1 Year Sober

Today is one year sober; today I feel nothing but gratitude. A sense of self-awareness I have never felt before. In one year I’ve learned more about me than in the 28 years of living. What I’ve learned in one year sober is I am not my past, my mistakes, and my past addiction. I’m whom I choose to be today, in this moment.

A year ago today, I was sitting on a mattress on the floor in a new apartment, I’d lost the love of my life because of my addiction, and I was ashamed and embarrassed. Little hope, lost with no purpose or sense of direction.

Today every aspect of my life is amazing, like I am walking in a dream. I see the world with different eyes. Eyes that is clear and filled with hope and compassion.

Sobriety does not fix everything but it allows me to have a clear mind so I could fix my life. The first few weeks into sobriety my emotions were up and down. Happy, Sad, Hopeful, defeated, angry, confused, blissful, inspired, sobriety allowed me to feel life on life terms.

The list of gifts sobriety has brought into my life are endless. Surrendering everything to the power greater than myself has been beyond rewarding, it taught me a word called forgiveness. Forgiving everything including forgiveness for myself.

Sobriety put purpose in my writing. I heal through my art. Hopefully inspiring others to heal through art. I now see love in all aspects of my life. When I was using I was blind from the love that surrounded me. I was caught in my mind that created false stories that brought me pain so I would use, creating a vicious cycle of using.

Now I see love so big, I feel love so much it’s as if my heart going to explode.

The ISM in Alcoholism is Alcohol-Inside Self & Mind. My disease centered in my mind creating the body craving. I had to become aware of the mind voice. Once I was able separate the voice from my True self. I could stop the voice dead in its tracks. The voice would speak to me like just have one more drink or only wine. The voice would bring up my past; you had such a bad childhood, you should be angry, he’s cheating on you, blah blah on and on. How dare you, you offended me, blah, blah on and on.

The voice sounded like me, it knew what to say to get me to the next drink.

I’m stronger than the voice because I’m aware of my true-self. My true-self is stronger. I can shut it down. if it starts feeding me negative thoughts from my past.

Today I woke up happy, aware, with purpose; fire in my heart to create art, wanting to be a better me. Still working on love for myself and compassion for others. Staying open to learning new things. Sober is the new black.

I want to say thank you to the readers of sober is the new black. That allowed me to share my journey. There are no words that i can write down to show my gratitude. Thank you friends with more days sober who are my teachers and thank you friends with less days sober who my inspiration.

Sober is the New Black will continue on, my book will be out at the end of this year also an apparel line. Sobriety brings dreams that seemed unimaginable. God bless and until next time. Going to turn off my computer for the day and just live!!!!!! Seeing new sights with these clean and sober eyes.

Stay connected with love, Adolfo Vasquez

This video below was one year in the making. Hope it inspires.

 

 

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Special thanks to Roxy Shih for the video

Vincent Sandoval for Photography

Stay connected with love Adolfo Vasquez

DAY 129 Sober: Letting go of a dream

Hello Friends today is day 129 sober, Yesterday was a hard day for me but I did not crave booze but I did want to stop writing and felt bitter, sad, angry and wanted to stop everything in the works. Right now, I rather be laying in bed under the covers shutting out the world so I can scream and weep but I know I need to write because this blogs is showing the ups and down of sobriety and this is a down moment. This moment isn’t really an addiction moment it’s a human moment.

 

 Life will not always go according to my plan because the universe has its plan. I just have to keep staying sober and feel this pain in my heart until it heals. Its hard separating the stuff I’ve done from the person I am today because I lost a lot of trust in people. I am not my wrongs and I have to accept that I did lose stuff because of my addiction. I have to remember what Addiction has done to keep me working my program. I have always been a survivor since birth. I was born premature and got pneumonia a week into my life. I will still stand tall but still weep my healing tears. It’s necessary.

 

I just fought really hard for someone who I knew in my heart was the one, even hearts can be wrong sometime. I would have moved mountains, done everything and anything to have him next to me at age of 80, ill be writing with my coffee maybe he’ll be sipping a glass of wine. It might sound a bit crazy, but he knew, he was that last thing I wanted to see before I left out of this world, his face brought me peace and that would have helped me Exit but that wont be. I have to let go of that dream I held on for the past four years. Time to dream a new dream. We did not have alot in common when it came to what we enjoyed doing on are down time but I was open to trying morning hikes etc. The only thing I couldn’t do with him is drink but I can dance, or eat happy hour foods. Not sure if me not enjoying a drink with him was part of it and if it was than maybe I’ve been a fool in love this whole time.

 

I know it came down to me being a dishonest person the last year of the relationship. Maybe he wants someone less fucked up as me, someone without a disorder and that’s fine. We have one life. What I know now that I have a sober clear mind is. I will never give up on love and I will not end up like my mom, going crazy for men, chasing them down and not living her dream and using substance to cope with the pain. Yes my heart is in deep pain and right now I am in tears but I will stay sober, put on my big boy pants and heal this pain so I can live a fulfilling life, rewrite my dreams and life and Yes every time my phone beeps I look down hoping this is a dream but I know its not.

 I am glad it was his choice because I know in my heart I tried and so I have no what if’s

My life will go on and I will shine beyond the dope past. I will build a house somewhere on mountains and live a sober life. Working my program. Sober is the New Black. Grateful for the strength to push through this write.

 

Stay Connect with love, Adolfo Vasquez 

 

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