DAY 317 Sober: Holes in ones soul

Hello friends, today is day 317 sober. In 10 months sobriety I have felt more inspired in my life than I have ever been. Even more inspired than when I first get sober. I realize my disorder centers in my mind that leads into the body. The roots are in mind and body in the form of thoughts, Emotions, the way I see the world. Once the roots are pulled out than I am left with holes in my mind and soul. I have to now create positive thoughts and feelings towards myself. When I first got sober and pulled those roots out the body cravings left right away. Cravings will come but less and less. They will not be stronger than my truth.

 

I also believe every time someone goes through some traumatic experience it creates holes in their soul, if it doesn’t heal than those holes stay. In the past I would fill those holes up with booze, clothes, substance, sex, anything to make me feel whole and happy. Those things of instant-gratifications, those fillers don’t last long they are a false happy. At the time they made me feel happy, whole and warm but soon faded still leaving the holes so the appetites grow. The Holes are not supposed to be filled only healed. I had to stop filling those wholes up with outside stuff and start to heal inside. I do believe people become whole in points of their lives but someone will pass close or a traumatic experience will happen again creating holes but this time I can heal properly with letting go, my higher power, learning from the lesson and acceptance.

Some traumas I experience might take longer to heal and some might even take years with waterfalls of tears but I have to grieve not numb. Understand and live in the bigger picture of life and not stay in small circumstances that happen in ones life. Sober is the New Black

The past few days I’ve been in a writing mood, staying up into the early mornings of the day. Here are some of my poems that I hope inspire others

 

 

The first poem is when I am having what seems like a bad day, its my job to find the good.

each day

 

 

Changes always start with thoughts. Changing the way I think to positive ones makes it easier to overcome everything

change

We all have thoughts in the mind that is not who we are. They are from past traumas that feed use lies preventing us from reaching our full potential. EGO

ego

 

We all have been to places, not so great places. Places we want to never go again. These are some of i speak of

i know places

Feeling sad can be used as fuel for change turning it into a blessing. Its a great opportunity

disguise

 

Sometimes I have remind myself that I am not living in yesterdays mistakes or tomorrows worries, bringing back to now in peace

now

 

Whenever you are feeling a bit down, the only thing that can help is going inside finding that higher power that’s in us all.

natural high

 

I always write with emotions and my truth. I had a not so great childhood like millions of others. This one was a bit hard to write but necessary to get out what i needed at the time. I had all forms of child abuse and it’s about healing old wounds that become holes becoming whole. connecting dots from childhood too addiction. I am not my past, I am who I choose today.

holes in soul

 

 

Sia is one of my favorite artist. She suffered from addiction in the past and her last album 1000 forms of fear is so inspiring. The is her latest music video featuring another amazing artist in name Maddie Ziegler. Hope you enjoy big girls cry

 

 

Stay connected with love, Adolfo Vasquez

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DAY 119 Sober: Mind of An Addict

Hello Friends, today is day 119 Sober. No cravings, its been a busy work week with some dog sitting. I have the next two days off which will be nice to relax and be back in the downtown la area. I am not a west side boy.

 The mind of an addict is where the addiction centers. I have to watch every thought that comes into the round head of mine. I Tend to create stories in my head that than affect my heart. These stories are false stories that are not really happening. Usually its about someone trying to hurt me or do wrong to me. Which isn’t the case but my mind try’s to convince me. You can love me so deeply but I will create this lie in my head.

 I know it stems from child abuse. I was constantly being hurt from my parents. Now that I found the root I can dig out the weed. I have to always watch my mind because weeds come back. Self-healing has to be constant in my life like the air I breathe. I need it in my life at all times so I can live. How do you find the root? Sit still and ask yourself questions or if you ever get mad or upset it’s usually a weed caused by past pain. For example if someone says something and I get offended. I go within and ask my self why was that a touchy subject. Not all weeds are easy to spot and might take years.

 I am so grateful I can see some of my weeds but I am a desert full of painful weeds, pulling them out one day at a time. I am also planting huge tress of trust and love for myself. No need to fear if others are going to hurt me, I trust myself on letting them go if they do. I will protect myself. People will hurt me but it’s my choice to suffer. Also when I catch my mind making up stories, I have let it go and put me back it the moment. Whether its rubbing my fingers across the wall and focusing on the feeling or taking my shoes off and digging my toes in the sand and focus on the feeling. If might have to tell myself this is the moment not what’s in my head, it’s the feeling of sand on my feet. It will then go away.

  Anger spreads like an infection. Wake up, stub a toe and get pissed. Walk out the door beep the horn at people, get the morning coffee be mean to a coffee shop boy than it makes him mad. it ruins his day, spreading like a virus. I have to be aware of how I treat people at all times. The mind weeds can’t overcome me. Becoming self-aware is the one of the biggest gifts sobriety has brought me. Sober is the new black.

 

Everyone should live their life by the words of this song by Jason Mraz Living in the moment. Addicts and non addicts

 

 

 

Stay connect with love, Adolfo Vasquez