1000 Days Sober

Hello Friends,

Today I’m 1000 days sober. I feel nothing but gratitude for the wisdom I’ve gained in my time sober. I know myself more than ever, “who I am” and “who I am not”.  I clearly see my innate gifts and what my issues are.  Since my mind is clear and sober i get to act on my innate gifts while working on my issues. Issues I find deep in my soul. There’s still a lot of learning ahead. Some lessons will be through pain and some will be easy. I just have to accept whatever the universe gives me. Know there is a reason why things happen. I might not be able to see the lesson right away so I just have to accept what is. The lesson might arrive later once the pain subsides. I can’t always know why everything happens, i just have to accept that it does. I can’t run or hide or bury what is, i have to fully embrace it and make the necessary changes. The universe is very powerful and has magic  my human eyes can’t always see. I just have to stay open for the lesson.

I’ve been working on my first novel that has turned into a three book series. I use to think it had to be done right away or within a years but I can’t rush this process, I just have to let it come alive. All three books are basically done and the editors are ready but I am still making some small adjustments. There’s only been one person to read through all three books. This person is an avid reader, who usually finishes two books in one week. They loved the series so that was huge relief and a boost in my confidence. Right now I am in a stage called “The Middle” that’s in between the realization of the goal or dream and the achievement. I am finding “The Middle” to be the most important part because it defines the destination. The middle has also been the most fun because it’s where I am most creative. The middle might is where i spend most of my time, so I have to enjoy it. I have to allow space, failures, growth and change to happen. The middle part is where I see what needs to be change, what work needs to be done, and it allows me to put in a plan of action. In this stage I have to be kind to myself and enjoy the ride, dream big, and put in the work. I’ve been writing six hours a day for the past two years. The middle part has taken time but it’s necessary. My persistence overpowers my failures. Failures are necessary and rejection is inevitable, but it’s not the end destination.

 

I don’t have all the answers on how to stay sober or be successful in life, all I can do is work towards my goals and dreams. All I can do is live one day at a time and try to be present in each day. I know that my ego is the creator of all misery. If I’m upset or angry somewhere in that pain is ego. I know I will always have Alcoholism, Alcohol-Inside Self and Mind. I know my disease centers in my mind that creates the body craving. That’s why I have to always be aware of the mind voice, but it has gotten very quite since I’ve been sober. As of now, my true self seems to be stronger than my disease but I know it wont always be this way. There will be extreme pain ahead, people will die in my life but my recovery program is my safety net. My second year sober has been pretty effortless but there have been some life challenges. I now face life challenges head on and embrace those uncomfortable feelings instead reaching for a drink. Feeling life is very important in recovery, feeling everything and not burying it. So I cry when I need to or laugh when I want to. My feelings now live on my skin and not underneath whiskey poison. Burying my feelings will create an infection that creates holes in my soul. When holes in the soul are created we try to fill them with outside false happiness like shopping or food or sex but the goal is the not let the holes get there in the first place. So I can’t bury my feelings I have to embrace my feelings. The more challenges I face in life, the more wisdom and strength I will gain. If life becomes too hard, drinking is off the table, I can write or do something that can calm my soul. I’ve only had one craving for that whiskey poison and that was in my first months sober, cravings have seemed to vanish. I make sure to stay grateful for my sobriety, if i wasn’t sober than i would have nothing. My home, my partner, my family or friends. Human connection is the most important thing in my life.

The longer I am sober, the more I forget that I was once an addict. Since being sober I have created so many amazing memories, it seems like the new great memories are erasing the old past pain. The past is the past, it’s not my current moment. I can’t use my infected past guide my day or I can’t react to the present with the past. Now that I am sober, I have a clear slate to create anything I want.  The past doesn’t play over and over in my head, I no longer feel that deep shame of my past addiction. We are not our addiction symptoms, not the past pain, the shame or guilt of hurting loved ones. We are the courage and strength it took to change, that’s our True self.  There has been a lot of happy memories made in my 1000 days sober and I focus on those. I no longer wake up to blackout crimes or wake up with hangovers, now I wake up to goals and dreams. I’ve been working on achieve those. If we can overcome addiction, just imagine what else we can accomplish. If we took that hard work  and dedication we put into our recovery program and apply that into a relationship or career we would see success in those areas.  Meeting small goals in life will build confidence and small goals lead to big goals or life changing goals. Small goals are very important and should be celebrated, like making a month sober, how incredible is that. The courage it took just to get sober for a month, go for another month. Months add up and eventually you will be a year sober, and years add up too.

The people I lost due to my addiction are back in my life, but my relationships are better than before. I feel a deep connection to the people in my life, it’s as if my compassion and empathy for other humans have grown. I love bigger and unconditional but not just other i have deep love for myself. I feel like i am own greatest fan and best friend. I treat my body, mind and soul with deep respect. Our body is the only real home we have. I now understand what it means to be good to other humans and  enjoy human connection more than ever. Every single day I try to be as present as my mind allows. I trust others but more importantly I trust myself in taking charge of my life and making decisions.

Healing is not about becoming happier, or feeling bliss all the time. Healing is more of letting go of everything that isn’t my true self. Letting go of child abuse, letting go of my traumas, letting go of the addiction, letting go everything that is preventing my full potential and only than am I healing, and left with my true self.

Below is some New Poetry  since my last blog post.

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Stay Connected with love, Adolfo Vasquez

DAY 290 Sober: Las Vegas

Hello Friends, today is day 290 sober. I just got back to Palm Springs from Las Vegas, Nevada. The home of sins, neon lights booze and gambling. Traveling is one of the joys of my life, seeing new things with clean eyes. Beyond grateful that I am able to have wonderful opportunities that allow me to travel, Every time I’m in Palm Springs CA its hard to leave and say goodbye to loved ones. I find myself not missing LA, maybe its just me being in the moment and taking in each day as if was my last.

My stepmother/ best friend joined me on this trip. We are both huge “The killers” fans and the lead singer of the band coming out with his second solo album. The show was at a venue called “Bunkhouse”. The first time I seen “The killers” was 10 years ago in Vegas. My stepmother was the age I am now. It feels really amazing to be here in a better state of mind, I did gamble a bit won a hundred bucks. The last time I was in Las Vegas was six years ago. At the time I was still drinking and in a bad place mentally. No purpose and floating through life without really living it. Don’t remember much about that experience but I know it involved me binge drinking. As a child I disliked the atmosphere but as I got older I learned to fall in love with the sin city.

Unfortunately a couple of hours before the venue opened we all got the news Brandon Flowers had to cancel the show due to illness. I traveled a long way with lack of sleep. I was so excited only to not see him. I can’t control life but I can choose to be devastated, hurt and angry or I can see the sliver lining. How blessed I am to be able to afford wonderful trips with my stepmother. Yes I was not able to see Brandon flowers but I was able to create amazing memories see friends back home, eat great food, laughing all the way and a little debauchery in gambling. Sliver linings are beautiful it brings me back to my soul and a place of gratefulness.

I’ll be heading back to Los Angeles in a few hrs. Back to work Tomorrow. Sober is the New Black.

God Poem

 

vegas bus

 

 

wonderful unkowns

 

 

 

 

This video of Brandon Flowers is perfection “only the young”. Hope you enjoy

DAY 208 Sober: Sobriety my Foundation

Hello friends, today is day 208 sober. Getting my ducks in a row. Heading back home tomorrow, so excited to see my loved ones and to write in my hometown. My hometown haves tons of memories that made me who I am today. Huge amount of growth since I’ve left palm springs ca. I’ll be back in los Angeles the beginning of next year, my goal is to return with Amends I had made from the ones I’ve hurt and some peace from the ones that hurt me.

 

As the days go on and I am sober my mind is getting quiet and that allows me to find myself. Some stuff is great that I am finding like deep love for myself, very content with my life. I am also finding stuff that needs to be worked on. I’m a very sensitive person and at times I feel life my heart lives on my skin. That’s not a bad thing, I have tons of compassion for others but I do need to work on not letting people opinion on my recovery program effect me. I am sober and not craving but also healing so it’s working. My way might not work for others and my healing shouldn’t prevent someone else from healing him or herself. I am a human and will be hurt, feel pain, be heartbroken, but I am learning how to cope through those things, embracing life at its fullest. Crying is part of healing and also knowing when to surrender the pain to that higher power. Everybody has a different definition of higher power and that’s a beautiful thing.

The reason behind me counting my days is for someone who is day 30 sober or day 68 sober and having a hard time, they can Google their days and my blog will appear. Maybe thy can relate to what I was going through that day and just maybe it could help in some ways. Today I feel so happy being sober; something I never knew was possible. I had to learn that sobriety would not solve all my worries or make my life perfect. Sobriety helps clear my mind so I can work towards a life that will bring peace and happiness. Sobriety is my foundation in life, I have to build the rest but I can’t build a healthy life without my sobriety foundation. Sober is the new black

 

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Amanda palmer is someone who I love so much; Her song in my mind resonates with me. I am exactly the person I need to be in this moment of being.

 

 

Stay connect with love, Adolfo Vasquez

 

My new glasses

Adolfo Vasquez

Adolfo Vasquez

 

DAY 188 Sober: Holidays Sober

Hello, Friends, Today is 188 days sober, hope you all had a great Thanksgiving. I spent the holiday at my aunts in Bakersfield CA. I had so much fun spending time with my loved ones. Thanksgiving use to be filled with bottles of endless wine, whiskey, and beer. I had no cravings, just for the prime rib. I was in the moments. I did miss la a bit and my writing routine but very grateful for the time i spent with my loved ones. Me not drinking did not enter my mind one bit. Sobriety feels freeing, not shackled with all the mind noise, caging me from a good time. If I ever do feel uncomfortable it is important that I surround myself with people who love me so I can excuse myself and I know they would understand. My Sobriety above everything else because without sober I don’t have anything including my family. I would loose all trust I worked so hard to gain.  I live in a state of gratefulness for people letting me back in.

I am now back in LA for two weeks than heading back home to Palm Springs CA for 2-3weeks. Last year around this time I went back home for two weeks and spent a thousand bucks on booze. This time I will be more productive on my long-term goals; I will get a huge chunk of my book finish. Sitting in coffee shops writing also thrift shopping and visiting family. I love to dance, so a nightclub with some amazing friends will be in the works. I am starting to feel peace with being single and learned so much from my past relationship, excited to see what is next. I cannot focus on a relationship at the moment. What is keeping me sober without the mind noise for the holiday is staying in the moments, meeting with my higher power in the morning and my program. Surrounding myself with love and knowing I am an addict and finding peace with that.

Having an addiction to Alcohol is different than any other substance because it is legal; it’s at every dinner table, on signs and billboards. For example, I am a recovering heroin addict and eating dinner with my mom and she orders some heroin and shoots up in front of me. That could be hard for someone in the early weeks of sobriety. The first weeks I was not ready to be around it and I needed to learn to be ok with it in my face, I can’t hide from booze I need to see through the booze. I had to make a new normal that is now the normal.  Sober is the New Black

 

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This song from The killers Be still, helped me through difficult moments and if there is anyone out there, who might be suffering or having a hard time in sobriety. Hope it helps

DAY 161 SOBER: Loving me Whole

Hello Friends today is day 161 sober, It’s a beautiful day in Los Angeles. I needed some new optical glasses and headed over to little Tokyo, Warby Parker has some amazing glasses. I am now at my Favorite Coffee shop in Korea town. My goal this weekend is to write and spend sometime relaxing with my brother. I’ve been working ton of hours that allows little to no writing time. I am so grateful for the readers of Sober is the new black, This month the blog will be more active with my poetry, writing and starting some new aspects, That currently in the works. My book will be done in May and hopefully to print. Since I have gotten sober, I’ve had one craving about a month ago.

 The mind is so different this time sober because I shut down that craving quickly. It was a huge step in my recovery process in the past, I would dwell and suffer in that craving but I change my thought and reminded myself of step one. It vanished, Cravings are part of the recovery process and I use that experience as a test to see if my program is working. So far my program is working, it helped me get through it and no cravings since.

 

This week I was on instagram and found a photo of a monk and his brother, both so different. I love looking at people from a far or photos and finding a story. When I saw this photo it impacted me tremendously. People could read it as good or bad, I see it more as the monk accepting his brother whole, seeing him only in the light of love and not in his own opinion or ego. I want to start seeing people souls more as opposed to their life scars that lay on their skin. I don’t know their story or why they are the way they are. I am not here to judge but I am here to hold their hand while they weep. I am going to be 29 in a week and I want to start being kinder, letting go of mind funk that makes me feel lesser at times. I need to be kinder to myself.

 

I want people to see past my disorder, my chubby cheeks, the food I eat, past my old ways and see my soul, see the good in me. Yes my disorder hurt a lot of people caused a lot of tears but I am a changed person due to my recovery, Lesson learned and the wheels keep turning. The photo below is of a monk and  his brother, I hope today the readers suffer less and become fearless in the fight of sobriety. Sober is the new black.

 

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Sober is the New Black 

Stay connect with love, Adolfo Vasquez

DAY 90 Sober: Vows to Myself

Hello friends today is day 90 sober and it was a perfect day. I am grateful for this clear mind. Every moment today was perfect from the minute I woke up, to this late night writing session in this coffee shop/club. It’s really cool. It’s really dim with a DJ playing Warren G Regulate, only in Los Angeles. I still have a lot of growing to do. I notice recently I’ve been bit impatience at work and that needs to be worked on. I sometimes wonder how much of it is the addiction or can it just be a normal thing. Non-addicts get sad, mad, anger, impatience. I am glad I am aware of my issues and what needs to be work on; I would dislike to live a life thinking I am fine and perfect in a delusion state of mind. I love finding my faults and telling the whole world, it gives me a great opportunity to step up to the plate and figure it out so I can become great.

 

 

I had this idea as I was on my way to this coffee shop. The idea was making vows to myself. Married couples do it all the time but I feel like the most important ones are to ones self. Since I am growing and evolving, I wont be the same person in the future, I might have new issues and inner barriers to overcome so at the point I can renew my vows to myself. So I can one day be in a place I can make vows to someone else. So here is my list of vows to my self

 

1 I promise to stay sober

2 I promise to forgive everything and everybody so I can always live in a happy state

3 I promise to always create love for myself, only from within by positive thoughts and actions, telling myself how amazing I am as much as I can. Letting go of what society says I should be or look.

4 I promise to do what I like and stop doing things I dislike (as long as I stay sober)

5 Create compassion for others, taking my opinion out of it and just listen

6 I promise to stop looking at that damn scale and focus on the scale of my character

7 I promise to do more service, whether it’s making sober fun or helping young kids see the beauty in a sober mind

8 I promise to allow myself to fall down as long as I get up. Not that I want to but if I do I am still alive and I need to be grateful for that

9 Hangout with my inner divine and higher power more often.

10 MEDITATE MORE.

 

 

Sober is the New Black

 

Stay Connect with Love, Adolfo Vasquez

 

India Arie video is the perfect one for this post. My creator made no mistakes in making me from my thighs to my hair. Loving me unconditionally.