Hello Friends, Day 180 sober. It’s has been such a busy week for me. Have some awesome upcoming shares. First and article and a featured in a magazine, Day 1, I would have never thought Sober is the new black would have brought some of my dreams to reality. I still have moments in my day where I look out the window and be in the moment. Work is slowing down and will end very soon. Going to write, write and rewrite. Heading back to Palm springs for 3 weeks at the end of December and early January. I never just sat and wrote in my hometown, so that is one of the many things I am excited to do. Going back with an open heart and a clear mind is such a beautiful thing.
Once an addict stops drinking, we are left with internal issues. So going back home will allow me to see my mother and father were I could continue the healing process. In the past, I was short tempered around my mother and nervous around my father but I need to be able to see them in the light of love and not in judgment. I am in a better place and have healed some wounds; so I am excited but I still need to learn what role will they be in my life. I will no longer let anyone make me feel less than. The most important thing is how I feel about myself.
My six months sober will be here in a couple days, the longest I have been sober in 10 years, and I feel very proud but still have a ways to go in my healing process. I need to always be aware of my ego and how my disorder manifests in my head. The disorder is not in the booze, it’s in my mind so once I am not giving it what it needs than that it comes out in the form of depression, self-hate, overeating, new addictions, sexual active, etc. So I have to be self-aware, healing and letting go of all the negative thoughts that are my addiction. So far I’ve been good, loving my mind, loving my soul, loving my talents but something I need to work on is love for my body. I sometimes look away from mirrors or find myself leaving a clothing store if I see my reflection. This is very hard to talk about but I never felt handsome. My weight always goes up and down and right now it’s a bit up but I can now see the mental disorder feeding me lies in my head, telling me to skip a meal or eat less. I am glad I am aware of it, so if weight is something I want to change, that’s ok but I need to do it healthy. So I joined a gym, so I can start working out. Working out will help my mind as well. I want to be healthy all around. I also will be forcing me to look in the mirror in the morning and say, “I am Beautiful” out loud until my eyes, voice and feelings believe it. It will take time, one issue at a time. Sober is the new black
Stay connect with love, Adolfo Vasquez
Colbie Caillat try is such an inspirational song!
Hello Friends today is day 151 sober, it’s been such a busy day. Life has been really good since my last post. My heart is getting stronger everyday and my mind is getting clear from all the negative thoughts. Being aware of the mind Disorder called Addiction is helping my stay sober, one-day at a time. Grateful for each sober moment. I have always been a fan of people who are outspoken about their addiction, it helps me see whats possible in being sober. They are teachers and for newly sober they inspire. Not just sober from booze, sober from hurt, fear, sober from anything this is preventing someone from reaching there full potential. I relapse a bunch of times in the past because I was focus on the stuff I couldn’t do anymore like old routines, old friends instead imagining what I can accomplish once I am sober. I hid my relapses from everyone I loved. The mind disorder was a lair but me the person was so weak and scared I was so ashamed. I was a let down like always. Someone really close to me found wine bottles in my bag and I broke down, The disorder came out screaming than the real me came out crying knowing that I let everyone down again. It still haunts me a bit but admitting my relapse was very painful and hard for my loved ones but it free’d me so i can hit my rock bottom, which made me become aware of the mind, that lead me here today healing. It needs to stay as a reminder of what booze has done to my life. I know exactly what will happen if I started drinking again but I don’t know what will happen when I stay sober and that is amazing.
I never really listen to Macklemore music until a friend recommended me to him. I was unaware there album “The heist” is about Ben Haggerty overcoming past and his addiction. Ben Haggerty is a member of the hip-hop group. The last few days I’ve been obsessed with his album and his story. It shows the Capability of Sobriety, if you relapse its ok because you can change now in this moment. Macklemore inspires me to keep writing, dreaming and to never ever feel that my addiction Is who I am, I am so much greater and I have infinite possibility when I sober. The first 2 videos are songs off Their album the Heist. They are about Ben Haggerty addiction and the last video is an interview with dateline about relapsing. Sober is the new black.
Stay connect with love Adolfo
Hello friends, its day 98 sober. It’s has been a busy day but feeling very grateful for this sober mind that helps me get through the day. Around this time in the past I would be past out drunk, so glad I have more hours in my day to create from within. I have started working my second job, I am so grateful for it. The hours, pay and environment are great. It’s a type of job with tons of deadlines and pressure but I’ve done it for years and use to it. The difference this year is I am sober. In the past it was ok to have a drink and work, maybe even a bottle of wine or some Macallan 12. Now it will be a total different experience. Some Pellegrino or coffee will do.I don’t miss the feeling or even the taste of booze; the only thing I miss is hanging out, the social aspect, meeting new peeps. Right now I just don’t have the time to be out, I have a few things in the works for Sober is the New Black. I do miss the bar food, I am a huge foodie.
On my way to this café in Koreatown I was looking out the window and seen this guy who appeared to be homeless stumbling around with a beer bottle in his hand, this disorder is real and I have to always be aware of the mind disorder. I felt empathy because the only thing that separates me from him is my sobriety. I am glad I am aware of what will happen if I pick up again. I am one drink away from death so I can’t have a next drink.
Today I spoke to my real mom on the phone and for the first time, I had no anger for her or hate. I felt love, it was weird because in the past I would be really annoyed or short temper when see called. I am learning how to forgive her and not really for her but for me. I need to happy and I wont if I carry hate for my parents. Forgiveness takes time. Not only do I want to forgive them I want a relationship. I want them to know me and I now them, If they want. My mom was a bit upset when I started this blog but now she understand this blog wasn’t about her it was about me healing. No matter how many times I was abused by my parents I still long for a friendship. My parents are also addicts so going through my addiction has brought me a deep understanding of my parents. My mom isn’t in the best place but I know she is working for a better tomorrow. I still have a bit of fear when I see my dad, when I see him I get nervous and say only a few words. It will take some more work but I would like to be friends with my father. I am also realizing I don’t really need parents in my life. Everything I need is in me; I just got to create love, joy, security, passion and growth. I can create friendships with others by being the best me and attracting that in my life. I just hope my parents find the serenity I do in this moment. Sober is the new Black.
I have to share this video from Oprah Winfrey again it Change the way I forgive, so powerful and i hope it helps
Stay connect with love, Adolfo Vasquez