Tag Archives: sober fun

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December 10, 2014

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200 Days of Sober

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200 Days of Sober

Hello Friends, today 200 days sober! I’ve been sick but mustard up some strength to write. This has been the longest I’ve been sober in so long, I relapsed a bunch of times but it’s never too late to start over. So many lessons in my relapses I take with me into this newly sober life. I feel peace that was once unheard of in my sobriety time. The longer that I am sober, my days pass without me even really thinking about being sober. Life seems to be flowing and I am just riding along. In some ways I am finding new parts of me that I never knew existed, life seems very normal. It feels great knowing the new normal eventually turns into a normal. I have been around booze and it doesn’t change the way I feel or makes me question my sober shine.

I’ve notice when meeting people for the first time and they ask me what I do, I don’t mind telling them about my blog or the book that is currently being written. Sobriety works for me and I don’t expect others to fill the same. It seems people are very nice others I can feel a bit of  hesitation. The word addict can scare a person, but it’s understandable, the symptoms of the mental disorder can cause harm to myself and to others if I’m using. Some people are unaware because they don’t know addicts or do know addicts and have been wounded by them and think I choose to be an addict. I used to care what others thought, in the beginning of sobriety I question if I should let a person know about sober is the new black? Or wait until they actually got to know me but the reality is, sobriety is number one the rest follows and I can’t be with someone or have friends that don’t understand that. I need people to see past my disorder and see my heart. A person who is unaware of the mental disorder might also think a person in recovery is not fun to hang out with or is a downer. Just to clarify it is quite the opposite. In my case I am laughing all the time, wanting to dance, a better friend and outgoing, very open to trying new things. When I was using I was secluded, non-social, not wanting to do anything, in dive bars, passing out early and getting drunk early, emotional, angry, would get offend by everybody and everything. I was no fun to be around.

 

Now that I am sober, know one can make me feel any less than what I feel for myself. I am very content with the friends I have in my life at the moment, I am now building on those relationship, instead of looking for validation in others who I just met or lost due to my addiction. Next week I’ll be in Palm Springs CA for a few weeks, so  pools, dancing, and great writing sessions is what’s in store for me. Catching up with my family and loved ones. Going to see my mom and dad for some healing moments. My parents also suffered from addiction and so my childhood wasn’t the best and it molded my mind and eyes and affected the way I saw the world and myself in a negative way. I was an addict before I took my first substance, I had addiction tendencies and very self-abusive. I just need to get better before I head home, this fever and sore throat isn’t fun! I’ve been taking vitamins and getting as much sleep as I can. I have not written a poem in a while but feel content because I need to be 100 percent so I can create poetry.

DAY 91 SOBER POEM

 

Sober is the New Black

 

A lot of Sia music seems to be about addiction not sure if she struggled with it herself, but it helps me in times of need. Burn the pages off Sia new album is such a powerful song and I hope it inspires others to take out all the negative thoughts, feelings and past put them in a book and burn it and rise from the ashes, Rebirth.

Stay connect with love, Adolfo Vasquez

 

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August 21, 2014

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DAY 90 Sober: Vows to Myself, Sober Hangover

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DAY 90 Sober: Vows to Myself

Hello friends today is day 90 sober and it was a perfect day. I am grateful for this clear mind. Every moment today was perfect from the minute I woke up, to this late night writing session in this coffee shop/club. It’s really cool. It’s really dim with a DJ playing Warren G Regulate, only in Los Angeles. I still have a lot of growing to do. I notice recently I’ve been bit impatience at work and that needs to be worked on. I sometimes wonder how much of it is the addiction or can it just be a normal thing. Non-addicts get sad, mad, anger, impatience. I am glad I am aware of my issues and what needs to be work on; I would dislike to live a life thinking I am fine and perfect in a delusion state of mind. I love finding my faults and telling the whole world, it gives me a great opportunity to step up to the plate and figure it out so I can become great.

 

 

I had this idea as I was on my way to this coffee shop. The idea was making vows to myself. Married couples do it all the time but I feel like the most important ones are to ones self. Since I am growing and evolving, I wont be the same person in the future, I might have new issues and inner barriers to overcome so at the point I can renew my vows to myself. So I can one day be in a place I can make vows to someone else. So here is my list of vows to my self

 

1 I promise to stay sober

2 I promise to forgive everything and everybody so I can always live in a happy state

3 I promise to always create love for myself, only from within by positive thoughts and actions, telling myself how amazing I am as much as I can. Letting go of what society says I should be or look.

4 I promise to do what I like and stop doing things I dislike (as long as I stay sober)

5 Create compassion for others, taking my opinion out of it and just listen

6 I promise to stop looking at that damn scale and focus on the scale of my character

7 I promise to do more service, whether it’s making sober fun or helping young kids see the beauty in a sober mind

8 I promise to allow myself to fall down as long as I get up. Not that I want to but if I do I am still alive and I need to be grateful for that

9 Hangout with my inner divine and higher power more often.

10 MEDITATE MORE.

 

 

Sober is the New Black

 

Stay Connect with Love, Adolfo Vasquez

 

India Arie video is the perfect one for this post. My creator made no mistakes in making me from my thighs to my hair. Loving me unconditionally.

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August 17, 2014

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DAY 86 Sober: Sober Fun, Sober Hangover

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DAY 86 Sober: Sober Fun

Day 86 sober, Hello friends today has been a successful day planning some exciting stuff on the horizon. Today work was slow, it seemed all I did was eat. I really need to change my eating habits, I’ve lost over ten pounds since I stop drinking but I am eating tons of sugar and other junk foods. This is my intake so far today, king size Kit Kat, two slices of pizza, Fritos, diet coke, hot Cheetos, three cups of coffee, a donut…Blah when I write it down its kind of Embarrassing but I can change it.

 

I am getting close to my 90 days sober. I am very excited. I don’t have anything plan for the big day. I do work at my upcoming job but after that I might go write. 90 days without a thought of wanting to use, is a big deal. I already pass the count of my last relapse so that’s a huge deal but I have not craved any booze and I have been around it. It makes me feel gross to even think about it. My mind back then didn’t understand addiction and Alcoholism. Life is to fun to waste being drunk. I used to think there was know way I can have fun without a drink but I was so wrong because the fun I am having now is real, I can dance, ride bikes, go out to a club, have a great dinner party, game nights, concerts, BBQ and the beach. I am not missing out on anything. what is awesome,  I’ll be in the moment sober so Ill have more hours of fun because I do not pass out and I remember everything, in control of the outcome, that’s a beautiful thing. I know longer have to wake up with guilt, people hating me, hating myself, no shame, no I am sorry. If I had a penny for every sorry I spoke, I probably could buy a LA home cash. I am also becoming the real me so I am finding out I enjoy doing things I never did like playing sports.

 

I wake up now grateful, exited to see what the day brings and madly in love with myself. I don’t worry about others opinions or judgments because I know me. I Love meeting new people, getting to know their story. I want to learn constantly, from love to addiction to sex to food to poetry. I want to constantly be working to be whole, smart, and loving. In life I just want to be happy and have fun, life is to short to be unhappy. I found purpose in sobriety, there is a bigger picture. Addiction was put in my life for a reason, on my way to figuring it out, maybe it was to break this family cycle. The universe knew I was strong enough to do so. It ends with me or maybe to help others who struggle. Sober is the New Black. I am grateful for life, my awesome hat, Coffee, connections, and for the reader.

 

Stay connect with love, Adolfo

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OneRepublic Good life, Yes it is going to be a good life from now on, just have to stay sober. 

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July 31, 2014

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DAY 69 Sober: New Normal Is Now Normal, Sober Hangover

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DAY 69 Sober: New Normal Is Now Normal

Hello friends today is day 69 sober, I love sleeping in on my days off. Letting my mind and body wake up on their own. My mind is usually up first and my body soon follows. Today I will be spending the day with my friend Lenny we are going to the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Premiere. I grew up watching the films, TV shows, and playing the video game, Really Excited for this sober fun. I am at home typing on my desk; I am trying to get me used to writing at home. It will save me a lot more time, at night in bed I get inspired but that window is a short one. I was unaware of how many rewrites you have to do when you are writing a book my goal was to be done by tomorrow but I realize that was unrealistic and when its done its done being rewritten than it has to get edited again. Going to rewrite the shit out of it. I feel like the more I rewrite it the more it changes and I am afraid of it becoming lost if that make sense but I have to keep pushing through.

 

 

I have yet to having a craving for whiskey, wine, or beer. Those three were my best friends I counted on them most of the time and they were there at all times. Just because someone or something is there for you doesn’t always mean they have good intentions or is a something that benefits you. My body has been change, I feel I am still sweating out the booze today I woke up and took a walked to the local coffee shop and when I got back in I was a bit sweaty and it smelled like old beer, so nasty. Loneliness in the beginning of your recovery is a very natural thing because I hit rock bottom and everything taken away from me except my mind and higher power. I had to create a new normal and that could be lonely because everything is unfamiliar but this new normal is slowly becoming my normal. I find myself also thinking of my ex Vince less and less.

 

When I do, it’s when I hear a joke that only him and I would get or see something that we both would have laughed at. I can’t wait for him to find that love he deserves. He is such an amazing person and I was incapable at the time to give him what he needed in a partner. I was mentally not fully aware of my issues. I want him to only find the best and don’t settle for anything less. A man that would let him grow and make mistakes like he did for me. Someone who loves Britney spears concerts and that gets up  for an early hike. A man that fits like a glove to his life and goals, a man who has deep love for his friends and family. Someone who forces Vince to be the best he can be everyday and motivates him like he did for me. Someone who looks him in the eyes always and wants to now everything about vince.  I also want to find someone who is a better fit for me. Yesterday I was on my Facebook timeline and saw my old post and how  delusional, in denial and unaware of how bad of shape are relationship was. Kind of like my mother. It crazy because I was a similar version of my parents and today I never been so determine to not end up like them. I have the same blood and addiction but the clear difference is my mind and thoughts! I am a survivor and will not become them.  I wake up and I ask my higher power to guided my shoes in a different path going the opposite direction. I am so grateful because I feel like the ultimate teacher in my life is Addiction that put me into recovery that  forces me to be the best I can be in every moment, it brought me my higher power, it forces me go deep within myself so I can find my core issues, it’s teaching me how to love myself and love others. Its teaching me how to have goals and brought my passion for writing and film back. Its teaching accepting what happens to me and endure pain and to coupe with these feelings inside me. I never had parents to teach me these things but addiction sure has! Sober is the New Black. I am grateful for a clear mind, being a work in progress, and for my readers who take time out of their day to check in on mine. Now that I am sober I am surrounded with so much love only because I am creating love within me for myself!

I know now and understand why Vincent had to leave, he had to save himself and it took a lot of courage and strength. This video below I believe sums it up.

 

 

Stay connect with love, Adolfo

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July 13, 2014

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DAY 51 Sober: Young Gay and Sober, Sober Hangover

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DAY 51 Sober: Young Gay and Sober

Hello friends, today is day 51 sober. I just woke up. Sitting in my PJ’S sipping a cup of coffee. Probably the worst I have ever had. Lenny loves to add tons of cream to a coffee. I am currently listening to Pearl Jam “Breath” its so amazing.  Now that I am sober I wake up and everything is brighter from the light reflecting in, to the dust that is floating in the reflect light. I crave the morning smell that awakens me. When I walk outside the grass looks greener and I find myself looking into peoples eyes more and  smiling at them. I either get a shocked look back or a nervous grin.  Sometimes I get the same stare. I want to give everyone some sort of love in a form of a handshake, smile, affirmation, compliment, or even a thank you. People matter, I matter.

Last night Len and I went to this amazing karaoke bar in Ktown. I am such a girl when it comes to karaoke so we decided dancing needed to happen. We hit up a gay club that is a two story warehouse with three different dance floors, Latin, hip-hop, and pop trance. Before we got in there were 3 non profits trucks outside that are catered to the gay community. I love non-profits; I currently work for one myself. One was free HIV/AIDS testing, you get free entrance to the club so I thought that was cool. The second was a gay men’s sports league that encourage gay men to openly play sports. Helps them find and start leagues that are open.  Hopefully gay men in major sports teams will all be free to play openly without feeling shame. The last one I connect with the most and want to start volunteering focuses on alcoholism and addiction in the young generation. They try and bring awareness to kids being self-abusive with drugs and alcohol. Lets try and find healthy fun options. I was talking to a counselor for about 30 minutes before entering the club. I realized my higher power brought me to the club last night to have fun but also my higher brought me there for an AHH Moment,  there is more I can be doing.  AA is great, Sober is the new black is great but I need some service in my life. So I got his card I will be contacting him shortly to see if I can do any volunteer. Helping others, helps me to stay focus and sober. Sobriety is the key to becoming the Adolfo that has always been inside me waiting for me to open up so it can shine into the world. 

I am 51 days old and I feel so happy, I know its not always going to be bliss but I know I can always change my thought process so the suffering time is shorten and hopefully with time last only seconds. I never really stated on here before but I think it pretty obvious that I am a gay sober man. I used to think it was a rare breed but the more I am focus and sober I am seeing its more common then I thought. I need to live in that space always. My new normal. Dancing away last night is a great exercise! I worked up a great sweat only to eat a very unhealthy meal after, some things never change like late night food after a club. Lenny and I were sober the whole night and had such a fun time. It is possible to be fun, a nerd, a bit of  sober tease. The bartender did look kind of surprise when we were ordering water and red bulls but I tip him pretty good and explain to him, he understood and was very kind. 

 

So last night I learn clubbing is fun sober, service is needed in my life and also walking out the club sober with my hair and clothing still looking nice, feeling happy and clear minded was a great feeling. When we left i seen mostly everybody looking a drunk mess, vomiting, arguing, making out with strangers, incoherent. It got me thinking why are we so self-abusive and I felt gratefulness that I was no longer part of the culture but without that culture I wouldn’t be who I am today. I am grateful for you reading this and I am grateful for great friends and the Internet! I am posting photos a bit later from last night sober fun!!

Stay connect with love, Adolfo