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March 24, 2015

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10 months sober

Hello Friends today is 10 months sober. It seems I had to learn most lessons the hard way. I think the reason is growing up I had no example or foundation. No teacher teaching me love, self worth or encouragement. When I first learned how to ride a bike I was six. It was a teenager bike with no helmet. My butt couldn’t touch the seat because my feet had to reach the pedals. I kept falling, crashing, cutting up my legs but I was determined so I kept getting back up. Eventually I got the hang of it.

I really wanted to learn how to ride a bike but did not have the proper tools like a bike for my age, helmet, knee pads or parents outside helping me but I knew I wanted to ride. After being bruised, hurt, bleeding. I finally LEARNED how to ride my bike. It took days but I was determined. The reason why this story is so profound is I took this learning into my adult life “Learning the hard way”

I was never taught how to receive or give love , or how to be a great friend. I was just trying to survive. I wanted to love but my actions never met how I felt. Every person I would meet I thought would eventually hurt me. My parents were suppose to protect me and teach me how to be a man but instead they abused me in more than one way. When I turned 15, I went out on my own without any tools.

I now have the proper tools so I don’t have to learn the hard way in some aspects of my life. When I was 6, if I had a bike my size,training wheels and parents teaching me. I would have learned a softer way.

Now In my adult life my training wheels will be hope/faith and my helmet/protection will be the high power that lives in me. What will help me get back up, guiding me will be my sobriety. I might still learn the hard way with some stuff but I am willing to learn and I know my falls won’t be as hard because of my clean and sober mind.

Ill be traveling to Seattle in at the end of April, very excited for this trip. One of many in the works. I hope to meet some of my readers of sober are the new black. I’ve had some readers approach me in public, letting me know they are reading, following and that it helps them self reflect. It sometimes hard for me to comprehend that I can help someone in his or her sobriety.It brings me so much joy and tears. so grateful . When I started the blog it was just I documenting my struggles but I realized it turn into something bigger and I am very grateful.

Macklemore is a huge inspiration to millions. Their music touch my heart in so many ways. Today I got an email from Macklemore and his company congratulating me on my 300 days of sober. Right now he is working on his new album. Can’t wait for it to come out. The videos below are some his songs talking about Ben Haggerty addiction and recovery. I love hearing others speak out about their addiction and recovery. Someone will here those words that might save their life.

Here some of my poems i have written in past couple of days

Here are some photos from Las Vegas

Stay connect with love Adolfo Vasquez

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March 20, 2015

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300 days of Sober

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300 days of Sober

Hello Friends today is day 300 sober. It feels pretty amazing celebrating 300 days of sober in palm springs CA my hometown. Just Arrived at one of my favorite spots called Azul. Heading out to Las Vegas tomorrow. I feel this new breeze of inspiration. In the beginning of 9 months sober I felt a bit of a haze of sadness. That has passed and feeling inspired again. I guess even people who don’t have an addiction go through periods of their life feeling a bit down. Sobriety forced me to self reflect, go inside myself finding my voice, inner light, find out why I was so self abusive. In doing so I found a love for poetry.

Poetry, poems, and prose are given life after I write them. They live on hopefully connecting with others. I hope they will Transcend from decade to decade. Even after I pass on. 100 years from now someone might read my poems and connect with it. Maybe it will help them, feel and understand what I meant in return keeping my spirit alive. Inspiring them to self reflect and heal encouraging them create art turning pain into inspiration.

When I am writing I feel free. No barricades, no filters, no boundaries. Away from ego and just my truth and feelings. I believe everyone is a writer and his or her life is the greatest story to tell. One can create their story in any art form, like photography, painting, writing, acting, creating clothes etc. Art is liberation. Liberation is where you find true self. That’s a place where I constantly want to live. Sober is the New Black

The past few months, I’ve been having dreams of my EX that would put me in a funk the next morning. The last two dreams was of him and his new boyfriend, in that dream I did not see him. I knew he was around because it was mention by others but I couldn’t find him. I just saw his shadows on the wall. It was like my mind was preparing me for a life without him or forcing me accept with is the truth. My mind did not want to see him yet. I did not wake up in a funk that time but an understanding.

The second dream I did see him face to face but he was unrecognizable, it was like I didn’t know who he was. He had long hair and tattoos. He would never. I feel that dream is telling me who I loved in the past isn’t who is today. I may be reading this dream wrong but Both dreams have been very therapeutic.

Last night I stay up a bit, scrolling trough old Facebook post. I went back to the beginning when Vince and I made it official Oct 29 2010. I wanted to see my old self, seeing old post brought me a sense of missing, not for booze but for his friendship. I also seen missed opportunities on my part that could have strengthened the relationship. I also saw myself as very stagnant no purpose, no fiery passion, and no sense of healing old wounds. That brought me another form of sadness, Vince never had the chance to see me blossom, what he worked so hard to help me with. I had some anger towards him recently but now I have no ill feelings. Sober is the New Black

I used to think Vince saved me but the reality was he taught me how to save myself and for that he will always be close to my heart.

In other news Sober is the New Black apparel line is coming out in the next few months and my book will be finish in April than off to the editors. Who would have thought that this boy would be close to a year sober, with a book in the works, and an apparel line? Sobriety brings dreams that are so big my mind could not have thought it possible when I was at my rock bottom. Well Vince always knew that it was possible for me to reach for dreams. Now I do and I will, I can and I did.

Here are some of the poems I birth this week, some joyful and some dark. All my truth in that moment.

This song from Kelly Clarkson is my truth

Stay connect with love, Adolfo Vasquez

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March 15, 2015

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DAY 295 Sober: Lack of Inspiration

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DAY 295 Sober: Lack of Inspiration

Hello Friends today is day 295 sober. I just got to my favorite café in Korea town, this blog was started in k-town and I am sure one-day end in k-town. I am in my nine months sober and this month has been amazing but also a bit confusing. This month I have felt a lack of inspiration, my work season will be ending soon and I will have a few months of to do whatever I pleased.

Not sure were the lack of inspiration is coming from but it might have to do with me feeling my life isn’t were I thought it would be. Even with the lack of inspiration in my nine months I still did not have a craving for substance. The way I’m programming my mind is to always see the silver lining. 9 months is a huge deal but isn’t that long to have created a whole new life. I’ve been an addict most of my life so I can’t expect 9 months sober to change over 15 years of substance abuse. I just have to stay sober and work my shit out. I don’t want to sound ungrateful for what I have accomplished so far. Last year around this time I was in court due to my mind disorder. So looking back helps me see that every part of my life is going great without booze. Lately some negative thoughts have been creeping up in my mind and not in the form of wanting to use but in the way I see others and myself. I am happy to be aware of it so I can change the tune of that voice. I need to read more and hangout with my in light or others call it GOD. Its ok, to feel not feel ok. I just cant live in it and change whatever it is that’s is making feel not ok.

I’ve been traveling a lot and it’s been amazing. This coming weekend ill be headed out to Nevada. Very excited for that going for a concert. I am planning a month trip somewhere once my work season is complete. The season starts back up in August so ill have around 4 months off to write and work on sober is the new black.

I have always been a bit of an introvert and would rather sit and write or watch film than be out socializing. That is something I need to be working on. Lately I’ve been meeting some cool people, new friends and learning how to build healthy relationships. In the past if a friend offended me or did something that didn’t sit well with my ego I would cut them off. I didn’t realize any kind of relationship whether it’s a boyfriend, friend or family takes work to build a strong friendship. Like listening without ego, spending time, showing love in the form of actions not just words, making an effort etc. All relationships go up and down just grateful to have a clean mind to work it out.

I just want to stop losing people I love. I think the more I am sober the less likely people will leave my life and more likely stay. Sober is the new black.

Here are some poems that I have written the past few days, hope you enjoy some of these raw feelings

Completely not me from Jenny Lewis lyrics sing true to my heart. hope you enjoy it as well.

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March 10, 2015

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DAY 290 Sober: Las Vegas

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DAY 290 Sober: Las Vegas

Hello Friends, today is day 290 sober. I just got back to Palm Springs from Las Vegas, Nevada. The home of sins, neon lights booze and gambling. Traveling is one of the joys of my life, seeing new things with clean eyes. Beyond grateful that I am able to have wonderful opportunities that allow me to travel, Every time I’m in Palm Springs CA its hard to leave and say goodbye to loved ones. I find myself not missing LA, maybe its just me being in the moment and taking in each day as if was my last.

My stepmother/ best friend joined me on this trip. We are both huge “The killers” fans and the lead singer of the band coming out with his second solo album. The show was at a venue called “Bunkhouse”. The first time I seen “The killers” was 10 years ago in Vegas. My stepmother was the age I am now. It feels really amazing to be here in a better state of mind, I did gamble a bit won a hundred bucks. The last time I was in Las Vegas was six years ago. At the time I was still drinking and in a bad place mentally. No purpose and floating through life without really living it. Don’t remember much about that experience but I know it involved me binge drinking. As a child I disliked the atmosphere but as I got older I learned to fall in love with the sin city.

Unfortunately a couple of hours before the venue opened we all got the news Brandon Flowers had to cancel the show due to illness. I traveled a long way with lack of sleep. I was so excited only to not see him. I can’t control life but I can choose to be devastated, hurt and angry or I can see the sliver lining. How blessed I am to be able to afford wonderful trips with my stepmother. Yes I was not able to see Brandon flowers but I was able to create amazing memories see friends back home, eat great food, laughing all the way and a little debauchery in gambling. Sliver linings are beautiful it brings me back to my soul and a place of gratefulness.

I’ll be heading back to Los Angeles in a few hrs. Back to work Tomorrow. Sober is the New Black.

This video of Brandon Flowers is perfection “only the young”. Hope you enjoy

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March 4, 2015

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DAY 284 Sober: Why Would I choose to be an Addict?

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DAY 284 Sober: Why Would I choose to be an Addict?

Hello Friends, Today is day 284 sober. I was visiting family in Bakersfield CA this past weekend. Every time I’m in Bakersfield, it’s like a great therapy session. Talking for hours with my aunts and stepmother. It’s great hearing them share their wisdom in life. Sometimes I think I am doing great and then his name spoken or an incident brought up from the past and my mind starts to go and go and go and go. I was a bit in a funk the first night there that lead into the next day. I have some hurt feelings still from my past relationship that I need to heal. I am aware there is no reason for these hurt feelings, he did nothing to hurt me. He came back into my life after I got sober and we tired to see where we both fit in each other life. My feelings came back strong and It was his choice to not work things out. I worked so hard those months without him in my life, becoming strong, letting go only to become vulnerable, opening my heart up once more only to get hurt again. It wasn’t his fault and he was also confused. It’s been months and months since this happened and yet I still find myself being woken up with vivid dreams, some good and some hurtful. Sometimes those dreams bleed into the day and I try and try to shake them off but the only way for me to feel better is to cry and write.

Afterwards I was back to day one at failed attempt at love. What was also hard was this time I was sober in recovery and had a chance to really be the man I knew I was but being sober could not render that hopeful dream. Sobriety can’t amend others perception of me it seems. Some family members think that addiction is a choice I made. Why would I choose to be an Addict? I guess their minds aren’t opened up enough to realize that the pain i caused was symptoms of the mind disorder called addiction. Yes its my choice not to drink but making choices when you are in the midst of a suffering addict, those choices are not my own they are the Addiction. People might see it as an excuse or a cop out but I take full responsibility for my actions. I cant explain or give reasons for a person that is no longer me.

People who know me personally know that I am a bit Naive, air head, foodie, loves to laugh, loves to love, loves to sleep past noon, dislike morning hikes, Always say ” If that makes sense” That’s who I am, When I would drink Alcohol I made scenes, very jealous, cry all the time, get offended, say the most hateful things, blackout, those are the symptoms.

The real me wakes up the next the day, feeling guilty, shame, hurt, hating myself. I tell myself I will never drink but that mind voice or addiction starts talking to me telling me to use. I did not have the proper tools to quiet that voice. Addiction is like living with two self’s. Some of the family members can relate to my EX because they have been in a relationship with someone who suffered with addiction. My family loves him and still wants him to be apart of our family, which is something I need to find peace with. I love his family as well but need him completely out of my life at the moment so I can heal from open wounds. It’s been over a year since we broke up but a few months after I got sober we reconnected. Not sure if the hurt feelings are from missing him in my life or him not wanting me in his life all the time but I need him out, ugh sounds confusing.

It’s my issue to figure out, I have to remind myself I wouldn’t be here today sober with a strong foundation if it wasn’t for that breakup. I want to love again and be in love but I have to clear my eyes from the past so I can see love with a clean slate and not with fear. Not sure if I could ever love like I did but I know I will love smarter and make better decisions. I will never give up on loving someone and I hope one day I can love even greater. Sober is the New Black.

If there is anyone in love with some who is suffering from addiction knows you will lose yourself trying to save them. The addiction becomes so huge consuming the relationship. My ex was never able to really deal with his issues because mine were overpowering. One day at a time. Sober is the New Black. I am not my drunken stumbles or the shame of causing pain to others but I am the person getting up everyday fighting to be a better me, whole and happy. Today I will sit and write and weep.

New gold Frames

Kate Nash Merry Happy is the perfect song for today.

Stay connected with love, Adolfo Vasquez

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February 24, 2015

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9 months Sober

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9 Months Sober

Hello friends today is 9 months sober. I just back from my vacation from palm spring California. I am in tears, every time I hit a milestone date like 9 months sober I get emotional. I never thought I would ever get this far. This is the longest I’ve been sober in 10 years. I am so grateful for life and for living with a clean mind.

Today I will celebrate with a wonderful dinner with someone very special. On my vacation, I went to a club and dance the night away, I did not having a craving. This year I will be thirty and so happy that I was able to have that spiritual Awakening before I hit the big 30. I saw a bunch of my family when I was back home, now that I am clean I now see the love that surrounds me. When I was using I was blind and thought it was me against the world but the reality was the world was on my side even when I did not believe. I had so much love and support. I feel it now with every part of my skin and soul. It sometimes gets hard leaving the ones I love, life goes fast and grandparents get older. I want to spend as much time with my loved ones, and get to know them better-becoming friend’s as well as family.

Life will get tough at some points in my recovery but having a clean mind so I can make the next right move is all I need. Lately I’ve been very chill and sometimes that can lead to me being complacent with my bank account, work and my writing but I need to push myself more and take sober is the new black to the next level. Not sure with what that level is but I have some great ideas. I am in the process of making some T-Shirts with the sober is the new black logo and in the process of being finished with my book

So today all I feel is joy and nothing can take that away especially if I create that from within myself. Sober is the new Black

Some Led Zeppelin for 9 months sober is the perfect tune for today. I hope you Enjoy.

Stay connect with love, Adolfo Vasquez

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February 13, 2015

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Day 265 Sober: A Sober Valentine

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Day 265 Sober: A Sober Valentine

Today is Day 265 sober; it’s been such a wonderful day. Tomorrow is valentine’s days. Last year I was in a sober facility in the valley trying to stay sober with a broken heart. I was confused, but I knew I wanted to be sober, but I relapsed a short time after because I did not know how to stop and I wasn’t at my bottom. When I look back I feel bad for my old self. I was trying to keep all together, just got out of 3-year relationship, Losing love was more difficult than staying sober. I had really nowhere to go, lost, scared and felt very defeated in life. I disliked myself in every way. Swimming in a river of guilt. Lonely to the extreme.

I now sit here in tears because I’ve come so far in my recovery; life is great in every aspect of my life. My rent is paid for the rest of the year. I am taking 5 months off of work to write, rewrite and live like a traveling nomad. Started investing in mutual funds for the future. Working on my book that will be finish in April 2015 I am still not the person I want to be but I will continue on in sobriety. I want to be more compassionate to others, less attach to material things, let go of needs, pray more, write more, live in the moment more, help others whether in service or poetry, surround myself with only positive and mindful people, take some creative writing class. So those are my short-term goals. I am also very inspired by dark and gritty might be from my past. I love using it in my writings. I do have some dark writings I’ve been working on; I don’t want to alarm people so I might just post them on Instagram and facebook. You can follow me at http://instagram.com/soberwriter

This valentine’s day I’ll be spending it with an incredible man who wants to take me on a date, excited and a bit nervous. Sober is the New Black. I hope you all have a wonderful Valentines day and know the most important love is for oneself.

These are some of the latest poems I cooked up

Me at day 264 Sober

Lykke Li is one incredible artist, writer and performer. Her music inspires me to feel, weep and heal. I hope you love this visually striking video

Stay connect with love, Adolfo Vasquez

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February 8, 2015

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DAY 260 Sober: Living For Love

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DAY 260 Sober: Living For Love

Hello Friends, today is day 260 sober. Every time I hear about substance abuse taking away someone life, famous or not famous, I feel a wave of sadness flow upon my skin. I just hope if there is anyone still using, find strength and reach out to someone who could help. I also hope families who have lost loved ones to addiction find some peace in knowing Nobody is born wanting to become an addict. It’s a mixture of circumstances that create the addicts mind and the circumstances vary in each addict. I feel very grateful for that moment of clarity on May 24 2014.

The longer I am sober the more I’m finding me, finding the great stuff, but also the stuff that needs to be worked on personally and professionally. The past few days I’ve been waking up in a grouchy mood but I am sober and that’s in itself a blessing. Today I feel great. The beginning of sobriety, I was a bit confused by the saying “ one day at a time”. I can’t just live one day at a time, I need to work towards my future and towards my healing but now I get it. All I can do is be present “in the moment” as I work towards the future and when Life doesn’t go as plan all I can do is accept it and figure out what is the next right move towards my future.

I don’t know what my future holds for me, but I know I can be the co-creator with the ultimate creator. Being sober is really new for me. I’m less than a year sober, but I am already in visioning a marriage, kids, and a home maybe not in la maybe somewhere green with a forest in the back yard. I want to connect with someone on a spiritual level, who accepts me whole, with flaws. Who allows me to make mistakes in order to learn I don’t want to become one with someone but be two separate beings that face the world together, not letting the outside influence how we feel about each other. I crave human connection on a deeper level.

Dealing with life sober can be scary, confusing at times, sad, overwhelming but that’s when choices come into play, I can be the solution to the issue or I can make it into a bigger problem. Continuing making the right moves down the path called life. Sober is the New Black.

Madonna Living for love is what I’m doing “In this moment” working towards love.

Stay connected with love, Adolfo Vasquez

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February 3, 2015

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DAY 255 Sober: Surrendering

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DAY 255 Sober: Surrendering

Hello Friends today is day 255 sober, the past few days have been really chill. Love waking up without hangover aches or guilt deep in my heart. Even if I wake up a bit down, I know I can control how I feel by seeing the positive in life, I just have to choose how long I want to feel down for.

One of the best parts of sobriety is the surrendering, I no longer have to carry all those heavy burdens I’ve carried for 28 years, I just let everything go. I don’t have any anger or hate for anyone. No grievances from the past. My past addiction was made up of a few things, childhood trauma, fear, and having a family full of untreated addicts. I remember being at the age of 4 sneaking into my stepfather bedroom dresser, looking for his pipe sucking on it pretending to smoke. I loved the taste of the weed resin. My stepfather and brother would take car rides and he would blow weed smoke in our face eventually at the age of 15 I experienced my first high that was weed, that turn into cocaine that turn into alcohol. I switch addiction once the substance I was using become deadly or just not fun anymore. I didn’t realize I was an addict until alcohol came into my life. I switch addiction also because I didn’t realize I was using to cope with my past. Numbing myself from reality.

Now the fear part, I was terrified of everything growing up, scared of wind, heights, mountains, and food, scared of people etc. In elementary school there was a couple of years where I wouldn’t eat because I was afraid of choking, my parents should have put me in the hospital but I eventually got over that fear. I was stick and bones. Growing up I was never taught how to connect with humans in a correct and beautiful way (Reason my previous relationship didn’t work) Now that I am sober and healing I am finding and seeing love in everybody I come into contact with. We are all flawed humans trying to connect with others. My Flaw just happens to be a disorder called addiction.

This past couple of day’s I realized my childhood wasn’t bad at all actually it was the universe preparing me at a very young age, In the process of finding out what the preparation was for. Sober is the New Black.

Aloe Blacc is one of my favorite modern day soul singer, so inspiring and very handsome as well. hope you enjoy green lights. Check out his album Good Things

Stay connected with love, Adolfo Vasquez

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January 4, 2015

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Sober Hangover

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DAY 226 Sober: Addiction was my Blessing

Hello Friends, Today is day 226 sober. I got back home last night. Had a wonderful two weeks in Palm Springs Ca. Met some new friends, dance the nights away with old friends. Spent every moment in a state of gratefulness. Very blessed to have two weeks off. Enjoyed every moment of seeing my Family.

I saw both my parents and felt nothing but love. I knew I had to leave my past in the past and only see them in the light of love. Only with a clean and sober mind I was able to realize my parents issues are their own. It has nothing to do with my space that I create. I realize it comes down to choices, I can choose to not have them in my life but that would be based on a past I am no longer part of. Or I can have them in my life and see them as who they are today. Understanding and compassion is the state of mind I want to be in at all time. Talking to my parents brought me a new understanding on why my childhood was so dark. I can’t change it nor change my parents, I have to accept them whole and move forward. I choose to have them in my life with boundaries, I have to put myself first and my recovery. Why not have them in my life? They both love me and deal with addiction as I do. When my parents are about to cross over to their new beginning I want to know I did all I could in our relationship. I wanted my parents to let go of the guilt they buried, I am ok and they should be as well. Tied up loose ends and letting go of all the mind haze was what I needed for the New Year. I now sit in Los Angeles feeling peace and a lighter. When I was using it was very convent to use that childhood story for people to understand and feel sorry for me. Time to create a new story, one filled with strength, inspiration, hope, and the power to overcome anything and everything.

Before I left my hometown I made sure that 3-year-old boy that was dwelling in me feeding me the stories of my past stayed behind. He is no longer dictating my life or how I see others. I can reflect back to understand what I need work on and inspire, but I will not connect my emotions to it. I had lots of love around me growing up but was blinded by my parents abuse to see it. Everything happens for a reason and I wouldn’t change one moment of my childhood or drunken stumbles, the reason being all those things got me here today with a wiser mind, a compassion heart, Clean and strong, In the state of gratefulness and seeing and feeling beauty in everything. My addiction put in me in recovery where I learned how to forgive the past but also myself and to heal. Without addiction, I don’t know if I would have been able to forgive my past or it might have taken a lot longer. So addiction was my blessing. Sober is the new black.

Here are some of my latest peoms.

Devendra Banhart is perfection. one of my favorite artist. This song called freely has carried me out of hardships in my life. Hope you enjoy it.

Stay Connected with love, Adolfo Vasquez

Sober Is The New Black

Tag Archives: sober poems

10 months sober

300 days of Sober

DAY 295 Sober: Lack of Inspiration

DAY 290 Sober: Las Vegas

DAY 284 Sober: Why Would I choose to be an Addict?

9 Months Sober

Day 265 Sober: A Sober Valentine

DAY 260 Sober: Living For Love

DAY 255 Sober: Surrendering

DAY 226 Sober: Addiction was my Blessing