1000 Days Sober

Hello Friends,

Today I’m 1000 days sober. I feel nothing but gratitude for the wisdom I’ve gained in my time sober. I know myself more than ever, “who I am” and “who I am not”.  I clearly see my innate gifts and what my issues are.  Since my mind is clear and sober i get to act on my innate gifts while working on my issues. Issues I find deep in my soul. There’s still a lot of learning ahead. Some lessons will be through pain and some will be easy. I just have to accept whatever the universe gives me. Know there is a reason why things happen. I might not be able to see the lesson right away so I just have to accept what is. The lesson might arrive later once the pain subsides. I can’t always know why everything happens, i just have to accept that it does. I can’t run or hide or bury what is, i have to fully embrace it and make the necessary changes. The universe is very powerful and has magic  my human eyes can’t always see. I just have to stay open for the lesson.

I’ve been working on my first novel that has turned into a three book series. I use to think it had to be done right away or within a years but I can’t rush this process, I just have to let it come alive. All three books are basically done and the editors are ready but I am still making some small adjustments. There’s only been one person to read through all three books. This person is an avid reader, who usually finishes two books in one week. They loved the series so that was huge relief and a boost in my confidence. Right now I am in a stage called “The Middle” that’s in between the realization of the goal or dream and the achievement. I am finding “The Middle” to be the most important part because it defines the destination. The middle has also been the most fun because it’s where I am most creative. The middle might is where i spend most of my time, so I have to enjoy it. I have to allow space, failures, growth and change to happen. The middle part is where I see what needs to be change, what work needs to be done, and it allows me to put in a plan of action. In this stage I have to be kind to myself and enjoy the ride, dream big, and put in the work. I’ve been writing six hours a day for the past two years. The middle part has taken time but it’s necessary. My persistence overpowers my failures. Failures are necessary and rejection is inevitable, but it’s not the end destination.

 

I don’t have all the answers on how to stay sober or be successful in life, all I can do is work towards my goals and dreams. All I can do is live one day at a time and try to be present in each day. I know that my ego is the creator of all misery. If I’m upset or angry somewhere in that pain is ego. I know I will always have Alcoholism, Alcohol-Inside Self and Mind. I know my disease centers in my mind that creates the body craving. That’s why I have to always be aware of the mind voice, but it has gotten very quite since I’ve been sober. As of now, my true self seems to be stronger than my disease but I know it wont always be this way. There will be extreme pain ahead, people will die in my life but my recovery program is my safety net. My second year sober has been pretty effortless but there have been some life challenges. I now face life challenges head on and embrace those uncomfortable feelings instead reaching for a drink. Feeling life is very important in recovery, feeling everything and not burying it. So I cry when I need to or laugh when I want to. My feelings now live on my skin and not underneath whiskey poison. Burying my feelings will create an infection that creates holes in my soul. When holes in the soul are created we try to fill them with outside false happiness like shopping or food or sex but the goal is the not let the holes get there in the first place. So I can’t bury my feelings I have to embrace my feelings. The more challenges I face in life, the more wisdom and strength I will gain. If life becomes too hard, drinking is off the table, I can write or do something that can calm my soul. I’ve only had one craving for that whiskey poison and that was in my first months sober, cravings have seemed to vanish. I make sure to stay grateful for my sobriety, if i wasn’t sober than i would have nothing. My home, my partner, my family or friends. Human connection is the most important thing in my life.

The longer I am sober, the more I forget that I was once an addict. Since being sober I have created so many amazing memories, it seems like the new great memories are erasing the old past pain. The past is the past, it’s not my current moment. I can’t use my infected past guide my day or I can’t react to the present with the past. Now that I am sober, I have a clear slate to create anything I want.  The past doesn’t play over and over in my head, I no longer feel that deep shame of my past addiction. We are not our addiction symptoms, not the past pain, the shame or guilt of hurting loved ones. We are the courage and strength it took to change, that’s our True self.  There has been a lot of happy memories made in my 1000 days sober and I focus on those. I no longer wake up to blackout crimes or wake up with hangovers, now I wake up to goals and dreams. I’ve been working on achieve those. If we can overcome addiction, just imagine what else we can accomplish. If we took that hard work  and dedication we put into our recovery program and apply that into a relationship or career we would see success in those areas.  Meeting small goals in life will build confidence and small goals lead to big goals or life changing goals. Small goals are very important and should be celebrated, like making a month sober, how incredible is that. The courage it took just to get sober for a month, go for another month. Months add up and eventually you will be a year sober, and years add up too.

The people I lost due to my addiction are back in my life, but my relationships are better than before. I feel a deep connection to the people in my life, it’s as if my compassion and empathy for other humans have grown. I love bigger and unconditional but not just other i have deep love for myself. I feel like i am own greatest fan and best friend. I treat my body, mind and soul with deep respect. Our body is the only real home we have. I now understand what it means to be good to other humans and  enjoy human connection more than ever. Every single day I try to be as present as my mind allows. I trust others but more importantly I trust myself in taking charge of my life and making decisions.

Healing is not about becoming happier, or feeling bliss all the time. Healing is more of letting go of everything that isn’t my true self. Letting go of child abuse, letting go of my traumas, letting go of the addiction, letting go everything that is preventing my full potential and only than am I healing, and left with my true self.

Below is some New Poetry  since my last blog post.

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Stay Connected with love, Adolfo Vasquez

DAY 61 Sober: How to Silence the Mind with Eckhart Tolle

Hello Friends, today is day 61 sober. I had a Great 3 hour nap. Sleep is such a powerful gift I can give my mind and body. My body knows when its sleepy, so if even if its kind of late I give that to my body because It knows when it needs rest. I need to have a clear mind and body at all times and if I am not well rested than the body and mind cant be fully aware. I have the next two days off. Just a work meeting but my goal is to finish the Long read of my childhood. It’s been hard and taking quite a bit tears and time but it’s almost done. I also want to start a Series of Poems. So coffee will be my best friend the next two days.

 

I  use my days off to recharge my soul; like cleansing from the chaos of the past days and one of the tools I use is spiritual teachers, one being Eckhart Tolle. He helps me clear my mind so I can go deep and work the steps. I’ve been reading Eckhart Tolle for years and I do believe I have always been somewhat of a self-aware person but I didn’t know how to follow through with it and did not want to stop drinking.  Now that I am sober I find myself connecting with his words a lot deeper and understanding it a lot clearer. This video helps me clear my mind and brings me to my inner divine. Hope this helps others. Sober is the New Black

 

Stay connect with love, Adolfo

 

DAY 35 Sober: Spiritual Guides

Hello Friends today is 35 days sober! The last couple of days have been really great; I have not had any sad moments. I’ve been meeting new people and hanging out so the loneliness part has been fading. It’s a day-to-day process but at this moment I am feeling great. Today my family comes out to visit me! I am so excited to see my best friend! My stepmother has been a rock in my life also giving me great advice to help me get through the past few months. The end of last year and the beginning of this year was the hardest time of my life so far! A break up and getting sober at the same time was very difficult but sometimes to evolve into greatness you might have to endure great pain!

When I was in my early 20’s I had someone read me with tarot cards and at the point I had already had a lot of pain from my childhood. What the person said as he read me was I had a really dark past like unbearable! That was accurate. He also said that a lady with dark hair (stepmother) has and will continue to be a huge angel in my life and that was true! The last thing he said was a lot more pain will come, I didn’t understand because I already had a lot of pain in my childhood and I couldn’t imagine what pain can be worst but it turnout he was right. He said it would only last into my late 20’s so what I believe is all that pain from the past was supposed to happen so I can use it for greatness in my later years. 

 The reason I went to see the tarot card reader in the first place because I wanted to know if I would die young and if it will be from illness, he said no! When I was a kid I lived in fear and it crossed over into my adulthood.  Since then I have never been to a reading again, but this one time at gay bar in Palm Springs some drag queen grabbed my face and looked into my eyes and started to read me and I got spooked so I disconnect from her eyes so she stopped, I guess the only way she could read someone was to look into their eyes. She was spot on about everything.  So from my experience I believe that there are certain people that are born with talents that are connected with the spirit life or maybe they use more of the brain than the majority of us use. I don’t know just from what I have experience. Both of them did not charge one cent, they were both spur of the moments and free! 

Today is day 35 sober and I am so grateful to be alive and sober! Greatness is on the horizon; I can feel it in my bones. 

Stay connect with love, Adolfo