1000 Days Sober

Hello Friends,

Today I’m 1000 days sober. I feel nothing but gratitude for the wisdom I’ve gained in my time sober. I know myself more than ever, “who I am” and “who I am not”.  I clearly see my innate gifts and what my issues are.  Since my mind is clear and sober i get to act on my innate gifts while working on my issues. Issues I find deep in my soul. There’s still a lot of learning ahead. Some lessons will be through pain and some will be easy. I just have to accept whatever the universe gives me. Know there is a reason why things happen. I might not be able to see the lesson right away so I just have to accept what is. The lesson might arrive later once the pain subsides. I can’t always know why everything happens, i just have to accept that it does. I can’t run or hide or bury what is, i have to fully embrace it and make the necessary changes. The universe is very powerful and has magic  my human eyes can’t always see. I just have to stay open for the lesson.

I’ve been working on my first novel that has turned into a three book series. I use to think it had to be done right away or within a years but I can’t rush this process, I just have to let it come alive. All three books are basically done and the editors are ready but I am still making some small adjustments. There’s only been one person to read through all three books. This person is an avid reader, who usually finishes two books in one week. They loved the series so that was huge relief and a boost in my confidence. Right now I am in a stage called “The Middle” that’s in between the realization of the goal or dream and the achievement. I am finding “The Middle” to be the most important part because it defines the destination. The middle has also been the most fun because it’s where I am most creative. The middle might is where i spend most of my time, so I have to enjoy it. I have to allow space, failures, growth and change to happen. The middle part is where I see what needs to be change, what work needs to be done, and it allows me to put in a plan of action. In this stage I have to be kind to myself and enjoy the ride, dream big, and put in the work. I’ve been writing six hours a day for the past two years. The middle part has taken time but it’s necessary. My persistence overpowers my failures. Failures are necessary and rejection is inevitable, but it’s not the end destination.

 

I don’t have all the answers on how to stay sober or be successful in life, all I can do is work towards my goals and dreams. All I can do is live one day at a time and try to be present in each day. I know that my ego is the creator of all misery. If I’m upset or angry somewhere in that pain is ego. I know I will always have Alcoholism, Alcohol-Inside Self and Mind. I know my disease centers in my mind that creates the body craving. That’s why I have to always be aware of the mind voice, but it has gotten very quite since I’ve been sober. As of now, my true self seems to be stronger than my disease but I know it wont always be this way. There will be extreme pain ahead, people will die in my life but my recovery program is my safety net. My second year sober has been pretty effortless but there have been some life challenges. I now face life challenges head on and embrace those uncomfortable feelings instead reaching for a drink. Feeling life is very important in recovery, feeling everything and not burying it. So I cry when I need to or laugh when I want to. My feelings now live on my skin and not underneath whiskey poison. Burying my feelings will create an infection that creates holes in my soul. When holes in the soul are created we try to fill them with outside false happiness like shopping or food or sex but the goal is the not let the holes get there in the first place. So I can’t bury my feelings I have to embrace my feelings. The more challenges I face in life, the more wisdom and strength I will gain. If life becomes too hard, drinking is off the table, I can write or do something that can calm my soul. I’ve only had one craving for that whiskey poison and that was in my first months sober, cravings have seemed to vanish. I make sure to stay grateful for my sobriety, if i wasn’t sober than i would have nothing. My home, my partner, my family or friends. Human connection is the most important thing in my life.

The longer I am sober, the more I forget that I was once an addict. Since being sober I have created so many amazing memories, it seems like the new great memories are erasing the old past pain. The past is the past, it’s not my current moment. I can’t use my infected past guide my day or I can’t react to the present with the past. Now that I am sober, I have a clear slate to create anything I want.  The past doesn’t play over and over in my head, I no longer feel that deep shame of my past addiction. We are not our addiction symptoms, not the past pain, the shame or guilt of hurting loved ones. We are the courage and strength it took to change, that’s our True self.  There has been a lot of happy memories made in my 1000 days sober and I focus on those. I no longer wake up to blackout crimes or wake up with hangovers, now I wake up to goals and dreams. I’ve been working on achieve those. If we can overcome addiction, just imagine what else we can accomplish. If we took that hard work  and dedication we put into our recovery program and apply that into a relationship or career we would see success in those areas.  Meeting small goals in life will build confidence and small goals lead to big goals or life changing goals. Small goals are very important and should be celebrated, like making a month sober, how incredible is that. The courage it took just to get sober for a month, go for another month. Months add up and eventually you will be a year sober, and years add up too.

The people I lost due to my addiction are back in my life, but my relationships are better than before. I feel a deep connection to the people in my life, it’s as if my compassion and empathy for other humans have grown. I love bigger and unconditional but not just other i have deep love for myself. I feel like i am own greatest fan and best friend. I treat my body, mind and soul with deep respect. Our body is the only real home we have. I now understand what it means to be good to other humans and  enjoy human connection more than ever. Every single day I try to be as present as my mind allows. I trust others but more importantly I trust myself in taking charge of my life and making decisions.

Healing is not about becoming happier, or feeling bliss all the time. Healing is more of letting go of everything that isn’t my true self. Letting go of child abuse, letting go of my traumas, letting go of the addiction, letting go everything that is preventing my full potential and only than am I healing, and left with my true self.

Below is some New Poetry  since my last blog post.

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Stay Connected with love, Adolfo Vasquez

DAY 138 Sober: Advocate for Sobriety

Hello friends today is day 138 sober. Work has been hectic but I am still finding time to write and heal. The longer I am sober the easier it is to stay sober. Somebody once told me its easier staying sober than trying to get sober and I do believe that. My life is golden and blissful, and each moment that I am breathing I am so grateful. I don’t miss that drunken numbing state. I love feeling life even if it hurts a bit or at times annoying it can get but I am feeling and that means I am alive.

 

 I am finding passion for things I never knew I was capable of doing or enjoy doing. No other habits have surfaced, my coffee intake have gone up a bit but not to extreme. I find myself constantly smiling and looking in people eyes. Trying to see past their scars and trying to see them only in the light of understanding and compassion. I do tune out people who have aggressive opinions about my blog. I can’t waste my healing energy on people who are committed to not understanding me. I understand that being Anonymous is very important but I don’t mind letting people know I am an addict because I want people to know its ok to be an addict, it doesn’t define me and I am capable of having a great life, and just because someone is an addict doesn’t mean that they are a bad person or selfish, the disorder is but the person is not. I see myself more as an advocate for Sobriety. Sober for me, is the best thing I have ever worn and goes with every part of my life.

 

 My life has change in so many ways, people that I love are back in my life. The biggest change is how I see myself. I have this deep love for me and I want to be a better person everyday. It takes work but the work turns into getting know the real me that has been hidden. It really cool getting to see me grow and let go of my past. Being aware of the mind disorder has helped me stay sober. The voice in my head is tuning out and a new voice of love in coming on.

 

When I sit still in moments, it feels like a dream. I think of were I’m today and where I been and I cant help tear up due to gratefulness. It doesn’t matter how low of a bottom you are in, there will be climb that might take time but once you come over on the other side life will be nothing but bliss. Sober is the new Black.

 

Stay connect with love, Adolfo Vasquez

 

 

I love Sara Bareilles, this song is perfect. Brave i will be till the end

 

Day 27 Sober: Last day LA Film Festival

 Hello friends today is day 27 sober and I am feeling so grateful that I have made it this far. The film festival has been really amazing. I am very thankful for the chance to be attending this year. Hopefully one day ill be showing my film!  Yesterday I saw Club Sandwich and Man from Reno.  Man from Reno was good,  It started off great but lasted a bit long. Today is the last day and ill be watching a film called 1000 times good night staring Juliette Binoche. The last film of the night is Jersey boy from Clint Eastwood it might be sold out but I’ll find out once I get there. Going to the LA film festival has inspired me to create some short films. This upcoming weekend ill be looking into purchasing a Cannon 5D with video or maybe a 7D. I need to not only believe in my dream I need to put work into it. I am saving tons of money not drinking so now ill invest my old addiction money into my future dreams.

 

 The past 27 days my life has changed dramatically from my thoughts to my surroundings, to the way I see people to the way I see myself. I am so in love with life. Moments out the day I get chills knowing I am alive, on the right path of sobriety and becoming self aware of my issues. Addicts who are newly Sober talk about a pink cloud, It’s a time were everything seems very easy and a kind of high.  Alcohol and drugs is like an Anesthesia from life so once you get sober your feelings are intense and life feels amazing. Other Addicts talk about the pink cloud eventually fading away and then you will become sad. I’m determine to always be living in a pink cloud and the only way for me to is to watch my thoughts and to enjoy every moment in life.

 

A pink cloud is a beautiful thing, create your own reality and live in bliss. I am no longer going to have a negative outlook on every situation that happens in life because I cant control what the world does.  I just have to see the silver lining in everything that comes my way because everything that happens to me is to evolve me and I have to watch for the signs that are around me at all times. I will call it my pink lining.  

 Stay connect with love, Adolfo