DAY 98 Sober: Forgiving my parents Oprah Way

Hello friends, its day 98 sober. It’s has been a busy day but feeling very grateful for this sober mind that helps me get through the day. Around this time in the past I would be past out drunk, so glad I have more hours in my day to create from within. I have started working my second job, I am so grateful for it. The hours, pay and environment are great. It’s a type of job with tons of deadlines and pressure but I’ve done it for years and use to it. The difference this year is I am sober. In the past it was ok to have a drink and work, maybe even a bottle of wine or some Macallan 12. Now it will be a total different experience. Some Pellegrino or coffee will do.I don’t miss the feeling or even the taste of booze; the only thing I miss is hanging out, the social aspect, meeting new peeps. Right now I just don’t have the time to be out, I have a few things in the works for Sober is the New Black. I do miss the bar food, I am a huge foodie.

 

On my way to this café in Koreatown I was looking out the window and seen this guy who appeared to be homeless stumbling around with a beer bottle in his hand, this disorder is real and I have to always be aware of the mind disorder. I felt empathy because the only thing that separates me from him is my sobriety. I am glad I am aware of what will happen if I pick up again. I am one drink away from death so I can’t have a next drink.

 

Today I spoke to my real mom on the phone and for the first time, I had no anger for her or hate. I felt love, it was weird because in the past I would be really annoyed or short temper when see called. I am learning how to forgive her and not really for her but for me. I need to happy and I wont if I carry hate for my parents. Forgiveness takes time. Not only do I want to forgive them I want a relationship. I want them to know me and I now them, If they want. My mom was a bit upset when I started this blog but now she understand this blog wasn’t about her it was about me healing. No matter how many times I was abused by my parents I still long for a friendship. My parents are also addicts so going through my addiction has brought me a deep understanding of my parents. My mom isn’t in the best place but I know she is working for a better tomorrow. I still have a bit of fear when I see my dad, when I see him I get nervous and say only a few words. It will take some more work but I would like to be friends with my father. I am also realizing I don’t really need parents in my life. Everything I need is in me; I just got to create love, joy, security, passion and growth. I can create friendships with others by being the best me and attracting that in my life. I just hope my parents find the serenity I do in this moment. Sober is the new Black.

 

I have to share this video from Oprah Winfrey again it Change the way I forgive, so powerful and i hope it helps

 

 

Stay connect with love, Adolfo Vasquez

 

 

DAY 74 Sober: My Bottom

Hello friends, today is day 74 sober.  No cravings since May 24 2014. That’s when I became aware of the Mental and body disorder called Alcoholism. The awareness came so Quickly, from one second to the next. It just clicked that I was an addict, for the longest time my mind or the voice of the Addiction would talk me out of me Accepting it but in that moment  Not only did I believe  I was an addict with every cell of my body, I also wanted to stop with every cell. I connected all the dots back to Alcohol, the state of mind I was in, the broken heart, the lack of people around me, all the love was gone, my car, anything and everything bad that had happen up to that point was caused by substances, Weed, Alcohol and cocaine.

 

My bottom was lying in bed by myself, healing from a car wreck, losing the love of my life, seeing loved ones living life while I was in misery. . For the first time ever going to court with a restraining order, I was so far form my true self. I had no passion for anything, no goals, no hope, wanting my life to end but I was to chicken to do it myself or maybe there was a small bit of hope that kept me going. I was becoming an all day drinker and even when I wasn’t drinking I was not my true self. I would get anxiety when I didn’t have a drink after a certain time. Everything good was disappearing little by little, I was getting very depressed. I did not want to do anything without being drunk. I had a fatty liver and my body started to feel horrible. I lost most of my friends.

 

I used to think my thoughts are who I am, but it’s not, I am the thing that creates the thoughts. I realized I choose’d misery. I always hid my booze from people, anywhere and everywhere, in hallways of buildings like a squirrel. When I left my ex I got my own place and I still hid my booze from myself. I must have been ashamed of myself. I feel like the mind disorder new my mind was shifting and wanted to plant stashes so maybe I can slip up but once I became aware of the mind disorder than that allowed me to have a spiritual awakening. That voice in my head lost power and so did the body craving. The mental part of the disorder goes deeper. The voice will always be with me but I believe it will become so quite I might not even hear it anymore but I have to keep doing my work and be in the moment or else that voice will come back and it might even resurface in other areas, like self doubt, anger, jealously, short temper, fear, no patience, stubborn. I have to change all my defects but I have to first figure out what caused it in the first place, the root of the Addiction.

 

In AA I hear people say some are sicker than others and I am starting to see it and I don’t want that for me. I want to live with an open heart and mind. To let go of ego and judgment, to see people only in the good light, to create from within, always be grateful, forgive everything, and to always be honest with others and myself. Honesty for me is something I was never taught as a child. I was told to lie to everyone about my home life. The minute I start being dishonest that disorder gets it power back. I know if I pick up again I will die. I wont let that happen and I will always be working not towards perfection but to be whole in the moment. Sober is the New black. I am grateful for this sweet air the universe provides me, I grateful for learning how to be honest, I am grateful for healthy Discipline, and for the courage that has always been inside me hidden under addiction.

 

 

Stay connect with love, Adolfo

 

Mariah Carey Hero is so great. there is a hero in me and in you.