tears because I know how hard this year has been but also the most rewarding. I am madly in love with sobriety. Feeling human again, dreaming dreams like I did as a child. Feeling happy, joy and peace but also sad at times but that means I am alive and for that I am so grateful.

When, I was using I did have lots of love around me but the disorder blinded me. I can now see love, but also I feel it inside for others but more importantly for myself. It’s in every cell of my body. No matter how dark my surroundings are light will shine through. It is possible to go from Rock bottom to living dreams in one year. Anything is possible once you start clearing your mind and body from the substance and start listening inwards and healing. Watching the mind disorder in the form of thoughts and eventually it will be so quiet, it’s almost non-existent. Sober is the new black. I don’t usually make new years resolution, not in my DNA, but I will say this coming year will consist of my staying sober and healing. Working on long-term goals.

Who knows Sober is the New Black might end up on the silver screen? Wink-wink. I will continue writing poetry, Finding myself and living my truth. See you next year!

 

Here are some of my last poems of 2014

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This year hands down SIA Album 1000 fears forms of fear has inspired my life. Sia Chandelier is about Addiction.

 

Here are some of the lyrics.

But I’m holding on for dear life, won’t look down, won’t open my eyes
Keep my glass full until morning light, ’cause I’m just holding on for tonight
Help me, I’m holding on for dear life, won’t look down, won’t open my eyes
Keep my glass full until morning light, ’cause I’m just holding on for tonight
On for tonight

Sun is up, I’m a mess
Gotta get out now, gotta run from this
Here comes the shame, here comes the shame

1, 2, 3, 1, 2, 3, drink
1, 2, 3, 1, 2, 3, drink
1, 2, 3, 1, 2, 3, drink

Throw ’em back ’til I lose count.

 

The video is a bit haunting. I see it as a younger self that hasn’t healed or A younger SIA that has been through a hard childhood dealing with Alcohol to cope. Sober is the New Black.

 

 

stay connect with love, Adolfo Vasquez

 

 

 

DAY 208 Sober: Sobriety my Foundation

Hello friends, today is day 208 sober. Getting my ducks in a row. Heading back home tomorrow, so excited to see my loved ones and to write in my hometown. My hometown haves tons of memories that made me who I am today. Huge amount of growth since I’ve left palm springs ca. I’ll be back in los Angeles the beginning of next year, my goal is to return with Amends I had made from the ones I’ve hurt and some peace from the ones that hurt me.

 

As the days go on and I am sober my mind is getting quiet and that allows me to find myself. Some stuff is great that I am finding like deep love for myself, very content with my life. I am also finding stuff that needs to be worked on. I’m a very sensitive person and at times I feel life my heart lives on my skin. That’s not a bad thing, I have tons of compassion for others but I do need to work on not letting people opinion on my recovery program effect me. I am sober and not craving but also healing so it’s working. My way might not work for others and my healing shouldn’t prevent someone else from healing him or herself. I am a human and will be hurt, feel pain, be heartbroken, but I am learning how to cope through those things, embracing life at its fullest. Crying is part of healing and also knowing when to surrender the pain to that higher power. Everybody has a different definition of higher power and that’s a beautiful thing.

The reason behind me counting my days is for someone who is day 30 sober or day 68 sober and having a hard time, they can Google their days and my blog will appear. Maybe thy can relate to what I was going through that day and just maybe it could help in some ways. Today I feel so happy being sober; something I never knew was possible. I had to learn that sobriety would not solve all my worries or make my life perfect. Sobriety helps clear my mind so I can work towards a life that will bring peace and happiness. Sobriety is my foundation in life, I have to build the rest but I can’t build a healthy life without my sobriety foundation. Sober is the new black

 

image

 

Amanda palmer is someone who I love so much; Her song in my mind resonates with me. I am exactly the person I need to be in this moment of being.

 

 

Stay connect with love, Adolfo Vasquez

 

My new glasses

Adolfo Vasquez

Adolfo Vasquez