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January 28, 2015

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Day 249 Sober: Believe

Hello friends today 249 sober, I’ve been really peaceful and feeling very driven. I found a purpose in sobriety. Finding passion, love, feeling my soul. The mind and body can speak to me intensely, but the soul is so much louder. Listening to my inner light has brought peace to my mind and heart. We are born to find our purpose; there is a reason why we are all born. My job is to now find it. I am 249 days sober and know more the about myself in the past 8 months than in the past 28 years of life

I am open to anything that can help me grow spiritual it helps me stay sober and focus. The substance and I were so bonded; I thought it was helping be free from the pain of my childhood, the reality it was keeping my childhood alive. Making life decisions with a child mind. I also lacked human connection, I never knew how to have a healthy relationship. The only relationship was with the bottle. Trauma After trauma after trauma my mind couldn’t cope and I looked for something to make me feel good, happy, help me wash away fears that were crippling. I am now learning what it means to have a healthy relationship not just with others but also myself. Trusting others and if I get hurt, I am wiser to walk away. Sober is the New Black

This video on Believe is perfection. If my mind is trying to convince me of fear. I watch this over and over. until I believe in me.

I love me some Alabama Shakes, this cover called hold on, its perfection. hope it inspires.

Stay connected with love, Adolfo Vasquez

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January 19, 2015

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DAY 240 Sober: Sober Fears

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DAY 240 Sober: Sober Fears

Hello Friends, today is day 240 sober. The past few days I have felt uninspired and feeling a bit empty. Not sure the reason but I need to go within and find out why. I don’t want to sound ungrateful, but I also feel that I am sober, now what? Life can be a bit scary, I have no more excuses so if I fail at something its all me. There is so much opportunity it kind of seems overwhelming. Even with these thoughts running through my mind there is no temptation for a drink, but more of a temptation to fix the issue.

Fear has been ingrain in my life at such a young age, fear has prevented me from making horrible decision and but it has also prevented me from reaching my full potential. Sometimes I feel the things I want and the things I fear become intertwine becoming one. I just have to pick my shit up and push forward. Sober is the New Black has opened up some doors that excite me to the core, but also scares me. I never thought I would be in the process of writing a book 7 months sober, which I am so grateful for but with that come fears, damn you fears.

I have to always be aware of my thoughts because that’s part of the Addiction Disorder. The past few days my mind has been trying to feed me failure, but the difference from this time sober is I am aware that it’s my addiction. So I have to push through and change my thoughts. I will have sober blues in my life, but it’s getting through it with my higher power that makes me resilient. Sobriety doesn’t fix life, but it gives me an opportunity to create a life I’ve always wanted. So I have to work one day at a time, yesterday one hour at a time. Sober is the New Black. Today I feel hopeful, Grateful, loved, happy and a bit lonely.

I wrote a few poems in last couple days, hope they help someone who might be struggling.

stay connect with love, Adolfo Vasquez

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January 14, 2015

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DAY 236 Sober: Finding the purpose in what seems bad

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DAY 236 Sober: Finding the purpose in what seems bad

Hello friends, today is day 236 sober. It’s been a great day so far. Getting over a cold, one day I am fine and the next I feel sick. I have been thinking a lot about some of the roads I’ve walked and I am starting to believe there is no such thing as bad if you find the purpose in It. I feel the universe knows what I need to evolve into my full potential. I have to go through hard times or what seem bad and stay open to finding the purpose. It creates a wiser, stronger, and better self. So the heartbreaks, people passing, relapses are all great lessons

Staying in the same thought process, Sometimes what I think is good for me might actually turn out to be bad. I feel like I am a filter to what life brings. Filtering out what seems bad and keeping what seems good.

I used this story before but if a mother who was an addict, had two daughters one turn out to be a doctor saving millions of lives and the other daughter becomes an addict and you asked one child why she become a doctor she replies her mother being an addict and you asked the other daughter why she became an addict she replies her mother being an addict. Was that experience of living with a mother who was an addict a bad thing? If it weren’t for that experience her daughter, who was a Doctor would have never saved those lives. I guess its what you make out of every situation and circumstance maybe there is only good and you just have to be open to search for it. Sober is the New Black. I now know with every part of my heart, I would not change the roads I’ve walked because it brought me here today with a great understanding of myself and what I want to do.

I know it’s a bit away, but I am closer to a year sober than ever before. It makes me very proud. Every day sober is a celebration, I make every day count by creating art and trying to help others. I will not let anyone try to convince me otherwise.

Here are some of my latest poems. Some related to this blog post, others about life and love.

I’ve been listening to Bob Marley lately; his words are so poetic and beautiful. Great music in the morning commutes. Keeping me high on that thing called Life.

Stay connected with, love Adolfo Vasquez

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January 8, 2015

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DAY 230 Sober: Pink Cloud

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DAY 230 Sober: Pink Cloud

Hello Friends today is day 230 sober, I’ve been a bit under the weather but feeling a lot better. I am noticing not just my mind changing but also my body. When I was using had really dry skin turning into rashes, Feeling tired, overweight, discoloration on parts of my skin, some vision issues, acid reflux are just some of the body symptoms from long-term alcohol abuse. The body heals itself when you put the right vitamins in the body.

What’s most rewarding is the mind detoxing and becoming very clear. I can now embrace life, people in recovery talk about a pink cloud phase. So far the pink cloud has last beyond 7 months, maybe because I allowed my pink cloud to expand allowing me to feel human. I don’t miss drinking one bit or my old surroundings. I was beyond stagnant, to the point of death. I had a moment of becoming self-aware, but work took me to this place of peace. It took a bit of time and I still have a ways to go but I know without a doubt life becomes a life once you detach from substance, ego and past.

Feeling anything at all sober is such a beautiful thing. Writing has consumed my life for the past 7 months and I love it. I realized I needed to become friends with a word called “Balance”. Still learning about creating a healthy balance between writing and being out in the world. I am an introvert and it’s not a bad thing. It can hinder my ability to make friends but also gives me time with myself to reflect. Every day, I’m evolving so who I am today will not be the same a year from now. I don’t ever want to stop, expanding my purpose and my mind. Everything looks so bright from the light shining in from a window. To the moon, in the night, inspired by sobriety. Letting my inner light guide my mind and I. Sober is the new Black.

This song From Vance joy is such a lovely song, every word rings true to my heart. Vance joy First time.

These poems below are all from the heart the last couple of days. About love lost and about finding beauty in hard times. I hope they can inspire someone who might be suffering to find the beauty in it.