DAY 77 Sober: A Dream Come True

Hello friends, today is day 77 sober, yesterday I got some news. I really can’t share it now but if there is anyone out there that question if they should stay sober or anyone out there that is suffering. I can tell you dreams that are unimaginable dreams will come when you put that drink down and not only put the drink down but go inside yourself and do the work. The Work is hard at first but it turns into excitement because you start realizing that its really not work it’s more finding the essence of you. At Day one I never thought that this dream was even possible but only with staying sober doing the work, finding me has allowed this dream to come into existence. I started matching my words, thoughts and actions. I started to create from with in happiness, love and passion. This dream is going to take me to next level of happiness next level of bliss. I am so grateful; I cant even put into words. So today I weep of joy, with the lack of sleep and I am so ready to do what is necessary to not only hold on to this dream but also put the work that is needed into it. Sobriety is number one, Always and forever.

 

 So this a letter to anyone who is suffering, I was in bed on May 24 2014 crippled by Addiction but in the midst of my screams and cries, The misery, the pain, the lose. I realized at that moment, the reason for it all was Alcohol. At that moment I accepted the fact I was addict and not only accepted it wanting to change. This inner strength was very small and bleak at first but it was there, somehow I found it and hold on to it. Asked my higher power to strengthen it. At that moment that wants for a drink vanish and the want for life happened. It takes a lot of work, tears, letting go, becoming self aware on how the mind of the addiction works, The steps, finding a higher power you can surrender to, one that you understand it to be. I will always be a work in progress and don’t plan on being perfect, because once I think I’ve got it and I am perfect than I stop growing and I become stagnant. Its baby steps sometimes. In 77 days of being sober, everything is brighter, I feel peace and serenity, I have deep love for myself, I am inspired by everything from the light upon my skin, to the sweet air in my lungs, to a smile a person gives me, inspired by connections I made and will continue to make. Inspired by moments only my higher power and I had the opportunity to see. I used to think I had no love but I didn’t know that was created from within, I was always looking outside for love, outside for happiness. Now that I have love and happiness within myself, I can now share love and happiness with someone else.

 

I am so grateful for the men and women who have more days sober than me, you guys are my teachers, my strength, you give me tough love which is sometimes the most important kind of love, you paved a path walked by millions, on that path I see love shining from the pavement, on the side of the path I see supportive people cheering me on. I am so grateful for people who have less days sober than me because you inspire me to keep my courage lit so I can inspire courage with in you and cheer you on. The love I found in AA and outside AA is indescribable. People in recovery are some of the strongest people on this planet, to go from the depth of despair to a beacon of light. Sober is the New Black. I am extremely grateful for this dream and for friends in recovery.

 

 

Stay connect with love, Adolfo

This clip from the film DreamGirls is how i feel at the moment its the Finale, That little girl in this clip Weeping in the  audience is my inner child weeping as I am about to embark on the dream. I am on stage singing to my inner child letting that child know its ok, time to go, I got this now

DAY 71 Sober: Meeting Gloria Estefan

Hello friends today is day 71 sober, I just woke up from an amazing nap. I did not get the best sleep last night. There is a couple that continues to fight above my floor and it reminds me of my of my parents fighting, I’ve called the cops so many times. Her Screech is very is very haunting. I just hope she finds the courage to leave and knows her worth. My rewrites have been good going to pick it up again in a bit. Last night I had to put it down because my mind and eyes couldn’t function anymore, I was up late.

 

Last year around this time I got to meet Gloria Estefan, who is a brilliant singer and inspiration. Kathy Griffin hosted this Q&A slash Album release party for Gloria fan’s. I’ve always been a fan of Gloria and listen to hear music growing up. Growing up her music took me away from that nightmare into a fairytale. Dancing and music is such a healing tool I also use today.

 

When I was in the midst of my Addiction most of the time I was functioning. Addiction and Alcoholism showed up in my life in lying, deceitfulness and conniving, I never harmed anyone physically. Vince was the photographer for the event and the whole week I was bugging to go, hoping. Thinking of a conga outfit. I got approved. We showed up before anyone else; I was sitting on the couch and in walks Gloria, Emilio, and Kathy. I was so nervous like a mouse I didn’t speak at all. They were doing interviews and Vince was getting candid shoots. At that time I notice they were setting up an open bar and right away my inner addiction voice starts going off, it was a constant battle, a painful battle. I knew If I picked up a drink than I would be lying to my partner but I was powerless and at the time I wasn’t in recovery so I didn’t have the tools, I do now. Once it started Vince went his way, I headed to the bar. Putting an untreated alcoholic at an open bar is like putting a Starved man in a locked room with tons of food and telling him not to eat. My mind convinced me a powerless person, to walk over and grab a drink so I did. To be in front of booze and not drink was mentally and physically painful. I would panic and be anxiety ridden. Suffering the whole time. I was chugging and hiding from Vince most of the time. I felt ashamed that I couldn’t be sober for this amazing moment And I must be the worst boyfriend an ungrateful boyfriend. This was a huge night for Vince and I couldn’t have been strong for him. I pounded drinks until tell I got that feeling I was chasing.

 

 

I kept it a secret for so long but I needed to write it down so it wont be that infection of guilt that is eating my inside causing my immune system or my healing to get weak. Not every secret needs to be spoken out loud, some secrets you can forgive your self and not do it again. There are some amazing things, sliver linings from that night. I got to meet Gloria Estefan who inspired me at a young age to fight for what I want, she is a survivor. Now when I look back I am filled with gratefulness for Vince who gave me the opportunity to meet her. I told Vince she was the cutest thing ever and when I went to go speak to her she repeated it back to me. Emilio Estefan was so kind to everyone he came into contact with. Gloria made sure everyone got a picture and she spoke to everyone. She is really funny too. Not sure if I thanked Vince for this and many blessing he brought me. Coming from where I did, I never thought I would ever be in the same room let alone have a moment with her. I am so grateful for 71 days sober, for Gloria Estefan and for Vince. Sober is the New black 

Photography Credit: Vincent Sandoval

Photo Credit: Vincent Sandoval

 

This video of Gloria and Oprah Winfrey is so inspiring. Discipline, baby steps and getting back on is some of the just some of the inspirational words I am taking away. Hope it helps others.