Day 203 Sober: Alone in Recovery

Hello friends, today is 203 days sober, spending the day getting ready for my trip back home. So happy to see the desert stars and smells that desert air. Going back with a clear mind and focusing on healing childhood wounds is necessary for my sobriety. I grew up in a very dark childhood that consisted of all child abuse. Homeless quite a bit, so I know my childhood has everything to do with the way I saw my self-worth and how I saw people and how I reacted to life situations. I still don’t have a clear vision on why I started substance abuse with drugs and booze but in time I feel it will render.

I am feeling very content with being alone, its helps so I can focus on the areas I need the most work on. Being alone and loneliness was hard to separate in recovery because I felt like a part of me was missing but I came to realize that I am not lacking anything everything I need is already in me I just to create inside myself and the universe will bring to life. I am detaching from negative thoughts, opinions, all needs that I think I need. So I can sit still and not be blinded from my Ego. I want my Ego to become small and I need to always be aware so I can connect to others without pushing my old beliefs onto them. In recovery, I sometimes see people being unsupportive in others recovery process or kind of mean to others who are relapsing and I don’t ever want to be a dry drunk. I want to always have compassion for others because I was once them who kept relapsing on the same hand in recovery I never seen so much compassion and reaching out, The first week this blog went live, I was getting some people not so happy about me being vocal about my addiction and recovery process, even from my own family but a sober warrior told me to keep going and let my higher power guided my heart and so without her wisdom I probably would have stop. I don’t ever want to not speak out about my addiction because I want others who might still be using to know just cause you suffer from a mental disorder you are still capable of living out your dreams and living a happy life, you addiction doesn’t define you just like diabetes doesn’t define a diabetic. We just have to learn to separate oneself from the mind voice.

 

I am grateful for life, for my readers, for the love I am creating for myself that helps me love others unconditionally. I am grateful for my recovery that pushes me to becoming a better me. Sober is the new black.

 

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India Arie “video” is such a powerful song, sometimes in life I have to be reminded and be put back on track with loving me whole and if I am feeling a bit blue I play this on repeat until there is no question on how much I love me.

 

 

Stay connect with love, Adolfo Vasquez

DAY 90 Sober: Vows to Myself

Hello friends today is day 90 sober and it was a perfect day. I am grateful for this clear mind. Every moment today was perfect from the minute I woke up, to this late night writing session in this coffee shop/club. It’s really cool. It’s really dim with a DJ playing Warren G Regulate, only in Los Angeles. I still have a lot of growing to do. I notice recently I’ve been bit impatience at work and that needs to be worked on. I sometimes wonder how much of it is the addiction or can it just be a normal thing. Non-addicts get sad, mad, anger, impatience. I am glad I am aware of my issues and what needs to be work on; I would dislike to live a life thinking I am fine and perfect in a delusion state of mind. I love finding my faults and telling the whole world, it gives me a great opportunity to step up to the plate and figure it out so I can become great.

 

 

I had this idea as I was on my way to this coffee shop. The idea was making vows to myself. Married couples do it all the time but I feel like the most important ones are to ones self. Since I am growing and evolving, I wont be the same person in the future, I might have new issues and inner barriers to overcome so at the point I can renew my vows to myself. So I can one day be in a place I can make vows to someone else. So here is my list of vows to my self

 

1 I promise to stay sober

2 I promise to forgive everything and everybody so I can always live in a happy state

3 I promise to always create love for myself, only from within by positive thoughts and actions, telling myself how amazing I am as much as I can. Letting go of what society says I should be or look.

4 I promise to do what I like and stop doing things I dislike (as long as I stay sober)

5 Create compassion for others, taking my opinion out of it and just listen

6 I promise to stop looking at that damn scale and focus on the scale of my character

7 I promise to do more service, whether it’s making sober fun or helping young kids see the beauty in a sober mind

8 I promise to allow myself to fall down as long as I get up. Not that I want to but if I do I am still alive and I need to be grateful for that

9 Hangout with my inner divine and higher power more often.

10 MEDITATE MORE.

 

 

Sober is the New Black

 

Stay Connect with Love, Adolfo Vasquez

 

India Arie video is the perfect one for this post. My creator made no mistakes in making me from my thighs to my hair. Loving me unconditionally.