8 Months Sober

Hello Friends today is 8 months sober, today I feel content with my recovery process. I’m grateful for life, human connection, and for finding myself every day. I’m starting to understand what they mean by its not the destination its all about the journey. I have to embrace every circumstance life brings me with a positive outlook. Rewiring my mind to see the world in a positive way. The way I use to see the world and understand the world was with eyes molded from past pain, childhood traumas, low self-esteem and fear. All those intertwined caused my substance abuse disorder. I did not know how to have a human connection so I bonded with alcohol, now I am learning to see everybody in the light of love and understanding without ego.

Last week I felt empty and couldn’t understand why but a spiritual teacher by the name of Jesse Ann Nichols George spoke some words to me that really help me understand the feeling of emptiness. The feeling of emptiness is a sign of progression. I have emptied myself from the negative and I can fill my life with something new, mindful and purpose filled. Going to start pushing myself to write Short stories, still writing poetry but I need to push myself with my writing. I felt a bit stagnant so grateful for her wisdom.

At 8 months sober, my eyes see my surroundings in a different way, I notice things I have yet seen. Small stuff too big stuff from the crack in the wall in my apartment to the love that surrounds my life. My senses are heightened; I feel life to the extreme. I wake up happy, wanting to find purpose in every day. I finding myself in tears most of my days, happy tears also sometimes sober blues tears. Lately the reason is fear based that I am working on, I know if I just stay sober life will open up but I’m also working towards dreams and I get fearful that I may fail but even those fears won’t stop me from working my butt off. Sober is the New Black.

So if there is anyone early in recovery that might be having a hard time, just remember you are also detoxing the mind and your feelings will be up and down, if you just push on those feelings they will level out and life gets clear. The wanting or cravings might not go away right away, but you become so strong that you can change your thoughts to positive ones. That will help you get through the cravings. Take those painful feelings and create art, make it meaningful. It will bring so much joy and peace. Sober is The new Black

 

I’ve been working on this short story the past couple days, it’s called A boy and his Bear. Hope you like it.

A boy and his bear

A boy and his bear

Here is a poem I wrote yesterday, go to Disneyland, camping, eat some smore’s. It’s never too late

childhood

childhood

Me at 8 months sober

Adolfo Vasquez

Adolfo Vasquez

This video is of Ira Glass so inspiring if there is anyone who is an artist struggling must watch

 

This song from Ellie Goulding your song is for anybody who is struggling with recovery, it’s so wonderful and beautiful that you are alive in this world, believe that and also feel that in your heart. I love you so much.

 

Stay connect with love, Adolfo Vasquez

DAY 89 Sober: The Perfect Night

Hello friends, day 89 sober and it been an amazing day. In the past 89 days everything has changed for the better, from my mind, to my body, to my relationships, to passion for writing. I have this deep love for myself that is more of a feeling of peacefulness and Acceptance that I never had before. I don’t feel anger or guilt. I don’t wish stuff would have happen any differently. I have more of an open mind and heart. I’ve learn that the work is becoming not work at all, its more finding me and growing not for perfection but to happy and whole in the moment. I just want to be sober not just from booze, but sober from anger, pain, hurt, past, ego, insecurity. I never had so much joy. Since I’ve gotten sober my emotions have been up and down a bit but that’s normal because I am feeling life the way it’s meant to be felt.

 

My life is now purpose filled.Alcohol killed everything alive in my life and preserved everything that’s dead. My 90 days is about an hour away and I am spending it with the perfect person, eating Thai food, watching a film, and writing. Day 1 I would not have never thought I would be where I am at this moment. Dreams do come true once you start doing the work or as I like to called find that person that’s inside waiting to be free from that whiskey poison, those wine stains, beer batter past. Sober is the New Black. I am grateful for love, life, people in recovery who are sharing their wisdom, food, peace I feel in my heart, and endless love for myself.

 

Stay connect with love, Adolfo Vasquez

DAY 56 Sober: Homeward bound

Hello friends Today is day 56 sober, I woke up feeling really blessed. Today I travel back home to palm springs for the weekend. I always enjoy heading back, seeing family, seeing great friends, and of course eating all the yummy food I miss.  Going back Sober means a lot to me, in the past when I went home my mindset wasn’t clear, I had angry built up for my birth parents, I was drunk most of the time, I did not enjoy the moments. I probably wont see my birth parents but I do love them and wish them well. This trip will be filled with lots of love, food, laughter, tons of relatives, and a trip to a local Gay club. I love to dance and I need to start doing more stuff I love to do and less stuff I don’t like doing, life is to short. Maybe I can find a make out buddy but I won’t be holding my breath. 

My old night life in palm springs was always chaos before I would head out I knew that something would happen that will either lead to a drunken argument, fight, losing my ride home, arrest, getting kicked out of the club or bar, tying to score, tons of vomit and some crazy fling that was pretty horrible, I really had no respect for my body at all. I started going to a popular club around 15 yrs. old since then I’ve been kicked out tons of time.  I still can’t believe I made it out of Palm Springs alive and that I am in the space that I am in right now. Dancing is fun but I also want to sit a coffee shop and write, when I lived in the desert my mindset was in a different place so to do what I love back home would be a nice change. I never would write back home, I know my creative inspiration would blossom.

I enjoy somewhat of a routine in my life and when I don’t have it I get a bit sad, I feel like it stems from having such an unstable childhood and no really security, I so need that now but I need to change that it’s not healthy I am no longer in that environment.  I need to focus on the moments and say my grateful prayer each morning. It’s usually in the shower, cleanse from the day before. A refreshing new start. I give up every negative thought that bother me the day before, I ask my high power turn me upside down shake out all the negative thoughts, anger, hurt, pain, past, ego, fear, people criticism and put in happy thoughts, courage, compassion, love, joy, laughter, accepting of others, creativity, awareness and stillness. I used to look outward for those things but those are all created from within, I am the co-creator with the ultimate creator. Sober is the New Black

I am grateful for life, being sober, for family and for my aunt Angie for picking me up!

The killers are one of my favorite band of all time. The killers carry me home is the perfect road trip

Stay connect with love, Adolfo

DAY 35 Sober: Spiritual Guides

Hello Friends today is 35 days sober! The last couple of days have been really great; I have not had any sad moments. I’ve been meeting new people and hanging out so the loneliness part has been fading. It’s a day-to-day process but at this moment I am feeling great. Today my family comes out to visit me! I am so excited to see my best friend! My stepmother has been a rock in my life also giving me great advice to help me get through the past few months. The end of last year and the beginning of this year was the hardest time of my life so far! A break up and getting sober at the same time was very difficult but sometimes to evolve into greatness you might have to endure great pain!

When I was in my early 20’s I had someone read me with tarot cards and at the point I had already had a lot of pain from my childhood. What the person said as he read me was I had a really dark past like unbearable! That was accurate. He also said that a lady with dark hair (stepmother) has and will continue to be a huge angel in my life and that was true! The last thing he said was a lot more pain will come, I didn’t understand because I already had a lot of pain in my childhood and I couldn’t imagine what pain can be worst but it turnout he was right. He said it would only last into my late 20’s so what I believe is all that pain from the past was supposed to happen so I can use it for greatness in my later years. 

 The reason I went to see the tarot card reader in the first place because I wanted to know if I would die young and if it will be from illness, he said no! When I was a kid I lived in fear and it crossed over into my adulthood.  Since then I have never been to a reading again, but this one time at gay bar in Palm Springs some drag queen grabbed my face and looked into my eyes and started to read me and I got spooked so I disconnect from her eyes so she stopped, I guess the only way she could read someone was to look into their eyes. She was spot on about everything.  So from my experience I believe that there are certain people that are born with talents that are connected with the spirit life or maybe they use more of the brain than the majority of us use. I don’t know just from what I have experience. Both of them did not charge one cent, they were both spur of the moments and free! 

Today is day 35 sober and I am so grateful to be alive and sober! Greatness is on the horizon; I can feel it in my bones. 

Stay connect with love, Adolfo