10 months sober

Hello Friends today is 10 months sober. It seems I had to learn most lessons the hard way.  I think the reason is growing up I had no example or foundation. No teacher teaching me love, self worth or encouragement.  When I first learned how to ride a bike I was six. It was a teenager bike with no helmet. My butt couldn’t touch the seat because my feet had to reach the pedals. I kept falling, crashing, cutting up my legs but I was determined so I kept getting back up. Eventually I got the hang of it.

I really wanted to learn how to ride a bike but did not have the proper tools like a bike for my age, helmet, knee pads or parents outside helping me but I knew I wanted to ride. After being bruised, hurt, bleeding. I finally LEARNED how to ride my bike. It took days but I was determined. The reason why this story is so profound is I took this learning into my adult life “Learning the hard way”

I was never taught how to receive or give love , or how to be a great friend.  I was just trying to survive. I wanted to love but my actions never met how I felt. Every person I would meet I thought would eventually hurt me. My parents were suppose to protect me and teach me how to be a man but instead they abused me in more than one way. When I turned 15, I went out on my own  without any tools.

I now have the proper tools so I don’t have to learn the hard way in some aspects of my life. When I was 6, if I had a bike my size,training wheels and parents teaching me.  I would have learned a softer way.

Now In my adult life my training wheels will be hope/faith and my helmet/protection will be the high power that lives in me. What will help me get back up, guiding me will be my sobriety. I might still learn the hard way with some stuff but I am willing to learn and I know my falls won’t be as hard because of my clean and sober mind.

 

Ill be traveling to Seattle in at the end of April, very excited for this trip. One of many in the works. I hope to meet some of my readers of sober are the new black. I’ve had some readers approach me in public, letting me know they are reading, following and that it helps them self reflect. It sometimes hard for me to comprehend that I can help someone in his or her sobriety.It brings me so much joy and tears. so grateful . When I started the blog it was just I documenting my struggles but I realized it turn into something bigger and I am very grateful.

Macklemore is a huge inspiration to millions. Their music touch my heart in so many ways. Today I got an email from Macklemore and his company congratulating me on my 300 days of sober. Right now he is working on his new album. Can’t wait for it to come out. The videos below are some his songs talking about Ben Haggerty addiction and recovery. I love hearing others speak out about their addiction and recovery. Someone will here those words that might save their life.

 

 

 

 

 

Here some of my poems i have written in past couple of days

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Here are some photos from Las Vegas

11083636_817818711619876_4282103624855735810_n Brandon Flowers

 

Stay connect with love Adolfo Vasquez

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300 days of Sober

Hello Friends today is day 300 sober. It feels pretty amazing celebrating 300 days of sober in palm springs CA my hometown. Just Arrived at one of my favorite spots called Azul. Heading out to Las Vegas tomorrow.  I feel this new breeze of inspiration. In the beginning of 9 months sober I felt a bit of a haze of sadness. That has passed and feeling inspired again. I guess even people who don’t have an addiction go through periods of their life feeling a bit down. Sobriety forced me to self reflect, go inside myself finding my voice, inner light, find out why I was so self abusive. In doing so I found a love for poetry.

Poetry, poems, and prose are given life after I write them. They live on hopefully connecting with others. I hope they will Transcend from decade to decade. Even after I pass on. 100 years from now someone might read my poems and connect with it. Maybe it will help them, feel and understand what I meant in return keeping my spirit alive. Inspiring them to self reflect and heal encouraging them create art turning pain into inspiration.

When I am writing I feel free. No barricades, no filters, no boundaries. Away from ego and just my truth and feelings. I believe everyone is a writer and his or her life is the greatest story to tell. One can create their story in any art form, like photography, painting, writing, acting, creating clothes etc. Art is liberation. Liberation is where you find true self. That’s a place where I constantly want to live. Sober is the New Black

The past few months, I’ve been having dreams of my EX that would put me in a funk the next morning. The last two dreams was of him and his new boyfriend, in that dream I did not see him. I knew he was around because it was mention by others but I couldn’t find him. I just saw his shadows on the wall. It was like my mind was preparing me for a life without him or forcing me accept with is the truth. My mind did not want to see him yet. I did not wake up in a funk that time but an understanding.

The second dream I did see him face to face but he was unrecognizable, it was like I didn’t know who he was. He had long hair and tattoos. He would never. I feel that dream is telling me who I loved in the past isn’t who is today. I may be reading this dream wrong but Both dreams have been very therapeutic.

Last night I stay up a bit, scrolling trough old Facebook post. I went back to the beginning when Vince and I made it official Oct 29 2010. I wanted to see my old self, seeing old post brought me a sense of missing, not for booze but for his friendship. I also seen missed opportunities on my part that could have strengthened the relationship. I also saw myself as very stagnant no purpose, no fiery passion, and no sense of healing old wounds. That brought me another form of sadness, Vince never had the chance to see me blossom, what he worked so hard to help me with. I had some anger towards him recently but now I have no ill feelings. Sober is the New Black

I used to think Vince saved me but the reality was he taught me how to save myself and for that he will always be close to my heart.

In other news  Sober is the New Black apparel line is coming out in the next few months and my book will be finish in April than off to the editors. Who would have thought that this boy would be close to a year sober, with a book in the works, and an apparel line? Sobriety brings dreams that are so big my mind could not have thought it possible when I was at my rock bottom.  Well Vince always knew that it was possible for me to reach for dreams. Now I do and I will, I can and I did.

 

 

Here are some of the poems I birth this week, some joyful and some dark. All my truth in that moment.

 

I'm Possible

 

Days, weeks, years

 

Wine Stained Chains

 

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This song from Kelly Clarkson is my truth

 

Stay connect with love, Adolfo Vasquez

Day 265 Sober: A Sober Valentine

Today is Day 265 sober; it’s been such a wonderful day. Tomorrow is valentine’s days. Last year I was in a sober facility in the valley trying to stay sober with a broken heart. I was confused, but I knew I wanted to be sober, but I relapsed a short time after because I did not know how to stop and I wasn’t at my bottom. When I look back I feel bad for my old self. I was trying to keep all together, just got out of 3-year relationship, Losing love was more difficult than staying sober. I had really nowhere to go, lost, scared and felt very defeated in life. I disliked myself in every way. Swimming in a river of guilt. Lonely to the extreme.

I now sit here in tears because I’ve come so far in my recovery; life is great in every aspect of my life. My rent is paid for the rest of the year. I am taking 5 months off of work to write, rewrite and live like a traveling nomad. Started investing in mutual funds for the future. Working on my book that will be finish in April 2015 I am still not the person I want to be but I will continue on in sobriety. I want to be more compassionate to others, less attach to material things, let go of needs, pray more, write more, live in the moment more, help others whether in service or poetry, surround myself with only positive and mindful people, take some creative writing class. So those are my short-term goals. I am also very inspired by dark and gritty might be from my past. I love using it in my writings. I do have some dark writings I’ve been working on; I don’t want to alarm people so I might just post them on Instagram and facebook. You can follow me at http://instagram.com/soberwriter

This valentine’s day I’ll be spending it with an incredible man who wants to take me on a date, excited and a bit nervous. Sober is the New Black. I hope you all have a wonderful Valentines day and know the most important love is for oneself.

These are some of the latest poems I cooked up

be

 

Alcohol

 

Died

 

 

Me at day 264 Sober

Adolfo Vasquez

 

 

 

Lykke Li is one incredible artist, writer and performer. Her music inspires me to feel, weep and heal. I hope you love this visually striking video

 

 

 

Stay connect with love, Adolfo Vasquez

DAY 260 Sober: Living For Love

Hello Friends, today is day 260 sober. Every time I hear about substance abuse taking away someone life, famous or not famous, I feel a wave of sadness flow upon my skin. I just hope if there is anyone still using, find strength and reach out to someone who could help. I also hope families who have lost loved ones to addiction find some peace in knowing Nobody is born wanting to become an addict. It’s a mixture of circumstances that create the addicts mind and the circumstances vary in each addict. I feel very grateful for that moment of clarity on May 24 2014.

 

The longer I am sober the more I’m finding me, finding the great stuff, but also the stuff that needs to be worked on personally and professionally. The past few days I’ve been waking up in a grouchy mood but I am sober and that’s in itself a blessing. Today I feel great. The beginning of sobriety, I was a bit confused by the saying “ one day at a time”. I can’t just live one day at a time, I need to work towards my future and towards my healing but now I get it. All I can do is be present “in the moment” as I work towards the future and when Life doesn’t go as plan all I can do is accept it and figure out what is the next right move towards my future.

 

I don’t know what my future holds for me, but I know I can be the co-creator with the ultimate creator. Being sober is really new for me. I’m less than a year sober, but I am already in visioning a marriage, kids, and a home maybe not in la maybe somewhere green with a forest in the back yard. I want to connect with someone on a spiritual level, who accepts me whole, with flaws. Who allows me to make mistakes in order to learn I don’t want to become one with someone but be two separate beings that face the world together, not letting the outside influence how we feel about each other.  I crave human connection on a deeper level.

Dealing with life sober can be scary, confusing at times, sad, overwhelming but that’s when choices come into play, I can be the solution to the issue or I can make it into a bigger problem. Continuing making the right moves down the path called life. Sober is the New Black.

Love Softly

 

Madonna Living for love is what I’m doing “In this moment” working towards love.

 

Stay connected with love, Adolfo Vasquez

Day 249 Sober: Believe

Hello friends today 249 sober, I’ve been really peaceful and feeling very driven. I found a purpose in sobriety. Finding passion, love, feeling my soul. The mind and body can speak to me intensely, but the soul is so much louder. Listening to my inner light has brought peace to my mind and heart. We are born to find our purpose; there is a reason why we are all born. My job is to now find it. I am 249 days sober and know more the about myself in the past 8 months than in the past 28 years of life

I am open to anything that can help me grow spiritual it helps me stay sober and focus. The substance and I were so bonded; I thought it was helping be free from the pain of my childhood, the reality it was keeping my childhood alive. Making life decisions with a child mind. I also lacked human connection, I never knew how to have a healthy relationship. The only relationship was with the bottle. Trauma After trauma after trauma my mind couldn’t cope and I looked for something to make me feel good, happy, help me wash away fears that were crippling. I am now learning what it means to have a healthy relationship not just with others but also myself. Trusting others and if I get hurt, I am wiser to walk away. Sober is the New Black

 

This video on Believe is perfection. If my mind is trying to convince me of fear. I watch this over and over. until I believe in me.

 

I love me some Alabama Shakes, this cover called hold on, its perfection. hope it inspires.

 

trees poem

 

Stay connected with love, Adolfo Vasquez

8 Months Sober

Hello Friends today is 8 months sober, today I feel content with my recovery process. I’m grateful for life, human connection, and for finding myself every day. I’m starting to understand what they mean by its not the destination its all about the journey. I have to embrace every circumstance life brings me with a positive outlook. Rewiring my mind to see the world in a positive way. The way I use to see the world and understand the world was with eyes molded from past pain, childhood traumas, low self-esteem and fear. All those intertwined caused my substance abuse disorder. I did not know how to have a human connection so I bonded with alcohol, now I am learning to see everybody in the light of love and understanding without ego.

Last week I felt empty and couldn’t understand why but a spiritual teacher by the name of Jesse Ann Nichols George spoke some words to me that really help me understand the feeling of emptiness. The feeling of emptiness is a sign of progression. I have emptied myself from the negative and I can fill my life with something new, mindful and purpose filled. Going to start pushing myself to write Short stories, still writing poetry but I need to push myself with my writing. I felt a bit stagnant so grateful for her wisdom.

At 8 months sober, my eyes see my surroundings in a different way, I notice things I have yet seen. Small stuff too big stuff from the crack in the wall in my apartment to the love that surrounds my life. My senses are heightened; I feel life to the extreme. I wake up happy, wanting to find purpose in every day. I finding myself in tears most of my days, happy tears also sometimes sober blues tears. Lately the reason is fear based that I am working on, I know if I just stay sober life will open up but I’m also working towards dreams and I get fearful that I may fail but even those fears won’t stop me from working my butt off. Sober is the New Black.

So if there is anyone early in recovery that might be having a hard time, just remember you are also detoxing the mind and your feelings will be up and down, if you just push on those feelings they will level out and life gets clear. The wanting or cravings might not go away right away, but you become so strong that you can change your thoughts to positive ones. That will help you get through the cravings. Take those painful feelings and create art, make it meaningful. It will bring so much joy and peace. Sober is The new Black

 

I’ve been working on this short story the past couple days, it’s called A boy and his Bear. Hope you like it.

A boy and his bear

A boy and his bear

Here is a poem I wrote yesterday, go to Disneyland, camping, eat some smore’s. It’s never too late

childhood

childhood

Me at 8 months sober

Adolfo Vasquez

Adolfo Vasquez

This video is of Ira Glass so inspiring if there is anyone who is an artist struggling must watch

 

This song from Ellie Goulding your song is for anybody who is struggling with recovery, it’s so wonderful and beautiful that you are alive in this world, believe that and also feel that in your heart. I love you so much.

 

Stay connect with love, Adolfo Vasquez