Day 421 Sober: Creating happiness

Hello friends today is 421 days of sober, this past week I’ve been working hard on my book. It should be finished sometime this week than off to the editors. I’ve been staying focus, working my program, and enjoying time with friends. Having Balance is very important in my sobriety

 

I once believed the pursuit of happiness meant if I accomplish a goal, or found love. I would find happiness. Now I pursue happiness that already lives within me then I’ll find the happiness I seek. I have everything I need in me. No material thing, or even another person is capable of bringing me something I don’t already have within. I stop looking for material abundance expecting happiness, joy and peace of mind.

 

 When I was an active addict my mind believed in finding someone or getting new shoes or drinking would make me happy but I soon had that empty feeling. The happiness buzz was temporary and left quickly. So I was off seeking a new pair of shoes and my next drink. My ego wanted more; it is determined to always want more. I have the ability to find the peace and joy right now, in this very moment. The world is full of beautiful things. These things in themselves are not bad, but the ideas I placed on them and the attachments I’d have with them caused the problems. I can’t expect the dream job, love from others or a brand new car to fill the emptiness inside me

 

Happiness cannot be found, it can only be created within us. Instead of chasing happiness in things and achievements, identify what choices make you feel good, and good about yourself. Commit to making those choices regularly.

 

Being happy doesn’t mean that everything is perfect. It means you’ve decided to look beyond the imperfections.

 

 

 Whatever my reality is in the moment it’s the reflection of my emotions, thoughts and energy I’m releasing into the universe. If start changing my thoughts to happy ones, than that would bleed into me feeling happy. My world will not change unless I do. If it’s peace I’m looking for, then I must find it within me than I’ll attract experiences that raise’s my sense of peace. 

 

I am a human with a range of emotions. I will lose loved ones from death so of course I will feel pain, hurt and maybe even anger but That’s when I use my tools with in myself to grief, weep healing tears, and having emotional outburst. Going through my addiction I have learned of creating a new normal. So after the pain subsides and emotions level from losing a loved one, I can create happiness again. It’s a conscious decision to live a happy and fulfilling life despite the tragedy. If I believe I would never be happy after loss than it’s likely to come true. If I’d believe in time I could be happy after loss. I am more likely to seek-out joy inside myself and in life.

 

 

Thoughts and emotions are choices. So does that mean people choose to be sad? No one chooses to be sad but we act out based on what the ego believes and expects in every situation. My expectation, perception, and reaction, intertwines with every circumstance. Nothing, not a person, or event can take away happiness, joy, or inner peace unless I allow it.

 

Negative emotions are never True self or conscious wish. It’s the beliefs and expectations of the ego. Waiting for the future to bring peace and happiness like  “I’ll be happy when, or I’ll find the peace of mind if”.  Will never render because the future is determined by the choices I make in this moment. How can I expect to create something different than what I have now, if I do not change what I do?

 

There were three major reasons why I never felt happy, first was I was always searching outside myself for happiness, second I could not let go of pain, traumatic experiences, and dark childhood, which lead to my third addiction.

 The inability to let go of feelings of pain from the past, or worrying about rejection happening in the future.

Letting go was something that took twenty-eight years for me to learn. I now understand letting go is accepting that the past cannot be any different than it was. Not that it was “Ok” but that it had happen. So what can I learn from it so I could make the next right move. If I needed to cry than I do so. Letting go can also mean doing nothing. Giving space between how I feel in that moment so I could grieve than make my next positive thought and action.

I’m no longer scared of feeling emotions but more importantly being aware of the feeling so I know where it’s coming from so i could  heal it.   Rather than immediately trying to get rid of the pain I feel by blaming someone else, beating myself up, seeking revenge, or using substance, I have faith that it will go.

 

I just have to keep maintaining joy and peace with that I will attract more situations alike. If I’d focus on fears, concerns, and worries it will only bring more stuff to worry about. Feeling Worried means I am focusing on the future. Feeling regretful, guilt, or shame means I am focusing on the past. By being fully present in the moment I can find inner peace and happiness.

 

Choosing to be happy is a decision that can be made at rock bottom regardless on how low the reality is. Those experiences were created by the thoughts and beliefs you had. You are no longer who you were in the past, a month ago, a week ago, an hour ago. You are now, start creating from this point on with thoughts and choices. Change the state of mind, start thinking more positive thoughts.  You will feel happy  and it will releases energy into the universe. Your reality will shift.

 

Peace of mind and happiness has been with me this whole time. I’ve just been looking everywhere else in order to fill the addiction void deep within. But now I am found. I now know I can’t find peace, joy, and happiness outside myself, it comes from within. There is no other time than now. The future is a fantasy waiting to be created from the choices you make now. There will only be the present moment.

 

When letting go of the stress of tomorrows, and the regrets of the past. I can determine what I really feel.  Do I have all that I need in this moment? Do I have air, shelter, and water that my body needs? If I’m not happy with what I have in this moment, no amount of money, people, friendships, or material objects will change that or only give temporary happiness. If I create happiness without those than life will shift and the universe bring me more happiness.

 Seeking peace, joy and happiness with outside materials or in other people or waiting for the future to bring will always be a few inches out of reach. Like a dog chasing a bone he will never catch. The reason why happiness seems brief is not because of the circumstances that surround us, but because it is something trying to be found rather than created. 

 Life is like a blank canvas able to create the life that I want without the past blinding me. Always believe that every experience that happens in my life is the universe and god speaking to me. I feel god in everything. God speaks to me with experiences, thoughts and feelings. Sober is the New Black

 

unhappiness

 

 

love "you"

 

compare

 

 

exposed

 

 

learned

 

 

babe

 

 

 

 

figured out

 

 

The lead sing from The killers, Brandon Flowers just released his second solo album The desired effect. I’ve been a huge fan for the past 11 years, seeing them over 50 times. From state to state. I even have a few tattoos of them, so i might be a little biased but his music is electrifying. Here is “I can change”

 

 

 

 

Stay connected with love, Adolfo Vasquez

Day 413 Sober: What does Surrender mean?

Hello friends today is day 413 sober, this week has been a great week. I’ve been working on my positive thoughts. I’ve been surrounded by family and loved ones. Sobriety has brought me awareness. That I get to live another day to see family and friends that I love, is what I hold nearest to my heart.

Surrendering is one of the biggest gifts sobriety has brought me. The meaning behind surrendering could mean different things depending on a person. When I was using I felt surrendering was giving up. I can either win or lose and losing equaled surrendering. I learned that from the film’s I watched or book’s I read. Seeing a criminal surrender to cops. That is one angle, depending on the person level of awareness.I now see surrendering as something completely opposite

 

On a spiritual level for me surrendering is letting go and allowing my higher power to take over. That allows me to just be in the moment. Accepting “what is”. Surrendering isn’t giving up but having faith that the universe or higher power will guide my toes without me seeing a clear path.

 

In the beginning stages of sobriety when I surrendered I would beg, cry, plead, try every which way, until I was black and blue than surrender. That was self-abusive, now I just relax my mind, body and soul. When I’m calm I ask my higher power what’s the next right move. If a clear vision appears than I move in that direction. If not than I let it be, and let the universe work it’s law.

 

In the past I was consumed with achieving outcomes that I wanted, so I kept fighting without seeing blockades the universe was giving me. I would beat myself up or became bitter towards life and god. When I didn’t get what I wanted. When I was drinking alcohol I was against the flow of life. I felt unsettled, unhappy, and not a peace.

The flow of life takes me deeper and closer to my True self, where anything is possible.

 

The more I surrender, the closer I get to my true self. The closer I get to my true self the more I let go of ideas, opinions, and ego on how life should be. I become less attached and defined by outside stuff. When that happens “what I think I want” or “need” starts to fade. That doesn’t mean I don’t have goals or dreams but an understanding that I’m the co creator with the ultimate creator.

 

So when life is flowing and time is ticking. Life isn’t going as plan. In the past I would think I was a failure but the truth is it’s really a lesson that can guide me to a greater purpose or meaning. The ultimate creator has a different plan for me. At the time it might feel scary or painful but in the end good always rises with the higher power guiding you.

 

My rock bottom was the first time I ever really surrender. I just knew it was time to surrender. There are no words that could justify my awakening. It’s more of a feeling in that moment. That life isn’t going as planned. I kept trying to fix it on my own. I was creating more of a mess with a broken mind and soul. I had to accept I was an addict than let go and let god.

When life feels like its caving in, or you feel extreme stress towards a circumstance. You feel like you’re pushing against the flow of life, and your body is depleted from exhausted inside and outside, you can’t control emotions.

You can sit and see if there is purpose or meaning behind what you fighting for. Do I need to keep on this journey and face these fears? Or do I need to surrender because I am stuck wanting something now. Am I being stubborn. Once I started looking inward for questions the answer appears.

 

Than I ask myself how bad do I want change; the willingness to change? I wanted sobriety so bad day 1 sober. So bad I would have done anything and everything (and still do)

 

 

It ‘s important to see why we do whatever it is that is holding us back. So we don’t keep repeating the patterns or cycles. Having a greater awareness around situations allows me to be more deeply united with divine purpose, a meaningful existence with an impactful life. Sober is the new black.

 

 

Thoughts

 

 

All

 

 

love spells

 

Author

 

celebrate

 

 

 

Stay connect with love, Adolfo Vasquez

Day 407 Sober: Fearless

Hello Friends today is 407 days sober. I hope you all are enjoying this wonderful fourth of July weekend. I spent the fourth surround by amazing people, laughing, playing games, and eating tons of foods. There was alcohol around and I did not crave at all. Alcohol never entered my mind. I was living in the moment and staying grateful to be clear minded that allowed me to fully take in the love. Having a sober Fourth of July could be hard for others. If it was hard for me, I would have stayed home until I am ready to be around alcohol with only peace and serenity. Sobriety is number one the rest follows.

 

Part of why I started using was fear. Fear was ingrained in me at early age. I lived in fear my whole life. Being a 3-year-old living in fear of being homeless or being beaten by my parents. I grew a shield to protect myself from bad stuff happening but that grew and grew shielding great things as well. I couldn’t tell the difference between people who will hurt me and people who would benefit me. The fear was so big; I wasn’t living or trusting others. Drinking help deal with fearful thoughts and anxiety. It also help let my shield down for moments.

I always thought no matter how great life was bad was around the corner waiting to take away the good. As a child my fears brought anxiety. I was afraid of the wind, choking, dying, earthquakes, not fitting in, and heights. As I got older some fear stayed and some new ones surfaced.

This year is my year to face fears head on. On Friday I joined friends and went snorkeling. Pushing through my fear of the ocean. At first I sat on the beach-watching friends. I was scared but needed time to pull that courage from within me. I soaked my feet in the water and as each inch of my body got deeper, the more I was shaking from nerves.

 

When someone is facing his or her fear, at first its normal to feel anxiety. As I got in I started to embrace the moment. Shutting my mind off and focusing on the feeling of the water. Feeling life helps calm me and brings me back to the moment. The sense of touch is a powerful tool.   Letting it take me into the ocean. Anxiety left and fun started to appear. I wasn’t a great snorkeler, it was my first time but the whole point was just to get me in the water to overcome the fear.  Letting go of fears will make room to live and experience new things in life.

 

There are more fears on the horizon that I will be facing soon like flying. I know fear is an illusion created by past experiences. Going to keep on until I am fearless. Sober is the New Black

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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On the way to the beach, This song was on a playlist. Surrounding yourself with love and great music helped me become more fearless.

 

 

 

Stay Connected with love, Adolfo Vasquez.