Day 421 Sober: Creating happiness

Hello friends today is 421 days of sober, this past week I’ve been working hard on my book. It should be finished sometime this week than off to the editors. I’ve been staying focus, working my program, and enjoying time with friends. Having Balance is very important in my sobriety

 

I once believed the pursuit of happiness meant if I accomplish a goal, or found love. I would find happiness. Now I pursue happiness that already lives within me then I’ll find the happiness I seek. I have everything I need in me. No material thing, or even another person is capable of bringing me something I don’t already have within. I stop looking for material abundance expecting happiness, joy and peace of mind.

 

 When I was an active addict my mind believed in finding someone or getting new shoes or drinking would make me happy but I soon had that empty feeling. The happiness buzz was temporary and left quickly. So I was off seeking a new pair of shoes and my next drink. My ego wanted more; it is determined to always want more. I have the ability to find the peace and joy right now, in this very moment. The world is full of beautiful things. These things in themselves are not bad, but the ideas I placed on them and the attachments I’d have with them caused the problems. I can’t expect the dream job, love from others or a brand new car to fill the emptiness inside me

 

Happiness cannot be found, it can only be created within us. Instead of chasing happiness in things and achievements, identify what choices make you feel good, and good about yourself. Commit to making those choices regularly.

 

Being happy doesn’t mean that everything is perfect. It means you’ve decided to look beyond the imperfections.

 

 

 Whatever my reality is in the moment it’s the reflection of my emotions, thoughts and energy I’m releasing into the universe. If start changing my thoughts to happy ones, than that would bleed into me feeling happy. My world will not change unless I do. If it’s peace I’m looking for, then I must find it within me than I’ll attract experiences that raise’s my sense of peace. 

 

I am a human with a range of emotions. I will lose loved ones from death so of course I will feel pain, hurt and maybe even anger but That’s when I use my tools with in myself to grief, weep healing tears, and having emotional outburst. Going through my addiction I have learned of creating a new normal. So after the pain subsides and emotions level from losing a loved one, I can create happiness again. It’s a conscious decision to live a happy and fulfilling life despite the tragedy. If I believe I would never be happy after loss than it’s likely to come true. If I’d believe in time I could be happy after loss. I am more likely to seek-out joy inside myself and in life.

 

 

Thoughts and emotions are choices. So does that mean people choose to be sad? No one chooses to be sad but we act out based on what the ego believes and expects in every situation. My expectation, perception, and reaction, intertwines with every circumstance. Nothing, not a person, or event can take away happiness, joy, or inner peace unless I allow it.

 

Negative emotions are never True self or conscious wish. It’s the beliefs and expectations of the ego. Waiting for the future to bring peace and happiness like  “I’ll be happy when, or I’ll find the peace of mind if”.  Will never render because the future is determined by the choices I make in this moment. How can I expect to create something different than what I have now, if I do not change what I do?

 

There were three major reasons why I never felt happy, first was I was always searching outside myself for happiness, second I could not let go of pain, traumatic experiences, and dark childhood, which lead to my third addiction.

 The inability to let go of feelings of pain from the past, or worrying about rejection happening in the future.

Letting go was something that took twenty-eight years for me to learn. I now understand letting go is accepting that the past cannot be any different than it was. Not that it was “Ok” but that it had happen. So what can I learn from it so I could make the next right move. If I needed to cry than I do so. Letting go can also mean doing nothing. Giving space between how I feel in that moment so I could grieve than make my next positive thought and action.

I’m no longer scared of feeling emotions but more importantly being aware of the feeling so I know where it’s coming from so i could  heal it.   Rather than immediately trying to get rid of the pain I feel by blaming someone else, beating myself up, seeking revenge, or using substance, I have faith that it will go.

 

I just have to keep maintaining joy and peace with that I will attract more situations alike. If I’d focus on fears, concerns, and worries it will only bring more stuff to worry about. Feeling Worried means I am focusing on the future. Feeling regretful, guilt, or shame means I am focusing on the past. By being fully present in the moment I can find inner peace and happiness.

 

Choosing to be happy is a decision that can be made at rock bottom regardless on how low the reality is. Those experiences were created by the thoughts and beliefs you had. You are no longer who you were in the past, a month ago, a week ago, an hour ago. You are now, start creating from this point on with thoughts and choices. Change the state of mind, start thinking more positive thoughts.  You will feel happy  and it will releases energy into the universe. Your reality will shift.

 

Peace of mind and happiness has been with me this whole time. I’ve just been looking everywhere else in order to fill the addiction void deep within. But now I am found. I now know I can’t find peace, joy, and happiness outside myself, it comes from within. There is no other time than now. The future is a fantasy waiting to be created from the choices you make now. There will only be the present moment.

 

When letting go of the stress of tomorrows, and the regrets of the past. I can determine what I really feel.  Do I have all that I need in this moment? Do I have air, shelter, and water that my body needs? If I’m not happy with what I have in this moment, no amount of money, people, friendships, or material objects will change that or only give temporary happiness. If I create happiness without those than life will shift and the universe bring me more happiness.

 Seeking peace, joy and happiness with outside materials or in other people or waiting for the future to bring will always be a few inches out of reach. Like a dog chasing a bone he will never catch. The reason why happiness seems brief is not because of the circumstances that surround us, but because it is something trying to be found rather than created. 

 Life is like a blank canvas able to create the life that I want without the past blinding me. Always believe that every experience that happens in my life is the universe and god speaking to me. I feel god in everything. God speaks to me with experiences, thoughts and feelings. Sober is the New Black

 

unhappiness

 

 

love "you"

 

compare

 

 

exposed

 

 

learned

 

 

babe

 

 

 

 

figured out

 

 

The lead sing from The killers, Brandon Flowers just released his second solo album The desired effect. I’ve been a huge fan for the past 11 years, seeing them over 50 times. From state to state. I even have a few tattoos of them, so i might be a little biased but his music is electrifying. Here is “I can change”

 

 

 

 

Stay connected with love, Adolfo Vasquez

1 Year Sober

Today is one year sober; today I feel nothing but gratitude. A sense of self-awareness I have never felt before. In one year I’ve learned more about me than in the 28 years of living. What I’ve learned in one year sober is I am not my past, my mistakes, and my past addiction. I’m whom I choose to be today, in this moment.

A year ago today, I was sitting on a mattress on the floor in a new apartment, I’d lost the love of my life because of my addiction, and I was ashamed and embarrassed. Little hope, lost with no purpose or sense of direction.

Today every aspect of my life is amazing, like I am walking in a dream. I see the world with different eyes. Eyes that is clear and filled with hope and compassion.

Sobriety does not fix everything but it allows me to have a clear mind so I could fix my life. The first few weeks into sobriety my emotions were up and down. Happy, Sad, Hopeful, defeated, angry, confused, blissful, inspired, sobriety allowed me to feel life on life terms.

The list of gifts sobriety has brought into my life are endless. Surrendering everything to the power greater than myself has been beyond rewarding, it taught me a word called forgiveness. Forgiving everything including forgiveness for myself.

Sobriety put purpose in my writing. I heal through my art. Hopefully inspiring others to heal through art. I now see love in all aspects of my life. When I was using I was blind from the love that surrounded me. I was caught in my mind that created false stories that brought me pain so I would use, creating a vicious cycle of using.

Now I see love so big, I feel love so much it’s as if my heart going to explode.

The ISM in Alcoholism is Alcohol-Inside Self & Mind. My disease centered in my mind creating the body craving. I had to become aware of the mind voice. Once I was able separate the voice from my True self. I could stop the voice dead in its tracks. The voice would speak to me like just have one more drink or only wine. The voice would bring up my past; you had such a bad childhood, you should be angry, he’s cheating on you, blah blah on and on. How dare you, you offended me, blah, blah on and on.

The voice sounded like me, it knew what to say to get me to the next drink.

I’m stronger than the voice because I’m aware of my true-self. My true-self is stronger. I can shut it down. if it starts feeding me negative thoughts from my past.

Today I woke up happy, aware, with purpose; fire in my heart to create art, wanting to be a better me. Still working on love for myself and compassion for others. Staying open to learning new things. Sober is the new black.

I want to say thank you to the readers of sober is the new black. That allowed me to share my journey. There are no words that i can write down to show my gratitude. Thank you friends with more days sober who are my teachers and thank you friends with less days sober who my inspiration.

Sober is the New Black will continue on, my book will be out at the end of this year also an apparel line. Sobriety brings dreams that seemed unimaginable. God bless and until next time. Going to turn off my computer for the day and just live!!!!!! Seeing new sights with these clean and sober eyes.

Stay connected with love, Adolfo Vasquez

This video below was one year in the making. Hope it inspires.

 

 

one year sober

 

adolfo vasquez adolfo vasquez

 

adolfo vasquez

Special thanks to Roxy Shih for the video

Vincent Sandoval for Photography

Stay connected with love Adolfo Vasquez

DAY 295 Sober: Lack of Inspiration

Hello Friends today is day 295 sober. I just got to my favorite café in Korea town, this blog was started in k-town and I am sure one-day end in k-town. I am in my nine months sober and this month has been amazing but also a bit confusing. This month I have felt a lack of inspiration, my work season will be ending soon and I will have a few months of to do whatever I pleased.

Not sure were the lack of inspiration is coming from but it might have to do with me feeling my life isn’t were I thought it would be. Even with the lack of inspiration in my nine months I still did not have a craving for substance. The way I’m programming my mind is to always see the silver lining. 9 months is a huge deal but isn’t that long to have created a whole new life. I’ve been an addict most of my life so I can’t expect 9 months sober to change over 15 years of substance abuse. I just have to stay sober and work my shit out. I don’t want to sound ungrateful for what I have accomplished so far. Last year around this time I was in court due to my mind disorder. So looking back helps me see that every part of my life is going great without booze. Lately some negative thoughts have been creeping up in my mind and not in the form of wanting to use but in the way I see others and myself. I am happy to be aware of it so I can change the tune of that voice. I need to read more and hangout with my in light or others call it GOD. Its ok, to feel not feel ok. I just cant live in it and change whatever it is that’s is making feel not ok.

I’ve been traveling a lot and it’s been amazing. This coming weekend ill be headed out to Nevada. Very excited for that going for a concert. I am planning a month trip somewhere once my work season is complete. The season starts back up in August so ill have around 4 months off to write and work on sober is the new black.

 

I have always been a bit of an introvert and would rather sit and write or watch film than be out socializing. That is something I need to be working on. Lately I’ve been meeting some cool people, new friends and learning how to build healthy relationships. In the past if a friend offended me or did something that didn’t sit well with my ego I would cut them off. I didn’t realize any kind of relationship whether it’s a boyfriend, friend or family takes work to build a strong friendship. Like listening without ego, spending time, showing love in the form of actions not just words, making an effort etc. All relationships go up and down just grateful to have a clean mind to work it out.

I just want to stop losing people I love. I think the more I am sober the less likely people will leave my life and more likely stay. Sober is the new black.

 

 

Here are some poems that I have written the past few days, hope you enjoy some of these raw feelings

would you look at me you all you need is you dream vs grim tale

Completely not me from Jenny Lewis lyrics sing true to my heart. hope you enjoy it as well.

 

Day 270 Sober: My Breakthrough

Hello Friends today is day 270 sober. Today has been a great day so far. Had a toothache last night into the morning light but feeling a lot better. Right now I am sitting in a café in Korea town enjoy a great read when a thought came into my head, I asked myself a question with a clear mind. Why did I start drinking? Within a sec of asking me that question the answer surfaced, that inner light that dwells in me must have known I was ready.

 

At a very young age, my reality was dark and fear-based.  I would pretend to live in a fantasy most of my childhood, playing pretend. That was acceptable because I was a kid. As I got older in the middle schools and high school playing pretend turned into daydreaming a life than the one I was currently living. High school and middle school was even darker than my childhood. As I got into my early 20’s I couldn’t hide from my reality and found a different escape, which was in the form of substance.

Substance made me happy, free and felt a bond I never felt before. After that “high” or “drinking” I would be thrown back into my unhappy reality so of course I would count the hours till 5pm or the next high to escape.

I was never taught how to create a happy life, no tools, no knowledge, and no foundation. I was going through life embracing experiences one bad after another without listening to the universe that I was on the wrong path. I guess my ears were still clogged from all the past pain. I thought life was just surviving bad experiences, but those bad experiences were just there so I can listen, learn and change.

Since I wasn’t aware or listening.  I repeated making choices that made my reality unhappy thus causing me to use thus creating my life a vicious cycle until my late 20s.

So how do I create a happy reality? The first thing is to always be clear minded so I can never touch another substance that would alter me. With a clear mind, I can create joy feelings with positive thoughts. See life like a blank canvas. Creating the life that I want without the past blinding. Always speak my inner truth and believe that every experience that happens in my life is the universe speaking to me, others call it god.  I feel god is in everything and speaks to me, in experiences, thoughts and feelings. Creating love within myself  for me without others opinions or thoughts. unlearn everything I was thought in my youth so I can learn with a smarter, loving, open, understanding mind and heart.

I am so grateful that at 270 days sober I know why I started using and know that every choice, thought, feeling I make has a direct effect on my future.

 

It seemed throughout my life I’ve learned so many lessons from others pain and for that I am profoundly sorry but also grateful that I am here today “In this moment a better me because of it”. Everyone is a teacher and some will go and some will stay and just because they go doesn’t mean it was an unsuccessful relationship it just means Its time for me to learn a new lesson, feel new things and maybe that teacher needs to teach someone else. With lesson’s I’ve gain from teachers I am able to see life in a different way. A smarter way, Sober is the New Black.

 

joy

 

peace

 

i follow

 

Christina Perri song I Believe is such a powerful and inspiring song. I hope it helps others who might be struggling with believing in their possibility.

 

 

Stay connect with love, Adolfo Vasquez