DAY 226 Sober: Addiction was my Blessing

Hello Friends, Today is day 226 sober. I got back home last night. Had a wonderful two weeks in Palm Springs Ca. Met some new friends, dance the nights away with old friends. Spent every moment in a state of gratefulness. Very blessed to have two weeks off.  Enjoyed every moment of seeing my Family.

I saw both my parents and felt nothing but love. I knew I had to leave my past in the past and only see them in the light of love. Only with a clean and sober mind I was able to realize my parents issues are their own. It has nothing to do with my space that I create. I realize it comes down to choices, I can choose to not have them in my life but that would be based on a past I am no longer part of. Or I can have them in my life and see them as who they are today. Understanding and compassion is the state of mind I want to be in at all time. Talking to my parents brought me a new understanding on why my childhood was so dark. I can’t change it nor change my parents, I have to accept them whole and move forward. I choose to have them in my life with boundaries, I have to put myself first and my recovery. Why not have them in my life? They both love me and deal with addiction as I do. When my parents are about to cross over to their new beginning I want to know I did all I could in our relationship.  I wanted my parents to let go of the guilt they buried, I am ok and they should be as well. Tied up loose ends and letting go of all the mind haze was what I needed for the New Year. I now sit in Los Angeles feeling peace and a lighter. When I was using it was very convent to use that childhood story for people to understand and feel sorry for me. Time to create a new story, one filled with strength, inspiration, hope, and the power to overcome anything and everything.

 

Before I left my hometown I made sure that 3-year-old boy that was dwelling in me feeding me the stories of my past stayed behind. He is no longer dictating my life or how I see others. I can reflect back to understand what I need work on and inspire, but I will not connect my emotions to it. I had lots of love around me growing up but was blinded by my parents abuse to see it. Everything happens for a reason and I wouldn’t change one moment of my childhood or drunken stumbles, the reason being all those things got me here today with a wiser mind, a compassion heart, Clean and strong, In the state of gratefulness and seeing and feeling beauty in everything. My addiction put in me in recovery where I learned how to forgive the past but also myself and to heal. Without addiction, I don’t know if I would have been able to forgive my past or it might have taken a lot longer. So addiction was my blessing. Sober is the new black.

 

Here are some of my latest peoms.

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Devendra Banhart is perfection. one of my favorite artist. This song called freely has carried me out of hardships in my life. Hope you enjoy it.

 

Stay Connected with love,  Adolfo Vasquez

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DAY 138 Sober: Advocate for Sobriety

Hello friends today is day 138 sober. Work has been hectic but I am still finding time to write and heal. The longer I am sober the easier it is to stay sober. Somebody once told me its easier staying sober than trying to get sober and I do believe that. My life is golden and blissful, and each moment that I am breathing I am so grateful. I don’t miss that drunken numbing state. I love feeling life even if it hurts a bit or at times annoying it can get but I am feeling and that means I am alive.

 

 I am finding passion for things I never knew I was capable of doing or enjoy doing. No other habits have surfaced, my coffee intake have gone up a bit but not to extreme. I find myself constantly smiling and looking in people eyes. Trying to see past their scars and trying to see them only in the light of understanding and compassion. I do tune out people who have aggressive opinions about my blog. I can’t waste my healing energy on people who are committed to not understanding me. I understand that being Anonymous is very important but I don’t mind letting people know I am an addict because I want people to know its ok to be an addict, it doesn’t define me and I am capable of having a great life, and just because someone is an addict doesn’t mean that they are a bad person or selfish, the disorder is but the person is not. I see myself more as an advocate for Sobriety. Sober for me, is the best thing I have ever worn and goes with every part of my life.

 

 My life has change in so many ways, people that I love are back in my life. The biggest change is how I see myself. I have this deep love for me and I want to be a better person everyday. It takes work but the work turns into getting know the real me that has been hidden. It really cool getting to see me grow and let go of my past. Being aware of the mind disorder has helped me stay sober. The voice in my head is tuning out and a new voice of love in coming on.

 

When I sit still in moments, it feels like a dream. I think of were I’m today and where I been and I cant help tear up due to gratefulness. It doesn’t matter how low of a bottom you are in, there will be climb that might take time but once you come over on the other side life will be nothing but bliss. Sober is the new Black.

 

Stay connect with love, Adolfo Vasquez

 

 

I love Sara Bareilles, this song is perfect. Brave i will be till the end