Hello Friends, its end of day 84 sober. Had such a wonderful night, still blushing. Life has been such a wonderful gift to myself once I got sober. Life has open up in ways I never knew possible and with that I have Endless gratitude. I now know what joy means and feels like. Day 84 sober and in total bliss, very possible no matter how low of bottom you are currently in. Sobriety is freedom, freedom to be you. That person that’s always been deep inside waiting to break free, that inner divine thats going shine out from darkness into a world of endless possibility. I am who I always wanted to be, I was blinded with pain, past, guilt and booze but I surrender all that to my higher power that I understand it to be. Ask it to guide my feet so I can become the real me. I am not my past nor the things I’ve done, I am who I choose to be in this moment right now here, I will quilt this moments together that will eventually become the future. All of this takes work but shortly after doing the work its no longer work it’s more of wanting to finding me, more like evolving, growth.
Today I spent the day writing some poems, talk to the publisher and it’s grind time, I need to create some more poems. Also in vision how I want the book to look, Day one I would have never thought I would be this close to publishing a book, its kind of surreal but staying humble and grateful. It just shows the power of sobriety, everything is coming together like a dream. I also spent my afternoon and evening with my friend Lenny. We laugh the whole time like a bunch of kids, baked a cake, and watch a bunch of nonsense TV. I will be up late writing and drinking coffee. Tomorrow I work so I might be a bit tired but I feel inspire at the moment and I don’t want to put this fire out. Sobriety for me is freedom, and with freedom I am now able to be me. Sober is the New Black. I am grateful for life. For Discipline, for friends, for cakes, and for you.
Ellie Goulding Cover of your song is so perfect for tonight.
Hello friends today has been an amazing 70 days sober, I am at a cafe writing away. I just finish a great writing session with a coworker. He is a great writer, brilliant thinker. This was are first session, sure not the last. I finish my first poem that is perfect, stamped and approved. I need 11 more to go. You know when the poem is perfect, it more of a feeling inside yourself, nothing can be changed or nothing can be added. It is what it is, its own living breathing thing. I am grateful for being sober because it has brought me endless possibility. I was unaware of the process it takes to create a book, The rewrites, I have always been very insecure when it comes to anyone reading my work but its a dance between the writer and the reader and I need my point to comes across clear. My vision.
I will continue the process, I need balance so i did my mental work and long term work now ill be watching some mindless TV with some junk food. Yesterday i spent the day with Lenny, I love spending time with her she makes everything very comfortable, being myself without hesitation, and we love to laugh at each other. Everybody needs that friend. I start back at work tomorrow, Ill probably be laying low for the rest of the week, I need to force my creativity to flow at home. So i have to work on that muscle also i need to carry a note pad and pen everywhere. I have a forget full mind and my mac and phone are not alway accessible. So far i have achieve my goals for today. I feel very blessed and beyond focus, beyond driven. I know great things are on the horizon. I feel it with every cell and bone because with every cell and bone i know booze will not be that blockade any longer. Life is to amazing not live sober and clear minded. Sober is the New black. I am grateful for fellow writers, for healthy criticism, and the opportunity to build healthy relationships.
Hello friends today is day 69 sober, I love sleeping in on my days off. Letting my mind and body wake up on their own. My mind is usually up first and my body soon follows. Today I will be spending the day with my friend Lenny we are going to the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Premiere. I grew up watching the films, TV shows, and playing the video game, Really Excited for this sober fun. I am at home typing on my desk; I am trying to get me used to writing at home. It will save me a lot more time, at night in bed I get inspired but that window is a short one. I was unaware of how many rewrites you have to do when you are writing a book my goal was to be done by tomorrow but I realize that was unrealistic and when its done its done being rewritten than it has to get edited again. Going to rewrite the shit out of it. I feel like the more I rewrite it the more it changes and I am afraid of it becoming lost if that make sense but I have to keep pushing through.
I have yet to having a craving for whiskey, wine, or beer. Those three were my best friends I counted on them most of the time and they were there at all times. Just because someone or something is there for you doesn’t always mean they have good intentions or is a something that benefits you. My body has been change, I feel I am still sweating out the booze today I woke up and took a walked to the local coffee shop and when I got back in I was a bit sweaty and it smelled like old beer, so nasty. Loneliness in the beginning of your recovery is a very natural thing because I hit rock bottom and everything taken away from me except my mind and higher power. I had to create a new normal and that could be lonely because everything is unfamiliar but this new normal is slowly becoming my normal. I find myself also thinking of my ex Vince less and less.
When I do, it’s when I hear a joke that only him and I would get or see something that we both would have laughed at. I can’t wait for him to find that love he deserves. He is such an amazing person and I was incapable at the time to give him what he needed in a partner. I was mentally not fully aware of my issues. I want him to only find the best and don’t settle for anything less. A man that would let him grow and make mistakes like he did for me. Someone who loves Britney spears concerts and that gets up for an early hike. A man that fits like a glove to his life and goals, a man who has deep love for his friends and family. Someone who forces Vince to be the best he can be everyday and motivates him like he did for me. Someone who looks him in the eyes always and wants to now everything about vince. I also want to find someone who is a better fit for me. Yesterday I was on my Facebook timeline and saw my old post and how delusional, in denial and unaware of how bad of shape are relationship was. Kind of like my mother. It crazy because I was a similar version of my parents and today I never been so determine to not end up like them. I have the same blood and addiction but the clear difference is my mind and thoughts! I am a survivor and will not become them. I wake up and I ask my higher power to guided my shoes in a different path going the opposite direction. I am so grateful because I feel like the ultimate teacher in my life is Addiction that put me into recovery that forces me to be the best I can be in every moment, it brought me my higher power, it forces me go deep within myself so I can find my core issues, it’s teaching me how to love myself and love others. Its teaching me how to have goals and brought my passion for writing and film back. Its teaching accepting what happens to me and endure pain and to coupe with these feelings inside me. I never had parents to teach me these things but addiction sure has! Sober is the New Black. I am grateful for a clear mind, being a work in progress, and for my readers who take time out of their day to check in on mine. Now that I am sober I am surrounded with so much love only because I am creating love within me for myself!
I know now and understand why Vincent had to leave, he had to save himself and it took a lot of courage and strength. This video below I believe sums it up.
TODAY IS DAY 50 SOBER! It’s been such a great journey so far! Today has been a quite and relaxing day. I was in bed all day watching harry potter and ornage is the new black! Love that show! I just got to my friend Lenny house. She in the shower so I figured it was a great time for me to write a bit. We both will be sober dancing away tonight! I love being sober and waking up the next day not half dead. Lenny and I used to run around Koreatown a drunken mess, passing out on sidewalks, pissing in plain view of people. Day drinking leading into night drinking so by the time we walk into the club we are already blackout. Their was this one time we pulled up to a club in a taxi but I couldn’t even make it out so I had the taxi drive me back home. We used to be drunk and drunker.
So this is the first time we are hanging out since I got sober, I have not seen Lenny in over 2 months. She has been so supportive since my break up and she is an amazing friend. When I first got here we caught up a bit. She started to slow her drinking down. I am happy for her! She was the first friend I made out her. We worked at this restaurant in koreatown and we connected right away. Tonight we will be heading to West Hollywood or Brass Monkey in ktown. Not sure yet. Today I said my pray and ask my higher power to guide me today so I know I am in good hands. I am grateful for life, great friends, and for everybody who has been reaching out with their stories. Today I spoke to someone who has been sober for 8 years; she is an amazing woman who I admire. Its people like her that keeps my inspired to keep writing. Thank you all for reading and hope you all have a wonderful night!
Sober Is The New Black 