Sober is the new Black
stay connect with love, Adolfo Vasquez
HAVE A GREAT XMAS
break poem
DAY 214 Sober: Break Poem
Tag Archives: clean poem
Day 203 Sober: Alone in Recovery
Hello friends, today is 203 days sober, spending the day getting ready for my trip back home. So happy to see the desert stars and smells that desert air. Going back with a clear mind and focusing on healing childhood wounds is necessary for my sobriety. I grew up in a very dark childhood that consisted of all child abuse. Homeless quite a bit, so I know my childhood has everything to do with the way I saw my self-worth and how I saw people and how I reacted to life situations. I still don’t have a clear vision on why I started substance abuse with drugs and booze but in time I feel it will render.
I am feeling very content with being alone, its helps so I can focus on the areas I need the most work on. Being alone and loneliness was hard to separate in recovery because I felt like a part of me was missing but I came to realize that I am not lacking anything everything I need is already in me I just to create inside myself and the universe will bring to life. I am detaching from negative thoughts, opinions, all needs that I think I need. So I can sit still and not be blinded from my Ego. I want my Ego to become small and I need to always be aware so I can connect to others without pushing my old beliefs onto them. In recovery, I sometimes see people being unsupportive in others recovery process or kind of mean to others who are relapsing and I don’t ever want to be a dry drunk. I want to always have compassion for others because I was once them who kept relapsing on the same hand in recovery I never seen so much compassion and reaching out, The first week this blog went live, I was getting some people not so happy about me being vocal about my addiction and recovery process, even from my own family but a sober warrior told me to keep going and let my higher power guided my heart and so without her wisdom I probably would have stop. I don’t ever want to not speak out about my addiction because I want others who might still be using to know just cause you suffer from a mental disorder you are still capable of living out your dreams and living a happy life, you addiction doesn’t define you just like diabetes doesn’t define a diabetic. We just have to learn to separate oneself from the mind voice.
I am grateful for life, for my readers, for the love I am creating for myself that helps me love others unconditionally. I am grateful for my recovery that pushes me to becoming a better me. Sober is the new black.
India Arie “video” is such a powerful song, sometimes in life I have to be reminded and be put back on track with loving me whole and if I am feeling a bit blue I play this on repeat until there is no question on how much I love me.
Stay connect with love, Adolfo Vasquez
DAY 192 Sober: Addiction steals love
Hello friends today is day 192 sober, feeling sober blues. I always knew I had an issue with substance, but it wasn’t until met someone by the name of Vincent, who held a mirror to my face, calling me out for three years. He was my love, never loved that deep and hard before. I was a screwed up kid with a lot of issues when we met. He brought me out to LA to start a life and grow old together. I don’t think anyone loved me that deep or cared that much for me in the past. I would do anything and everything to try and make him happy but when I used, I became a horrible person. He eventually got tired of the drunken trends and he lost a sense of himself because my addiction. He got out to save himself.
I relapse while we were together and was so afraid of telling him, I lied. He caught me and so trust was lost. I went into a sober living had 3 months sober and relapse after. That last relapse was the worst I ended up in court and if I had any friends then I really lost them.
A few months ago, he contacted me and wanted me back in his life. I sat in bed that night drowning in my tears, so happy. It was kind of surreal like a dream. Finally, I get to be that man that he always knew that was inside that I buried with whiskey. When I lost Vince I lost everything, friends, my home. He mentioned he was going to propose on thanksgiving that year a few months before my relapse.So when he reached out the second time I was beyond grateful, my love for him never left. They have gotten stronger because I was finally able to love in a healthy way. Getting sober and losing a soul mate is very difficult. A couple days ago he came to the conclusion that a relationship could never be. We both decided, time needs to happen so I can heal my heart again
I lost him again and this time my sobriety couldn’t save it. My feelings are mixed, a bit free and content. Eyes faced forward not wasting healing energy looking back. Missing every part of him, trying to not let myself get to a dark place. Crying to heal. I know his door is always open if I really need him. Our relationship was a gift; it brought me to sobriety, saved me, we had an amazing dog we lost to cancer and I became man, I know one day we will be in each others lives as friends, Life on life terms. I am so grateful this situation doesn’t trigger cravings for booze actually it pushes me to be a better me and to let go of the past, Its possible overcome deep pain while sober without wanting a fix. Riding it out. The last conversation we had he stated this quote, that I take with me in life “I may have some battle wounds, but knowing they are for reasons that opened your eyes I wear them proudly” He turns 30 tomorrow and I always thought I would be there with him for that moment. Addiction stills love. Sober is the new black
Dixie chicks “let him fly” is what I need to do and him as well, I want him to fly away so he can find peace and love that can help heal his heart. He helped heal me and I want him to find a man that can help heal his heart. I want him to always believe in love. I do
S
DAY 191 Sober: Sober Learner
Hello friends, today is day 191 sober, I had a wonderful 7 days off of work for thanksgiving. I am a bit over six months sober and only have had one craving. Every decision I am making in my life is toward long-term goals and my own doing. I don’t have to wake up the next day with guilt or worrisome of the wrongs I’ve caused. No more lush trends. My body feels great, no more really dry skin and my shape looks a lot better
The beginning of sobriety, detoxing the body happens, but I didn’t know detoxing the mind would also happen. My emotions would always go up and down, sad and happy, joyful and angry. I question everything and everybody. I found out quickly, who were my friends. So it seemed my life was upside down. It seemed like a roller coaster. I knew I wanted change and never wanted to taste another IPA beer, but the addiction came out in full force once I stop giving my addiction what it need, the booze. So I had to reach out and find out how to heal my broken mind. They say you can’t fix a broken mind with a broken mind, that is true 100, but I do believe you can heal a broken mind so you can be aware of the addiction voice. Now that the fog has cleared and I am not using, I am left with issues and root causes. It’s a huge step to be aware of being an addict because you can never become unaware once you are aware. The addiction can try and convince otherwise, but it will get quite and far in between. I just need to do my program and not drink
the beginning of sobriety I was unaware of all the love in support sobriety brings, from people in recovery. I stumbled upon a website called “match me sober” and it connects people in sobriety, there are so many social media outlets that cater to us.
I call my Teachers, sober warriors who have the answers I need so I can understand the mind of the addiction. I’ve been in and out of AA rooms in California, my first was in my hometown and I did not connect with the speaker because he was talking about all the wrongs he has done. I was 21 never been in prison or did any of the things that he spoke of, so my defected mind, thought, I must not be an addict and left using. It was until years later, I found a place called primetime in Los Angeles heard what I needed, They focus on the mind of the addict and I left knowing I was an addict. I still never been in prison or did those things my Hometown speaker spoke about but I connected with the speaker of primetime, because they focus on the ego, mind and body of the addict and how it affects them in their day to day
I do not consider myself a sober warrior yet, there is still a way to go, but I am a sober learner. Love to learn more about addiction and one day able to help others, as of now I am a sponge soaking up all I can so I can be a better me. I need a solid foundation so I can build this house called life. There are other non-addicts that inspire my spiritual growth. My life long goal is to be the best I can be through my actions and thoughts. The universe render endless possibility, it might not always be as I planned, but there are reasons things happen. My little brown eyes are not made to understand at the time, but the lessons will surface I just have to be open enough to see it. Sober is the new black.
This song from Macklemore-Otherside ft fences changed my life. Hope it helps someone who might be struggling
Stay connect with love, Adolfo Vasquez
DAY 177 Sober: The Climb Poem
Sober is the new black
Stay connect with love, Adolfo Vasquez
DAY 168 Sober: Sober Miracle
Hello Friends, today is 168 days sober, this week been a busy week, I worked 70hrs but glad this season will be over soon and ill have more time to write. My mind disorder called Alcoholism is healing, no cravings. This year I got sober and lost someone really important in my life. This has been the hardest but most rewarding year of my life. Some of the biggest mistakes that turn into life lesson happen this year. I realized all those things the addiction has done was my mental disorder that I was unaware of. I thought my addiction was me but once I separate the two, I was able to stop it dead in its track.
I will not hold myself prisoner from what my addiction has done; I am whom I choose to be now, in this moment. In order for me to grow I have to let go of the guilt of hurting loved ones, every day I feel less guilty. I can’t even relate to the old me so I can’t even explain what my old self did. I lost someone who was very instrumental in opening my eyes to the addiction. I lost him because I was unaware of my mental disorder. This is hard, but I am very strong and can get through it, I allow myself a good weep to cleanse myself. I know all I have to do is stay sober, I see sober miracles every day. I called them sober miracle like walking past old bars without feeling tempted, being around booze and not craving it. Feeling peace inside knowing my lips will never be on a beer bottle.
Change is very hard but freeing. I was born on 11.11 so in a few days I’ll be 29. I am now finding myself, forcing myself to heal old wounds. Forgiving everybody and everything still learning how to forgive me. I will never stop growing; I will continue to evolve, to inspire others and me. Right now, I am happy, feeling free and a bit sad but I am feeling life and not using and that is a sober miracle. Sober is the new black
Stay connected with love, Adolfo Vasquez
Some Paloma Faith to end my night.
Sober Is The New Black 